By Your Side
by JennBenson
Summary: Sequel to Come Together; Set after Season 17. Ed, Olivia, Charlie, and Noah continue to tackle all of the hits life throws at them.
1. Chapter 1

_**This story is the sequel to "Come Together". If you haven't already, I'd give that a read before tackling this one so you are caught up. It is set during the last scene of the Season 17 Finale, which in the case of this saga is about six months after "Come Together" concluded. I realize that I added an entire year between "Manhattan Transfer" and "Heartfelt Passages", but it's fanfic so I'm allowed.**_

 _ **A few things to note: Ed and Olivia have been married about four months, are settled into their new apartment, and Charlie is living in Olivia's old place six floors below them. The rest you will find out as the story progresses.**_

 ** _Enjoy..._**

* * *

"I don't know how you are still standing after this year," Ed murmured as he walked along the pier with Olivia and Noah. Noah was happily skipping along in between both of his parents, while Olivia and Ed tried to just soak in the fact that they were together and alive.

"Yeah…" Olivia said softly and then looked down at Noah. "Luckily I have this little guy to wake me up at 6am!"

They continued walking along the pier in silence, towards the water. They stopped a bit for Noah to acknowledge the large dog passing them, and Ed just soaked in the normalcy of their little outing. If he was being honest, the last couple of weeks had him more than a little on edge. Ever since the call came through that an SVU officer went down, he had been living in fear of losing Olivia. Finally seeing her and holding her at the hospital helped a little, but there was still a terror inside of him. She had just been in that house with Dodds. If anything even slightly different had happened, he might have lost her. That realization was devastating to him, which caused him to not leave her side at the hospital and his blood pressure to go up when they were separated for long periods of time. He hadn't yet voiced that to Olivia, however, as she was still battling with survivor's guilt. He knew she suspected that his emotions ran deeper than he let on, but she was letting it all go for the time being and relishing in the extra hugs and kisses and "I love you" moments.

Another part of him was incredibly grateful he had retired all those months ago. Being at the hospital with Olivia while they were waiting on Dodds' next of kin was an all too familiar scene for the former IAB Captain. He definitely didn't miss sitting with fellow officers and their families as the bad news came in. Only now, he couldn't shake the fear that it was almost him that was receiving that news about his wife. He finally stopped them along their little stroll and turned to look at her, Noah still holding their hands in between their bodies.

"Olivia…." he said in his gruff whisper, as his eyes scanned all over her face. There was so much he wanted to say to her. To beg of her. To make sure she knew, just in case anything happened. But all he could do was stare into her eyes and ground himself in the knowledge that they were all okay and together. She seemed to sense that and moved in closer to him for a kiss.

"I know, babe, I know." she said, her voice also low. "I love you. So much."

"I love you, too."

"I lub you too Mommy!" Noah finally chimed in, feeling a little left out. Both adults laughed a bit and Ed dropped down to tickle his little belly.

"We love you to the moon and back, bud," he told Noah and watched his little face light up.

"We go see boats now?" He asked, having been promised an afternoon of watching the vessels sail down the Hudson. It didn't take much to get the tyke excited about an outing with Mommy and Daddy. Those outings didn't happen all too often, given the recent work hours Olivia dealt with. But he had them both home the last week and to Noah, it was a little slice of heaven. Add in the nightly visits from Charlie and the boy was living the life.

"Absolutely, sweet boy," Olivia said as the trio turned to keep walking. Occasionally they would count to three and swing Noah through the air as they continued to walk. His giggle was likely the best therapy the two of them could ask for in this moment. As they finally neared the edge of the pier, Ed found an empty bench for them to perch upon while Noah watched the boats come and go. He had his little face smushed against the railing of the pier so he could see, and it made the adults laugh from their spot about a foot away. After a few minutes, Ed took a deep breath and turned to look at Olivia.

"Olivia, I know you don't want to dwell on this," he began and felt her stiffen as he spoke. "But, I need you to know how much I love you. And that, I can't imagine living without you. It kills me to just think about it."

They just sat for a minute and looked at each other, Olivia occasionally stealing a glance to make sure Noah was okay. It was unlike Ed to be this clingy and this anxious, but she knew that Dodds' death had rocked him in a way that seemed to be deeper than she first thought. They were less than a year out of Charlie's last assault, and only six months out from Miller's sentencing. To say they'd had a traumatizing year was almost laughable. So as hard as it was for her to hear his words right now, given her own state of mind, she knew it was important for his sanity and their marriage that he get this out.

"Go on," she gently encouraged, letting him know it was okay to continue.

"We've only been married for four months, Liv. For four months you've been my wife. And to think that you could've been taken from me….I just can't shake that fear." He kept speaking, but slowly and softly. She knew it was hard for him to admit his vulnerability around this. But she also knew once it was out, he would eventually go back to being that rock for her and their family.

"I'm okay, Ed," she said probably for the hundredth time. "I'm right here. I don't know why I wasn't in that house, but I'm alive. Focus on that, okay? Focus on me."

"What would I have done? What would Charlie have done? She needs you, too," he continued, his worries just bubbling up to the surface. "What would happen with Noah? I'm not his legal guardian. So on top of being terrified of losing you, I'm now left wondering if someone would take that little boy away from me."

Ed finally stopped and went to watch Noah. The tot was three and a half now, and his little personality was still golden. Currently he was standing by the railing, waving at all the boats that passed by. He would occasionally turn around to ask Ed and Olivia if they thought a pirate ship would come by, and would always be disappointed when they said it wasn't likely. Ed knew that his last statement had hit Olivia hard. He refused to push, or even bring up, the idea of him adopting Noah again. That was her decision, and hers alone. But the idea that if she had been killed in the line of duty, he would have no legal claims to Noah just added to his fear.

"Ed, we went over this when we got back from our honeymoon," she reminded him gently. "We can't file adoption papers until we've been married for at least a year. But in the meantime, I've changed my will to reflect you are his legal guardian in case anything happens, so Noah is yours. Period."

Ed just rubbed his hand over the back of his neck like he always did when he was worked up about something. He knew she was right. And he knew that he was making too much of this, but he just couldn't let it go.

"Babe, Lindstrom suggested that I bring you with me during my next session. And I think it's a good idea." She watched his reaction, hoping that he wouldn't just blow it off. To her surprise, he just nodded.

"Maybe that's a good idea…" he said and then turned his head again to watch Noah and avoid talking more about the idea of going to therapy. Olivia just squeezed his hand in both of hers tightly, knowing that if he agreed to go see Lindstrom that easily, he was scared. Wanting to pull him out of wherever his head was at the moment, she came up with a plan.

"Ok, how about this?" Olivia offered. "Let's get Noah and head home. Call Charlie on the way and see if she wants to come over for dinner and to hang out, maybe stay the night. And just have some family time."

"Sounds good, baby," he said, back to his usual gruff self. He leaned over to kiss her and stood up. He scooped up the little boy and threw him onto his shoulders, causing Noah to laugh. Olivia wrapped her arm around Ed's waist, as he held tightly to the boy's ankles and they made their way back home.

* * *

"Tar-lie! Tar-lie! Tar-lie!" Noah yelled as he ran full speed to the door when she made her way inside.

"Oof," she said dramatically as he plowed right into her and started to try and climb up her legs. She dropped her bags and hoisted him up, so he could put his little hands on her cheeks and smile at her.

"I missed you, Tar-lie," he said with a big sigh.

"You just saw me yesterday, silly," Charlie responded with a playful eye roll, while secretly loving how much attention she got from Noah. Ed came over to grab her bags so she could keep hold of the little boy and make her way into the large, open living space. Olivia was in the kitchen attempting to make cobbler. Ed assured her there was really no way to mess it up, but she wasn't convinced. Charlie chuckled a little at the sight of her step-mother looking exasperated and spots of flour decorating her face.

"Momma tryin' to bake, Tar-lie," Noah whispered loudly, as Olivia shot them both a little look.

"I can see that, pal," Charlie said, keeping a straight face. "Looks good, Liv."

"Thanks, sweetheart. But no need to lie," she said with her characteristic smirk. "Granted it is literally just fruit, sugar, butter, and flour. So how bad could it be?"

"Exactly," Charlie said as she breezed over to take a peek and wipe some of the flour off of Olivia's face. "Oh, and peach too. My favorite!"

"Well, a little birdie may have told me it is your weak spot," Olivia said slyly as she put the pan into the oven. She stood up, dusted her hands off, and turned to fully face her step-daughter. "How have you been?"

Charlie had officially moved into Olivia's old apartment after they returned from Hawaii, and Noah was not too happy about that change. Even with Charlie making frequent trips up to their new apartment, it wasn't the same to him. He missed waking her up in the mornings or sneaking into her bed for midnight cuddles. At least one night during the week or over the weekend, he would go sleepover with her and they would make their usual fort and watch Peter Pan while eating Snickers. Noah lived for their nights together, and Ed and Olivia had yet to complain about having one child free night a week.

The only downside was that Charlie would not admit to struggling with the idea of living on her own. Ed and Olivia, being seasoned detectives and also frequent visitors of her apartment, knew she was just covering up her struggle. Noah had also let it slip that when he sleeps over "it daytime all night", because Charlie leaves the lights on when she sleeps. Not wanting to push, and knowing she was still going to therapy, Olivia just opted for the silent support. And either her, Ed, or both made sure to text her daily, offering the spare bedroom if she needed.

"I've been okay," Charlie allowed quietly. "Work has kept me busy. Lots of spring sports are beginning to wrap up, so that's always fun."

"Any more meetings with Trevor?" Olivia asked cautiously, knowing that the pending lawsuits had hit a little stall, and that was not helping Charlie in her recovery.

"Not recently, no," she said and went to fix herself a drink. "You want a gin and tonic?"

"No thanks, sweetie. Your dad might, although I have no idea where he and Noah went," Olivia said as she looked around. All of a sudden she heard Ed let out a celebratory yell and Noah giggled.

"Guess who just scored four Yankees tickets for tomorrow, behind home plate?" Ed said as he came down the hallway, did a little dance around the kitchen, and went to kiss Olivia. She just laughed and pulled away.

"I guess that would be you?" She said, completely amused at his childlike excitement.

"Yep! We are going to see the Yanks!" He said and gave a little fist pump to Noah. Charlie was quiet but smiling, so Olivia turned to look at her.

"You are free to go with us, right?" She asked and reached to play with her long, light brown locks.

"Yeah, sounds like fun!" She said with some enthusiasm that Olivia picked up on as fake. Ed, however, was oblivious as he and Noah celebrated by dancing their way into the dining area.

"Boys," Olivia said with a little head shake, causing Charlie to laugh a bit before responding.

"Yeah, but we love them."

* * *

 _ **Alright, we've set off on another adventure with our little Tuckson family. I can already tell you that there will be some definite bumps along the way...**_

 _ **Leave a review so I know your thoughts/what you are hoping for.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**I'm so glad you all are excited about the sequel! I've got big plans for us along this journey...**_

* * *

Charlotte Tucker stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom of her office at ESPN. She just kept looking at the woman in the mirror staring back at her, and wondering who she was. It was almost 6:30pm, and she had already called Olivia to let them know she would just meet them at Yankee Stadium. Her anxiety was getting the best of her so she needed to wait for medicine to kick in. She knew she should try to do the breathing exercises or at least use Xanax and not Codeine, but the latter just made her feel normal. So that is what she opted for. Once she was feeling a little better, she would hope the train up to the Bronx. Finally, a knock on the bathroom door startled her out of her thoughts.

"Be right out!" she hollered, and did a quick flush of the toilet, so it appeared she was just a normal bathroom goer. After taking another quick look at herself in the mirror, she washed her hands and made a quick exit.

"Hey, Charlie! I didn't know you were still here." Amy commented, as they crossed paths in the hallway. Amy had started working at ESPN around the same time as Charlie, so they had a somewhat obligatory relationship. Both girls were drama-free in the workplace and they were easily able to make small talk or grab lunch on occasion.

"Yeah, just trying to get some last minute research in. You know how it is," she responded as if it were the most natural lie in the world.

"Oh, don't we all! Try to get out of here, will ya?" Amy said jokingly and headed into the bathroom. Charlie gave a courtesy chuckle and made her way back to her desk to grab her stuff and head out.

"I can do this…" she said to herself as she prepared to head out of the office and into the busy NYC streets. "No big deal."

* * *

"Will there be ice cream at baseball game, daddy?" Noah asked as he happily rode on Ed's back as they walked from the D train to Yankee Stadium. Ed had excitedly purchase a toddler sized baseball cap to match his own, so the two were quite the site. Olivia walked alongside of them, clad in jeggings, an oversized navy t-shirt, and white sneakers. She wasn't really into the baseball thing, but she could support her guys in their excitement by sporting team colors. Noah was showing his excitement by babbling non stop.

"Yes, we can get ice cream bud," Ed responded. "They even serve it in a helmet!"

"What?" Noah exclaimed. "That LOT of ice cream! Tar-lie have some too?"

"If she would like some," Olivia said, rubbing her hand on Noah's back hoping to soothe a bit of the excitement until they got inside the stadium. It didn't work.

"When Tar-lie come?" Ed just chuckled at the question and looked to Liv who rolled her eyes.

"Noah, Charlie is meeting us from work. We will see her inside," Olivia said for the fourth time that evening. He wasn't quite understanding why they weren't all together, but Olivia just prayed the girl didn't get held up at work so she didn't have endless questions to answer. If she were honest, Charlie worried her a bit on the phone because her tone felt off. But Olivia just decided she was being over-protective and gave her the benefit of the doubt.

"How about we get some snacks before finding our seats," Ed suggested, beginning to grow tired of the crowd and having to fight their way through.

"Sounds perfect," Olivia responded, having noticed her husband was getting winded with the weight of Noah on his back and the endless amount of weaving and stairs they were encountering. "Here, he can walk the rest of the way babe."

"Yeah! Noah walk!" Noah happily skipped along in between his parents and Ed just watched him with a smile. He couldn't wait to have his whole family out for a night with his beloved Yankees.

* * *

"Hey guys, sorry I'm so late!" Charlie rushed her words as she took her seat on the end of the row with Ed, Olivia and Noah somewhere in the middle of the 3rd inning. Ed reached over the two in between him and his daughter to squeeze her hand. She had her jersey on over a white tank top and jean shorts, fitting right in with Ed wearing his jersey with his rugged jeans. Olivia couldn't help but notice how much they resembled each other in that moment.

"Glad you made it, sweetheart. Everything okay?"

"Yep! Just work," Charlie said and turned her attention to Noah. "What have I missed, pal?"

"You miss hotdog, Tar-lie. It BIG!" Noah said, climbing over his mom and plopping himself into Charlie's lap. "And song. Everyone sing song!"

"That sounds so fun, No!" Charlie said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. Ed just watched her, curiously. "Are you liking your first baseball game?"

"YES!" He yelled loudly, and continued to point things out to her. Charlie just ignored the looks her father was giving her, and gave her entire attention to the toddler in her lap. Olivia finally noticed that Ed seemed on edge and put her hand on his leg to soothe him.

"Relax, baby. Leave her be."

"Something's not right," he muttered.

"Ed…" Olivia said in a warning tone.

"Fine," he said and stood up. "Charlie, you want anything to eat?"

"No, I'm okay. But I could go for a soda?"

"You got it," he said as he made his way out of the row. Noah, noticing Ed was leaving decided he should go to.

"I come too, daddy!" He exclaimed and hopped up. "We get Tar-lie hotdog, cuz that what you eat at baseball."

"Okay, let's go bud." Ed said, as he chuckled at Noah's demands knowing that Charlie would comply and eat the hot dog. Charlie was shaking her head as well since she now knew she would be given a hot dog that she really didn't want to eat. Olivia eyed her a bit and reached over to pat her leg.

"You don't have to eat it if you don't want to," Olivia said. "Noah can be bossy…"

"Nah, he's hilarious," Charlie responded. "I'll eat a bite, at least."

"You're a good sport, Charlie." Olivia said, then cautiously decided to check in. "Are you sure you are okay, sweetheart?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," Charlie said, and finally looked at her step-mother sincerely. "I'm just a little anxious about being out in a big crowd. It's stupid, really."

"No, it's not stupid," Olivia was quick to reassure her. "It's completely normal, and if you aren't comfortable we will leave. Your dad was so excited about the tickets, that I'm not sure he really thought it through."

"It's ok. Let's just try to enjoy the game. Gotta rip the bandaid off sometime, right?" Charlie seemed to be genuinely asking that last question, so Olivia took a breath and gave an honest answer.

"You need to go at your own pace. Don't push yourself so hard that you need to rely other things to help get you through." Her caution came from her own experience, but Charlie immediately tensed up wondering if somehow she knew she was relying on pain meds. Olivia noticed and went to reassure her.

"I'm not saying you are," she spoke quietly. "And even if you are, no one is going to blame you. Just be careful, okay? Rely on us as much as you can, instead."

"Thanks, Liv." Charlie said, and seemed to visibly relax. Olivia mentally patted herself on the back for hopefully fixing whatever was going on with the girl before the game. All of a sudden, the crowd erupted as the Yankees his a home-run. Both women jumped up to yell and high-five each other, finally feeling some normalcy in the evening. They continued some small talk as the game progressed on, but both also made a few comments wondering where Ed and Noah had gone.

"Dad is probably loading him up on junk food," Charlie said with a little laugh. Olivia cringed at the thought of a wired Noah on the way back home.

"I sure hope not," she replied as they settled into the next inning of play.

"Where have you two been?" Olivia asked when the boys finally returned to their seats about 30 minutes later, and well into the 6th inning.

"Sorry, the line was a bit long…so we decided to sit and eat the ice cream before it melted," Ed said quickly, hoping to cover up what may have been a sugar binge he went on with Noah. Olivia was too smart, however, and could see the chocolate residue on her son's little t-shirt.

"Uh huh, a long line?" She asked, with her eyebrow raised. That was when she noticed that Ed seemed really out of breath. He went to sit down next to her while Noah climbed into Charlie's lap with her hotdog in hand, so Olivia took that moment to really examine her husband.

"Are you okay, babe?" She asked with a concerned look masking her features. Ed was breathing pretty heavily, which was unusual for him. She started to give him a once over, and seemed to think his coloring was okay but noticed his hand was a little shaky.

"Yeah, I think I'm just a little out of shape these days," he said, trying to take some deep breaths. "No longer keeping up with the NYPD workout schedule."

Olivia just kept looking at him, knowing good and well that wouldn't be it. There was no reason for him to be so out of breath just climbing up and down stadium stairs.

"When's the last time you had a physical?" She asked, not willing to let it go just yet.

"It's been a little while, but I had all those tests after I was shot last year so I'm fine, babe. Really. Just need to hit the gym more." He leaned over to kiss her in hopes of getting her to forget about pestering him. It worked for the time being, as the Yankees scored again so the family of four jumped up to cheer, momentarily forgetting about their little drama.

* * *

"Man, what a great game," Charlie said as they walked from the subway back to their apartment building. Noah was out cold on her shoulder, refusing to let go of his sister. Both Olivia and Ed had offered to take the young boy from her, but she shrugged them off.

"I like the cuddles," she had said, so they dropped it.

"Why don't you stay with us tonight? Noah would love to wake up to you being in the next room, and we can make a big breakfast in the morning," Ed offered, hoping she would take them up on the offer as they made their way inside their building and to the elevator. Charlie seemed to hesitate a bit, before somewhat slumping her shoulders.

"I think that's a good idea," she said softly. "I just need to grab some stuff."

"Here, why don't I take Noah up and get him in his pajamas, and you two can run grab your stuff?" Olivia offered, reaching for the young boy and encouraging Ed to go with Charlie.

"Sounds good," Ed said as he pressed both floor 9 and 15 once they stepped into the elevator. As the doors opened to Charlie's floor, he put his arm around his daughter and kissed her head. "We'll be right up, Liv."

"Take your time," she said as the doors closed, leaving Ed and Charlie on their own. Charlie quickly walked to her apartment door and unlocked it, holding it open for Ed to follow her inside.

"You keep this place so clean," he mused as she went to grab a glass of water.

"Cleaning is a good stress reliever," she said, then passed him the glass so they could share.

"You been extra stressed lately?" He asked as he took a sip and put the glass down on the counter.

"No more than usual," Charlie said as she went to grab her overnight bag. "Just trying to figure out how to live a normal life. Harder than it sounds."

Ed walked over and grabbed her hands, stilling her movement so he could really talk to her.

"Charlie, you don't have to cover up around me okay? I'm your dad. I can take it," he spoke and watched as she dropped her head, almost in defeat.

"It's so hard…" Her voice quivered as she spoke, so Ed pulled her into his chest and kissed her temple.

"I know it is, but you are doing a great job. It's okay to ask for help. None of us expect you to just automatically be 100%. Lean on Olivia and I. We want to be there for you, all the time. That's what parents are for."

"Thanks, Daddy. I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart.," he said and let go of her so she could grab her toothbrush. "Come on, let's get upstairs."

* * *

It was a little after 1am before Ed and Olivia finally crawled into bed together. Olivia had opted for an actual pajama set, since both kids were in the apartment while Ed stuck with his usual boxer briefs. They laid on their sides, facing each other, Ed playing with Olivia's hair.

"She say anything?" Olivia asks softly, feeling relaxed.

"Not really," Ed responded. "But she's struggling. That much is obvious."

"She may always struggle, baby," Olivia said as gently as she could. She knew Ed was obsessing over Charlie's recovery, but it was important for them to accept that she may always be in a state of recovery from what she went through.

"I know," Ed sighed as he rolled on his back, pulling Olivia to rest against his chest. "But knowing that just eats at me. I can't fix this for her."

"Maybe not, but you can be there. Just like you have been doing. And when she stumbles, we will pick her up."

"Yeah..."

Olivia leaned up to kiss him quickly, then pulled back to stare into his downcast eyes. He seemed more tired than usual, but it had been a late night so she tried not to dwell on it.

"I love you, Ed Tucker."

"I love you too, Olivia Benson-Tucker."

* * *

 _ **Make sure to leave your thoughts/ideas in a review!**_


	3. Chapter 3

**_Make sure you read the previous chapter - the traffic was down and y'all don't want to miss anything ;). Also, while I have a set place this story is headed for, I'm open to how we get there. So keep the suggestions coming!_**

* * *

"Why do you think you are turning to the Codeine, Charlie?" Julia, her therapist, posed the question bluntly after the girl came in to the session and confessed that she had been using the pain pills more than the anxiety pills. Charlie felt incredibly comfortable with Julia and had really begun to share a great deal with her. Her and Olivia had worked their schedules to where they often had appointments at the same time, so they would travel over together and then grab a drink on the way home if they needed to debrief. Charlie always opened up more when she knew that Olivia was in the same building, and she had a buddy to walk home with. It was an added protection in an otherwise vulnerable situation.

"I don't know, to be honest," Charlie said as she tried to think about the reasons why she made the decisions that she did. "I just want to feel normal, even though I'm not quite sure what that is. And the Xanax makes me feel pretty lethargic. With the other, I calm down but I still feel like doing things. I can laugh and smile."

"And do you think those are authentic feelings? It seems to me that if you can only laugh and smile when under the influence of a narcotic, then those probably aren't 'normal' feelings."

"You're probably right," she admitted with her head down. She had never really thought about it that way. "I just…I want to get better for my dad. I know that he is constantly worrying about me, and I don't want him to. So I try to make sure that at least when I'm around him, I can appear to be okay. I want a normal life. I want to go to Yankees games and the beach and take Noah to the park. All of the things that normal people do easily, I want to do without feeling like there's a rapist around the corner."

"Charlie…you need to get better for you. Not for your dad…."

"You don't understand. I finally have a family. I finally have my dad back. I finally have a mom who cares. And I can see my dad stressing too much over how I'm doing. He's had to worry enough about me over the last year. I want to stop bringing him pain. I need to get better and stop letting him down."

"Charlie, you aren't letting anyone down. And your dad is going to worry about you. That's what parents do. I want you to get better for you. And, in turn, you will be better for them. No more Codeine. And talk to them. Let your dad know you aren't ready for Yankees games. Spend the night more with them if you can't sleep. You finally have a family, like you said. Lean on them."

* * *

Olivia and Charlie were walking side by side, sipping on freshly squeezed lemonade, as they slowly made their way home from their counseling sessions. They had opted for the long, slow walk instead of a drink, at Charlie's request.

"You feel better?" Olivia asked, not wanting to pry too much, but knowing that the girl had been struggling a great deal the last few weeks.

"I do. I got a lot off my chest," she responded thoughtfully. "She gave me permission to struggle and not hide it."

"Do you feel like you need to hide your struggle from us?" Olivia asked, trying not to show the hurt in her voice that her step-daughter was putting pressure on herself around them. That was absolutely not their intent. In fact, she wanted to be involved more with her struggle.

"It's not that. It's more that I want to be better for you and dad. I've put you through so much already, and I want things to be okay. I want to be able to just be a normal family. To enjoy normal events with my dad. And it's just not happening…"

"Oh sweetheart, give it time. It hasn't even been a year since things wrapped up. I can tell you from personal experience that it takes much longer" Olivia spoke from her heart, hoped that Charlie would feel the relationship deepening between them.

"Yeah…that's just frustrating for me. I've never had a family. And now that I do, I'm a mess. And I can tell dad is more stressed out than usual." Olivia just nodded since she had noticed that herself, but didn't want Charlie to feel any more responsibility for that. Ed needed to admit to his own struggles and anxieties right now, and he was just flat out refusing.

"Well, a good bit of that is my fault. Since Dodds was killed, he's been struggling with me as well," Olivia admitted softly. "And I don't know how to reassure him anymore than I already have. We all just need more time, I suppose."

"This past year has sucked," Charlie said bluntly and Olivia just chuckled and linked her elbow through the young girl's.

"Truer words have never been spoken," she commented as they shared a smile and kept walking home.

"Thanks for being awesome, Liv."

"I think you're pretty awesome yourself," she responded. "We make a pretty good mom and daughter team, yeah?"

Charlie just smiled at her, loving when Olivia referred to her as her daughter. It was everything she had ever wanted. It was in that moment that she made a promise to herself to not disappoint them. She'd flush her pills when she got home.

* * *

"Seriously Olivia? Stop leaving your toothbrush in the shower. You are driving me crazy," Ed grumbled as he made his way out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and began to search for clean boxers. Olivia just looked at him from where she was reading in bed and didn't respond.

"It's like you do it just to piss me off," he continued.

"What is your problem?" Olivia said, sitting up and taking her glasses off so he could see her glare. "My toothbrush always stays in the shower. I put a cap on it, as you requested. Chill out."

"It gets dirty in there, Liv," he kept grumbling as he pulled his boxers up and went to plug his phone in before joining her in bed. "I don't even know why you brush your teeth in there. It's gross."

"Seriously, Ed? Are you going to insult all of my habits tonight?" Olivia asked, getting annoyed now herself. He had been a piece of work all night. He whined about how stored the tupperware after dinner and how she folded t-shirts after drying them. His anxiety had reached the point that he was picking fights with her, and she was fed up.

"Look, you are nothing but a tight knot of anxiety and I need you to work on that," Olivia said sternly as he just laid next to her with his eyes closed. "I know you are worked up over everything that has gone on, but this? Picking fights with me? Smothering Charlie? It's not working. And you are driving me insane."

"Goddamit, Olivia, I'm not made of stone okay? Am I not allowed to worry?"

"To a healthy extent, Ed. You are worrying about things you can't control and things that haven't even happened. So I need you to either get a grip, or go to more regular therapy." He didn't respond to her, so she let out a sigh and cuddled down into the bed, turning on her side so she was facing away from him. She heard his switch the lamp off and could feel him settling in as well. Once it got quiet, she rolled onto her back and stared at the dark ceiling which mirrored Ed's position. They continued to lay next to each other in silence, until Ed finally reached out to grab her hand. He squeezed tightly which caused Olivia to turn her head to look at him.

"I"m worried about you," she said softly, hoping to call a truce on their banter. He turned to look at her as well.

"Yeah…me too," he admitted quietly. "When I was still working, I could pour all of my anxiety into the job. Guess I need a new outlet."

"That might be a good idea," Olivia soothed, feeling relieved he was talking even a little bit, but not quite willing to let him off the hook. "Ed, this isn't healthy. How you are coping and how it is effecting us."

"I know," he sighed, sounding resigned. "You know I love you, right?"

"I do," Olivia said and smiled at him. "I love you, too."

* * *

The previous night's anxiety had led to a stressful morning the next day. Noah, sensing things weren't totally okay with his parents, decided to throw a tantrum as Olivia was trying to leave for work.

"Nooooooooo, Mommy don't leeeeeeeave," he wailed from his spot on her lap, clutching her blazer tightly in his hands as if he could physically keep her with him. Olivia was slowly losing her patience, but tried not to act frustrated with Noah. It wasn't his fault things were so tense.

"Oh, baby boy it's okay," she cooed softly into his ear. "Mommy won't be gone long, and you are going to have a good day with Daddy okay?"

"NO!" he yelled into her chest. "No daddy! I want mommy!"

Olivia finally looked up to Ed, trying to get him to help her out but he seemed at a loss for words. Noah so rarely pitched tantrums like this and if he were being honest, he preferred her staying home as well. This first week back after the shooting was trying them all, and maybe she should have eased back into it. Finally realizing she was going to get no help from her husband, she stood up still holding Noah and walked back into his room.

"Okay, Noah baby, let's read one story and then Mommy really needs to go, okay?" She spoke and glared at Ed, as they headed to the back of the apartment. Hopefully the tot would fall asleep during the story and she could finally get to work.

Ed paced a little bit as the apartment got quiet again, probably because Olivia had gotten their son to fall asleep. He heard a little rustling, and she reappeared without Noah and walked to grab her stuff.

"I'll be home as early as I can," she said shortly and brushed past him. Ed grabbed her elbow to stop her, but she turned around sharply to look at him.

"What do you want from me, Ed?" She asked, very clearly at the end of her rope that morning.

"I'm sorry, Olivia," he said. "I'm sorry. I don't want it to be like this. And I don't know what my deal is, but I'm going to fix it."

"Good," she said. "Because I can't live like this."

"I know," he said and reached up to stroke her cheek. "Just, don't go to work so upset okay? Trust me when I say that things will get better."

Olivia just watched him, and moved her hand to his and brought it to her lips for a kiss.

"I want you to enjoy your day with Noah, today," she said. "And then when I get home, we are going to have Charlie over for dinner and just relax."

"Okay," he agreed pretty easily to her demands. But she wasn't done.

"And then tomorrow, you are going to see Lindstrom again. And you are either going to get a referral, or let him give you some better coping techniques."

"Liv…"

"No," she said sternly, while still holding his hands tightly in hers. "This isn't a negotiation. You are a basket case, and it's effecting the entire family now."

"Okay. You're right…" he finally admitted and pulled her tightly into his chest, holding her close for as long as she would let him. "I love you so much, baby."

"I love you too," she said with a quick kiss to his lips. "I'll see you tonight."

* * *

By the time Olivia got home that night, the frustrations of the morning were forgotten. As she entered the apartment, she hear three distinct laughs all coming from her various family members. Sure enough, as she walked into the living area she was met with the sight of Noah and Charlie trying to wrestle with Ed. He had clearly taken time to clear the coffee table and anything breakable from the center of the room which led her to believe this was not impromptu wrestling. She snapped a few photos before clearing her throat to let the trio know she was home. Noah leapt off of Ed quickly and ran straight into her arms.

"Mama!" he exclaimed happily as she scooped him up and smothered him with kisses.

"Hi sweet boy! How was your day?" she asked, not having to fake any excitement to see him smiling and happy.

"Good! Daddy take me to park, den Tar-lie come over and we play. Now we get daddy!" Olivia listened happily as Noah described his day, then he scrambled to get down so he could get back to his mission. Ed and Charlie, however, had decided that was enough so they had made their way to standing and were putting the living room back together.

"No more wrestle?" Noah asked as he watched the adults work.

"Not today, pal," Charlie answered then knelt down so they were eye level. "But next time, you and I will definitely get daddy good!"

"Yeah!" he said with a little fist pump, then ran off to find a toy to play with. Olivia walked up to Ed and kissed him lightly on the cheek to greet him.

"And how was your day, my love?" she asked sweetly, feeling a little bad about how stern she had been with him earlier.

"My day was good," he answered and kissed her lips quickly. "Noah kept me busy, and Charlie surprised us at the park after getting off of work a little early."

"Yep!" Charlie chimed in. "I had a meeting with my boss today, then he let me go afterwards saying that I had put in enough overtime recently."

"Well that was nice of him," Olivia mused as she made her way to her bedroom. "I'm just gonna change real quick then we can order dinner. You guys decide where from."

By the time she came back out, Noah was laid out on his car mat making beeping noises while Charlie lounged in the chaise.

"Did we lose your dad?" Olivia asked, getting comfy on the sofa in her yoga pants and tank.

"No, I'm right here, I just ran to swap the laundry around," he said as he came back in the front door of the apartment, making a beeline to the sofa to cuddle up next to Olivia. Once they were settled, he took in the room around him and sighed in contentment. "This is the perfect way to end the day."

"Mmmmmm," Olivia said as she sunk further into his chest while he ran his fingers through her hair. "I agree."

"Well, I have some exciting news," Charlie said, clearing her throat a little. The couple sat up a little straighter and gave her their undivided attention. "My boss added me to the team that gets to cover the Women's College World Series in a couple of weeks!"

"Oh wow!" Ed said, leaning over to give her a high-five. "That's amazing! I know you love college softball."

"I do, and I've never been to Oklahoma City so I suppose this will be exciting on all levels." As she said that Ed tensed a bit, and he felt Olivia grip his hand.

"You have to travel for this?" Olivia asked gently, wanting to be encouraging and not doubtful of how the girl would handle being away.

"Yep," she said, trying to muster up enough excitement to mask her nerves. "We leave next week, and will be gone for a full week. Two days of pre-tournament coverage, then the actual games. I'll get a full Press-Pass, so I get access to the locker rooms and everything. And I'll get to write at least one solo game recap!" Charlie was explaining quickly and using her hands a lot, which reminded Ed a little bit of Olivia when she was trying to convince him of something.

"Charlie, that sounds amazing!" Olivia exclaimed genuinely. "It seems like a great opportunity that you've worked really hard for."

"Yeah, I'm really excited. I've always wanted to go to the WCWS and now I get paid to go!" Ed was listening to his wife and daughter talk, but couldn't help but feel the anxiety bubbling up. Remembering how awful it felt to fight with Olivia earlier, he swallowed his feelings and put on a smile.

"This is going to be great, baby girl. You better send me lots of pictures." He said with a smile and Charlie just returned the smile, grateful for his support.

"Anything for you, daddio."

* * *

 ** _Love it? Hate it? Thoughts? Leave a review!_**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Note: The WCWS is the Women's College World Series (college softball). If you don't know about it, look it up. Amazing to watch.**_

 _ **Now, back to the story.**_

* * *

"You be gone a WHOLE WEEK?" Noah asked, incredulously. He was finally understanding that his sister was going to be going on a trip without him, and he was none too pleased. "Without ME?"

"Yep, a whole week. But don't worry," Charlie said, trying to sound enthusiastic so he wouldn't be as sad. "I promise I will bring you lots of surprises!"

"What kind of 'prises?" Noah asked skeptically, as he tried to gauge whether or not the week long absence would yield good enough results. Charlie smiled at him and touched her nose to his so they were as close as they could be.

"What kind of surprises do you want?" She put the question back to him, realizing that he likely wouldn't care about any of the specific stuff she could get at the tournament. She would need to get creative.

"More puzzles?" He asked, still firmly planted in his puzzle stage of childhood. He loved the big pieces, looking at the picture on the box, and trying to match everything.

"Oh, I bet Oklahoma has great puzzles!" Charlie said, already formulating how she was going to pull this off in the midst of working. Maybe she could just Amazon Prime something. He wouldn't know the difference.

"Is Oak-a-home far away, Tar-lie?" Noah asked with almost a resigned sigh. He was really funny, Charlie thought. At times he was such a three year old, and at other times he sounded just like her dad or Olivia when they would reluctantly agree to something. She was pretty sure he was her favorite person on the planet, no matter what his mood was.

"Where's your big America puzzle?" she asked as she stood up and placed the boy on his feet. "We can put that together and then I'll show you where Oklahoma is."

"Otay!" Noah excitedly ran off to his room to grab the puzzle and Charlie wandered into the kitchen to pour a soda. Ed was in there pushing chicken and peppers around in the frying pan.

"It smells good, dad. I didn't know you could make Mexican food."

"I'm a man of hidden talents," he said with a wink. "Plus, now that I'm Mr. Mom, I need to learn my way around a kitchen."

"True. You can't bum around all day, then expect Olivia to cook," Charlie said teasingly and Ed gave a little laugh.

"Well, expecting Olivia to cook any time is dangerous at best," Ed said with a smile. Charlie just began to laugh as Olivia entered the kitchen, her hair wet from her post-work shower.

"I heard that, Ed Tucker," she said in a dark tone as she made her way up behind him to squeeze at his hips.

"Easy, hot stuff," Ed said as he continued his quest to cook chicken. "I'm an amateur here. You don't want me throwing hot food all over us, do ya?"

Olivia just laughed, but settled her head on his back and looked over to Charlie from her comfortable position against Ed.

"You all packed and ready to go?" Olivia asked as Charlie leaned against the island bar and sipped her drink, watching how happy and content they seemed to be in that moment.

"I think so. I probably over-packed, but I'd rather have too much than realize I forgot something," she said. "Work arranged for a car to pick me up tomorrow morning, so I don't have to worry about that either."

"That's nice of them," Olivia said, still not moving from her current position. She couldn't help but ask the next question on her mind and felt Ed stiffen up a bit as the words exited her mouth. "What are you bringing, medicine wise?"

"Just the anxiety stuff," Charlie answered, putting their fears at ease. "I flushed the Codeine last week and haven't looked back. It's not like I had an addiction or anything, they were just easier. But that's in the past."

"I'm proud of you, Charlie." Ed said as he turned the burner off and removed the chicken from the stove, placing it on a hot plate on the counter. "We know you weren't an addict. All things considered, it's a miracle you haven't tried anything worse."

"Guess I'm stubborn like my old man," Charlie said, hoping to lighten up the conversation. She wasn't wanting anything heavy and emotional the night before she left town. She was already nervous enough.

"Nah, you get your stubbornness from Olivia," he said and gazed between the two women in his life. "My stubbornness isn't my best trait. But Olivia's is. And that is what I see in you, Charlie."

Olivia smiled softly at her husband and then pulled Charlie into her side for a little hug.

"Well, we can't all be awesome like the two of us, can we?" Olivia said just as her stomach made a loud grumble causing the room to laugh.

"Dad, we need to feed Olivia," Charlie said and grabbed the stack of plates to take into the dining room just as Noah came down the hall with his puzzle. "Oh, you found it! Let's eat and then we will put it together."

"Otay, Tar-lie. You sit by me at dinner." He demanded.

"Whatever you want, pal."

* * *

"I guess I should go back to my apartment and try to get some sleep," Charlie said as she yawned from her cozy lounge position on the chaise. Noah was curled up asleep in her lap, while Ed and Olivia were cuddled up on the sofa with the end credits of "Rookie of the Year" playing in the background. Noah had insisted on watching baseball movies since Charlie was going to a tournament, so Ed rented a few oldies from iTunes. It was now almost 10pm and Noah had been asleep for about an hour. Charlie was reluctant to go put him down, as there was something about having a three year old resting against you that soothed the soul. Olivia stood up with a groan and a big stretch, then leaned down to gently take Noah from Charlie.

"I'll put him down and be right back out. Don't leave just yet." She said and walked slowly down the hallway and into Noah's bedroom. Charlie sat up and rubbed her eyes a bit as she fumbled around for her phone. Ed just watched her for a bit before clearing his throat.

"You sure you will be okay for the week?" He asked, reluctantly. He and Olivia had talked at length about whether this trip was a good idea, and had ultimately decided that it wasn't their call to make. If Charlie was going, then she must have felt like it would be okay. So they made a pact to only be supportive and not question her about it. But Ed couldn't help but sneak in one little reassuring question before she departed.

"I think so," she said quietly, but honestly. "I was fine on my own for years, so I think I can handle a week."

Ed wasn't sure what to make of her comment, but decided to let it go. Charlie must have noticed his mind churning, however, and was quick to explain.

"I didn't mean that the way it sounded," she said. "I just mean that I'm an adult, and as great as it has been to have you and Olivia right here with me this past year, I think I can manage a week on my own."

"I know you can, Charlie," Ed said with his usual gruff voice, but with a hint of emotion behind it. "You are a strong and capable young woman. But if you get out there, and find it is too much, you call me and I'll be there. Okay?"

Charlie looked at her dad with a few tears in her eyes as she stood up and went to sit next to him on the sofa. He pulled her into his side and they stayed like that for a little while, before Olivia wandered back out to sit on the coffee table in front of them.

"Should I come check your suitcase with you, make sure you are all set?" Olivia asked with a motherly tone and Charlie just smiled.

"As silly as I feel about this, yes…maybe you should," she said and then laughed a little while she stood up. Ed quickly stood up behind her and walked her to the door while Olivia grabbed her shoes.

"I meant what I said, Charlie," he said as they got to the door, and Charlie turned to look at him. "If you need me, you call. And I'll be on the first flight. Okay?"

"I love you, dad," she said and went to hug him. Ed engulfed her into his chest and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you too, baby. And I know you can do this."

* * *

"You really think she will be okay?" Ed asked Olivia for the fourth time as they pulled the covers down and crawled into bed that night.

"Yes. I do think she will be okay. And if she isn't, I really believe that she will call us," Olivia said, as she rubbed lotion into her arms. "Now quit asking me."

"We are going to have to watch as much of the tournament as we can, so we can understand her stories when she returns," Ed mused as Olivia finally switched her lamp off and went to lay her head on his chest.

"Mmmm," she said, feeling his fingers rub at her temple. "We really should. It is probably exciting to watch."

They laid there in silence, but together, for what was probably another ten minutes. Ed would just play with Olivia's hair, and occasionally massage at her neck causing her to moan softly. She eventually moved her head to where her chin was on his rib case and she could look into his eyes.

"You seem to be feeling better," she said, watching his lips curl into a little smile.

"Well, this stubbornly beautiful wife of mine forced me into therapy and she was right. As usual," Ed responded and ran his finger across her cheek. "I like the guy Lindstrom referred me to. He's worked with lots cops before and is straight forward. I can appreciate that."

"I'm so happy to hear that," she said with a relieved sigh.

"I'm still constantly worried and stressed, but having an outlet that isn't getting annoyed with you is pretty helpful," he said and then looked into her eyes. "Though, I wouldn't mind working towards a total relaxed state tonight….with you…."

"I think that can be arranged," Olivia said and gave him a sultry look as her hand slowly made it's way down his stomach and into his boxers.

* * *

Ed stood outside of Noah's preschool waiting for his class to come out for the day. It always felt strange to him to stand in the waiting area with all the moms in yoga pants and double strollers. He was pretty bad at small talk, so he generally kept to himself until Noah came running out to him. Today was no different.

"Daddy!" He yelled and tore off towards Ed, a little piece of construction paper flopping around as he ran. Ed scooped him up as soon as he could reach him and greeted him happily.

"Hey there little man, how was school?"

"It good. I make picture!" Noah said and thrust the piece of paper into Ed's face. Once he could get a good look at it, he recognized four shapes that he assumed to be people.

"What is in your picture, Noah?" He asked, figuring it was better for him to explain it than to leave Ed guessing.

"It Noah family. Dat Mama. Dat Daddy. Dat Tar-lie. Dat Noah!" He said triumphantly and Ed kissed him on the cheek.

"I love it. We will put it on the fridge when we get home," he said and put the little boy down so he could pack the picture in his Mater backpack. Just then, one of the other moms caught his eye and nodded at him.

"I don't believe we've met, I'm Lauren. This is my son Jack. I believe he and Noah are in the same class." She said and Noah nodded his head.

"Yes. Jack in Noah class, Daddy," he said and looked up to Ed, as if he were teaching him a lesson. Lauren seemed to look at Ed in surprise.

"Sorry, I didn't realize you were Noah's dad. For some reason I remembered him referring to you differently. But that could just be my mom brain. It's turned to mush," she said quickly, trying to cover up her likely misstep. Ed just gave her a little look and responded calmly.

"I'm a Captain with the NYPD. Sometimes Noah likes to use that title, too," he said cordially, but hoping to make the point that the woman should shut up. Just as she opened her mouth to speak again, Ed cut her off by hoisting Noah onto his hip. "Okay bud, let's go. Take care, Lauren."

Ed made a hasty exit with Noah babbling in his ear, as Ed unlocked the stroller from the front and placed the little boy inside of it. As he buckled him in, Noah looked at him with a serious look.

"Daddy is Tar-lie back yet?" Ed looked at the boy for a little bit, trying to find a nice way to say that she had literally only been gone for six hours.

"No, not yet," he said, then had an idea. "How about we go surprise Mommy at work for lunch?"

"Yea!" Noah yelled and Ed began to stand up, glad to avoid the endless questions but also relieved to find an excuse to check in on Olivia. He may have agreed to see a therapist, but he was still having trouble with her being back at work. As he stood up-right, a wave of dizziness came over him and he grabbed the stroller handle to steady himself. Luckily it only lasted a few seconds, so he chalked it up to the fact that he stood up too fast and didn't eat a substantial breakfast. He took the brakes off the stroller wheels and started down 86th St towards the subway. A slow smile spread over his face as he heard Noah softly singing a song he must have learned at preschool and kicking his little feet. He pulled out his phone to send Olivia quick text that they were on their way, then just tried to bask in the sereneness of the moment.

* * *

 ** _Leave me your thoughts in a review!_**


	5. Chapter 5

**_A chapter that is 100% Ed Tucker. You're all welcome._**

* * *

 _Ed Tucker was running full speed towards the house on Staten Island that Olivia was in. The radio call had come not even 10 minutes ago that an SVU officer was down after a hostage situation. Ed, aware that Olivia had been involved in the case, knew instinctively that she was the injured officer and tore off running. He had to get to her._

 _"Captain!" he heard Carisi's voice in the distance, but didn't stop running._

 _"Ed, you don't want to go in there," Rollins said as he breezed past her and up the porch steps to try and get to Olivia._

 _"That's my wife, let me see her," he begged the officer who was blocking his entry. The officer placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder as he moved away and allowed Ed to enter the house. As soon as he stepped into the living room, all of the officers and medics immediately turned to look at him in a somber silence. Ed quickly scanned the room and eventually saw his wife. His beautiful, beloved wife._

 _"Olivia! Olivia, no!" He yelled as he ran and collapsed by her side. Her face was pale and her eyes were closed, as she lay in a puddle of blood. Tears began to stream down Ed's face as he frantically reached for her hand. "Olivia, wake up baby. Please. Talk to me."_

 _Her head lulled a bit, before she opened her eyes to look at him. She was coughing, struggling to breath, but Ed could look into her eyes so he sent a quick thank you up to whatever higher power allowed him this moment._

 _"Ed…" she said, her voice raspy._

 _"I'm here baby. I'm right here. Hang on, okay? You have to hang on for me," he was begging her while trying to comfort her as well. He just couldn't lose her._

 _"Ed…don't…leave….me" she said, coughing her words out and gripping his hand as tightly as he could. Ed held back a sob and proceeded to lift her into his arms so she was cradled in his lap._

 _"I'm right here, baby. I'm right here and not going anywhere. Ever. I've got you," he said as he rocked with her, trying to soothe her and keep her breathing steady._

 _"I….love…..you….." she said, as she began to cough up some blood. Ed's heart just plummeted as he gripped her tighter into his chest._

 _"No, don't do that. You can't leave me, Olivia. You can't. I love you so much. Please don't leave me," Ed cried, tears blurring his vision as he tried to soak in her deep brown eyes. He was losing her, and he was powerless to stop it from happening._

 _"Tell….Charlie….Noah….I love…them…so much," she said, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks at the thought of leaving her family. Ed just shook his head._

 _"No, you will tell them yourself when we get to the hospital and get you better, okay?" He refused to believe this was it. It couldn't be it. He felt Olivia's hand grip the collar of his jacket out of fear._

 _"Ed…." Her eyes looked terrified as she began to slip away from him._

 _"Olivia, hang on baby. Please. Please hang on. I love you so much. I can't do this without you…" He watched in horror as her eyes closed and her body went limp in his arms. "Nooooooooo!"_

"No! Olivia, No!" Ed yelled as he shot straight up in bed, tears rolling down his cheeks in real life. He frantically glanced around and finally saw Olivia stirring in her sleep next to him. Ed tried calm his breathing down, but all he wanted was his wife to be in his arms. Despite her still being half asleep, he dove down next to her and pulled her into his chest as tightly as he could. His lips stayed on the top of her head as he took some deep breaths and took in her scent and presence.

"Ed, what's wrong?" She asked as she finally awoke, alarmed at the intensity in which he was breathing and holding her.

"I…oh god," Ed couldn't even get words out as the tears overwhelmed him again. "Nightmare….you….shot…."

"Oh baby, it was a bad dream," she said, her heart breaking at how upset her husband was over this dream. "I'm right here. Alive and well. Just calm down, okay?"

When she realized that he wasn't calming down, she tried to adjust herself so that she could look him in the eyes. As she pulled from his grip, he shook his head back and forth and tightened his hold.

"No, don't go. Just, let me hold you while I calm down," he said, his voice raspy with emotion. Olivia settled back down, her head on his chest, and ran her hands up and down his back and side in an attempt to soothe him.

"I'm not going anywhere, baby," she said softly. "I'm right here with you. It was just a bad dream. Everything is okay. I'm here. You're here. Noah is down the hall. Charlie is living it up in Oklahoma. Everyone you love is perfectly fine."

After what felt like hours, but was likely only minutes, Ed finally was able to take a full, deep breath and Olivia could feel his heart rate return to normal. He kissed her forehead and pulled back a little so he could look at her. She just gave him a soft smile through her own teary eyes, and held his gaze.

"There ya go," she soothed as she reached up to stroke his face. "I am so sorry you had that nightmare, Ed. But it's all okay now."

"Is it?" He asked, his arms still holding her and moving his forehead to touch hers. "Sorry. I just can't shake this."

"Just try and calm down with me, okay?" She said and kept eye contact as they both began to breathe together. "Good. Great."

Once he was finally calm and seemingly back together, she could tell he felt embarrassed about his breakdown. He had his eyes downcast as he rubbed his hands up and down her arms and back.

"Ed?" she said, trying to catch his gaze but he kept averting it. "Baby, don't be embarrassed about this. It is okay. Your dream was so real. And given what our family has been through, I'm amazed this is the first time you've woken up like this. So just lay here with me. Share that darkness and fear with me."

Ed finally looked at her, and she almost gasped at the emotion and love she saw in his deep blue eyes. The intensity in which he loved her made her a little emotional in that moment. She always knew he loved her, but his reaction to that dream made her realize just how devastated he would be if something happened to her. She finally understood why his anxiety had increased after Dodds was killed. In retrospect, she had only tried minimally to understand his fear and really found it more smothering than sweet. Now, he was exposed to her in all of his raw emotion and it was breathtaking.

"Olivia," he began in almost a whisper. "I love you so damn much. And I promise not to turn into a sappy mess of a husband, but I need you to know how much I love you. How much I need you. How much I can't live without you. That if anything were to ever take you from me, I don't know how I'd survive it."

"You would. I know you would. You would survive for Noah. For Charlie," she said and noticed his eyes get glassy again. "But you don't have to worry about that right now, okay? I'm right here. I'm careful at work. And I promise you that I will do everything in my power to return to you. Every. Single. Night.

Olivia punctuated each of her last three words with a kiss and when she was done talking, she allowed him to devour her mouth. He made love to her that night with an intensity that she had never felt before in her entire life. As they both finally reached that glorious climax together, the tears spilled down their faces almost as a mirror image. Their love was so strong that it was heartbreaking at times, but they both knew in that moment that nothing would tear them apart.

* * *

"I've never loved anyone more intensely and completely than I love Olivia," Ed said as he sat in a therapist's office the following day. Olivia had basically forced him to make an emergency appointment after his nightmare, and he didn't argue. He needed to get a hold of himself. "For most of my life, even with my first wife, I didn't allow myself to have those deep feelings. I was guarded. Protected. But then Olivia came along, and she tore all of those walls down without even realizing it. And now I have her by my side. I have my daughter back. And I have this amazing little boy who just brightens my entire world. And when I realized how close she came to being in that house, near that fatal shot, I just felt my world crash in a way I'd never felt."

"It can be life altering to come to the realization that those you love can perish, Ed." His therapist validated his emotions, and immediately Ed began to feel a small weight lift. He wasn't crazy. "I think given the last year that your family has had, it makes sense that you would have this much anxiety about the people you love. But you should be careful not to let it damage the time you have with them now."

"I just…I feel like I haven't been able to protect them from anything. Noah's asthma, Charlie's assaults, Olivia's assaults and work trauma. I'm the husband. I'm the father. I'm supposed to protect my family. I would do anything to protect them from pain, but they keep getting hurt," he finally admitted, out loud, the true source of his anxiety. Ed Tucker prided himself on being a good man. A faithful man. A thorough cop and Captain. Without hesitation, he would lay down his life for his family, but it just wasn't enough.

"Ed you are protecting them," came the soft and firm response. "You have held their hands and stood by their sides no matter what they were facing. You've paid for lawyers and doctor's bills and found advocates in order to put Charlie's attacker behind bars. You listen to your wife talk about her day, and you comfort her when the pain is too much to bear. You protect their hearts and their souls in a way that no one else can. And they know that you would do anything for them. That is what has made your bond as a family one of the strongest I've seen in my career. You seem to credit Olivia for that, but you are a strong unit because you are a strong man, Ed."

* * *

Ed entered the wine bar after passing Noah off to Lucy for the evening and immediately did a scan for his wife. He finally spotted her sitting on the far side of the bar, and she was breathtaking. Even after working all day, her makeup still seemed flawless and her hair hung in waves around her face. She had taken off her blazer, so was just sporting a white silk blouse that accented her olive toned skin. Ed made his way towards her, unable to wait any longer to kiss her. She greeted him with a big smile and stood so he could fully embrace her.

As they pulled apart, Ed motioned for the bartender so he could pay the tab and they could get a table.

"How was your day?" He asked, while digging for his credit card.

"Pretty dull, actually," she said. "I barely left my office, except to yell at Finn and Carisi for throwing a ball around my squad room."

"They will never behave, Liv," Ed said with a laugh as they were seated in a small, corner booth away from the loud bar patrons.

"Truer words have never been spoken," she said with a shake of her head. Olivia reached out and grabbed Ed's hands. "How about you? Are you feeling any better?"

"I am," he allowed. "As much as I hate to admit it, talking to someone has helped a bit."

Olivia just smiled at him as she stroked his fingers with hers.

"So….you're admitting I was right?" She asked, teasingly. Ed just grunted.

"No," he said. "I'm admitting there is merit."

Olivia just laughed out loud at her stubborn husband.

"I love you, crazy husband of mine."

"I love you too," he said. "Let's order, I'm starved."

Olivia happily followed his lead, feeling relieved that his coloring seemed to be better and his appetite had returned to normal. Tomorrow she'd try to get him to go for a physical just in case, but she wanted tonight to just relax and be together.

* * *

 ** _I apologize for the lack of Noah cuteness in this chapter, but it was a necessary angst heavy chapter. I promise he will return in your next update!_**

 ** _Leave your thoughts and suggestions in a review._**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Okay, so I owe you all a light-hearted update after what I did last chapter. So here you go. Don't get used to it!**_

* * *

"Higher, Daddy! Higher!" Noah gleefully yelled as Ed pushed him in the toddler swing. He was pretty sure Noah would spend hours letting him push him in a swing. The little boy loved to fly through the air, and Ed figured they had a future adrenaline junky on their hands. Olivia vehemently disagreed. The boys were at a park near the precinct, waiting for Olivia to join them for a quick picnic lunch on her break. They rarely got to do this, but given how difficult the last few days had been, they were all putting in the extra effort.

"Momma! Momma!" Noah said, excitedly pointing in the direction of the park entrance. Ed looked and sure enough, Olivia was walking briskly towards them with a huge grin on her face as she waved at Noah. Ed slowed the swing down and lifted the little boy out so he could run and greet his mother.

"Hi sweet boy!" Olivia exclaimed as she scooped him up and smothered him with kisses. "Are you having fun with Daddy today?"

"Yes! I swing in the sky, Momma!" Noah said, pointing up towards the clouds for added effect. Olivia just grinned at him, soaking in how happy he was. Ed came up and kissed her cheek while putting an arm around her waist.

"Come on over this way, I have us a little spot and a nice spread for lunch," he said with a soft look. Olivia just smiled at him.

"Sounds perfect," she said and kissed his lips briefly before the trio set off to their place under a tree. "Have you heard from Charlie today?"

"She called this morning while she had her breakfast," Ed reported as they walked. "She said they were expecting bad weather tonight, so she sounded a little nervous. Other than that, she was talking non-stop about the tournament. That kid loves sports."

"Captain Tucker, is that you?" A feminine voice came from behind, causing them to turn around. Ed had to actively push a groan down as he realized it was Lauren, the mom from Noah's preschool. "Must be a popular park during the day! I know Jack loves it."

Olivia just eyed the woman, immediately feeling tense and not liking the way this Lauren person looked at her husband. She reached for Ed's hand and squeezed it gently.

"Noah and I rarely come here. It was just a good place to meet my wife for lunch," he said, almost monotone in hopes that the lady would get the hint. She didn't, so he went for introductions. "This is my wife - Noah's mom, Olivia."

"Oh hi, Olivia! So nice to finally meet you!" Lauren said extending her hand in an almost too friendly way. "Jack keeps asking if Noah can come play, so I hope we can arrange a time soon."

As Lauren spoke, she looked directly to Ed with a hopeful gleam. Slack-jawed that the lady would flirt with her husband in front of her, Olivia decided two could play at that game. She turned sweetly to Ed, who was holding Noah, and kissed his cheek slowly.

"Well, I'm sure we could find a time…Lauren, was it?" Olivia said as she rested her head on Ed's shoulder. She actually hated showing affection in such a public setting, but it was time to mark her territory. Lauren seemed to finally get the point, as her eyes showed a little disappointment.

"I better get back to Jack, he's a handful. We'll be in touch!" She said quickly and set off back towards the jungle gym.

"Bitch…" Olivia muttered under her breath. Ed began to laugh a little bit, causing Olivia to look at him curiously.

"What's so funny?"

"I like you when you're jealous," he said with a smirk and Olivia rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, we'll you're mine. What's with these yoga moms anyways," she said. Ed let out a roaring laugh and pulled her in for a half hug as they continued towards their picnic spot.

"Down, girl," he said and briefly touched his nose to hers. "I only have eyes for you."

* * *

"You wanted to see me, boss lady?" Finn said with a sly grin as he entered Olivia's office and closed the door. Olivia took her glasses off and leaned back in her chair, hoping to keep the conversation casual but still get what she wanted.

"I did," she responded. "How are you doing lately?"

"The usual," he responded, not wanting to talk about how he was dealing with the death of Dodds. "Just trying not to piss you off."

Finn winked at Olivia then leaned back in his chair, hoping she would get to her point.

"Yeah, well, try a little harder would ya?" Olivia said with a little laugh and then leaned forward. "Listen, I want to talk to you about taking the Sarge's exam."

"Not this again, Liv," Finn said with a little play in his tone. "Look, I know you need a number two man, but I don't know if that should be me."

"Why shouldn't it be you?" Olivia asked. "You and I are the longest running streak with SVU now. You've had my back for years. We know how to work well together. You know my weak spots and I know yours. And if I'm being honest, I don't want anyone else for this spot, Finn. I want you."

"Well, when you put it that way…" he said, hesitantly. "Look, give me a couple of days to think about it okay?"

Olivia just smiled at him, knowing that she had finally won the fight. She was convinced Finn had been wanting to take the exam but lacked the confidence to do so. So she just decided to give him the kick in the ass that he needed. She truly wanted him to be her number two at SVU, and now she was getting it.

"Just don't leave me hanging too long, okay? I don't need the Chief sending me some dumbass rookie Sarge while you are trying to think."

"You got it, baby cakes."

"Baby cakes?" Olivia said with a disgusted look to her. Finn just rolled his eyes.

"Okay, bad call on the nick-name."

"Get out of here…." Finn just laughed and left Olivia alone in her office. She shook her head at him for a bit, then opened her drawer to check her phone. Three messages from Ed, no surprise.

 _Ed: What time are you home tonight?_

 _Ed: Charlie can FaceTime at 8, our time. That work?_

 _Ed: Noah got his finger stuck in his piggy bank again. He will be worse at saving money than you._

Olivia just laughed at the messages she had waiting for her. She loved her little family and could just see Ed's exasperated look as Noah once again got his finger stuck trying to pull coins out of his bank. She assumed he was trying to convince his dad to go for ice cream, hence the sneaking into his bank. Olivia sent a quick text back before getting back to work.'

 _Olivia: Home around 7. FaceTime sounds great. Don't spoil his dinner with ice cream…_

* * *

"TAR-LIE!" Noah yelled as soon as her face filled up Ed's iPad. Noah had been not so patiently waiting for her call, and as soon as the ring came through he was jumping up and down.

"Hiya, pal!" Charlie said with a big smile. "How are you?"

"I good. I miss you. Come home now?" Noah asked hopefully and Charlie let out a little laugh.

"Two days, okay?"

"Fine…but you sleepover here in fort, otay?" Noah asked with an eyebrow raise that made Charlie laugh even harder.

"Oh my gosh, you are so Olivia," she said. "But yes, I'll sleepover when I get back."

All of a sudden they heard a rumble and Charlie jumped a bit, then shook it off.

"What's going on out there?" Ed asked.

"Storming pretty bad," Charlie answered. "They actually cancelled tonight's Game 1 of the championship, so I'm back at the hotel."

"Torm? Funder?" Noah asked excitedly. It rarely stormed in New York, so he would get fascinated with the sights and sounds when it did.

"How bad?" Olivia asked, pulling Noah into her lap so Charlie could see all three of them on her screen.

"Pretty bad," she said. "The hotel has a shelter though, so I'll be just fine."

"Why do people even live in Oklahoma?" Ed asked with astonishment, causing the girls to laugh.

"Dad, not everyone wants to live in New York like you." Charlie said and rolled her eyes. Ed was a born and bred New York City boy and it came across each and every time he realized people actually opted to live somewhere else.

"How is everything else going, Charlie?" Olivia asked, curious as to how she was doing on her own in such large crowds. She didn't answer right away, and watched Noah crawl off of Olivia's lap now that the conversation didn't interest him.

"Um, it's okay," she said slowly. "I stay pretty busy with work and researching statistics, then writing recaps and such. A lot of coworkers will go out after games, but I don't know how. I'm always so tired."

"Have you met anyone out there? New friends? Old friends?" Olivia kept asking, hoping Charlie at least had someone she was comfortable around.

"My coworker Amy is here, so that's nice," she said. "But she's been hanging out with this guy from one of the conference offices."

Ed was quiet as he listened to his wife and daughter talk a little more. He had worried about this aspect of the trip. Charlie was still so timid around people that she didn't know, and she was being thrust into large crowds of people for this trip. He was more than concerned that she would either be too closed off to be comfortable, or end up in another bad situation. Ed knew how men worked when they wanted something, and they preyed on vulnerable girls. As he sat there, lost in thought, he felt Olivia kick his leg and he jumped back into the present.

"You okay, dad?" Charlie asked, with a concerned look on her face.

"Oh, yeah I'm fine sweetheart," he said then grinned a little. "Get this, your old man got hit on earlier today at the park."

Olivia just rolled her eyes at the fact that he was bringing this up again and Charlie out right laughed at the comment, making Ed get defensive.

"Hey! What's so funny about that? I'm still good looking!" he exclaimed, and Olivia rushed to reassure him.

"Yes, you are baby," she cooed. "But stop bragging. She was a little…"

"Olivia!" Ed admonished, as he knew she was about to call her some choice names in front of the kids. Charlie was just cracking up at this point, which brought a smile to the couple's faces.

"Dad, stop pissing Olivia off," Charlie warned through her giggles. All of a sudden Ed winced a bit, catching Charlie's attention. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, I'm fine," he said. "Just some heartburn after the Indian food we had for dinner."

"You eat Indian food?" Charlie asked. "Since when?"

"Since I made him branch out from meat and potatoes," Olivia chimed in. "But we have to keep the Tums close by…."

"Speaking of," Ed said while he stood up. "I'm going in search of them."

Olivia watched him go back into the back then turned back towards Charlie's face on the screen.

"Are you sure you are okay, sweet girl?" Olivia asked quietly, glad for a few minutes alone to talk to her.

"Yeah," Charlie said in an almost whisper. "This was definitely a dream for me, but I'm ready to come back home. I constantly feel on guard and anxious. And I miss you guys."

Olivia saw her eyes water a bit as she spoke, but decided to let it go.

"You would tell me if something was really wrong, right?" Olivia asked, just to try and quell her own anxiety about being so far away from her step-daughter.

"Definitely," Charlie said in a tone that reassured Olivia. "Are you sure dad is okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine," Olivia promised. "He's just over-doing it these days."

Charlie studied her step-mother's face as she answered her and was not convinced. She could see the worry lines on her face and could hear the hesitation in her tone.

"Well, I don't believe you," Charlie said. "But hopefully everything will smooth out once I get home and things are back to semi-normal, whatever that is."

At that moment, Ed came back in and plopped himself down next to Olivia.

"Any better?" Charlie asked.

"Much," he responded as Charlie once again jumped at the loud sound of thunder.

"Okay, well I better go wander down to the lobby and see what is going on with this storm," she said reluctantly. "I land Wednesday night around 10pm, is that too late to come over?"

"Not at all," Ed responded. "I'm going to come pick you up. JFK or LaGuardia?"

"JFK" she answered. "But work can pay for a cab."

"Nah, that's okay," he said. "I'm ready to see ya."

Charlie just smiled as she watched Ed and Olivia snuggle in on the couch and call Noah over to say bye on the iPad.

"Bye, Tar-lie!" he yelled into the phone, holding his race car tightly. "I see you soon in da fort!"

"You bet, pal. Love you!"

"Lub you," he said and ran off, getting back to his car mat.

"I love you, Charlie," Olivia said. "Hang in there and we'll see you soon."

"Sounds good. Love you Olivia. Love you Dad."

"Love you too, sweetheart," Ed said and then the call disconnected. He sat back as Olivia put the iPad back in its case before turning to look at him.

"Did you make that doctor's appointment yet?" she asked, concerned about these little spells he kept having.

"No," he said. "I'll call them tomorrow."

"If you don't, I'm calling for you Ed," she said, no longer playing games. "Your health isn't something to put off."

"I know, baby, don't worry so much," he said, and pulled her to him for a kiss.

"I do worry," she said and settled her head on his chest as they both watched Noah play. "I worry about our entire family. It's what Mommas do."

* * *

 ** _What is going on with Ed's health? Also, jealous Olivia? Is Charlie really doing okay?_**

 ** _Don't forget to leave a review! It keeps me motivated to update quickly!_**


	7. Chapter 7

_**Here we go...**_

* * *

"Hey babe, what are you doing home?" Ed asked as he walked in with Noah asleep on his shoulder to find Olivia already home and on the couch. It was a little after 2pm, and he thought she was planning to work until that evening when Amanda and Jesse came over for dinner. But now she was sitting on the couch in lounge clothes, holding her phone, and intently watching the television.

"Oh, nothing," she said quietly, when she realized Noah was out cold. "Charlie texted earlier about storms again and seemed nervous. The office was quiet, so I just decided to come home early and call her. Figured I could clean up and change the sheets in the guest room before she gets in later tonight."

Ed just looked at his wife with a soft smile. He loved how much she loved his daughter. In fact, if Olivia knew that he had referred to Charlie as "his daughter" in his head, she would get after him. She was very firm in that Charlie was "their daughter" as much as Noah was "their son".

"Well, let me lay him down and I'll come join you," he said and slowly made his way down the hallway. Olivia watched them go then turned her attention back to the weather she was watching on TV. It looked like everything had moved passed Charlie, so she picked up the phone to check in. The call was answered on the first ring, which meant her anxiety was still high.

"Hey sweetheart," Olivia said sweetly into the phone. "How are things out there? You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine…they just gave us the all clear and brought us out of the shelter at the stadium," Charlie's voice sounded a little breathless on the phone, so Olivia decided to push a bit further.

"Are you sure you are okay? You sound a little worked up," she stated, worried that Charlie wasn't being honest with her.

"Yeah, it's stupid really," Charlie said with a defeated laugh. "The shelter was really crowded and loud, and I felt like a panic attack was coming the entire time we were down there. Now that we are out, it is a little better. But I still can't quite shake the anxiety."

"Can you take one of your pills to calm down? Or just get away from the crowd for a bit to pull yourself together?"

"Yeah, I think I'm going to walk and get a coffee now that the rain has stopped," Charlie said, still sounding a little breathless. "It already helps to just have you on the phone. Thanks for calling me."

"You don't have to thank me, I was worried about you. Hearing your voice calmed me down as well," Olivia said honestly, as Ed came back to the living room and sat beside her. "Your dad is here, do you want to say hi?"

"I wish I could, but I should likely go," Charlie said. "If I'm going to calm down before the game I need to get moving."

Olivia just gave a little laugh as Ed gripped her hand.

"Okay, sweet girl," she said. "We will see you tonight. I can't wait to have you back home."

"Me too, Liv. Love you."

"Love you too."

Olivia ended the call and put her phone back on the coffee table as Ed watched her, waiting for the update.

"Well?" he asked, when she wasn't providing an explanation fast enough.

"She's fine, babe," Olivia said and patted his thigh. "Just a little anxious after being in a crowded storm shelter. She is going to walk for a coffee and will be just fine."

"Okay," Ed said, still sounding nervous. "Okay, well good. I guess. I mean, that she is able to calm down on her own."

"Exactly," Olivia said. "She's doing okay."

"Well, that and she has you looking out for her," Ed said, still in awe that his wife left her job for the afternoon just to make sure she was available for Charlie.

"That's what Mommas do," Olivia said with a little grin and leaned up to kiss Ed softly, stroking his cheek. "Is Noah asleep?"

"He is," Ed said in a low gruff voice, then narrowed his eyes. "Do I have a greenlight, Lieutenant?"

"Oh yes," she said, almost breathless with desire. "I'm all yours."

"All mine," Ed said, as he immediately pressed his lips against hers, using his tongue to pry her mouth open. He heard her give a little whimper and it only spurred him on, so he quickly divested her of her shirt and stood up. He began to back her towards the bedroom as she tore at his clothes. They'd pick them up later.

* * *

Olivia was on her back, arms gripping the headboard, with her head thrown back in pleasure as Ed continued to move in and out of her body. He had been hammering into her for a solid fifteen minutes, and Olivia was wondering where all of his stamina had come from. She didn't have too long to question it, though, as his lips attached to her neck and he pinched her nipples.

"Oh, god," she cried out, feeling him move in her even harder. "Please…"

"Please what?" Ed asked hoarsely as he lifted his head to look into her eyes. "Say it."

"Unghh…" she grunted as he slammed into her, then stilled. "I…."

"Come on, baby…" he said, and his voice was almost enough to send her hurling over the edge. But not quite. He moved his mouth to her ear and licked. "Say it…."

"Ed…" her voice was a weak whimper which made Ed's ego swirl even more. "Please…I need to come…make me come…"

"There ya go," he said and resumed his thrusting, harder and faster than before. He felt her begin to shake under him, and knew he had her right where he wanted her. "Come on, baby…"

"Oh….oh god…Ed….yes….." she moaned as she exploded around him, her body convulsing. The sight of her completely coming undone caused Ed to finally reach his own powerful release. He peppered her face and neck with light kisses as he collapsed on top of her. Olivia immediately wrapped her arms around him and held tightly as she continued to calm down, feeling his panting breath in her ear.

"I love you…" she said breathlessly. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, baby," he said and raised his head to touch their foreheads. "You okay?"

She just gave him a grin and shook her a head a bit.

"You are so full of yourself," she said with a laugh.

"I believe you are the one that is full of me…" he said with a cocky grin and Olivia outright laughed as she blushed.

"Ed!" she exclaimed.

"What?" he teased. "You love it…"

"I do," she said. "I've never felt this way before…so satisfied and happy."

"I will always keep you happy, Olivia. I promise," Ed said and kissed her gently to seal his promise.

"Come on, let's shower before Noah wakes up," she said with that look in her eyes that let Ed know she had more planned for him under the spray of the water.

"I'm one lucky son of a bitch," he muttered to himself as he watched her stand and stretch. As he followed her into the bathroom he felt a dizzy spell coming on, but quickly shook it off. After steadying himself on the nightstand, he took a deep breath and proceeded into the shower hoping not to alarm his wife.

* * *

Ed was sprawled out on the living room floor with Jesse resting her head on his stomach while he and Noah colored a welcome home sign for Charlie. The little boy was beside himself that his sister was returning that night and was determined to stay awake until her arrival. Amanda had volunteered to hang out so both Ed and Olivia could go to the airport, so Olivia was hoping that Noah would go down easily to give the woman an easy night. The two ladies were sitting at the dining table, sipping on iced tea and watching Ed with the kids.

"I'm not sure I will ever get used to seeing him with kids," Amanda commented as she took note of how quickly Jesse took to the man. Olivia tilted her head a bit and smiled.

"He's like an onion," she mused. "Layers upon layers, and each one is more amazing than the previous."

"You two ever think about another kid?" Amanda asked, hoping she wasn't overstepping the boundaries, but it was hard not to think about it when she saw Ed with her baby girl.

"Oh, maybe if we were younger," Olivia said wistfully. "I'd love more than anything to have a baby with him, see him with a little girl, but it isn't in the cards for us. Charlie and Noah make our family complete. Maybe we'll get a grandbaby down the road."

Rollins looked at her boss and yearned to be as happy and content as she appeared in that moment. She knew Olivia's life had not been easy, and no one deserved happiness and stability more than she did. But it still created a healthy sense of jealousy in Amanda, especially as she struggled as a single mother. Maybe one day her Ed Tucker would come swooping in, but until then she was content.

"That makes sense," Rollins said after realizing she was lost in thought. "I know he's excited for her to get home."

"He's not the only one," Olivia said without realizing it. She looked over at Amanda a little sheepishly. "I feel like I've worried more about her on this trip than I did with Noah's first daycare experience."

"That makes sense, given what she went through," Rollins said, understanding the connection they shared. "You can relate to her experiences and that just strengthens your motherly intuition around her.

Olivia looked at her and offered a smile, thankful that Rollins had become such a good friend and confidant over the years. She heard the timer go off in the kitchen, so excused herself to go check on the lasagna she had thrown in the oven while Amanda went to relieve Ed of child duty. As she pulled the dish out and put it on the stove to cool, Ed came into the kitchen clutching his shoulder.

"Ed!" Olivia said in alarm. "What is it? What's wrong?"

He leaned over, supporting himself on the wall as Olivia rushed over and grabbed his arms and leaned down to try and make eye contact with him. What she saw terrified her. His eyes were glassy, his skin was gray, and he looked genuinely afraid.

"Ed….talk to me, baby. Please." She said, her voice quivering as she saw him struggle to speak.

"I think….I'm having…a heart attack," he said in a hoarse whisper as Olivia's heart plummeted into her stomach.

"Amanda! Call 9-1-1!" She yelled into the living room and Amanda immediately came running into the kitchen, having just settled Noah and Jesse in with a movie and already on her phone while digging in her diaper bag. She produced a bottle of aspirin and handed it to Olivia, instructing her to get Ed to take one. With shaking hands, Olivia opened the bottle and gave one to Ed with the bottle of water sitting next to them on the counter. She barely heard Rollins talking to the operator because all she could do was keep her eyes locked on her husband, who seemed to be fading fast. She helped him down to the floor, resting against the cabinet and knelt next to him so she could hold his head to her chest.

"Ed….it's going to be okay," she said as the tears began to fall. "Paramedics are on their way and you are going to be fine, okay? You are going to be just fine."

She felt him grip her arm as he continued to fight for each breath and wince in pain.

"Amanda, tell them to hurry!" Olivia yelled through her increasing tears. "Call Finn…I need him to meet me at the hospital…please…."

Amanda shot off a quick text to Finn then came to kneel in front of Ed, trying keep him awake, breathing and calm.

"Liv…" Ed said her name and Olivia tried to shush him. Amanda, seeing that Olivia was too terrified to coach Ed through this, decided to take charge.

"Hey Captain, can you look at me?" She said and reached to monitor his pulse. "I need you to keep your eyes on me and focus on breathing, okay? You are going to be okay…but just focus on keeping your breaths steady for me. For Olivia."

After what felt like hours, they heard a banging on the door signaling that the paramedics had arrived. Amanda rushed to get Noah and Jesse to the bedroom so they didn't witness the confusion and Olivia tore herself away from her husband briefly to let them in.

"Please…he's back here…help him," she said, unable to speak in clear sentences, and ran back to the kitchen with the medics. She watched as they began to hook him up to monitors and speak with him slowly. Within seconds, he was strapped to a stretcher and she was running after them towards the ambulance. She barely heard Amanda shout behind them that she had the kids and Finn was already on his way to the hospital.

The ambulance sped through the streets of New York with sirens wailing, as Olivia sat in the back corner watching them work on her husband and praying harder than she ever had. All of a sudden one of the machine started beeping loudly, and she watched in horror as the medics frantically worked to steady his breathing. As Ed's eyes slipped closed, Olivia let out a terrified shriek.

"Do something! Please!" she cried to anyone who would listen. "Don't let him die…please don't let him die…."

* * *

Olivia ran alongside of the gurney, holding tight to Ed's hand as they wheeled him into the emergency room. They had kept his heart beating in the ambulance, but he was still not awake. As they neared the double doors, they were met by a team of doctors who quickly took over while yelling stats that Olivia didn't understand. She kept a tight hold of her husband's hand until she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her and hold her back.

"No…let me go!" she yelled as she struggled with the person behind her. "That's my husband! I need to be with him…please…."

"Liv, he's in good hands…" The calm voice of Finn finally penetrated Olivia's ears and she stopped fighting him. "It's going to be okay, I promise."

"Finn…." She sobbed as she turned to collapse into his chest. Finn held her tightly to him as he felt her legs give out from under her.

"Oh baby, he's gonna be okay," he tried to soothe her as she cried in his arms, unable to form words at that point. Finn slowly moved them to the waiting room chairs and sat down, keeping her tucked tightly into his side as they began the long wait for a doctor to come talk to them.

* * *

 ** _I know, you are all going to kill me. All I ask is that you trust me to get you through this journey. And leave me a review :)_**


	8. Chapter 8

**_A reader pointed out that I have been spelling Fin wrong this entire series! Oops! It is now corrected._**

* * *

 _ **Previously:**_

 _Olivia was running alongside of the gurney, holding tight to Ed's hand as they wheeled him into the emergency room. They had kept his heart beating in the ambulance, but he was still not awake. As they neared the double doors, they were met by a team of doctors who quickly took over while yelling stats that she didn't understand. She kept a tight hold of her husband's hand, until she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her and hold her back._

 _"_ _No…let me go!" she yelled as she struggled with the person behind her. "That's my husband! I need to be with him…please…."_

 _"_ _Liv, he's in good hands…" The calm voice of Fin finally penetrated Olivia's ears and she stopped fighting him. "It's going to be okay, I promise."_

 _"_ _Fin…." She sobbed as she turned to collapse into his chest. Fin held her tightly to him as he felt her legs give out from under her._

 _"_ _Oh baby, he's gonna be okay," he began to soothe her as she cried in his arms, unable to form words at that point. Fin slowly moved them to the waiting room chairs and sat down, keeping her tucked tightly into his side, as they began the long wait for a doctor to come talk to them._

* * *

After about an hour in the waiting room, with Olivia going between pacing and bouts of fearful tears, a doctor in blue scrubs finally came out of the double doors and headed towards them. Olivia immediately jumped up, keeping a tight hold of Fin's hand, and went to greet the doctor.

"Is he…" she asked, barely able to get the words out of her mouth. The doctor reached out and put a hand on her shoulder.

"He is alive, Mrs. Tucker," the doctor reassured her and watched as her eyes closed and tears of relief rolled down her cheeks. "He did have a serious heart attack, however. The paramedics kept it beating, despite his loss of consciousness, so all of that is positive."

Olivia opened her eyes as she tried to take in what the doctor was telling her. She felt like she was existing out of her body, so Fin was keeping a hold of her hand and listening to the details. He could fill in the missing pieces later if she couldn't remember.

"We have him stabilized for now and once he passes the two hour mark of steady heart beating, we will take him up for some more scans to see if we can locate what caused the attack. The next 36 hours will be crucial. His heart is still struggling, which is not uncommon, so he is hooked up to a machine," the doctor paused for a bit before continuing. "Can you think of anything that had him more stressed than usual, Mrs. Tucker?"

Olivia just let out an almost angry laugh at that question and just shook her head.

"I don't even know where to begin…" she said and closed her eyes. She should have known. She knew he wasn't well. She knew he needed to see a doctor. But she didn't push him hard enough to go. She didn't try to keep his stress levels down. Instead, she continued to go to a job that had him terrified of losing her. She continued to worry about Charlie and not just reassure him that she was okay. Those thoughts brought on a fresh round of tears as the realization hit her that her husband just had a heart attack because of all the stress they had in their lives. "Oh god…"

"Olivia, don't do this to yourself," Fin said softly and shot the doctor a look, hoping to convey the message that he was not to place blame on stress just yet. The doctor seemed to understand and began to backtrack a bit.

"He's right, Olivia," the doctor said, using her first name in hopes of offering more reassurance. "I only ask so I know the background. The causes of heart attacks vary from person to person. That's why I'll know more when we get him up for some tests, okay?"

"But he's going to be okay?" Olivia barely recognized her own voice as she asked the question. She wasn't sure she had ever been this scared in her entire life.

"Things look positive right now, so there is no reason to think the worst," the doctor said, not quite answering her question. "But as I said earlier, the next 36 hours will be critical. His heart needs time to recover."

Olivia just nodded, no longer able to speak. Fin, noticing the struggle, stepped up to the plate.

"When will she be able to see him?"

"Once we finish with his tests, he will be set up in a CCU room so he can be closely monitored," the doctor explained. "At that point, we will allow one visitor at a time, for about 15 minutes. The important thing for now is that he is stable and shows no sign of damage from the attack, okay?"

"Okay," Olivia said and took a deep breath, allowing herself to extend her hand to the doctor. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"My pleasure, Olivia," he said. "I'll keep you updated as often as I can."

As the doctor headed back to check on Ed, Olivia turned towards Fin and wrapped her arms around herself. Fin put his hands on her shoulders, hoping to allow her to take some of his strength as she tried to pull herself together. Suddenly her eyes shot up in realization.

"Charlie!" she gasped. "What time is it?"

"Relax, Liv," Fin said, checking his watch. "It is only 8:30 okay? Rollins is on her way to the hospital now to stay with you while I go get Charlie."

"But who is with Noah and Jesse?" Olivia asked, confused as to what was going on.

"I called Munch," Fin said. "I thought it would be a good way to distract Noah since he was pretty confused and upset. According to Amanda it worked like a charm. That kid loves his Uncle Munchie, for a reason I'll never understand."

Olivia let out a little laugh and looked up to Fin with a grateful glance.

"Thank you…" she whispered as her eyes began to water again. "For taking care of everything."

"Hey, that is what families do, Liv," Fin said simply. "And you're my family."

* * *

Charlie had just grabbed her bag from baggage claim and started to look around, hoping to see her dad's face in the crowd of people. Not finding him just yet, she set off towards the coffee shop to grab a drink while she waited. As she neared the line, she noticed a figure walking towards her. Once he got closer, she realized it was Fin and immediately got confused.

"Fin!" Charlie said with a surprised voice. "I was expecting my dad. Did Olivia get called on a case?"

"Not exactly," Fin said, suddenly not sure how to tell Charlie what happened. He watched as her expression changed from confusion to fear as she realized that something was wrong.

"Oh god…" she whispered, fearing the worst and needing him to just tell her. Fin looked around and started to usher Charlie towards the doors of the airport. "Just tell me…"

"Charlie, your dad had a heart attack this evening," he said as he heard her gasp. "He's in the hospital right now and they are doing some tests. Olivia's with him and I'm going to get you over there."

"A heart attack?" Charlie asked and looked at Fin with a teary expression that matched Olivia's. "Is he…"

"He's stable for now, okay?" Fin answered, not really able to offer her much more than that.

"Fin…" she said in a shaky voice as the tears began to flow down her face and she shook her head back and forth.

"Come on, baby girl," Fin said, putting his arm around her and taking her suitcase. "I'm going to get you to Olivia. We'll put the sirens on."

* * *

Olivia had just returned to the waiting room after being allowed a brief glance at Ed in CCU when she saw Charlie running towards her. She opened her arms and pulled the young woman into her embrace, feeling tears begin to drench her neck and shoulder. Olivia ran her hands up and down her back and spoke soothing words to her, hoping to calm her down enough to give her an update.

"Oh baby," she said in a soft, shaky voice while kissing the top of her head. "He's okay. He's alive. I just saw him, okay? Take some deep breaths for me."

"Olivia…" Charlie sobbed into her neck before taking a breath and pulling her head up so she could look at her.

"There ya go, sweet girl," Olivia said and wiped the tears off of Charlie's cheeks with her fingertips.

"What…happened?" She asked in between the hiccups she had developed from her hour of crying on the ride over.

"He had a heart attack," Olivia said softly, trying to keep her own tears at bay so she could focus on calming Charlie. "They've run some tests, but he is stable and being monitored in CCU. They have him hooked up to a machine that is helping his heart get back on track. So we just have to wait."

"A machine?" She asked in a whisper, as the tears streamed harder. "He's on a machine?"

Charlie just stumbled backwards and fell into the chair against the wall. Olivia watched, her arms wrapped around herself, as she took a deep breath in order to try and comfort her daughter when she, herself, was still distraught. That was when she noticed Fin was still there and eyeing her.

"You got to see him?" He asked, hoping to snap her out of her daze. It worked.

"Yeah," she breathed. "Kind of. They wouldn't let me in the room, but they let me stand at the window for a bit so I could see him breathing."

"That's good," Fin said and watched as Olivia went to sit by Charlie and put her arm around her, trying to slow the girl's tears.

"Oh my sweet girl," Olivia said. "It's going to be okay. I'm right here. It's going to be okay."

Charlie just continued to cry harder, not saying anything to anyone. Olivia looked up to Fin with a worried look. Fin just nodded to her encouragingly, so she returned her focus to Charlie and started to play with her hair a bit. Selfishly, Olivia found playing with her daughter's hair incredibly comforting for some reason and she just hoped that Charlie found it that way as well. It appeared that she did, as she began to take some deep breaths and moved her hand over to clutch at Olivia.

"There ya go, sweet girl," Olivia said. "I'm right here."

"Where's Noah?" She asked suddenly, startling Olivia a bit who wasn't expecting that question. She could tell that Charlie was trying to steel herself against this latest heartache.

"Munch is with him now," she said. "Amanda is here, she just ran downstairs to call and check on them."

Charlie just nodded and remained silent, while Olivia played with her hair with one hand and kept her other hand firmly clutched in her daughter's. Fin was observing both of them and watching as they seemed so dazed and out of it. After a few minutes, he noticed Charlie shaking her head back and forth while her bottom lip trembled. Before Fin could try and calm the situation, Amanda walked back in the waiting room follow by Dr. Lee. Olivia and Charlie quickly stood up, still clutching each other's hands and waiting for him to speak.

"Mrs. Tucker," he began, then took note of Charlie. "You must be Ed's daughter?"

"Yes," she replied. "Is he okay?"

"Preliminary tests are showing that his heart is struggling to operate on its own right now, which is quite normal after a heart attack. Our number one goal at the moment is to get through the 36 hour waiting period without another attack," as soon as those words left his mouth Charlie let out a whimper and Amanda came to stand on her other side, hoping to offer a little more support.

"He could have another one?" she asked, barely even able to get words out at this point.

"It's possible," Dr. Lee answered honestly as Olivia bowed her head to try and hide the tears that rolled down her cheeks. "This is why we are keeping him on the machine and in CCU. Once he regains some strength, I will begin to ween him off of the machine and things should start looking up."

"Can I see him?" Charlie asked, trying desperately to hold onto some kind of sign that her dad would be okay.

"Not right now," the doctor reluctantly answered. "I want to keep him totally calm and relaxed, and even the most beloved visitors will elicit some kind of response."

Charlie just nodded and then laid her head on Olivia's shoulder, who in turn put her cheek on top of the girl's head. The doctor watched the women for a minute before continuing to speak.

"I suggest you go home and try to get some rest," he said. "We wont know anything else until the morning, and these waiting room chairs are awfully uncomfortable."

Both Olivia and Charlie shot their heads up at that and Olivia looked at him incredulously.

"No," she said firmly. "Absolutely not. I am not leaving my husband here alone."

"Very well," he said. "I'll have the nurse come check on you both after a while."

The foursome watched as the doctor walked away. Once he was out of the waiting room, Amanda and Fin went to stand in front of the Tucker girls so they could make a plan.

"Liv," Amanda began, almost hesitantly. "I'm going to head back to the apartment to see Noah. Are you sure you don't want to come back, just to get him to bed?"

Olivia stood for a moment, unsure of what to do. She wanted to hold her son in her arms so badly, but the thought of leaving her husband alone in the hospital while he was still so critical made her sick to her stomach. Sensing the dilemma, Amanda backtracked a bit.

"How about this," she said. "I'll head home and we can FaceTime so you can see him and maybe he will be able to sleep a bit better?"

"Yeah," Olivia said with a sigh, grateful and sad at the same time. "Thank you, Amanda."

"Of course, Liv. Charlie do you need anything?"

The girl just shook her head, afraid to open her mouth at that point. Amanda nodded at all of them and made her way out of the hospital. Fin stayed silent for a bit, before clearing his throat.

"I'm going to go get us all something to eat and drink," he said. "And I'm not taking no for an answer. Will you two be okay while I'm gone?"

Olivia looked up at him gratefully and nodded in the affirmative. So he gave her a soft smile, patted Charlie on the shoulder, and then followed after Amanda. Once the two women were left alone, Olivia pulled Charlie into her arms and rocked her back and forth. Neither one of them spoke for a while, they just held onto each other for dear life. Finally, Charlie pulled back slightly so she was still in the embrace, but could see Olivia's face.

"Olivia?" she asked almost in a whimper. Olivia reached one hand up to play with her hair.

"What is it baby girl?" She asked in the tone should would use when Noah was upset.

"Is my dad going to die?" Charlie asked, her voice cracking at the end. Olivia shook her head back and forth, trying to hold back her tears so she could answer her honestly.

"I sure hope not," she said. "He's a fighter, Charlie. And he will fight to stay with us."

"I don't want to be alone again…" Charlie sobbed out and Olivia's heart broke at her admission. She pulled her tightly into her chest as she worked to reassure her.

"You will never be alone again, baby," she said through her own tears. "I will always be with you. I will always love you. And I will always be grateful to be your momma."

Charlie just cried harder and clutched at the back of Olivia's sweater as if she would never ever let go.

"I don't want him to die," she cried harshly, causing Olivia to choke on her own sobs.

"He won't," she said. "We have to believe in him. He will fight for us, Charlie. Just wait and see. He will fight for us."

* * *

 ** _In the words of one of my favorite reviews, #SaveEd_**


	9. Chapter 9

_**#SaveEd**_

* * *

"Uncle Munchie, where's Momma?" Noah asked softly as John Munch rooted through his dresser for some pajamas that somewhat matched. He finally gave up and pulled out race car bottoms with a Bugs Bunny top and turned around to face the tot who was sitting on his toddler bed.

"Well, daddy wasn't feeling too well remember?" Munch said quietly and went to sit on the floor in front of Noah. "So she went with him to the doctor."

"Tar-lie, too?" Noah asked, his lower lip quivering a bit out of confusion and just generally being upset at his evening being disrupted. He may only be three, but he was well aware that his mom and dad left suddenly and something wasn't right.

"Charlie is there right now, yes," he continued to answer his questions as honestly as he could. In his experience with kids, the more honest you were the less upset they were about uncertainty. At least to an extent.

"When they come home?" He asked, with his little head cocked to the side and a wide eyed expression. It just about tore John Munch in two as he struggled to answer that one.

"Hopefully soon," he said. "But probably not before you go to sleep."

He watched as Noah's face fell in disappointment, and the tyke just sat on the bed for a little bit before crawling over and onto Munch's lap. He held the little boy close and kissed him on top of his head.

"How about we put your pajamas on, then we can lay on the couch and watch a movie?" Munch offered, deciding there was no way he was going to make that little boy go to bed right then. Noah immediately perked up at the idea of a movie and went to grab the pajamas from Munch's hands.

"Uncle Munchie, these not right!" He exclaimed, holding the mis-matched set in his little hands. Noah started to giggle while looking at them and couldn't stop. Munch just laughed and shook his head at the belly laugh Noah was producing and went back to the task of finding at least one matching pair of sleepwear.

"Aha!" He yelled and pulled out a onesie pajama outfit with trains on it.

"You did it, Uncle Munchie!" Noah cheered from his spot on the floor and John went to high five him.

"Okay, bud," he said and scooped him up. "Let's go brush your teeth then we will pick a movie."

Noah laid his head on John's shoulder and patted him lightly on the back as they walked towards the bathroom. Munch just relished in the closeness, but worried what tomorrow would bring for the little boy.

* * *

Olivia held her phone tightly as she waited for Rollins to pick up the FaceTime call. She was anxious to see her little boy and was hoping it was a positive call without too many questions. The last hour had been spent trying to get her and Charlie's work situations taken care of for the next few days, so they wouldn't have to worry about anything other than family. All of a sudden she heard a beep and Noah's face appeared on her screen.

"Momma!" He yelled happily and Olivia just smiled at him.

"Hi sweet boy!" she said. "Oh, I miss you so much. Is Uncle Munchie behaving?"

Noah just giggled and shook his head. "He tried to give me the wrong pajamas!"

"Silly Uncle Munchie," Olivia said, trying to play along with Noah's happiness.

"Hey, now," a voice in the background said, defensively. "No one ever told me his pajamas had to match."

"We gonna watch movie, Momma," Noah said confidently. "Uncle Munchie said I can stay up."

"What movie?" Olivia asked, figuring Noah could do whatever he wanted as long as he was happy that night.

"Pan," Noah said as if that was the dumbest question ever. Olivia just let out a laugh and shook her head a bit. "Momma, where Tar-lie? She still in Oak-a-home?"

"I'm right here, pal!" Charlie said as she returned from her trip to the bathroom and sat down next to Olivia so she could see Noah on the screen.

"Tar-lie!" He yelled into the phone. "You come home?"

"Oh, soon I hope," she said with a little smile. "I miss you so much!"

"I miss you too, Tar-lie," he said and then got a sad look. "You say we sleep in fort when you home…"

"I know I did," she said, unsure how to work her way around this one. Luckily Olivia jumped in.

"Noah, right now we are at the doctor with Daddy," Olivia said. "He's not feeling well, so Charlie is going to stay and help me take care of him. But she will come see you as soon as she can, okay?"

"Daddy sick?" Noah asked, his eyes wide. Olivia gave him a soft smile and nodded her head.

"Yeah, baby, he's sick," she said and then swallowed hard so Noah wouldn't sense she was upset. "But he's with the doctor and getting better right now, okay?"

"Otay…." he said. "I give him hug?"

"Soon, baby boy," Olivia said. "I promise."

"Otay, momma," Noah said. "And Tar-lie, I see you soon too, otay?"

"You bet, pal," Charlie said. "I love you Noah!"

"I lub you, Tar-lie," he said and then yawned. "Lub you Momma."

"I love you, sweet boy," Olivia said and blew him a kiss. "You watch Peter Pan with Uncle Munchie and get some sleep."

"Otay," he said and laid his head back on Munch's chest as he waved to his favorite girls. "Night, night."

The call ended right as Olivia whispered goodnight again to Noah and she dropped her phone down onto the chair next to her as tears began to stream down her cheeks again. Charlie reached out to rub at her back in an effort to comfort her just a little bit. She knew her step-mom was just barely holding it together and seeing Noah likely made it even worse. Olivia reached out and grabbed her hand just before giving her a teary smile.

"I'm glad you are here with me, Charlie," she said with a grateful glance.

"I'm right here, Olivia," Charlie said, repeating the line that Olivia would say to her. They sat in silence for a bit with hands clutched together, until Charlie just started suddenly laughing. Olivia turned to look at her with a confused look, wondering exactly why the girl had begun to laugh in that moment.

"What's so funny?" She asked, with a little smile. Charlie just shook her head and kept laughing.

"Oh, I'm just remembering the one time I came up to visit dad after we moved," Charlie said, clearly lost in a memory. "I was like, 13, and dad was so nervous about making sure I had fun in the city. But he clearly had no idea what to do with a 13 year old girl."

"Oh, I can only imagine," Olivia said, picturing Ed being nervous and gruff, but trying to figure out what to do. It brought a smile to her face.

"Right?" Charlie said. "Anyways, he decided to do this whole day at the American Girl store. Which is like, for 7 year olds. So just picture it: Dad and me, a sporty teenager, surrounded by all these little girls and dolls that look exactly like them. It was so uncomfortable."

Olivia just roared with laughter, trying to get that mental image in her head. She could just see Ed standing awkwardly with a younger Charlie, and neither of them wanting to admit they weren't having fun, but both of them equally miserable.

"How long did you manage to stay?" she asked.

"I felt bad because he spent so much money on it," Charlie remembered fondly. "But dad was quick to say we could bail whenever I wanted. So we left, got a hot dog, then went to hit softballs at Chelsea Piers."

"Sounds like an activity much more suited to you two spending time together," Olivia mused.

"Yeah, we had a good time," Charlie said, but with a sad undertone. "I got back to Florida and tried to tell my mom about it, and she told me that Dad hated having me up there. I was crushed."

"Oh, Charlie," Olivia said, her heart breaking at the torn relationship between a young Charlie and her father. It just wasn't fair.

"I remember telling her that she was lying," Charlie said with a little smile, clearly proud of the fact that she was right. "But then she got really mad and said some really hurtful things to me. About both me and my dad. I never brought it up again."

"Was that your last visit up here with your dad?" Olivia asked, curious as to when the ties really were cut.

"Yeah," Charlie said, a quiver in her voice. "He came to Florida once, my senior year of high school. But my mom made it so miserable for him, and she had me convinced that he hated me. It was awful."

"Why would she do that to you both?" Olivia wondered out loud.

"She was possessive and wanted to punish Dad for, well, I don't even know," Charlie said. "But she was so hateful. She didn't much care for me, either. But she didn't want him to have me. And now…"

Olivia heard her voice crack and reached over to grab her hand.

"Now, I have my dad back," Charlie said as a lone tear made its way down her cheek. "And I just can't lose him."

"Oh baby girl," Olivia said and pulled her close. "You won't lose him."

* * *

It was almost 6am the next morning, and Fin was making his way back to the waiting room with a tray of Starbucks. As he rounded the corner he had to stop to take in the scene in front of him. Olivia was asleep on the sofa, sitting up and leaning back against the wall with her feet up on the coffee table. Charlie was out cold, her head in Olivia's lap, and their hands were clasped together on Charlie's stomach. If Fin didn't have his hands full, he would snap a picture to show them later. Instead he quietly set the coffee down on the table and went to sit across from them until the doctor came out for their morning update, as promised. He didn't have to wait long as the double doors opened and Dr. Lee appeared, causing Charlie and Olivia to stir awake and sit up.

"Oh god, coffee!" Charlie exclaimed as she rubbed her eyes and dove for her drink. "Fin you are the greatest."

Dr. Lee laughed and allowed the women a minute to get their coffee and wake up a bit. He went to sit next to Fin until it seemed like everyone was ready for the update he was bringing.

"Okay, doctor," Olivia said, unable to wait any longer. "How's my husband this morning?"

"Doing quite well," Dr. Lee began and Olivia visibly relaxed a bit. "I've started to ween his heart off of the machine, and he actually was awake for a little while around 3am. Seemed to be relatively calm and collected and understood what I was telling him."

"Oh, thank god," Olivia said as the tears began to flow again, but this time in relief and not fear. "He was awake?"

"Yes, briefly," the doctor continued. "Hopefully within the next hour or so I will have him completely off the machine. At that point, you both will be allowed to see him for a brief visit."

"We have to wait another hour?" Charlie asked, not sure how much longer she could hold out. And she knew that Olivia was going out of her mind at this point. "Why can't we see him now? If he's awake, he needs to know we are here."

"I let him know that you both were in the waiting room and he seemed to relax when I said that," the doctor assured her, but it wasn't enough.

"You don't understand," Charlie said. "He needs to see us. He needs to see that we are okay. That is what will help his stress go down. Please. Please let us see him, even for a minute."

The doctor looked at the two Tucker women in front of him. Technically, he shouldn't be allowing his patient any visitors. But it was clear that this family had a bond that was stronger than most. He began to wonder if it would do Ed's heart some good to see them for a minute or two. He let out a sigh and scratched his chin.

"Okay," he finally relented and Olivia squeezed Charlie's hand tightly. "But just for a few minutes, okay? This will not be a long visit at all."

"Thank you," Olivia gushed as she tried to pull herself together to go see her husband. She turned to Fin, who was just grinning as if he fully expected the two women to wear the doctor down. "Can you stay here until we are back?"

"Of course," Fin said, as if that were the dumbest question ever asked of him. "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

Charlie stopped just outside of Ed's CCU cubicle, seemingly frozen. Olivia turned to look at her, grabbing both of her hands in hers.

"What is it?" She asked, unsure as to why the girl paused. She watched as Charlie slowly shook her head back and forth, but then took a deep breath.

"Just nervous," she said and put her head down, as if she were embarrassed. "I don't want him to worry about me anymore."

"He will be relieved to see you," Olivia said confidently. "Let's just go in there so he can see that we are okay and together."

Charlie took another deep breath as they headed into the cubicle, still not letting go of Olivia's hand. She heard her step-mother softly gasp once they entered and she saw her husband. Ed was hooked up to several monitors and had breathing tubes in his nose. His coloring was still quite pale, but not as gray as the night before. Olivia immediately rushed to his side, taking one hand in hers and stroking his face with the other.

"Ed? Baby, it's Olivia," she said softly, leaning close to his face to speak to him. "I'm right here. Charlie's here too. You're okay. Everything's okay."

Charlie was frozen at the foot of his bed, watching the scene in front of her. Ed's eyes were still closed but she could see them twitching, so he likely knew they were there. Olivia was a pillar of strength as she spoke softly to her father. Eventually, she watched as his eyes slowly opened and Olivia gave him a big teary smile.

"Hi, baby," she cooed. "There you are."

Olivia reached over for Charlie and encouraged her to come closer, so she did. While Olivia kept her hand on Ed's face, she wrapped the other one around Charlie's shoulders and pulled her close. Charlie then grabbed her dad's hand in hers and kissed it.

"Hi Daddy," Charlie said, with a quivering voice. Her emotions were crumbling fast but she couldn't let it show. "We are right here. And we love you so much. You just fight to get better, okay?"

She felt Ed squeeze her hand and at that point her tears fell in relief.

"I'm so glad you're okay," she said quietly as she fought to stop the tears. Ed wasn't saying anything, but was going back and forth between gazing at each face in front of him.

"Ed, they are going to kick us out soon," Olivia said and watched as Ed gave her a little smile. "But we are just fine, okay? We are okay and we are right outside and we love you so much. So much, baby. Just concentrate on getting better. Please, please just get better."

Ed moved his hand from Charlie's and attempted to reach up to touch Olivia's face. She leaned down to help him get there and closed her eyes as she felt his touch on her cheek.

"I'm….okay…." he said hoarsely, which caused both Charlie and Olivia to release the tears. "Love…you….both."

At that point, Dr. Lee cleared his voice signaling that the visit was over. Olivia stepped back and allowed Charlie to kiss her dad on the cheek.

"Love you, daddy," she whispered. "See you soon."

"Love you, baby girl," he said with a soft, assuring smile. Charlie slowly exited the room, leaving Olivia to say goodbye under the watchful eye of the doctor.

"Ed," she began and swallowed, trying not to let the tears fall again. "You're okay. You will be okay. Just…fight for me, okay? For us? I can't….I just love you so much."

"Liv…" he said and reached up to her face again. "S'okay. Not…going…anywhere. Love you…so much."

Olivia just nodded and leaned down to kiss his lips. As she pulled back she saw his eyes had closed, but he was resting with a small grin on his face. She knew in that moment that he would be okay. Ed wasn't about to leave his family, not when they all just got together.

* * *

 ** _Feeling any relief yet? More to come, likely after the weeked. Don't forget to leave a review!_**


	10. Chapter 10

_**Hope this one is worth the wait...#SaveEd**_

* * *

"Where's Charlie?" Ed asked, still incredibly weak and tired but happy to be off of all the machines. Olivia was sitting by his bedside and hadn't moved since the doctor gave her the go ahead to stay. He wasn't awake for long periods of time, but that didn't matter to Olivia. She just wanted to be next to him, watching him breathe so she knew he was still alive and with her.

"I sent her home to shower, change, and nap," Olivia said. "She still had her suitcase with her from the trip and could barely keep her eyes open, even post-coffee."

"Oh. Right. She was in Oklahoma City," Ed said, still feeling pretty confused about what all had happened.

"Fin brought her here straight from the airport last night," Olivia informed him gently, hoping to fill in some gaps. "Needless to say she didn't want to leave until we knew you were going to be okay."

Ed just gazed at Olivia, not responding, but not looking away either. Olivia didn't mind one bit, as she was enjoying being able to look into his blue eyes that she loved so much. She had to fight with herself not to just fall apart and hold on to him for dear life. She wanted to tell him over and over how much she loved him, how she couldn't live without him. But he didn't need the added stress from her emotions right now. She needed to keep him calm and happy, not worried and concerned. Though her husband seemed to read her thoughts.

"Hey," he said in his raspy voice as he moved his hand to cup her cheek. "I'm okay. I'm right here, baby. And I'm never leaving you."

"Ed…" she began, and before she knew it the words were just spewing out. "I'm so sorry I didn't see how stressed you were before this happened."

"Liv, this is not your fault," he insisted, but she just gave him a sad smile.

"I was so scared," she admitted softly, still holding his hand against her face. She needed to feel him touching her in that moment. "I really thought I was going to lose you. And I never want to feel that way again. It was awful."

"I know," he said. "We have a lot we need to hash out and work on once I'm back to normal, but for now just lay here with me. Let me feel you next to me."

Olivia just nodded through her tears and climbed into the hospital bed with her husband. As soon as her head his his shoulder, Ed's arms were wrapped tightly around her with his chin resting on top of her head.

"I love you so much," she whispered as she just relished the feel of being in his arms.

"I love you too, baby," he whispered. "Always and forever."

* * *

"Helloooo?" Charlie sang out as she opened the door to Ed and Olivia's apartment. After seeing her dad, she was feeling a little more confident in his recovery so she decided she would head home, unpack, shower, and then return. But of course, her first stop had to be to see Noah. She heard some shuffling in the distance and as she rounded the corner, Amanda was trying to get Noah out of his booster seat at the table.

"TAR-LIE!" The little boy yelled and scrambled to try and get down. Amanda finally got him unbuckled, and he took off to his sister with a full on leap into her arms. He wrapped his little arms tightly around her neck and rested his head on her shoulder. "I missed you, Tar-lie."

"I missed you too, pal," Charlie whispered into his ear as she kissed the side of his head and held him tightly to her. "It is so good to see you, Noah. So so good."

"You not leave again, otay?" His demands came from where he had buried his face in her neck and she just chuckled a bit.

"Deal," she said, fully prepared to honor his wishes given what had happened while she was away. "Did you finish your breakfast?"

"I not hungry," Noah said and shook his head vehemently. So Charlie looked up to Amanda to check in.

"He's been missing you, your mom, and dad," Amanda explained gently. "But maybe we could all eat breakfast together now?"

"No Momma and Daddy?" Noah asked in a tone that clearly said he already knew the answer. The more time that went on without an appearance from Ed or Olivia, the more upset he became.

"No, not yet pal," Charlie said honestly. "But I'm super hungry and want to eat breakfast with you. And then maybe you can come to my apartment and help me unpack?"

"Otay!" Noah said immediately. "I help you lots."

"You sure do…" Charlie said, knowing that her sentence had multiple layers of meaning. She looked at Amanda gratefully and smiled. "I'm happy to hang out with him for a bit, if you need a break."

"Well, Jesse is at daycare for the day," Amanda said. "So I'm happy to stick around for support if you'd like? Or if you just want some time, that's okay too."

Charlie looked at her gratefully as they all sat down around the little dining table. Noah immediately dug into his strawberries now that his sister was back within his sight.

"I'd love the extra company," Charlie admitted and Amanda smiled at her.

"Did you sleep any last night?" She asked, noticing the dark circles under the girl's eyes.

"Not really," she said. "I got about an hour in, sprawled out on Liv's lap. But that was it."

"That's what I figured. We didn't sleep a lot here either, so maybe we can all take a mid-morning snooze." Amanda said, eyeing Noah a bit as he stuffed his face with fruit. He clearly heard what was being talked about and looked up for a bit, face covered in strawberry juice.

"I only take nap in fort, 'Manda," he said forcefully and the two girls laughed.

"A fort nap sounds amazing, pal," Charlie said. "Why don't we eat our breakfast then we can take one?"

"Otay," he said with a nod of his head. "I nap with you, Tar-lie. You not leave."

"I wouldn't dare," she said and played with his hair a bit. "Not going anywhere."

* * *

"Hey doll face," Fin said as Olivia came out of the CCU area after they kicked her out. She just shot him a look.

"You really need to layoff this nickname business," she said with an eyeball. "Because I hate them all."

Fin just laughed and pulled her to his side for a quick hug and kissed the side of her head.

"How's the Captain?" He asked, looking down at Olivia's profile and trying to decipher her current emotions. She shrugged at him and bit her lip.

"Alive," she said. "Talking some. Tired."

"That's good," Fin said slowly, hoping she would say a little more since she was clearly emotional. "Right?"

Olivia just looked up at Fin as the tears started flowing hard and fast down her face. She shook her head a little before moving her eyes to look at her feet, allowing her shoulders to shake with sobs. Fin just kept a hand on her shoulder in silent support, waiting for her to start to talk to him. He knew from experience that pushing her wouldn't work. She would speak eventually, but for now, she could just cry with him.

"This is all my fault," she sobbed, still not looking up at Fin. "I….oh god, I knew he was stressed. He was terrified after Dodds was killed that he would lose me. To the point he lost sleep. I saw him stressing about if Charlie was okay. And all I did was add to it. I kept going to my job, leaving him scared at home. I kept voicing my own fears for Charlie instead of reassuring him. Everything in our lives has been so messed up, and he just paid the price for it."

Fin just quietly let her yell and scream about this, knowing that eventually she would exhaust herself. But through the last year of their lives, she had kept all of this in and she needed an outlet.

"I almost lost my husband, Fin," she cried. "My husband. The man I love more than life itself. I always prided myself on being independent. On not needing anyone. And then Ed Tucker walks into my life and shows me that I can still be a strong and independent woman while needing him in my life. While still loving him so much. And he loves me like no one ever has. And I just…I can't go backwards. I just can't. I can't live without him. Or Charlie. Or Noah. My family…my precious family…"

Fin moved his hand to rub her back, encouraging her to let go. To let all of that pent up emotion out on him. He could take it, and she knew that.

"It's not fair, Fin," she finally screamed out in between her sobs. "It's not fair! We all fought so hard for this. And I just need everyone to be okay. And safe. And at home, under one roof. I can't take anymore of this."

"Olivia," he said and pulled her into his chest, holding her as close and as tightly as he could. "I've gotcha. Just let it out. I can take it."

At this point, Olivia's tears were streaming so hard that she could no longer formulate words. So Fin just silently held her close to him, rocking her gently back and forth as she cried. They must have stayed like that for longer than he realized, because all of a sudden he heard a voice clear behind him. He felt Olivia take a deep breath and pull herself away from his protective hold. As she wiped at her face and neck, Fin turned around to greet the doctor.

"You got an update?" He asked quickly, hoping for anything to help Olivia keep herself together.

"I do," he nodded and looked to Olivia to make sure she was ready. "All the tests came back good. His heart is getting stronger. Your husband was in good shape prior to the attack, so that is helping him now. We should be able to move him to a regular room tomorrow, and hopefully release him in a couple of days."

"Thank god…" Olivia breathed out and closed her eyes in relief. "Oh, thank god."

"Mrs. Tucker, everything is going be okay," the doctor finally assured her and she looked up at him, her hands covering her mouth as she shook her head back and forth. "Whenever you are ready, he's waiting for you back in his CCU room."

"Thank you," she said softly. "Thank you so much."

"My pleasure," he said and patted her shoulder. "I'll be back by to check on your both later. Be good to yourself, okay?"

"He's going to be just fine, Liv," Fin said once the doctor left. "You hear that? It's okay."

"It has to be okay," she said. "My family has to be okay."

"They will be," Fin said confidently. "Look, you go be with the Captain and I'll call Amanda so she can update Charlie on the latest report okay?"

Olivia just looked at him gratefully.

"Thank you, Fin," she said. "Thank you for everything."

"Anytime, Liv, anytime."

* * *

Noah was still out cold and snoring softly in the fort on the living room floor. Charlie was awake and watching him sleep while Amanda was heating them up some leftover lasagna for lunch. As the smell of the dish filled the apartment, Charlie slowly stood up after kissing Noah on the cheek and made her way to the kitchen bar. Amanda handed her a glass of iced tea and then took a sip of her own, waiting for her to talk.

"You doin' okay, girl?" Amanda said with a little extra southern drawl. Charlie just shook her head.

"I am not sure, to be honest," she admitted as she took a sip of the tea. "This is amazing, by the way."

"Thanks," Rollins said with a smirk. "Us southerners know how to make tea."

"That's the truth," Charlie said with a little laugh. "Gah, I feel like I've been hit by a mack-truck."

"I can't imagine why," Amanda said with a sarcastic eye roll as she walked around to sit next to her. Charlie just let out another laugh and shook her head.

"I can't believe my dad had a heart attack," Charlie said softly, while Amanda just listened. "I should've known that he was this stressed out. Ever since I've been back in his life, I've done nothing but bring him pain and heartache."

"Charlie, that's not true," Amanda said as Charlie confirmed what she was worried about. The girl was blaming herself.

"Don't be silly," Charlie said with a scoff. "It's completely true. I came back into his life, and brought along all of the drama with my assaults. Then he was forced to retire. From a job he loved. It's amazing he didn't walk back out of my life months ago."

"But he didn't," Amanda said and reached out to hold Charile's hand. "He didn't because he's your Daddy. He wants to carry your pain. He wants to be there for you and protect you. And nothing that happened to you caused his heart attack. We don't even know if it was stress that caused it in the first place. But, even if it was, that is not your fault. It's the fault of those bastards that kept attacking you, but it is NOT yours. Okay?"

"God, my life is such a mess," Charlie said as she looked up to the ceiling in order to keep the tears in.

"Girl, we are all a mess," Amanda said. "But we are all together."

Charlie just looked at Amanda with a grateful, tear smile.

"How'd you get so wise and strong?" She asked her, with her head cocked to the side just like Ed Tucker would do. She was definitely his daughter.

"Life can be a bitch," Rollins said honestly. "But we are all stronger for it."

Just as Charlie was about to respond, a little cry came from the fort and she jumped up.

"Tar-lieeeeeeeeeee," Noah wailed, having woke up alone in the fort. "Don't gooooooooo."

"Hey, hey pal I'm right here," Charlie soothed as she ducked under the sheet so he could see her. As soon as she got into the fort, Noah dove into her lap and hung onto her shirt for dear life as he cried. "Oh, Noah baby, it's okay. I'm right here. I'm so sorry I wasn't here when you woke up. I was just sitting at the table with Amanda. But I'm here now, okay?"

The little boy just cried into her chest as she rocked him back and forth. She should've known better than to let him wake up alone, but it was too late now.

"Hey, how about we get some juice and then turn on Pan?" she offered, knowing full and well that would be something that would soothe him. He finally looked up at her, his eyes red and puffy.

"Otay, Tar-lie," he said softly. "We call Momma?"

"Absolutely," she said. "let's get cleaned up and then we will see if it's a good time to call."

"I lub you, Tar-lie," Noah said and he buried his face back into her neck. "You no leave me again."

"Never again," Charlie promised. "I love you too, pal."

* * *

 ** _To be continued...but first, leave a review!_**


	11. Chapter 11

_**I'm still constantly amazed at the response I'm getting to this little family...but enough of that, you want an update.**_

* * *

"Momma!" Noah yelled as Charlie carried him into Ed's hospital room. They had moved him to a regular, single room earlier that morning so he immediately requested to see Noah. Once the doctor gave the go ahead, Olivia called Charlie, who had only returned to the hospital once briefly, then gone back to the little boy. It had Olivia a little worried, so when she agreed to bring Noah right up after his nap, there was a good bit of relief felt. As soon as Noah set his eyes on Olivia, though, he was scrambling from Charlie's arms and running across the room. Olivia stood and scooped him up, smothering him with kisses and also intercepting his collision with a still recovering Ed. Noah wrapped his little hands around Olivia's neck as she held him tightly to her.

"Oh, my baby boy," she cooed into his hair. "I missed you so much."

"Momma," he said possessively, as he stuck his thumb in his mouth and settled himself onto her shoulder. Olivia just kissed at his head and cheeks as she swayed back and forth with him in her arms. Just feeling his little body resting against hers began to melt her anxiety. As she turned around, the little boy finally caught sight of Ed.

"DADDY!" He exclaimed and leaned as far out of Liv's arms as he could. She was trying to keep a grip on him, as to ease the blow of his body to Ed's, but it was increasingly difficult. He wanted his daddy.

"Noah," Olivia said softly into his ear. "Remember daddy isn't feeling well. You need to whisper and be very gentle."

Noah froze as he heard the words and looked at Ed, almost as if he were trying to figure out just how sick he was. Olivia gently sat him on the side of the bed and Ed opened his arms for his son. Noah eased into them, his little hand reaching up to pat Ed's cheek.

"Daddy, you all better?" Noah asked as he settled himself on the bed, tucked into Ed's side.

"I'm getting there," Ed answered softly as he kissed the boy's head. "Seeing you definitely helps."

"I help you, daddy," Noah said, still cuddle up with Ed. "Tar-lie say your heart is sick."

"She's right bud, but it's getting better." Ed said as he looked at Charlie, who was still standing close to the door. "You and Charlie and your mom are healing my heart."

"That good," Noah said. "You need heart to love us."

Noah was reciting little things he could remember from books and lessons at preschool. From a three year old's perspective, a heart's primary function was to love people. And Noah was fixated on that element of Ed's recovery.

"Well, then I'm definitely all better," Ed said with a soft smile. "Because I love you even more than you know."

"I lub you too, Daddy," Noah said and once again popped his thumb in his mouth for comfort as he rested against Ed's side. Now that he had all four members of his family together, the relief was exhausting so his little eyes began to close. Olivia leaned up to stroke his arm a little and the boy was asleep within minutes.

"Are you okay?" Olivia whispered. "Should I move him?"

"No," Ed insisted. "Leave him here. I like having him close."

"Charlie, come on and sit here with me," Olivia said, pulling the other chair right next to hers. Charlie tentatively made her way to sit down, but her body was still showing a great deal of tension. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she said quickly. "I'm fine. The exhaustion is finally catching up to me."

Ed and Olivia just eyed her, knowing that she was lying to them but neither one decided to press it. The last couple of days had been hard on all of them, and they needed to allow Charlie time to work through her own emotions. Really, they all needed to be gentle with themselves as they were still reeling from the terror of Ed's heart attack.

"Were you able to sleep any with Noah when he napped?" Ed asked curiously.

"A little bit," Charlie admitted. "But he was pretty restless, so eventually we both gave up on sleep and came up here. He's definitely feeling some separation anxiety."

"Yeah, it's been a rough week for him with you being gone, and now this," Olivia said as she kept stroking his little arm that was clutching Ed's hospital gown.

"We'll all be home and together soon," Ed said with a smile. He was ready to get his family back home and under one roof. As tired and weak as he felt, he also knew that his heart attack had thrown those he loved the most into a tailspin and it was time to get them all grounded again. Just then, Dr. Lee came into the room holding his chart and looking like he had some updates for them.

"Well, isn't this a sight for sore eyes," he said softly as he observed the family of four in front of him. Olivia reached over to try and take Noah from Ed, but the doctor shook his head. "He's fine right there, I just have some updates from your labs this morning."

Olivia noticed how Charlie visibly tensed up so she reached out to grab her hand in reassurance. Ed just looked at the doctor as he went to stand on the opposite side of his bed and check on his IV bag.

"Can you spring me outta here, doc?" Ed asked in his normal gruff tone. Olivia just chuckled and shook her head. They were two peas in a pod.

"How does tomorrow sound?" Dr. Lee responded as he looked through the charts in his hand. "All of your vitals are good, the tests are good, I see no reason why we can't spring you."

"Oh, that's just the best news," Olivia gushed, as she gripped both Charlie and Ed's hands in hers.

"You are going to have some major restrictions though, Captain Tucker," the doctor said sternly. "I want you resting, completely, for the next week. And then we are going to get you into some cardio-rehabilitation."

"What the hell is that?" Ed asked, already grumpy about the fact that he had to keep resting. The doctor just laughed a bit.

"You are going to be a hard patient now that you are awake, aren't you?" He said with a wink at Olivia, who just nodded in agreement. "You will work with a therapist who will slowly ease your heart back into exercise and stamina. I don't imagine you will need too much of it, given you were in excellent shape before."

"30 years in the NYPD will do that for you," he said with a little chuckle. Olivia just smiled at him and then glanced over at Charlie, who was being silent. She squeezed her hand a bit and the girl turned to look at her, trying to hide the fear in her eyes. The doctor started shifting around the room again, diverting their attention.

"Okay, well, if you don't have anymore questions for now I will leave you all to your family time," Dr. Lee said and took one more look around the room. "Just, keep in mind I need Captain Tucker to rest up this evening and tonight, so springing him tomorrow will be a reality."

"Yes, doctor," Olivia said with a quick nod. "Thank you so much."

"My pleasure," he answered as he made his exit. As soon as the door closed, Ed and Olivia locked eyes and shared a silent message of relief just as Noah began to stir from his happy slumber.

"It's getting close to Noah's dinner time," Charlie observed, wondering when she should try and pry him away from the hospital room. "Though, I can't imagine it will be easy to get him to leave."

"Well, I think I'm going to sleep at home tonight," Olivia said as she rubbed at her lower back and wincing a bit at the muscle cramps. It was really bothering her. "So how about we promise him a sleepover with both of us, and we can get the place ready for Dad's homecoming?"

"Sounds good," Charlie mused then looked to her dad for confirmation. "You okay if we steal Olivia for the night?"

"More than okay," he said quietly as he patted Noah's back to keep him calm as he woke up. "You all need some proper rest, and I'm pretty boring in this hospital bed."

"Maybe so," Olivia said. "But you are alive, and that is all that matters."

* * *

It was pushing 7pm and Olivia had yet to depart Ed's hospital room. Noah and Charlie had left several hours earlier, with minimal protest, but Olivia was finding it hard to leave her husband behind. She was spending most of her time fussing at his bedside, fluffing pillows and straightening blankets.

"Liv, if you ask me one more time if I need anything I'm going to go insane," he said in a joking tone, hoping to draw her attention to her current nervous habit. It worked and she just let out a laugh, bowing her head to hide the blush creeping onto her cheeks. Ed just reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear. "I'm okay, baby."

"Ed…" she said as she shook her head, trying to stop the tears from flowing yet again. It amazed her how being a wife and mother could reduce her to a blubbering mess at times.

"Olivia…." he sighed out as he watched his wife try to keep her emotions from bubbling over. "Come here."

Olivia all but collapsed on the bed and into his arms as she lost the battle with her tears again. Ed held her tightly to him and whispered little reassurances until she could calm herself down enough to lift her head up and kiss his lips gently.

"Sorry," she said softly and went in for another kiss. As she pulled back, Ed stroked at her cheek and looked deep into her tired eyes.

"No sorries, baby," he said. "This has been scary and stressful. Don't hide from me. I'm right here, loving you more and more every day."

"I don't want you to be worried about me," she said softly. "I want your heart to be calm and strong."

"You are my heart, Liv. It beats for you. For our family. That's what my heart needs."

"You have us," Olivia said and went to kiss him a bit more deeply before she departed for the night.

* * *

"Okay, pal, where should we build our fort tonight?" Charlie asked in a sing-song voice as her and Noah danced around the apartment to his Disney CD.

"MOMMA'S BED!" Noah shouted, suddenly remembering that Olivia was due home any minute. Charlie stopped to think for a bit, and then formed a smile.

"I think I can make that happen…" she said and scooped him up, carrying him by his ankles and upside down to the bedroom.

"Tar-Lie!" Noah giggled as he tried to sit up, failing miserably. Charlie tossed him onto Ed and Olivia's bed and went to pull out some sheets. She began to tie them to the tall bedposts, forming a little canopy while Noah watched in pure excitement.

"You da best, Tar-lie!" He said, bouncing up and down and clapping his hands. Just as Charlie finished the last knot, they heard the front door open and Noah looked at her with his mouth open in surprise.

"What do we have here?" Olivia asked with a little laugh as she entered her room, looking at Noah and Charlie already on her bed in a make-shift fort.

"We have sleepover in you bed, Momma!" Noah almost yelled at her. "Tar-lie make bed fort! Look-it!"

"Oh, I love this idea," Olivia said, thinking that a night curled up in bed with her two kids sounded like the best medicine for her day. "Let me take a shower and then I'll come join the sleepover."

"You want something to eat or drink, Liv?" Charlie asked as she stood up to stretch a bit.

"No thanks, sweetie," Olivia said and went to kiss her cheek. "You just relax with Noah and I'll be right out."

Charlie laid back on the bed and shot off a few text messages before placing her phone on the nightstand and attacking Noah with tickles. The boy just erupted in laughter as he rolled around the bed trying to escape. Finally, she relented and he got this micheivieous look to him, before out right launching himself at her and tackling her backwards on the bed.

"I got-ya, Tar-lie!" He shouted from his perch on top of her stomach and she just laughed.

"You sure did, pal," she said and then pulled him down for a hug. "You're the best, Noah. I love you so much."

"Lub you too, Tar-lie," he said and settled against her as Olivia came out of the bathroom and collapsed onto the bed with them. Charlie rolled over so Noah was situated in between the two adults and Olivia moved to stroke at her hair. Noah rolled onto his back and looked back and forth between his mom and sister. "Dis the best sleepover."

"Sure is, baby boy," Olivia said and looked at Charlie with a smile. "I've got my two babies with me."

Charlie just looked down a bit, feeling a bit weird about Olivia referring to her as her baby. But in a way, it felt good. All of a sudden her phone started to ring, disrupting the moment. Charlie reluctantly moved to sit up, answering before it went to voicemail.

"Hello?" Olivia watched as Charlie's face seemed to fall a bit and she shook her head. "Trevor, I don't know."

As soon as she realized it was Trevor on the phone, Liv sat up and reached over to grip Charlie's arm a bit.

"It's just…" she said, before he apparently cut her off again and she kept listening. "Okay, I'll think a little more about it. But I don't think I'll change my mind."

As soon as she hung up, she threw her phone down on the bed in frustration and worked to fight the tears. Olivia just kept eyeing her, waiting for the explanation. Finally Charlie looked up and pulled Noah onto her lap for a little comfort before coming clean to Olivia.

"I think I want to drop the lawsuits."

* * *

 ** _Okay, so we #SavedEd. But now what will happen? Leave a review to find out..._**


	12. Chapter 12

**_A/N: I really like to respond to reviews that have suggestions for the story. I take all realistic suggestions to heart and often will find a way to work them into the story. But if you review as a guest, I can't respond. So just know that I do read them all - and may or may not add them in down the road._**

* * *

 ** _Previously_**

 _"Hello?" Olivia watched as Charlie's face seemed to fall a bit and she shook her head. "Trevor, I don't know."_

 _As soon as she realized it was Trevor on the phone, Liv sat up and reached over to grip Charlie's arm a bit._

 _"It's just…" she said, before he apparently cut her off again and she kept listening. "Okay, I'll think a little more about it. But I don't think I'll change my mind."_

 _As soon as she hung up, she threw her phone down on the bed in frustration and worked to fight the tears. Olivia just kept eyeing her, waiting for the explanation. Finally Charlie looked up and pulled Noah onto her lap for a little comfort before coming clean to Olivia._

 _"I think I want to drop the lawsuits."_

* * *

"Charlie…" Olivia sighed her name out as she took in the words that Charlie had spoken. She was acutely aware that Noah was still with them and hanging on to every word that was spoken, so Olivia was needing to be careful about how she reacted and approached this. The girl was clearly upset and Olivia couldn't help but wonder long she had been mulling this over.

"I'd been thinking it was too much for a while now," Charlie admitted softly. "Just when I think I have my feet under me, something drags me back down that road and I'm just so tired of it. But then when dad had his heart attack…"

"Charlie," Olivia said and reached out to take her hand, even though it was clutching Noah to her. "Your dad's heart attack had nothing to do with the lawsuits."

"Don't lie to me, Liv," Charlie said. "Whether or not it was the main reason, the amount of stress he has been under ever since I came into his life with all of my baggage has been heavy. I've watched him. I see the pain in his eyes and the helplessness in his frustration. I know he said he doesn't regret his early retirement, but Olivia that job was his life. I ruined all of that. And for what? The university to get a slap on the wrist while I'm re-traumatized? Where's the justice in that?"

"Oh, baby…" Olivia said, not even sure how to respond to the heartache she was hearing. Even though she worked in the justice department and believed in what she did, Charlie was right. There was hardly any justice in the process or the outcomes.

"My life is a mess," Charlie said, with a quivering voice as she held Noah tighter to her while he played with her necklace and offered his quiet, 3 year old comfort. "It's awful. And now it's effecting all of you. And I just don't know if it's worth the fight anymore."

Olivia's heart snapped in two in that moment and she moved over to pull Charlie and Noah into her arms. This was an aspect of a victim's recovery that she never quite witnessed. She would get them through the hell of a trial, but then they would be gone from her line of sight. She never saw their endless suffering and grief. How just living day to day was sometimes unbearable. Sure, she experienced some of it herself. But it was so much different watching the young woman she viewed as her daughter trying to navigate life after years of torment and assaults. And if she were honest with herself, she had no idea how to get Charlie to believe that Ed's heart attack was not her fault. Life was just attacking them from all sides.

"My sweet girl," Olivia whispered as she rocked her kids back and forth in her arms. "I don't know what the answer is right now. But I can promise you we will navigate this together, okay? No matter what you decide, I'm going to be right here beside you. And so is your Daddy."

"But he can't be, Olivia," Charlie insisted. "It almost killed him this last time."

"No, Charlie, stop this," Olivia said firmly as pulled back a little and gripped Charlie's hands tighter. "This is NOT your fault. None of it. Your dad and I wouldn't change a thing about what we've been able to do for you the past couple of years. And we will never stop being there for you. Your dad didn't have a heart attack because of you or anything about you, okay? These are all circumstances beyond our control."

Olivia watched as Charlie began to cry silent, painful tears and bury her face in Noah's hair. The little boy just effortlessly reached up to pat her on the face, as if he just knew that his gesture was enough to comfort her.

"If you really want to drop these lawsuits, I will support you," Olivia said, with a little reluctance. "But if you are only considering it because of how it will affect other people, then I think you are making a mistake. We are in this fight for the long haul, sweet girl."

* * *

"Yo, blondie," Fin said as he entered the squad room the next morning. After being relieved of his duty at the hospital with Olivia, he meandered into the 1-6 in hopes of catching Rollins to compare notes.

"Have you ever heard of using, ya know, our names?" Amanda asked, joking with him about this obsession he had with calling Amanda and Olivia by ridiculous nick-names.

"Nah, that's not my style," he said smoothly as he dropped a coffee on her desk then perched on the edge of it. "How'd it go with Charlie yesterday?"

Amanda let out a sigh and rubbed at her face a bit before leaning back in her chair and sipping the perfectly prepared cup o'joe Fin had blessed her with.

"She's avoiding things," Amanda said after some thought. "Keeping busy. Entertaining Noah with just about everything she can think of. She blames herself, though, that much I know."

"How so?" Fin asked, needing more information on that admission.

"She didn't say so directly, but a few comments she made when we were chatting that first day made it obvious," Amanda said, still thinking back on some of the telling signs. "I know she made a call to Trevor at some point, as well, but Jesse was crying so I couldn't eaves drop."

"Man," Fin said, shaking his head. "Liv is blaming herself too. If Ed Tucker knew his girls were blaming themselves, he'd end up with another heart attack."

"Fin!" Amanda admonished. "Don't joke about that, you moron."

"Sorry, sorry," he said. "Too soon."

"How about never?" Rollins countered.

"Fine," Fin said, admitting defeat. "But back to the task at hand. What are we going to do about our girls?"

"Just gotta keep supporting them," Amanda answered confidently. "We can't fix this for them, but we can be there. Offer them support outside of their little family unit."

"Yeah…I was hoping for a better answer than that," Fin said slyly with a smirk, knowing he was pissing Rollins off. He enjoyed doing that.

"Well, maybe you take your Sergeant's exam." Amanda slipped in, knowing that he had been mulling over the idea.

"Already signed up," he said. "Next month."

"Good for you, Fin."

"I'd probably jump off the George Washington Bridge if Olivia Benson asked me to," Fin said with a little laugh.

"You and just about everyone else," Rollins said with a playful eye roll. "That woman has more power and influence than she realizes."

* * *

The apartment buzzer went off and Charlie hurried to the door to check on who was here. She was in flannel pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt, clearly not in the mood to get dressed that day. Olivia had left about an hour ago to be with Ed in hopes of bringing him home later that afternoon. Noah seemed engrossed in the morning's episode of Octonauts, so Charlie figured it was a good time to speak with Trevor. Once she confirmed it was him, she buzzed him up and unlocked the door so he could just come right in.

"Knock-knock," Trevor called out as he let himself into the Tucker apartment.

"Hey Trevor, I'm in here," Charlie said from the kitchen. "You want a coffee?"

"Coffee sounds great," he answered and looked over the Noah who was lounging on the sofa in his pull-up.

"He won't get dressed until I do," Charlie said with a little laugh. "I can't argue with that."

"Ha, 3 year old logic is the best," Trevor said with a smile. "He's adjusting so well. I love seeing how happy he is now."

"Olivia said you were the lawyer that helped her adopt him," Charlie said as she placed the coffee in front of him and they sat down at this little dining room table.

"Yeah," Trevor said. "It was a no-brainer for me. After knowing Olivia Benson for so many years, she was born to be his mother."

Charlie just took a sip of her coffee and looked lovingly over at Noah, who had his thumb in his mouth but was bobbing his head to the beat of the music on the show.

"Okay, Charlie," Trevor said. "Let's get down to business. Talk to me."

Charlie bowed her head and tried to take some deep breaths. When she finally looked up at Trevor, her eyes were watery and her lip was quivering.

"I don't know if I can do this," she said softly, wiping the rogue tear that made its way down her cheek. Trevor just nodded and took another sip of coffee, waiting for her to say more. "What's the point anymore?"

"Well," he began, trying to formulate his response. "Nothing will ever make what happened to you okay, Charlie. There is nothing we could possibly do here that would change anything. What we can do, is bring attention to the fact that this was wrong on so many levels. We can punish, at least monetarily, those institutions and services that failed you in a big way. We can let them and the world know that they are just guilty in aiding years of assaults against you."

Charlie just sucked in a deep breath and shook her head slightly as more tears began to make their way down her face.

"But my dad…" she began, but then stopped.

"You're worried about his heart?" Trevor asked, knowing that was where all of this was coming from.

"Yeah," she said softly. "I need their support to do this. But not if it is going to kill him."

Trevor sat there thinking for a little bit, trying to come up with some kind of solution here.

"Charlie, do you still want to pursue these lawsuits?" He asked, needing to know her honest answer first. "Are you second guessing because of what happened? Or because you really don't want to go through with them?

"Josh Miller isn't in jail for raping _me_ multiple times," she said quietly. "He's in jail for other charges, refusing to admit what he did to me. I want _someone_ to be punished for what happened to me. For my life being this big of a mess."

"Then trust me with this, Charlie. Let's work with Olivia to figure out how to keep pursuing these lawsuits without putting too much stress on your dad, okay?" Trevor said reaching out to touch Charlie's arm. She looked up at him with a teary, grateful smile.

"Okay," she said. "I trust you."

* * *

"Easy does it, baby," Olivia said as her and Ed made their way through the apartment door that evening. As happy as Ed was to be going home, he had to admit just the journey had been exhausting and he was ready to lay back down. As soon as they rounded the corner, his face broke out into the biggest smile Olivia had seen in months.

"Welcome Home, Dad!" Noah and Charlie said softly from their place under a giant, handmade banner, both wearing party hats and goofy glasses. It was pretty clear Noah had a big hand in the banner, because it didn't say much of anything. It was just a giant piece of white paper with paint splotches all over.

"I love it!" Ed said with a grin as he made his way towards them and engulfed them in a big, tight embrace. Olivia looked on, trying to seal that picture in her memory. Her family was back together and under one roof.

"Dad, you look exhausted," Charlie said. "Let's get you back to bed."

Noah jumped up and down and ran ahead of them.

"I help!" He shouted as he disappeared into the back. The three adults just laughed a little and Charlie turned to look at Ed.

"I should warn you that your bed is still a fort," she said softly. "Noah insisted we keep it that way because clearly sleeping in a fort cures everything."

"Sounds perfect," Ed said with a smile. And it really did.

Once Ed was settled in the bed, Noah sitting happily next to him and coloring a picture so Charlie and Olivia went out to the kitchen to figure out dinner.

"We have no food in this apartment," Olivia said before even looking in the fridge.

"Noah and I went grocery shopping earlier," Charlie said with a little smile. "The place is fully stocked. You have your pick of what you want to make tonight."

Olivia turned to look at her daughter with a shocked look on her face.

"You didn't have to do that," she said and then pulled her in for a hug.

"I know," Charlie said from her place on Liv's shoulder. "We wanted to. Noah was hilarious picking things out. I just wanted to help."

"Oh baby, you do help," Olivia whispered and kissed the side of her head before pulling away. "More than you can even imagine."

"How about soup for dinner?" Charlie said, ducking the compliment. "Might taste good to dad. Low sodium, doctor's orders."

"Perfect," Liv said and went to dig out the fresh ingredients. "I will put this together. You go spend some time with your dad. He's missed you."

"You sure?" Charlie asked, not wanting to leave Olivia alone with dinner if she was tired.

"Positive. He wants to spend some time with you."

Charlie made her way into the bedroom and smiled at the scene of Noah showing Ed his most recent artistic creation. Ed's eyes were squinting, as if he was working hard on trying to figure out exactly what was on the paper. When he heard a rustling at the door, he looked up and smiled.

"Hey Charlie," he said and moved over on the bed. "Come join us."

Charlie slowly made her way over and crawled onto the bed, sitting on Ed's other side so that the man was sandwiched by his children.

"Look-it Tar-lie!" Noah said and showed her his artwork. "I drawed Daddy's heart since it all better. These are the mus-kles, see?"

Charlie just smiled as she admired Noah's work. He had the biggest heart. As she looked at the drawing, Ed put his arm around her and pulled her close to him and kissed her forehead.

"How are you holding up, sweetheart?" Ed asked softly.

"Isn't that what I should be asking you?" Charlie answered with her Tucker smirk. Ed just shook his head.

"Nah, I'm the Dad. I still get to ask."

"I'm much better now that you are home," she admitted and looked up at him, so grateful that his coloring was back and he was out of the hospital.

"I'm right here, Charlie," he said and pulled her in for another kiss to her forehead. "My heart is strong. I'm going to tell you what I told Liv yesterday: Don't hide from me. My heart beats for my family, okay?"

"Daddy," Charlie she looked at him. "I'm so glad you are okay. I love you so much."

"I love you too, baby girl," he said and then settled back onto the pillow with Charlie on one side and Noah on the other. Life was guaranteed to bring more problems tomorrow, but for now Ed Tucker was perfectly content.

* * *

 _ **What will be the final decision on the lawsuits? How will Ed handle his recovery?**_

 _ **Much more to come...but first, leave a review!**_


	13. Chapter 13

_**#Tuckson**_

* * *

"This is stupid," Ed Tucker grumbled as his Cardio-therapist, Anna, had him walk on a treadmill.

"Ah, Captain Tucker, it's going to help us get you better much faster," the young, perky, therapist said with a big smile. Ed just glared at her.

"I am in great shape, I don't need to walk on a treadmill," he said back to her and she just shook her head, unfazed by his mood.

"No sir, you were in great shape. Now you are recovering from a heart attack. So stop being such a grump and walk." She said firmly and pointed towards his feet. Ed gave her another grumble, then complied with her demands and began to walk as instructed.

So far Ed's recovery process had been strictly resting, which had driven him crazy. After a full week of being back home but not being able to do anything more than talk a short walk around the block, he was ready to be active again. To the point that he was actually excited about cardio-therapy until he realized that it was basically just a glorified walk on a treadmill while hooked up to monitors. Though he was sending up a quick thank you for the fact that Olivia did not accompany him, as she would have not been happy with his cute little therapist. Olivia was also at her wits end with her husband and his recovery, and Ed knew this. He just didn't know how to stop being such a pain in the ass. She decided to go into work for a bit while he was at therapy, stating that it was in the interest of both of their sanity. At the last minute, however, she began to have second thoughts.

"Maybe I should be going with you," she said, all of a sudden nervous about Ed heading out alone. "What if something happens?"

"Baby, I'll be fine," Ed promised and kissed her deeply. "You need a break from my cranky ass."

"True," Olivia said and smiled up at her husband before getting a gleam in her eye. "But I love your cranky ass."

Ed smiled as he thought back to their goodbye and the way Olivia's lips looked after he had kissed her. All swollen and pink, puckered just a bit as he pulled away. She was the most beautiful, sexy creature he had ever seen and he could never get enough of her. All of a sudden the monitor started beeping faster and Anna rushed to slow down the treadmill speed, thinking it was the walk that got his heart rate up.

"Captain Tucker, are you okay," she asked as he began to slow down, and he smirked knowing the real reason behind his little episode.

"I'm fine, Anna," he said quickly. "But how long do I have to walk on this damn thing?"

"Until you can go 10 minutes without the monitor going off," she stated and smiled sweetly at him. "So maybe stop thinking dirty thoughts, Captain."

* * *

"Close the door and come have a seat," Olivia said as she took her glasses off and greeted her two detectives. Fin and Amanda gave each other a look as they took their seats in front of Olivia's desk. She had summoned them into her office not long after she breezed in, bidding everyone a good morning, and ignoring their surprised looks. She wasn't due back at work for another week, and given the recent events Fin was floored she was there.

"Liv, what are you doing here?" Fin asked as they sat down and Amanda smacked his arm.

"My husband is cranky and I need a break," she admitted.

"Ed Tucker? Cranky? You don't say…" he said sarcastically and Olivia just shook her head at him.

"Okay, enough, that isn't why I had you come in here," she said, knowing she was frustrated but not quite ready to have anyone talking about her husband.

"What is it, Liv?" Amanda asked softly, hoping nothing was wrong. Olivia took a deep breath, revealing that her emotions were still rocky as it was a shaky intake.

"I just…" she started and then stopped, looking up trying to make sure her tears didn't start to flow. "Thank you both, for everything you did for me and my family."

"You don't have to thank us, Boss Lady," Fin said. "Like I said, we are family."

"I know," Liv admitted but looked down trying to gather her thoughts again. "But you two...well, Fin you kept me together. You helped kept Charlie together. And Rollins…you literally saved my husbands life. I just froze…"

"Liv…" Rollins started before Olivia shook her head, signaling she wasn't done.

"I was so scared, I couldn't remember any of my training. And you stepped up. You saved him. And I can never repay you for that," she finally said, looking at the younger detective in front of her. "I know you've had a rough go recently, but you are a damn fine public servant Amanda Rollins. And I'm proud to be your Lieutenant."

Fin and Amanda just sat there a little dumbfounded at the heartfelt admission Olivia just let out. She often would express emotion about cases and things pertaining to work, but never about her personal life. She kept that as private as she possibly could. So this was new. Hearing her fear for her husband and her gratefulness to them was a little breathtaking.

"Wow," Amanda breathed out. Olivia gave her a soft smile.

"I also know that Charlie opened up to you a little bit," she continued. "She needs that and I'm so thankful to see her talking to you. I hope you can keep fostering that relationship, Detective."

Amanda nodded, noticing that Olivia had gone back to a more professional tone. She assumed it was more for self protection and keeping her emotions in check, so Rollins decided to keep her end more casual.

"Of course, Liv. Charlie's a great kid. And I enjoy hanging out with her."

"She just…she needs friends," Olivia spit out and then smiled a bit.

"Well, she has one in me," Rollins assured her. "And so do you."

"Me too, Liv," Fin said. "Even if I keep offending you with nicknames."

* * *

"Noah!" Trevor exclaimed as Charlie entered with the tot in tow. "To what do I owe this surprise?"

Noah smiled, but buried his head in Charlie's shoulder. Trevor patted him on the back and then took the large bag from Charlie's hand as he ushered them into his office and got them comfortable. Charlie began to dig in the bag, searching for Noah's cars as Trevor observed her actions.

"Are you okay, Charlie?" He asked gently, as he took a seat in the chair across from the sofa. The girl seemed pretty anxious and stressed.

"Yeah," she said breathlessly. "Just a little overwhelmed. I offered to keep Noah for the day, while dad started therapy and Olivia went into work. They needed a break from each other, and probably from us, but it's just been a lot."

Trevor just nodded as the young girl rambled on and finally found a couple of toy cars buried in her tote bag.

"I had to run into work myself to turn in some research," she kept explaining. "So Noah got to tour the New York ESPN office, didn't you?"

"Yes!" He exclaimed, suddenly forgetting he was playing shy with the lawyer. "I go to work with Tar-lie. I sit in work chair and it SPINS!"

"That sounds exciting, Noah!" Trevor said, playing along with the boy's story. "Spinning chairs are fun, aren't they?"

Noah just nodded hard as he had moved on to playing with his cars on the floor. Once he seemed content, Trevor turned his attention to Charlie.

"Not used to carrying around a kid, huh?" Trevor said, trying to ease Charlie's racing thoughts and get her comfortable.

"Yeah, that and some of the guys are work were giving me a hard time," she admitted. "It's not unusual. Being a woman in a traditionally male world is hard. I'm just having a hard time letting it go right now."

"Makes sense," Trevor said. "You've got a lot going on, Charlie. Give yourself a break."

"Yeah…" she said and looked to Noah who was engrossed in a car race under Trevor's desk. "But, you didn't ask me here to listen to all my sorrows. What's going on?"

"We have an official court date for your case against the university," he started slowly, knowing this would blindside her a bit. The last they had heard from the school's lawyers, it was in a stall. "Unfortunately, the judge wants your testimony in person. He won't accept a recording."

Charlie sucked in a breath and sat frozen, looking at Trevor with fear in her eyes.

"I have to go back to Florida?" She finally said.

"It looks that way, yes," Trevor said. "But I'll be with you. My firm is going to fly all of us down there, including anyone you want with you. We will make it as easy and as comfortable as we can."

"Wow, that is awfully nice of you," Charlie said in a little surprised tone. She'd never heard of law firms doing stuff like that.

"Charlie, what happened to you is a big deal," Trevor said. "And there are so many things that need to be fixed about our system. My firm wants to make sure this is a step in the right direction. We will hold that school accountable for what they did to you."

She looked at Trevor with tears in her eyes. When Olivia first mentioned that she should talk to him, her dad was skeptical. He mentioned something about him being a sleazy defense lawyer. But all Charlie could see was someone who was putting her best interest first. She was getting to call the shots, and he was making it happen. It was amazing.

"Go home, talk to your parents, figure out what you want to do and let me know," Trevor said, helping her pack up the tote bag again. She stopped and looked up at him, offering a smile.

"I don't know how to thank you," she whispered, as she lifted Noah into her arms and he snuggled into her shoulder.

"No thanks is necessary. You deserve this."

* * *

Later that night found Olivia resting her head on Ed's chest, listening to his heartbeat. Ever since he got home from the hospital, she would spend time each day just feeling the rhythm. Her husband was alive and healthy and right there with her, running his fingers through her hair as they rested against each other.

"What are your thoughts about the whole Florida thing," Ed asked softly, knowing that Olivia's mind was churning about how they would pull this off.

"We need to talk to your doctors," she said. "I know it's still a couple of weeks away, but it's possible they won't want you traveling."

"I have to be there, Liv," Ed said firmly. "She cannot do this alone."

"She won't, Ed," Olivia said and raised her head to look at him. "Even if you can't go, I will be there with her. And I will hold her hand and wipe her tears, just like her daddy would."

"Liv," he began. "I can't stay in New York while she goes through that. I just can't. That won't be any more healthy for my heart then traveling."

"I know baby," she soothed and rubbed at his chest a bit, noticing he was getting worked up. "Calm down. We will figure it out, okay?"

"I love you so much," he said, his voice low and gravely as he leaned down to kiss her lips.

"I love you too," she said. "How was therapy today?"

"Ugh," Ed just grunted and looked up at the ceiling.

"That good, huh?" Olivia said with a smirk. "Do you like your therapist, at least?"

"No," he said. "She's young, too cheerful, and has fake blonde hair."

"Just your style," Olivia said and put her head back down to rest on him, continuing to rub her hand up and down his chest and torso. "Is she cute?"

Ed just snorted and looked down at the top of his wife's head, knowing full and well she wasn't at all threatened by the therapist.

"Nah, I prefer brunettes," he said as he ran his fingers through her hair. He then continued to move his hand down each feature of Olivia as he spoke. "I prefer brunettes who have gorgeous, deep, compassionate brown eyes. And the most perfect nose that crinkles when she laughs. And luscious, kissable lips that can turn into the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. Those lips that can also speak so much power to those who have been hurt. Who have no one. And her ears listen to the most painful, heart wrenching stories."

Olivia took a deep breath and that is when Ed noticed her tears dropping onto his chest. Not wanting to stop his impromptu monologue but wanting to comfort her, he rolled them so they were face to face, nose to nose, and he kept going.

"The woman I prefer has a neck that I just can't get enough of and a jaw bone that when set firmly, can bring the strongest man to his knees," he said as he gently massaged the back of her neck. "Her arms are both soft and strong, so she can hold her children close but also fight off anything that attempts to harm her family."

Olivia just stared into his eyes as he spoke and continued to shed silent tears at the intimacy of the moment. She willingly lifted her arms as Ed rid her of her shirt, then ran his fingertips over her chest and stomach.

"She wears scars that show me how strong and courageous she is. They tell me that she has seen more pain than anyone should, but has survived it. And is even more beautiful for it."

Ed paused briefly to check in with his wife, as he felt her shaking from her sobs. Olivia was still so self conscious about her scars. Even though Ed knew every detail of what she went through with Lewis, she felt exposed. Ed liked to pay careful attention to those spots, feeling like he was fixing them. Making them better, though often Olivia would pull away. But in this moment, after almost losing her husband, Olivia was so moved by his words that all she could do was cry and let him keep going. She had never felt more beautiful and more loved.

"The woman I prefer is the most gorgeous creature I have ever seen. Her body is perfection. But it's her heart and soul that I fell in love with. So in love with, that I will never, EVER look at anyone else again. Because I'm forever hers."

"Ed…" Olivia gasped, completely overwhelmed at what just took place. Even when they recited their wedding vows, Ed Tucker did not show that much emotion. That much thought and poetry. All of a sudden, his hands were on her breasts, squeezing gently as he still stared into her eyes.

"I want her every moment of every day," he said. "In one way or another. I can never be close enough to her."

"Ed, we can't…" she began but then he put his finger over her lips.

"Shhhhh," he said and then went back to toying with her nipples. "I may not be able to make love to you the way we usually do, but let me love you how I can."

"Baby…" she said, still trying to protest, but as his hands traveled further down her stomach, to her already pants-less legs, she lost most coherent thought.

"Olivia Margaret Benson-Tucker, it's not about me. Not tonight. It's about you. It's about the faces you form as I touch you here," he spoke in a low, husky voice as his fingers began to massage between her legs, noticing she was already more turned on than he anticipated.

"Oh god," she whimpered.

"It's about the noises you make, little whimpers and moans as your body responds to my touch," Olivia's hips were already moving with his hand. She had never gotten so close, so quickly, but that is what he did to her in this moment. As she hit her peak with a strangled cry, Ed cupped her and tried to help her calm down. He kissed all over her face, and rubbed the tip of his nose on hers before then kissing each of her closed eyelids.

"And the woman I prefer finally lets down all of her walls. All of her fronts. And is totally relaxed with me. Trusting me with her body, her mind, and her heart." Olivia finally opened her eyes and stared at her husband. In all of the times they had been together like this, she felt this may have been the most intimate. Despite him not being able to penetrate her body with his, he somehow made love to her in the deepest way possible and it left her breathless.

"I prefer you, Olivia. I love you. With all that I am. And everything that I have. And nothing, not even death, will change that."

* * *

 ** _Leave a review and stay tuned..._**


	14. Chapter 14

_**A/N: Just a quick note to request that you all keep it civil in the review section. Please don't make fun of other's requests/reviews, or call any one of my readers out individually. We are all on fanfiction to have a little fun and escape the reality of real life. I am really enjoying interacting with you all and telling my story, but I'm not here to deal with drama. I'm writing this because it is near and dear to my heart, and it is an important story to tell.**_

 _ **That being said, I want to emphasize that I do want your suggestions and ideas. Just because I don't use them doesn't mean anything other than they don't fit into this particular story. There is NO idea that I have 100% written off for any future story/universe, despite what you may think. Also, you should know that I'm taking two ideas from reviewers and running with them ;**_ )

 _ **Now, let's all take a deep breath and get back into this, shall we? Here's a little extra Noah and light-heartedness to help calm us all down.**_

 _ **3**_

* * *

 _2 Weeks Later_

"Captain Tucker, I'm not sure going to Florida is a good idea," Dr. Lee said, watching his patient's face fall and his wife steel herself for how to handle the news. "It's only been a month since your heart attack. While your progress has been excellent and all of your tests are clear, I'm concerned about the amount of stress this particular trip will bring."

"Doctor, with all due respect, I have to be there for my daughter," Ed said in a surprisingly calm voice. Olivia eyed him, convinced he was just putting on his best behavior for the good doctor.

"I can understand that," Dr. Lee replied and Ed just narrowed his eyes.

"Do you?" he asked? "Do you really understand my position here?"

"Okay," Olivia said quickly, wanting to de-escalate the direction that this conversation was heading. "What about some kind of compromise?"

"I don't want a compromise, Liv," Ed said firmly. "I want to be there for Charlie."

"I understand that babe," she said and gripped his hand tightly. "But you won't be able to if you have another heart attack, will you?"

"Olivia…" he said, his eyes pleading. She knew this was killing him. But she was worried sick that the stress would be too much for his heart.

"Could he come on the trip, but not sit in the court room?" She asked hopefully. Ed clearly did not like that idea, but Olivia squeezed his hand hard enough to signal him to keep his mouth shut. Not only was he set on going, but she needed her husband with her and Charlie needed her dad. This trip would be hard enough, but Olivia wondered if it would be made impossible if their anchor was not allowed to come along.

"That would eliminate one huge stressor," the doctor mulled out loud. He was reading something on the chart and clicking his tongue a bit.

"Look, Doc, if I stay here my stress level is going to be higher than if you let me go," Ed said, hoping that would win his case. It was a true statement, in his opinion. The thought of his family, his wife and daughter, having to go over a thousand miles away without him instilled a fear he wasn't used to. Then having enduring a court hearing and a testimony that would undoubtedly rock them was too much for him to bear. He couldn't be away from them. He needed to be there to hold them in his arms before and after. To let them know that he would protect them and love them, no matter what came their way. After a few moments of silence, the doctor reluctantly looked up.

"This is a plan we can work with," he stated and then looked at Olivia. "But I want your word that he won't be anywhere near that courtroom."

"Of course," she nodded quickly. "We have a soon-to-be four year old son, and so maybe they can spend the day together while Charlie and I go to the hearing."

"That sounds like a good idea," Dr. Lee said and then typed around on his computer. "I want to give you the number of a colleague of mine, however, in the area. Just in case something comes up. If it's okay with you, I'll fax him your files so he is aware."

"Absolutely," Ed said with a quick nod of his head while Olivia rested her head on his shoulder. "Thank you so much, Doctor. You have no idea what this means to my family."

* * *

"I just….are you sure this is a good idea?" Charlie asked Olivia as they stood in her bedroom, picking her outfit for court. "I mean, don't get me wrong. I want my dad there. But not if it's not good for him. He's still sick…"

Olivia reached out to still Charlie's movements as she searched her closet. The young girl finally stopped and looked down, taking a deep breath but not looking back up at her step-mother.

"The doctor signed off on it, with conditions," Olivia said softly. "He won't come to the hearing, but he will be there. Hanging out with Noah. We have the number of Dr. Lee's colleague. It's going to be okay."

"You can't promise that, Liv," Charlie whispered, not meaning to be harsh but it was the truth. Olivia could reassure them both all day long. But the fact remained that Ed Tucker had a heart attack a month ago, proving he wasn't invincible.

"No, you're right," Olivia said reluctantly, as a bit of anxiety bubbled back up in her stomach. "But I can promise that we are all going to be together. And that with everything in me, I will fight against any force that tries to threaten my family. Whether it's a heart attack or a university."

"I'm scared," Charlie admitted softly and Olivia dropped the blazer she was holding and pulled her into her arms.

"I know, baby," she whispered. "I know you are."

"I don't want to go to Florida," she whispered from her place tucked into Olivia's neck and shoulder. "I don't want to see anyone down there. I don't want to see my mother. I just want everything to be over."

"Oh, Charlie," Olivia sighed out, knowing the girl was still hurting but hearing the words cut her deeply. "I'm going to be right there with you. If you don't want to see anyone or talk to them, then I will be that barrier. And I'm sure Trevor will too."

"He's been so great," Charlie said. "I'm glad you pushed me to talk to him."

"Langan used to be a huge thorn in my side," Olivia admitted and pulled back a bit to play with Charlie's hair. "Much like your dad. But people change. And I trust him."

"Me too, Liv," she said. "I really trust him."

"Good," she said and then tried to redirect the emotion. "What about a blue shell under the blazer? Brings out those eyes you got from your daddy."

* * *

"I just don't understand why Lisa is even involved in this process," Ed said as he checked on the salmon that was baking in their oven. Olivia was throwing together a salad, but paused to look over at him.

"Trevor said the judge wants her statement," Olivia said matter-of-factly. "Why, I have no idea."

"She literally did nothing for Charlie," Ed said. "What could she possibly add other than the fact that she is a shitty mom?"

"I honestly don't know," Olivia said and shook her head. "Charlie wants nothing to do with her and I don't blame her."

"Just thinking about that woman raises my blood pressure," Ed admitted as he pulled the pan of perfectly prepared fish from the oven. Olivia stopped what she was doing and went to wrap her arms around him from behind, resting her head on his back.

"Ed, this is what Dr. Lee was talking about," she said gently. "You can't get this worked up over all of this."

"How am I supposed to do that?" He asked incredulously.

"Well, I'm not quite sure," she admitted. "But start by trusting me to take care of Charlie while we are there. And remind yourself that when we come back to you at the end of the day, you can erase all of the hurt by loving her."

Ed turned around in his wife's arms and leaned down so his forehead was touch hers as they started an impromptu dance around the kitchen.

"There is no one in this world I trust more than you, Olivia," he said before kissing her lips. She pulled back and looked at him in awe.

"You've been awfully mushy recently, Ed Tucker," she said with a little smirk. "Getting soft in your old age?"

"I don't know if soft is the word…" he groaned out in his bedroom voice and Olivia blushed as she laughed.

"I love you," she said and then pulled away before they got too heated for his heart and grabbed the salad bowl. "Come on softy, let's eat before Charlie returns with Noah and our peace is ruined."

* * *

"We go on airplane tomorrow, Tar-lie?" Noah asked as he and his sister strolled hand in hand down Columbus Ave after enjoying an evening out at a locally owned ice-cream bar.

"Yep," she answered and swung their hands a bit. "Are you excited?"

"Yes! We be in the SKY!" he said and jumped a little to emphasize his point. Charlie just laughed and squeezed his little hand in hers. "And Daddy say he take me to beach! You come too?"

"Probably not," Charlie admitted. "Mommy and I have some meetings. But Daddy will make sure you have so much fun!"

"Why you have meetings, Tar-lie?" His tone betrayed the disappointment he felt about not having her join their beach adventure.

"Sometimes grown-ups have meetings, Noah," Charlie said. "But maybe when they end, we can all go to the beach?"

"Otay!" Noah said excitedly.

"Hey, your birthday day is coming up," she said slyly. "What do you think you want?"

"Hmmmm," he said, bring his free hand up to his cheek and tapping lightly as if he were in deep thought. Charlie just laughed again at the site. "Cape."

"Wait, what?" Charlie asked, not sure if she even heard him correctly. The little boy just shook his head up at his sister and rolled his eyes a bit. He was such an old soul.

"A cape, Tar-lie," he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "So I be Super Noah!"

"Super Noah, huh?" Charlie said and then picked the little boy up giving him a shake and a tickle as he just laughed and laughed.

"Tar-lie!" He shrieked with the biggest smile.

"I bet we can get you a cape," she said, after relenting her tickles and shakes but continuing to carry him down the street. "I mean, you are a super hero after all."

"I be your super-hero, Tar-lie," he said seriously as he rested his little head on her shoulder. She stopped for a bit to look down at him.

"You already are my super-hero, pal," she said and kissed the top of his head. She flagged a cab down, tired of walking in the crowds, and got them both settled in the car. "What colors should your superhero outfit be, Noah?"

"Red!" He answered immediately. That was his favorite color at the moment. He would come home from preschool each week with a new color of the week. He generally changed his favorite color accordingly, but red seemed to have stuck around longer than the others. "Super Noah be red!"

"Red is a perfect Super Noah color," Charlie agreed. "Do you think you need anything else, besides the cape?"

Noah thought for a minute, then shook his head.

"No. I wear Super Noah cape with Pan costume," he said and Charlie laughed. "That good."

"I love you, pal," Charlie said and Noah looked up at her with happy eyes, loving all the attention he got from her. "You are the best."

"No, you da best Tar-lie," he said. "We make fort at your 'part-ment tonight?"

Charlie thought about it for a moment. They hadn't planned a sleepover but it would likely help ease her nerves about the trip the next day.

"Sounds good to me, pal," she said. "We will check when we get home, okay?"

"Otay," he said, happy with that answer, and cuddled into her side with a yawn.

* * *

The next morning, the family of four met Trevor and one of his associates at the Teterboro Airport in New Jersey. It was a small airport, but Trevor's firm insisted they use the private plane so here they were. Noah was beside himself in excitement as he literally skipped into the hangar that held the aircraft. The pilot greeted them and Noah froze.

"Whoa…" he said as he looked up at the man. "You fly plane?"

"I do," he responded. "Do you want to see the cockpit?"

Noah immediately looked to Ed for approval and assurance, who nodded and picked him up and they set off to explore the plane. Olivia and Charlie were walking slowly towards the steps to board as Trevor appeared and came down to help them load.

"Good morning, ladies," he said and grabbed each of their carry-ons. "Let's get you settled and something to drink, then we can talk a little business."

"Sounds good, thank you," Olivia said for both of them, seeing as Charlie was a little too anxious to really respond at the moment. Ed convinced her to take her anxiety medicine at breakfast, so she had stopped shaking but was still pretty quiet. Olivia took the girl's hand helping her up the stairs and onto the plane.

"Wow," Charlie said softly as they looked around. There were fancy, ivory seats in the front with one on one side and two on the other. After five rows of those giant seats, there was a section with two huge sofas on both sides of a little bar area. "This is incredible."

"Hopefully it will help us travel comfortably, given the circumstances," Trevor's associate said. "By the way, I'm Nicholas."

"I'm Olivia and this is Charlie," Olivia said in a professional tone while reaching her hand out to shake his. Once the introductions were done, Trevor clapped his hands together.

"Okay, let's get settled," he said and gestured to the women to pick any seat they would like. "Once Noah has finished his thorough examination of the cockpit, we will be on our way."

As if on cue, Noah ran in from the front of the plane and straight to Olivia and Charlie.

"Look-it Momma! Look-it Tar-lie! I get WINGS!" He said proudly, and showed the girls a little pin with pilot's wings on them. Ed was following with a smile and filled in the blanks.

"The pilot gave him a pin in honor of his first flight," he explained, before leaning down to kiss Olivia and swipe his finger over Charlie's cheek. "Us men will sit right behind you, right Noah?"

"YES!" Noah said and hopped up into his chair, plastering his face to the window. "Wait, that not sky."

Everyone, including Trevor and Nicholas shared a laugh at the little boy.

"Well, we have to take off first," Trevor explained as he took his seat across the aisle. As the plane engine started up and they began to taxi, Noah's eyes just grew bigger. Ed rubbed at his back, looking out the window with him and sharing in his joy. Meanwhile in front of them, Charlie was just taking deep breaths with her eyes closed and Olivia had a firm grip on her hand.

"You can do this, baby girl," she whispered softly and Charlie finally made eye contact with her, feeling all the love and strength the woman offered. "I'm right here. I believe in you. I love you."

* * *

 _ **And they are off! What comes next? Time will tell...**_


	15. Chapter 15

_**#Tuckson**_

* * *

"I dig BIG hole today, Momma," he said as he shoved his mouth full of pineapple at the hotel that morning. "It be so big that me and Daddy can hide in it!"

"That sounds fun, baby boy," Olivia said softly and stroked at his hair a bit. They were waiting for Charlie to come join them before they parted ways. Trevor had gotten the young woman a room to herself, in case she wanted some space. She had jumped at the opportunity to decompress once they arrived the night before. The entire plane ride down was spent going over possible scenarios and questions she would need to answer at the hearing and she was exhausted. Finally, she appeared in her court attire but looking nervous. Noah, of course, greeted her in excitement.

"TAR-LIE!" he yelled as she walked towards them. She gave a small smile and sat down as Noah hopped up and ran around the table to crawl into her lap. "Mornin', Tar-lie."

"Good morning, pal," she responded and cuddled him close while the waiter filled her coffee cup. Noah was playing with her Fearlessness necklace as she doctored her drink.

"Fear-ness," he said, trying to recite what he had been told the necklace said. Charlie looked down at him and pointed to the letters.

"Fear-less-ness," she said slowly, helping him out.

"You fear-less-ness, Tar-lie?" he asked, assuming that was why she was wearing the necklace. Charlie looked at the boy for a bit before giving him a soft smile.

"Not today, pal," she admitted. "But this necklace reminds me to try and be that way."

"Lub you," Noah said softly before sticking his thumb in his mouth and snuggling into his sister.

"You are fearless, Charlie," Ed said pointedly. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks, Dad," she said and took a deep breath. "When did Trevor say the car was picking us up?"

"In about 30 minutes," Olivia answered, looking at her watch and taking the last bite of her omelet. "I want to run brush my teeth real quick, then I'll be back down."

"Are those pickles in your omelet?" Charlie asked with a strange look on her face. Ed laughed and looked at Olivia, awaiting her response.

"What?" she said. "It gives it just the right flavor. Plus, it's been forever since I've had a good salt and vinegar pickle. Goes great with eggs."

"That's disgusting," Ed said pointedly as he looked at her plate and Olivia gave him a playful slap on his arm.

"My mom used to put pickles in her eggs all the time, okay?" she said defensively. "Comfort food."

"This is a weird conversation," she said under her breath a bit, but loud enough for the two older adults to hear and laugh a bit. Olivia shook her head and stood up, reaching over to get Noah.

"Come on, baby boy. You come with Mommy so I can make sure you are ready for the beach!"

"Otay," he said reluctantly and climbed down from Charlie's lap, leaving father and daughter alone at the table. Ed watched Charlie for a while, before taking a deep breath and grabbing her hand.

"You are going to do great," he said in his gruff but quiet voice. "I know you can do this. And once it is over, we can do anything you want okay?"

"I wish you could be there," Charlie said quietly, then silently berating herself for making him feel bad.

"I do too, baby girl," he said and kissed the side of her head. "Don't feel bad about wanting me there, okay? I'd give anything to be in that room. I will be, in spirit. And if you need me, at any point, you call. To hell with the doctor's orders."

Charlie just laughed and looked up, finally.

"You are the worst patient ever," she said with a grin that Ed matched.

"Is that a surprise?"

"No, I expect nothing less," she said. "I love you, dad."

* * *

"Noah, don't you think your hole is big enough?" Ed asked as he sat with his feet in the beach hole and following Noah's orders to keep digging. They were shaded by a large umbrella, but it was still pretty hot out.

"Nooooooo," he said, shaking his little head vigorously. "We need it deeper, daddy. Then we have picnic in hole. Otay?"

Ed just laughed at his little demands. Noah had a heart of gold but also knew exactly what he wanted. He was Olivia Benson made over, and Ed Tucker couldn't love anything more. So he grabbed the shovel and kept digging in their hole.

"Daddy?" Noah asked, as he patted the sand around the hole's wall. "You sad?"

Ed startled a bit at his intuitive question, but then reminded himself of his observation a few minutes ago. The child was all Olivia.

"I'm just ready for Charlie and Mommy to be back from their meetings," he said honestly, knowing that he had been distracted that morning and Noah had picked up on it. He was constantly checking his phone for texts and updates from Olivia.

"Me too," Noah said softly and stopped digging for a bit and went to sit by Ed. "It be otay, Daddy."

Ed looked down at him in awe. His almost four year old son was there comforting him. He was one lucky bastard and needed to be acting like it.

"You're right, bud," Ed said. "It will be. Come on, let's dig the biggest whole EVERRRRRRR!"

Ed's last worst came out as a growl and caused Noah to burst into giggles and screams. The two got back to work digging in the sand, Ed trying hard not to obsessively check his phone. He just wanted to enjoy the time with his son.

* * *

Charlie was sitting on a bench outside of the courtroom with her head in her hands while Olivia paced back and forth in front of her. The university's law team had asked for a recess over an hour ago, and both Tucker girls were going crazy. The morning had been extremely tough, but Charlie had done amazing with her testimony. She handled defense questions like a pro, really shedding light on how awful the school treated her in the midst of her assaults. Trevor had presented the chains of emails and voicemails Charlie had kept, which Olivia hadn't known about. Hearing those read had her fuming and about ready to punch a hole in the wall. Finally she saw Trevor and Nicholas walking their way and quickly went to clutch Charlie's hand as she stood up in a near panic.

"Okay, good news," Trevor said with a reassuring smile. "The school is wanting to settle."

"What?" Charlie asked in a shocked whisper. After all of that, now they wanted to settle?

"Yep," Trevor nodded and put his hand on her shoulder. "The emails and voicemails that you kept all of those years put the nail in the coffin. Their legal counsel smartly advised them to settle out of self-preservation. You did it, Charlie."

Olivia's eyes closed in relief and she pulled her step-daughter into her side. Charlie was just staring at Trevor in disbelief, however, unsure of what to think about the fact that the school finally admitted that they were wrong.

"What's the settlement?" Charlie asked, unsure of how a lot of this worked despite Trevor's multiple attempts at explaining it before their trip. "What does that mean?"

"Well, we will negotiate a bit until you are satisfied with the terms of the agreement," he said, pulling out some papers. "It's likely the monetary amount will be less than what we stated in the initial suit, but I know that wasn't your main goal. Take a look at what they are thinking of at the moment, and let me know if you want anything specific to change. I fully plan on rolling them, Charlie. For everything I can."

Charlie took the papers and went to sit back down on the bench, pulling Olivia with her. The two women glanced over the document, unsure of what they were even looking for. Charlie began to shake her a head a bit.

"What happens if I say okay? Do they have to admit anything publicly?"

"Well, that's up to you," Trevor explained. "You can state that you want that to be a part of the settlement. A statement that they make to the press, maybe? And if they refuse, we can continue with the court hearing."

Charlie took a deep breath and looked up at Trevor and Nicholas with a fire in her eyes.

"I don't just want their stupid money," she said. "I want them to acknowledge what they did to me. That what happened to me was wrong. And if they can't do that, then no deal."

Trevor smiled at her, never feeling more pride in the work he was doing. He gave her a little nod and salute.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, taking the documents back. "Come on Nicholas, let's go counter-offer."

As they watched the two men walk away, Olivia squeezed Charlie's hand and kissed the side of her head.

"I am so proud of you, sweetheart," she said softly. "Your testimony and your decision just then. You really are my fearless girl."

* * *

About an hour later, Trevor and Nicholas returned looking pretty satisfied with themselves. They pulled a few chairs over by the bench and produced another document with proposed terms.

"Take a look at this one, Charlie," Trevor said with a little smile. As Charlie began to read, her eyes widened.

"Oh my god, that's a lot of money," she gasped out, pointing out the figure to Olivia who just snapped her head up at Trevor.

"How did you manage that?" Olivia asked in surprise.

"Keep reading," he encouraged then watched carefully as their eyes finally hit the line he had fought for.

 _"The university agrees to admit their role in the assaults against Charlotte Tucker to the media immediately upon signing this document."_

"Trevor…" Charlie said with her voice trembling a bit. "You did it?"

"No, you did it Charlie," he said and reached out to grab her hand. "You fought for yourself, and you won."

Charlie shook her head a little, and then stood up to pull Trevor into a tight hug.

"Thank you," she whispered through her tears. "Thank you, thank you thank you."

"Well, what do we have here?" a shrill voice came ringing out from outside of their little emotional circle. Charlie's head snapped up from Trevor's chest and finally locked eyes on her mother. Lisa was a shorter woman than Olivia had expected, short blonde hair and overly tan and wrinkled skin.

"What are you doing here?" Charlie gasped out, unprepared to have run into her since the court hearing seemed to be over at this point. Lisa just gave her a crooked smile in return.

"Well, I thought I was here to do my motherly duty and appearing in court to try and help you out," she mentioned, but then eyed the two men in their presence. "But it looks like you have some sidepieces to help you with that."

At that comment, Olivia stood up right next to Charlie and gripped her hand. Trevor just eyed the woman a bit, before extending his own hand in a professional manner.

"Trevor Langan," he said stiffly. "I'm Charlie's lawyer. This is my associate Nicholas Turner."

"Ahhh, lawyers huh?" Lisa said with a little flirt to her tone. "Charlotte always knew how to pick her men. Which is what got her in this little situation, didn't it darling?"

"This _little_ situation?" Olivia repeated in astonishment. This woman was just asking for trouble.

"Well, she is _my_ daughter," Lisa said with a pointed look at Olivia. "And I've been known to enjoy multiple men as well. So it's to be expected. She just got in over her head, didn't you honey?"

At that moment, Olivia put her body in between Lisa and Charlie and set her jaw with a small prayer that she didn't deck the woman standing before her.

"She was raped," Olivia said softly, but strongly; her trademark narrowed eyes staring a hole through the woman in front of her. "She was drugged and raped, multiple times. Then stalked and threatened. Then raped again. Over and over. Where were you during all of this? Why weren't you helping her? If she is _'your'_ daughter, after all?"

Lisa just eyed Olivia up and down a bit.

"And who the hell are you?" she asked after sizing her up. Olivia's eyes got even narrower and Trevor began to wonder if he should intervene at some point.

"I'm Lieutenant Olivia Tucker," she answered in a cool tone.

"Oh, I get it now," she said and tried to look around Olivia to glance at Charlie. "You didn't like that I spoke the truth, so you went and found another mommy to believe you? Daddy's new play thing?"

"Shut up," Charlie said in a hiss. "Just shut the fuck up."

"Charlie…" Trevor said, and took that moment to step in front of Olivia and back Lisa up a bit. If looks could kill, Olivia would have had Lisa in the morgue just then. And quite honestly, Trevor was terrified of how Olivia would react if this went any further. She was a mama bear protecting her cub.

"No," Charlie said and pushed her way through the two adults shielding her from her own mother. "Fuck you, Lisa. Don't you ever talk about Olivia like that. You may not give a shit about me, but she does. And I won't sit here and let you treat her like you do me."

"Well, isn't this sweet," Lisa said, cocking her head to the side then looking back to Olivia. "I should warn you, she's a handful."

"No she isn't," Olivia said, her jaw still stiff and set in an attempt to not lose her cool. "She's incredible. She's sweet and loving and hilarious. She's strong."

Lisa just narrowed her eyes a bit. "Well, good luck with the little slut."

Before anyone knew what was happening, Olivia had moved forward and grabbed a handful of Lisa's shirt.

"Don't you EVER call my daughter that again," she said in a low growl, finally shoving her up against the wall and towering over her. Trevor and Nicholas immediately went to try and break it up, but Olivia let her go before they got there and straightened her jacket out while Lisa stayed against the wall, stunned. "I don't know who you think you are, but let me tell you this: you don't deserve to have Charlie as a daughter and you never did. She's mine now. And I swear to God if you come near her, or speak to her like that again, I'll make you regret the day you ever met me."

With that being said, Olivia turned around and wrapped her arm around Charlie while signaling to Trevor and Nicholas.

"Come on," she said. "I've had about enough of this bullshit."

* * *

Later that evening found Charlie sitting at the hotel bar, nursing a gin and tonic, mulling over the events of the day. Once they had returned, Olivia was still pretty riled up so Trevor bought them a round of drinks while waiting on Ed and Noah to return from the beach.

 _"Do you think you'll tell dad about what happened with Lisa?" Charlie had asked Olivia._

 _"Yeah," she admitted, while thinking. "But I may water it down a bit."_

 _"Maybe leave out the whole name calling thing," Charlie requested, not wanting her dad to get upset over that._

 _"My thoughts exactly," she agreed._

Now that Charlie was alone, she was really hoping Olivia had left out many of the day's details when talking to her father. They should just focus on the fact that the lawsuit was over, the school should be releasing a statement soon, and they could get the hell out of Florida.

As she ordered another drink, she noticed Trevor coming towards her having changed into jeans and a plain blue shirt. He came to sit next to her, and put in his own order.

"How many of those have you had?" He asked, hoping she wasn't drowning her feelings in the gin.

"This is just my second, don't worry," she said. "Cheers."

They toasted their fresh drinks and both stared ahead.

"You did good today, Charlie," Trevor said softly. "I hope you are proud of yourself."

Charlie just scoffed and shook her head a bit.

"Yeah, well," she said. "It doesn't change much."

"What do you mean?" Trevor asked, genuinely confused at the girl's emotion right now.

"Trevor I'm so fucked up," she said, her voice cracking a bit at the end before she pulled herself together. "How am I supposed to just be normal now? Maybe Lisa was right. I'm damaged goods."

"That is absolutely not true," Trevor said firmly, reaching over the grab Charlie's hand so she would look up at him. "You are incredible. And the road may not be easy, but if anyone can navigate it, you can."

* * *

"Are you sure she is okay?" Ed asked for the millionth time. He and Olivia were curled up in bed, but neither one of them asleep. They had tried to convince Charlie to stay with them, but she really just wanted some space. So they reluctantly bid her goodnight, with Liv assuring Ed the entire way upstairs that she would be fine.

"Well, I don't know if she is okay," Olivia said as she rubbed her hand across his chest to soothe him. "But she is safe."

"I'm just glad this is all over. She can start to move forward," Ed said softly as he twirled his finger through his wife's hair. "Are you sure you didn't punch Lisa?"

Olivia just let out a little laugh and snuggled further into his chest.

"God, I wanted to," she said. "What a bitch."

"Tell me about it," he muttered before tilting her head up by placing a finger under her chin. "Thank God for you…"

Ed leaned down to touch his lips to hers, reveling in their closeness. As he pulled away slowly, Olivia's eyes were still closed and she wore a content smile.

"Mmmmmm," she said before settling her head back down. "Love you…"

Ed looked down and watched as Olivia drifted off to sleep, before he finally allowed himself to close his eyes. The day was done, his family was okay, and now he could rest.

"I love you too."

* * *

 ** _More to come...don't forget to leave a review!_**


	16. Chapter 16

_**Just trust me...**_

* * *

The Tuckers had been asleep for a solid hour before Olivia woke suddenly and sat up.

"Liv?" Tucker asked, blindly reaching for her. "What's wrong, baby?"

"Huh?" She said, trying to wake herself up from the nightmare she was in the middle of. She dug her hands into her eyes to try and erase the images burning her mind while Ed turned on the bedside lamp and rubbed her back. He looked over to see that Noah was still out cold on the other bed in the room, and helped Olivia up so they could go sit in the other room on the tiny couch in their hotel suite. Once he got her settled, he went and fixed her some water before returning to her side.

"Thanks," she said, her voice still hoarse from sleep. She took a few sips of the water before putting it down and curling up next to Ed, wanting to be in the comfort of his arms. Ed just sat patiently and held her tightly to him, waiting for her to decide to talk to him. He looked down at her after about ten minutes, wondering if she had drifted back to sleep, but saw that her eyes were still wide open.

"Olivia," he whispered and kissed her head a few times before cupping her cheek with his hand. "Talk to me, sweetheart."

"I…" she started and shook her head a bit and taking a deep breath. "I don't want to upset you."

"Baby," Ed said, letting her admission sink in. He knew she was trying to protect his heart. But he needed to know what woke her up like that. "I can handle it, whatever it is. My heart is strong for you. Just talk to me."

"Did you already know about the emails and voicemails Charlie kept a record of?" She asked suddenly. Ed took a bit before answering.

"I did," he said. "Trevor and I went through them the one day in his office, while you left with Charlie."

"Why didn't you tell me," she asked and sat up, looking at him a little incredulously. "A warning would have been nice."

"I know," he admitted. "I meant to, but there was never a good time. And eventually I just let it go," he said. "We've had a few things going on, Liv."

"I know, I'm not mad," she said softly. "I'm just so….well, mad. But about what I heard today, not at you."

"Liv…" he said but she shook her head to stop him. She didn't want the comfort right then.

"I know I'm not her real mom, and that I didn't know her when this was going on," she said and then finally looked up at her husband with tears in her eyes. "But that's our baby girl, Ed. For all intents and purposes, Charlie is _MY_ baby girl. And hearing those emails read. The threats that were made. How the university officials responded and treated her. What their campus police said about her. I'm just…I'm so angry."

The tears began to flow down her cheeks as she finally allowed herself to feel the pain of that day's events.

"I think about her all scared and alone down here. No one to believe her. Her own so-called mother telling her she wanted it," Olivia cried the words and Ed just held her hands tightly as he watched her finally fall apart. "It just hurts, Ed. It physically hurts me to think about it. But then, there she was. Up there on the stand, answering question after question. Listening to the threats being read out loud. Defending me to Lisa. And I just…"

The tears finally overtook her and Ed pulled Olivia back into his arms, rocking her back and forth as she cried.

"I just feel so helpless," she said as she cried. "I had this nightmare where I knew what was going on and was right there, but I couldn't do anything. I kept seeing Charlie crying and asking for help and I couldn't reach her. And that's how I feel right now. Totally and completely helpless."

"Oh, _Olivia_ ," Ed gushed out, holding her as tightly as he could to him. "You aren't helpless. Not at all. You are right there beside her. And she knows that. I watch her when she's around you and she gets so much strength from you. She loves you, Olivia. That isn't helplessness. It's the opposite. You are her Momma. And you are an amazing Momma to our kids."

Olivia took some deep breaths before looking up at Ed and kissing him. It was all she knew to do in that moment. He kissed her back with a passion and a love that she couldn't get enough of. When they finally pulled away, Ed went to tuck her hair behind her ear and gave her a smirk.

"If I didn't know any better, I would think that the pickle and egg omelette meant…well, ya know," he stopped short of the word 'pregnant', unsure whether or not he should say it. Olivia just let out a laugh and looked at him.

"My mom really did put pickles in her eggs," she said.

"That's gross," Ed said in defense of his previous statement. "But, well, we never really talked about kids. I just assumed it was off the table."

Olivia just looked at him curiously. He'd never brought this up before and she didn't want to crush him if he wanted another baby, but she just wasn't up for it.

"Ed," she said softly and cupped his face in her hands. "I wish I had met you years ago, when we were younger and certain things seemed easier."

"Well, technically you knew me then," he said. "But I was admittedly an asshole."

Olivia just let out another laugh, happy to be feeling less emotional than earlier.

"I feel like our family is complete, Ed," she said. "You. Me. Charlie. Noah. It's perfect."

"Perfect," Ed whispered and leaned in to kiss her again. "So you're not pregnant, right?"

"No way," she said. "Not happening."

"Thank god," he said before devouring her mouth.

* * *

"What made you think to save those emails?" Trevor asked, as he and Charlie still sat at the hotel bar. Charlie wasn't quite ready to retire for the night, and Trevor felt funny just leaving her alone at the bar.

"I dunno," she said, twisting the empty glass in her hand. "Maybe some kind of hope that they would come in handy? That maybe, one day, someone would believe me?"

"Well they did. And we do," Trevor said pointedly, hoping to drive that point home. Charlie wasn't alone anymore. She let out a little laugh and shook her head.

"I guess I did at least one thing right, then," she said. "I'm not a total screw up."

"Where is this coming from?" Trevor asked, astounded at her shift in self-confidence. She just looked up at him with her deep, troubled blue eyes and it clicked. "Your mother."

"She's such a bitch," Charlie said softly. "But when your mom says those things about you enough, well…"

"Maybe I'm out of line here, but that woman isn't your mother," Trevor said softly, reaching for her hand again. "Olivia is your mother. So fuck Lisa."

Charlie just started to laugh, allowing Trevor to finally smile at her.

"Thanks, Trevor. You've been….amazing," Charlie said and leaned in towards him. Trevor froze and then spoke up, before anything went further.

"Charlie…." he said. "I don't know if this is a good idea."

"Why not?" She asked, genuinely confused.

"You've had a really rough day," he answered. "I don't want to take advantage of that."

"You aren't taking advantage of me, Trevor," she said softly and linked her hands around his neck. "I feel safe with you. And, well, I need to prove to myself that I can be normal again."

"I'm your lawyer," Trevor said, beginning to lose the battle of willpower, but not willing to give in just yet. Charlie was attractive and he'd be lying if he said he didn't have some feelings for her. But, she was a victim. She was younger than him. And she was his client.

"Not anymore," Charlie said. "Documents are signed. I don't need a lawyer anymore. I just need to know that I'm not damaged goods."

"Charlie, you are beautiful," Trevor said, reaching up to caress her cheek. She leaned into his touch as he continued. "You deserve someone to make you feel special and loved. You deserve the absolute best. Not a post-emotional day/bar hookup with someone like me."

She just looked at him, tears forming in her eyes. Her emotions confused her. She had no idea what she was feeling or doing. But all of a sudden, she felt vulnerable. And she just wanted to feel safe again. She _needed_ to feel safe again. As the tears bubbled over and spilled down her cheeks, Trevor stood and pulled her into his chest to comfort her.

"I'm such a mess," she cried. "I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm sorry."

"Shhhhh, it's okay," Trevor soothed. "It's okay, Charlie."

* * *

Ed was sitting on their little suite sofa sipping coffee and reading the morning paper when Olivia came in, dressed in a silk robe and yawning a bit.

"Good morning," she said and went to pour herself a cup of coffee. Ed just looked at her appreciatively from over the top of the newspaper.

"Good morning, my love," he said, putting the paper down on the coffee table. "You sleep okay the rest of the night?

"Oh, much better," she said as she sat down next to him. "Thank you, for just being you."

"Well, if there is one thing I'm good at…" he said with a knowing smirk.

"That's not the only thing, baby," she said seductively and leaned up to kiss his lips, tasting the coffee and peppermint from his morning routine. Ed groaned into her mouth before pulling back and resting his forehead against hers.

"God, this is killing me," he said gruffly. "I want to make love to you so bad right now."

"I know baby," she said, stroking his face. "Soon. But definitely not now. Noah will be waking up soon."

"Right," he said, remembering the tyke still sound asleep in the other room. "Noah. Our son."

"Our son," Olivia said with a soft smile. "Have you heard from our daughter?"

"No," he said. "I'm going to give her some time to sleep in. She must be exhausted. If she needs us, she will call."

"So it's just us for now?"

"Momma?" A little cry from the other room crashed into their ears and Olivia immediately stood up.

"Be right back," she said and made her way into the other room. Ed just followed her with his eyes. He needed the doctor to green light him having sex soon, or he was going to lose his mind.

* * *

The little family, minus Charlie, had gone downstairs to get breakfast in the hotel restaurant. Noah was excited to go to the waffle making machine, so Ed was up getting his plate ready and Olivia sat at the table watching the news scroll across the TV. All of a sudden, something caught her eye.

"Can you turn that up?" She asked the waiter as he passed by. Once the sound was on, Ed came back with Noah so they could listen to what was being said.

 _"_ _A local university has released the following statement in conjunction with a lawsuit they recently settled in court. The lawsuit was filed by the victim of an alleged rape and subsequent stalking case that took place on campus several years back. Here's what the university official had to say:_

 _We are deeply troubled by the evidence that has come to our attention about how a recent sexual assault was handled by our campus officials. This is a school that prides itself on the safety of all students, and we are appalled that our administration and our police officers would behave themselves in such a way that caused this young woman years of stalking and additional assaults. I can promise that we will be doing a complete overhaul of how our administration responds to crimes such as sexual assault, and we offer our most sincere apologies to the young woman who was victimized and revictimized because of our missteps."_

Ed and Olivia just stared up at the television as the newscasters began to talk more about the university statement, but they were tuning out the words. Olivia finally looked over at Ed and took his hand.

"Well, that's something," she said softly, running her fingers along his.

"Sure is," he said as he looked over at Noah who was already covered in syrup and strawberry juice. "I wonder if Charlie is awake yet. I want to intercept her hearing that, so she isn't alone."

"Why don't you grab her a coffee and bring it up to her room?" Olivia suggested. "Noah and I will hang out here, until we hear otherwise from you."

"Sounds good," he said and stood up. He leaned down to kiss Olivia's lips and Noah's forehead, then made his way to the coffee station.

* * *

As Ed stepped off the elevator and turned towards Charlie's hotel room, he got a funny feeling in his gut. Maybe he shouldn't be waking her up? No, that wasn't it. Everything was fine. He was just worried about her reaction to the statement that was released. He finally got to her door and raised his hand, ready to knock, when the door opened. It was all Ed could do not to drop the coffee he was holding.

"Langan? What the hell are you doing here?"

* * *

 _ ***Ducks and covers...**_


	17. Chapter 17

**_Two updates in one day - don't get used to this. Just make sure you've read the previous chapter before diving into this one,m otherwise it isn't going to make sense. Also, fasten your seat-belts._**

* * *

 _Previously:_

 _As Ed stepped off the elevator and turned towards Charlie's hotel room, he got a funny feeling in his gut. Maybe he shouldn't be waking her up? No, that wasn't it. Everything was fine. He was just worried about her reaction to the statement that was released. He finally got to her door and raised his hand, ready to knock, when the door opened. It was all Ed could do not to drop the coffee he was holding._

 _"_ _Langan? What the hell are you doing here?"_

* * *

"Dad?" Charlie said as she approached the door wearing her pajama shorts and a tank top. Trevor was standing there, awkwardly, in the clothes he had been wearing the night before. Ed Tucker was in the doorway, his face blood red and his fists clinching.

"Langan," he said again, his voice low and full of anger. "You better just be dropping off the morning paper."

"Daddy, calm down," Charlie said. "Is that coffee?"

Charlie was hoping to distract him a bit, because she was pretty sure it wasn't healthy for his face to be that red and his jaw to be that tense. But it didn't work.

"Trevor, I swear to God…" he ground out and Charlie finally jumped in between the two, her back to Trevor and her hands out in front of her signaling Ed to calm down.

"Dad, I said calm down," she said in a more stern voice. Ed finally made eye contact with her, and once he was assured that she was okay, he relaxed a little. But not much. He finally handed her the coffee and she sipped it gratefully before attempting to explain this little situation. But before she could speak, Ed looked over to Trevor and pointed at him.

"I knew I couldn't trust you…" he said and shook his head a bit, mad at himself for letting this happen on his watch. "Is this why you took the case pro-bono? Get out of my sight, Trevor."

"Dad, it's not what you think okay? We are all adults here. This isn't on Trevor," Charlie reached out to touch Trevor's arm, offering some support, as she tried to talk her father off the ledge of punching him. Trevor just looked over at her with understanding in his eyes.

"It's okay, Charlie," he said quietly and nodded to the door. "I'm going to go shower and get some coffee before our flight. We will check in later, okay?"

To his credit, Ed moved out of the way allowing Trevor make an exit without saying anything else to him. Once the door was closed he let out a deep breath and looked at his feet, before making eye contact with Charlie again.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, as that was his top priority. Charlie just nodded and reached out for his hand, leading him into the room and to sit on the sofa.

"Dad, I'm fine okay? But you aren't. So just calm down. Your face is the same shade as a firetruck," she said with a smile, hoping to lighten the mood a bit. It worked as Ed let out a chuckle and finally leaned back, rubbing his hands over his face.

"I know you say that, Charlie, but Trevor…he's older than you. And he's your lawyer. There's a power dynamic there," Ed was rambling, not really knowing where to go with this conversation. The last thing he wanted to be talking about with his 25 year old daughter was her sex life.

"He didn't take advantage of me, if that is what you are implying here," Charlie said firmly, not appreciating the fact that her dad had decided she couldn't make her own decisions.

"Charlie…." He sighed out and leaned forward, putting his face in his hands. It was in that moment that the reality of what she had done hit her like a ton of bricks. She just bit her lip and turned to look out the window.

"Mom was right…" she whispered, intending for it to be too soft for Ed to hear. But he did.

"What do you mean?" He asked as his head snapped up. "Your mom was right about what?"

Charlie just shook her head as the tears began to roll.

"I need to shower and get ready for the flight home," she said softly. Ed got the point and stood up, but not before kissing the side of her head lovingly.

"I love you Charlie," he said. "Always."

After he left, Charlie double locked the door to her suite and crumbled to the floor as the tears streamed harder.

* * *

Olivia had just finished washing Noah up from his messy breakfast when the door flew open and her husband returned. She was startled by his demeanor once she took in his appearance. His face was red, he was breathing heavy, and he was already pacing. She quickly got Noah settled on the bed with her iPad and went into the living area to try and figure out what just happened.

"Ed?" She asked as she came to him and reached out to grab his hand. He just yanked it away and turned to her, with a look in his eyes that she couldn't quite decipher. "What is it?"

"Langan…" he ground out, before running his hand over his face and taking a breath. "He was leaving Charlie's room when I got there."

"What?" Olivia shook her head, a little confused. What did he mean by that? Why would that have him all upset?

"In the same clothes he was wearing yesterday…" he said in a growl. Olivia's eyes widened as she finally processed what he was saying.

"I…Ed…" she stammered her words out, unsure of what to even say. Her mind wasn't comprehending this situation fully yet, but all she knew was that Ed was too worked up and he needed to calm down. "Baby, you can't be this upset okay? Take some deep breaths."

"Stop telling me to breathe, dammit!" he yelled, and then realized Noah was in the other room and quieted down. "I don't need to breathe right now, Olivia."

"You do need to breathe," Olivia said sternly, not willing to watch her husband have yet another heart attack. "Either that, or get in the shower and calm down."

"You told me I could trust him," he said, pointing at her and directing his anger in the wrong direction. But the words were spewing out of him before he even realized what he was saying. "I trusted you and decided to trust Langan with my daughter, because _YOU_ told me I could. And then I find out that he spent the night with her when she was vulnerable. God dammit, Olivia."

His words cut through Olivia's heart deeper than anything ever had. After all they had talked about the night before, her revealing her insecurities and worries about Charlie and their family, he blamed her for this most recent development.

"Are you saying this is my fault?" she asked, incredulously. She knew he was upset, but his anger seemed a little out of character even for Ed Tucker.

"I'm saying I didn't want to trust him, but you told me it was okay," he said and then threw his hands up in the air. "So, if that means I'm blaming you then I guess I am."

Olivia just stood there, willing the tears away, and then she narrowed her eyes at him. He was upset and she could be the bigger person here. But his words hurt, and he needed to know that before she walked away.

"Damn you, Ed Tucker," she said in a low growl. "Damn you for saying that."

She quickly grabbed her bag and hotel key and made her way to the door.

"Where are you going?" He asked, suddenly worried that he just fucked his relationship up.

"I'm going to check on Charlie," she said pointedly. "Because if that's the bullshit you just spewed to me, I should make sure you didn't upset her too."

"Olivia…" he said, beginning to realize exactly what he had just said to her. But she shook her head at him.

"Noah is ready to go if you decide to leave the hotel room. Don't get blindsided by your anger and forget our son," she said and left in a flurry, the door slamming behind her.

"Fuck," Ed muttered as he fell onto the couch and looked up at the ceiling. Noah finally came toddling in and crawled into his lap.

"You otay, Daddy?" he asked as he patted his cheek.

"Oh, Noah," he said and pulled him close, relishing in the cuddle. "I messed up, buddy. Big time."

* * *

"I was wondering how long it would take Dad to send you over here," Charlie said as she let Olivia into her hotel room and continued to dry her hair with a towel.

"He didn't send me," Olivia said as she followed her over to the couch. "I came on my own to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine," she said shortly, but went to sit by Olivia anyways and leaned her head back on the couch.

"Clearly," Olivia said with a little smirk. "Want to talk about it?"

"We didn't have sex, if that's what you want to know," Charlie said in a biting tone, and Olivia winced a little bit at the harshness of the statement. What the hell was going on?

"What happened?" She finally asked in a gentle tone, reaching out to touch the girl's arm in support. As soon as Charlie felt the contact, her tears started flowing again and she shook her head.

"God, I'm such an idiot," she said. "I basically threw myself at him last night. He kept trying to tell me all the reasons it would be a bad idea, while also trying to tell me that he cared about me. I finally got him to come upstairs with me, but he still hesitated. He was so….kind."

"Oh, Charlie," Olivia sighed out, feeling her heart break for her daughter. It was clear how confused she was at the moment, but Olivia also wanted to hug Trevor for being the person she had thought he was. "He still stayed the night?"

"Yeah," she admitted softly. "He was so…gentle…with me, even though we didn't actually have sex. No one has ever been like that with me. Even my consensual partners."

Olivia closed her eyes in both relief, but also pain at the situation that was unfolding. She should've seen this coming. It was so obvious that they had been heading in this direction, but she had her blinders on. Trevor had come in all tall, dark and handsome, believing Charlie. He supported her, quickly becoming a hero in the story. Whether or not his feelings for Charlie were romantic, he was in the perfect position to have taken advantage of her. And he didn't. Well, at least not completely.

"Even when Dad showed up and lost it on him, Trevor took the high road," Charlie said, with a little smile on her face. Maybe she did have feelings for him. "He texted me a little while ago and told me that he would fix this. That he would take the wrath, so I didn't have to deal with it. But there shouldn't be any wrath, Olivia. Nothing bad happened."

Olivia just watched her try and explain the situation. Charlie seemed so confused, but the one thing she wasn't confused about was the fact that what happened last night was consensual. And that Trevor had enough respect for Charlie that he stopped even when she didn't want to.

"But, Liv," she said and took a deep breath. "Dad looked almost crushed when he saw Trevor here. Before he got angry, he looked disappointed."

"Sweet girl," Olivia started, but stopped when Charlie shook her head.

"I guess I proved Lisa right, huh," she said with self-contempt in her voice. "I just wanted to prove to myself that I was okay. That I could be a woman, and not this piece of damaged flesh. But really, I just played Lisa's comment right out didn't I?

"Charlie…" Olivia said, her voice getting choked up. She pulled Charlie to her and just held her, settling her chin on top of her head. "You are not damaged. You just aren't. And you are not anything NEAR what that…woman…said yesterday. You are my baby girl. And you are just perfect. You are kind, loving, beautiful, and so amazingly strong. And maybe you felt a little confused last night about what you wanted from Trevor, but that's okay. He proved that you could trust him, even when you aren't sure what you want. That's a good thing, even if it doesn't feel like it. You're okay, baby."

"I guess," she said quietly, still clutching Olivia's sweater in her hands. "Thanks, Liv..."

"You don't have to thank me for this," Olivia responded, just holding her tighter. "I'm your Momma. This is my job."

"I love you," Charlie whispered as the tears overtook her again.

"Love you too, baby girl," she responded and kissed the top of her head. "More than anything."

* * *

Ed and Noah were down in the lobby with all the luggage, waiting on the rest of their party to arrive before heading to the airport. It was going to be an interesting flight home, that's for sure. Maybe it would give him time to smooth things over with Olivia. Just then, Trevor came down with his suitcase and sat in the chair across from Ed.

"Langan," he greeted shortly, with a head nod, then went back to helping Noah color in his Nemo book. Trevor sat there for a bit, wondering if he should say anything or not. He finally went with a compromise.

"Look, Captain Tucker, I know this morning looked bad," he said and Ed snapped his head up to glare at him. "But maybe give Charlie a chance to talk to you about it, before you take my head off, okay?"

"Do you care to enlighten me on anything, Trevor?" Ed asked in his voice that he would reserve for interrogations. He just couldn't quite reign in his anger at the moment.

"No, I don't," Trevor said firmly. "I care a lot about Charlie and I respect her enough to let her handle this the way she wants to. She has full control here, Captain. She deserves as much."

Tucker eyed the man sitting across from him, trying to decide what he meant by that. He was surprised that Trevor was so firm with him, but he supposed if he really did care about Charlie then she was his priority at the moment. He could respect that at the moment. So he just nodded his acknowledgement, and turned his attention back to Noah again. After a few minutes, he let out a sigh and looked back up a Langan.

"It may be a tense flight home," he admitted sheepishly.

"Well, I can sit on the opposite end of the plane if you'd prefer," Trevor offered, assuming he meant that he didn't want to be anywhere near him at the moment.

"No, not that," Ed admitted. "Well, partly that. But I said some things to Olivia, in my anger this morning…and she hasn't spoken to me since."

"Ed, it's been a really emotional few days for all of us," Trevor offered, hoping Tucker would take his peace offering. "Let's just get back to New York and we can try to recover, okay?"

"I hope we can," he said almost low enough for Trevor to miss the statement, then continued. "Just, do me and my heart a favor and don't sit by Charlie on the flight home?"

Just then, Olivia and Charlie came walking towards them toting their carry-ons. Olivia's jaw was firm and Charlie looked exhausted. Ed and Trevor both stood quickly as they approached, going to grab their stuff. But Olivia held up her hand.

"I've got it," she said, not even making eye contact with Ed. "Is the car here?"

"Yep, right outside," Trevor answered, glancing at Charlie hoping to check in. She just offered him a small, tired smile.

"Great, let's get the hell out of here," Olivia said and went to pick Noah up, wheeling her suitcase out. Ed followed her with his eyes, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself down. Olivia had never been this upset with him and the last thing they needed was for his heart to decide to act up. So he just steeled himself and headed out to the car, leaving Charlie and Trevor behind.

"You okay," Trevor asked quietly. Charlie just nodded.

"Yeah," she said. "You?"

"I'm just fine," he said. "Try not to worry so much, okay? It will all work out. You'll see."

"I hope so…" she said, watching her father and Olivia ignore each other as they loaded the car. "I hope so."

* * *

 _ **Phew, what a mess. I leave you here for now...leave a review, por favor!**_


	18. Chapter 18

_**Many thanks to MotherTucker for helping me muddle through the mess I made over the last few chapters. But I admittedly like to make messes.**_

 _ **#Tuckson**_

* * *

"Why Tar-lie not stay with us?" Noah asked, as Ed and Olivia ushered him and their luggage into the apartment. It had been an incredibly tense flight home, so Charlie was quick to say she was going to get settled back at her place for the evening. Noah, of course, was not pleased with that plan and he was making it known while simultaneously driving his mother crazy.

"Noah, we talked about this in the car," Olivia said as patiently as she could. "Charlie needs to be in her apartment right now so she can relax and take care of grown-up things after the trip."

Noah let out a dramatic huff and slumped his shoulders as he drug his little carry-on backpack behind him, towards his room.

"Dis not good…" he muttered, shaking his head. Olivia let out a little laugh and looked at Ed, who had an amused look about him as well. They made eye contact for a few seconds, before Olivia shook herself out of it and went about unpacking their suitcase.

"Liv, you can't avoid me forever," Ed said in a whisper. She hadn't spoken to him since their argument in the hotel room and it was killing him. He wished he could take his words back but he couldn't, so now he was left to sort out the mess. On top of that, however, he was still so incredibly angry about the entire situation. He was very aware that his anger at Olivia was misplaced, but if he was honest with himself, he didn't know where else to direct the emotion. He did know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he never wanted to be the one that caused her pain. And it was killing him that his words sent that heartbreak across her features.

"Ed…." She finally said with a sigh and stopped what she was doing, dropping her head down but not turning around to face him. She stayed still for a bit and Ed was hopeful that she would turn around, ready to talk to him. But then his face fell at her next words. "I need to get unpacked and make sure Noah is ready for preschool tomorrow."

"Olivia, please," he all but begged, and she sharply turned around to look at him.

"No," she said. "You don't get to do this to me right now. Just, let me get us settled back home before we hash this out, okay?"

"Whatever you want," Ed said with a nod before grabbing his own suitcase and bringing it back to the bedroom. As he walked down the hall, he could hear Noah singing softly in his room and decided to take a peek inside. The little tot was unpacking his cars and stuffed animals from his bag, and lining them up on his bed while humming.

"You glad to be home, kiddo?" Ed asked softly as he entered the room and sat on the floor by his little bed.

"Yesssss," Noah nodded his head as he continued his task. "I miss my bed. And my other cars. And my road floor."

Ed and Olivia had purchased him a giant rug that was basically a large city with streets for all of his cars. It fit nicely in his new room, and the tot could spend hours in his own imaginary world driving his Hot-Wheels around. In fact, he had assigned each family member their own specific car. And as each new person was introduced to his life, they were assigned a car as well. Fin, Carisi, Munch, Rollins, they all had an assigned Hot-Wheel in which they were given each time they visited.

"I bet you did," Ed said softly and ran his hand over the little boy's head. That caused him to look up at his dad with large, inquisitive eyes.

"Daddy?" he asked, and Ed steeled himself. Usually when Noah started off that way, he was about to say something that would hit him straight in the heart.

"Yeah, bud?"

"I gotta poop."

* * *

Charlie was curled up on her sofa in sweat pants and a tank top, waiting on the arrival of her dinner. She decided that she owed herself a treat, so she splurged on all her favorite assorted sushi and ignored the total as her thumbprint did the damage via Apple Pay. Now she sat nursing a glass of cheap red wine, seeing as that was all she had that seemed appetizing, and stared blankly at a dark television. Her brain was recapping the entire trip to Florida, much to her dismay. Everything from being questioned on the stand, to the confrontation with Lisa, and then of course the ultimate cap to the 3-day trip…the night with Trevor. She shook her head and took another big gulp of her drink as she thought about the domino effect that night had on her entire family. She should have known better, or at least gotten Trevor to leave her hotel room a hell of a lot earlier than she had.

"Fuck," she said as she finished the wine, placed the glass on the side table, and buried her face in her hands. All of a sudden a knock on the door startled her out of her pity-party and she slowly made her way into the foyer. Assuming it was her take out, she opened the door right away.

"Hey, Charlie," Ed Tucker stood on the other side of her door in athletic shorts and a t-shirt, looking like he could use a drink himself.

"Dad," she said in surprise. "I wasn't expecting you. Come in."

"Sorry," he said softly. "I was going to text, but I can't seem to find my phone."

"It's okay," she said honestly as they made their way to her couch. "I'm glad you came by, the silence was a little deafening here."

"You know you are welcome to stay with us tonight," Ed put out there. "In fact, you may be more welcome than I am at the moment."

Charlie just looked up at him in a little bit of surprise. She knew things were tense between her parents, but she didn't realize they were that bad. Or maybe Ed was just being a little over-dramatic about it. She couldn't tell. But she welcomed the distraction from her own thoughts, and decided to push a little further.

"That bad?" She asked quietly, knowing it wouldn't take much more than that to get him to talk a bit. He let out a sign and rubbed his hand over his face, his characteristic anxious move.

"Well," he said. "Maybe not. She won't talk to me about it yet. Focusing on Noah. Which is her trademark move to tell me she isn't ready to be un-mad at me."

"Dad, what did you do?" Charlie asked, genuinely wondering what had gone on. "Was this all a result of Trevor?"

Ed let out a sigh and shook his head. He didn't necessarily want to go into the details of what he had said and done, mainly because it was private. But also because Charlie didn't need any more guilt. Since he had already started down the road, however, he decided to water it down a bit.

"I think I just let all of my stress boil over at Liv this morning after I got back from your room," he admitted. "I was still frustrated that I wasn't at the court room, that you had a run-in with Lisa, just all of it. And she was an easy target."

Charlie watched him for a minute, then went and poured him a very small sip of the Bourbon she had hidden in her apartment just for her Dad. He shot her a look as she came back and set the glass in front of him.

"Don't tell Liv I snuck you this," she said with a smirk. "And you don't get any more."

"Deal," he said with a laugh and downed the brown liquid. Immediately he felt better and relaxed back into the couch, staring at the ceiling. "Boy, I fucked this one up."

Charlie mimicked his position on the couch, and if anyone were to see them it would be painfully obvious they were father and daughter. They were even anxiously twiddling their fingers in the same way.

"You and me both," she said. "Guess it's the classic Tucker-Fuck-Up."

Ed just started laughing as she said that, so matter of factly, and looked over at her.

"I s'pose so," he said. "I can't think of anyone better to fuck up with."

Charlie let out a hearty laugh at that one. It felt good to just relax with her dad, given the events of the last month or so. Just the fact that he came to her when he was feeling like this reassured her that he wasn't mad or upset about her choices last night. She did, however, feel like she needed to put his poor heart at ease.

"Dad, I didn't sleep with Trevor," she said after taking a big breath. "I know it looked bad, but I swear I didn't. I wanted to, and asked him repeatedly to, but he wouldn't do it. Instead he just stayed over and kept me company."

Ed closed his eyes and grabbed Charlie's hand in relief. As uncomfortable as he was talking to his daughter about her private life, he couldn't explain how much lighter he felt after that admission.

"Oh, baby…" he said and pulled her into his side. "I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. I don't quite have the hang of this 'father' business, especially when it comes to my one and only daughter. But I want you to know that I trust you. And, while I'm not sure that I'm on board with this Trevor thing, I will work to get that way if it's what you want."

Charlie just shook her head at him and enjoyed the feel of her father's arms around her.

"I love you, Dad," she whispered and closed her eyes. Ed just kissed the top of her head.

"Love you too," he said and then his eyes shot wide open as he realized just how badly he fucked up with Olivia, given this new information. "Fuck!"

"What?" Charlie said, startled, and sat up to look at him. "What is it?"

"Now I know why Liv was spitting fire at me with her eyes," he said sheepishly, and Charlie just looked at him.

"What did you say to her?" She asked, wondering just how far her father had gone in his anger.

"You don't want to know," he admitted. Just then the buzzer went off and Charlie popped up.

"That's my sushi. I ordered way too much, you wanna stay for dinner?" she asked and then paused to look at him. "Can you even eat sushi right now?"

"I have no idea," he said, clearly exasperated with this new heart-friendly diet. "Probably not. Liv hasn't cooked with a dash of salt in a month, and it's awful."

Charlie just laughed at the look on her poor father's face as she went and accepted the delivery. As she walked passed him and into the little dining area, she motioned for him to follow.

"Come on, Daddio," she said playfully. "I'll give you the low-sodium soy sauce."

* * *

A couple hours later found the father/daughter duo kicked back on the sofa, nice and full, and enjoying A League of Their Own.

"This is my favorite movie," Charlie admitted as they watched Tom Hanks expertly play a drunken coach. "Except they ruin it at the end by letting fucking Kit win the World Series. I mean, what the hell?"

"Yeah, that's some real bullshit right there," Ed nodded in agreement. "There's no crying in baseball, especially if you are Kit. "

Just then Charlie's phone started ringing and she fumbled to find it in the couch somewhere.

"Hello?"

 _"_ _Hey Charlie, is your dad with you? I tried to call him but that wasn't very helpful since I just heard his phone start ringing out of the pants he left in the middle of the bathroom floor."_

"Yeah, he's right here. You wanna talk to him?"

 _"_ _No, I was just going to tell him I'm going to bed and to lock up when he gets home."_

"Okay, I'll tell him. We are just finishing up a movie."

 _"_ _No rush, sweet girl. Enjoy your time together. I'm just exhausted. Come for breakfast in the morning? I drop Noah off at 9am, but I'm not due in to work until the afternoon, so maybe we can do an early brunch?"_

"Sounds great Liv, just text me."

 _"_ _Okay, love you."_

"Love you," she said and hung up the phone, looking over at her dad.

"Liv's going to bed. She said to lock up when you get down."

Tucker let out a sigh and shook his head a bit.

"I don't like the idea of her going to bed so upset with me," he said. "You mind if I bail before the end? I need to try and fix this."

"You just don't wanna see the Peaches lose," she said with a mock play in her tone. "No seriously, go fix whatever you did. But chew this gum on the way so she doesn't know I fed you bourbon and salt."

* * *

By the time Ed got home and ready for bed, the lights in their bedroom were off and Olivia was curled up on her side, facing away from where he would be laying. He climbed into bed behind her but stayed on his side of the bed, staring at the ceiling. He could hear her light breathing and knew she wasn't asleep yet, but as he continued to lay there next to her he heard her sniffle and his heart broke.

"Liv…" he whispered and rolled over so he was spooned behind her, wrapped his arms around her stomach, and nuzzled her neck. "I'm sorry, Olivia. Don't cry."

She just began to cry harder at his words, her whole body beginning to shake, so he just held her tighter and whispered little assurances of love into her ear. After a few minutes, she finally turned herself around in his arms, so she was facing him, and went to clutch his t-shirt in her hands as if he were her only lifeline.

"Olivia," he said, voice full of emotion at the fact that he was the cause of his wife's tears. "You have to know I didn't mean what I said to you."

"Did you?" She asked tearfully, and finally looked up at him. "Because I blame myself. So why wouldn't you?"

"Oh baby," he sighed out and smashed his lips into her forehead. "No. There's no one to blame here. And even if there was, you would be the _very_ last person on that list."

Olivia just shook her head, but stayed in his arms as she slowed her breathing and calmed down. Ed kept his head on top of hers, cradling her body to his.

"Olivia, I never meant to hurt you," he said. "Please."

"Ed," she whispered. "I know. And I love you. So much. But…it hurt when you threw that at me. Then to call Charlie 'your daughter', when I had just opened up to you the night before about how I felt about her. That stung."

"Oh, Olivia," he said, not even realizing that he had said that. "That was not my intention when I said that. I didn't even realize that is how it came out."

Olivia pulled herself out of his arms and sat up, looking down at him.

"But that's the point, Ed," she said. "You got yourself so worked up before knowing the whole story, and ended up saying things that were hurtful. Even if you say you didn't mean them, you still said them. And for the words to come out of your mouth, they must be in your thoughts somewhere."

"No" he said as he sat up and settled them both against the headboard. "That is so far from the truth. I was just looking for someone to blame. I know it isn't you, but you were just…"

"The easy target?" she said with a little scoff to her voice. He looked over at her, his heart breaking even more. All of her life she had been the easy target. With her mother. With Elliot. With perps. With herself. And here he was, adding to the long list of people who hurt her.

"Olivia, I swear to you," he said in a low growl. "I'm going to do better. I'm not going to be that person. Because goddammit I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. And I will do anything to make this better. Anything."

Olivia just squeezed his hand in hers as they sat side by side, looking straight ahead, trying to decide where to go next. Finally Olivia took a deep breath and looked up at him with a small, teary smile.

"Are we okay, Liv?" Ed asked as he reached up with his free hand to stroke her cheek softly.

"Right now?" she responded, her voice hoarse from emotion. "Not really. But we will be. In time."

* * *

 _ **Slow and steady wins the race, right? Any guesses as to how Ed is going to fix this? Hit that review button...**_


	19. Chapter 19

_**I do hope those of you rooting for a Tuckson baby continue to read. I did give it a lot of thought, and I just decided that their little family is complete as is. But I promise to make it a fun journey, even without that specific aspect.**_

* * *

"Good morning, beautiful," Ed said as he wandered out of their bedroom after his morning shower. Olivia was sitting at the table, coaxing Noah into eating his cereal and sporting what appeared to be workout clothes. "Hey little man."

"G'mornin' daddy," Noah said, dribbling milk down his chin. "I not go to s'kool?"

"Noah…" Olivia warned with a little smile. The young boy was not excited about being dropped back off at preschool that day. After spending the last half an hour convincing him that it would be fun, Ed came out and the tot decided to try him in hopes of not having to go.

"Sorry, kiddo," Ed said while ruffling his hair and going to sit by Olivia with his coffee. "Whatever Mommy said is what I say."

"Oh sure," Olivia poked fun with him with an eye roll. "Take the easy way out."

"Hey, I'm a married man now. I know how this works," he said and leaned over to give his wife a little kiss. He kept it short and sweet, but it didn't go unnoticed by either of them the ease in which they could continue married life even when they were upset with each other.

"Your appointment is at 1, right?" Olivia asked as she finished her cereal and went to rinse her bowl.

"Yeah," Ed responded. "Hopefully I'm out by 2:30 so Noah doesn't have to go to After-Care."

"I don't have to be in to work until 2, so I'll come with you if that's okay?" Olivia asked, almost wondering if he would prefer to go alone given the tension with them. But he just gave her a smile.

"I was hoping you'd be there," he said and she made her way over to him, allowing him to pull her down onto his lap. "You know I love you, right?"

"I love you too. I just want your appointment to go well. I need you healthy," she said quietly and touched her nose to his, as they just took in each other's presence. "Don't let me pull away while we work through this little bump. I just can't help it sometimes. It's my auto-pilot response."

"I know, baby. But there isn't a place you can go that I won't move heaven and earth to find you," Ed said passionately, and it took Olivia's breath away. She closed her eyes, unable to meet his given the weight of their little conversation, but she continued to stay in his lap, soaking in the love he poured on her. "I know you aren't ready to forgive me, but I'm not going anywhere."

"I know," she said finally meeting his gaze. "Me neither."

"Me neither!" yelled Noah.

"Noah, you are still going to preschool," Olivia said, and he slumped in his chair with a huff.

"Otay…"

* * *

"Dad not home?" Charlie asked as she and Olivia finished cleaning up from breakfast and retired to the sofa with their coffee.

"No," Liv answered as she set her mug on the coffee table and turned to face Charlie. "He had one more cardio-therapy appointment before his checkup. So I'll just meet him there."

"Are you two okay?" Charlie asked quietly, worried that she was overstepping but she was concerned that they were fighting because of her. Olivia reached out to grab the girl's hand and squeeze it.

"We are fine, baby," she said firmly. "A few bumps, but we are already smoothing it out slowly."

"I'm sorry, Olivia," she whispered, looking down at her drink. Olivia moved to take her coffee away and place it by her own on the coffee table. She then grabbed both of Charlie's hands in hers and ducked her head to try and meet her eyes.

"This is not your fault, Charlie," she said softly. "Your dad and I, we are going to fight. We are going to have times in which we don't really like each other. But that will never take away from the fact that we are totally committed to each other and our family. That I love that man, no matter how much of an ass he is at times."

"Okay…" The response came, but it didn't sound like Charlie was convinced of what Olivia was saying.

"You know," she continued. "One of the benefits about finding the love of your life so late in life, is that your relationship feels mature early on. I have never doubted your father and his love for me. And vise versa. So don't you worry about us, okay? This family is endgame."

"Sometimes I still feel like all of this is temporary," Charlie admitted. "That I'm finally safe and secure, but eventually it will fall apart. Like everything else."

Olivia let the words sink in as she watched her daughter try to convince herself that being in this family was permanent. After the brief encounter with Lisa, Olivia was even more empathetic to how all of this must feel for someone who has been through what Charlie has. It had taken her well into her 20s to find anyone who loved her and supported her unconditionally. Add on the years of stalking and assaults, and it just devastated Olivia to think about the ramifications.

"Charlie, is that why you spent the night with Trevor?" It was a gentle question, but one that Olivia had been wanting to ask. She was afraid of prying too much, but she was concerned that Charlie was toeing an unhealthy line here.

"I…" she said softly and looked away, biting her bottom lip to try and stop the tremble. Olivia immediately squeezed her hands tighter and tried to follow her gaze.

"It's okay," she soothed. "You can tell me anything. I won't judge. I just want to support you the best that I can. And I want to know that you are being safe."

"I'm so confused…" Charlie admitted softly and Olivia just nodded in understanding.

"Of course you are," she said. "Was Trevor the first person since Josh assaulted you again?"

Charlie froze as soon as the question left Olivia's mouth. As the silence continued, Olivia noticed Charlie's hands were shaking a bit in her own.

"Hey, it's okay," she said. "You don't have to answer. But it's okay if you've been with someone, Charlie. I just know you mentioned how kind Trevor was, and I guess I'm worried that maybe others haven't been so kind?"

"I guess...with Trevor," Charlie started, but stuttered as she had trouble forming her thoughts. "Well, every other guy knew what he wanted and was going to get it. Trevor cared more about me than the actual stuff we did."

"That's how it should be," Olivia reassured her softly.

"That's not how it was in Oklahoma…" Charlie said before realizing what came out of her mouth. Her eyes closed as she felt Olivia's eyes stare at her.

"Charlie?" She asked, her voice shaking a little bit.

"No!" She said quickly. "Not that. I just…well, the culture of the media in OKC was pretty sexual. People sleeping around. That's how it is at work sometimes, too. I just figured it was normal and when I was propositioned I thought why not. But, it wasn't that awesome. It didn't feel good."

"Oh, Charlie," Olivia sighed out and rub her hands up and down the girl's arms to comfort her and keep her grounded. But she clearly wanted to continue.

"I mean, I wasn't expecting it to feel good, ya know? Every other experience was awful, so I just figured sex was awful and all of these other girls were just lying about it being so amazing," she paused a bit and took a breath, trying to slow her increasingly panicked ramble. "But then with Trevor…well…it was different. I felt safe. I mean, we didn't have sex. But everything else felt, well, not awful."

Olivia held her breath as she listened to her daughter finally open up more about her struggles. She had wondered whether this had been going on, given a few of the comments and signs here and there, but hadn't wanted to push. She was the last person who could judge for sleeping around within the job, and she was well-aware that sex wasn't always pleasurable for women, even when consensual.

"Are you on birth control, Charlie?" Olivia asked, first wanting to make sure the girl was being safe.

"Not yet," she said. "But we use condoms, don't worry."

Olivia laughed a bit at the idea of her not worrying. Being a Momma meant that her entire life was one big worry.

"Look, I'm not going to tell you what to do about Trevor," Olivia began. "But, I just want you to make sure that anything you end up doing, YOU want to do. There's some gray here, given Trevor's position in your life. And as good of a guy as he is, I don't want you taken advantage of, even unintentionally."

"Okay," she whispered.

"And you never have to sleep with someone just because it's part of the culture," Olivia said firmly. "That's why God gave men hands, so they can take care of themselves."

Charlie just started laughing at that statement, grateful for the comedic relief her mother just provided for them.

"Sorry if I over-shared, Liv," Charlie said once they stopped their giggling. "I'm sure this is the last thing you want to be talking to your kid about."

"That's not true," she answered firmly. "I want you to talk to me about this. I want to be there for you, okay? I don't care what time it is - or what the subject matter is. If you need me, I'm here. Okay?"

"I'm so grateful for you," Charlie whispered, finally looking up at the woman in front of her. Olivia just offered her a small smile.

"Oh, baby girl. Words will never be enough to tell you how grateful I am for you. For my family."

* * *

"Okay, Captain Tucker," Dr. Lee said jovially as he entered the room holding the results of Ed's testing. "How are you feeling after your trip?"

Ed was perched on the table, laid back with his feet up, and donning a blue paper gown. Olivia stood by his head, running her fingers through his short hair. They hadn't said much to each other while waiting for the doctor, but it was clear they both needed the physical contact. If they weren't holding hands, one of them was caressing the other, almost as a way to calm their anxiety about the results.

"I feel great, doc," Ed responded enthusiastically and Dr. Lee eyed him a bit.

"Any shortness of breath? Feeling tired quickly? Pain anywhere?"

"Nope, nope, and nope," Ed responded confidently and Olivia gave a little smile.

"Diet?"

"I've stopped cooking with salt," Olivia said. "And we are eating more lean meats and fish. Vegetables."

As Olivia explained their new diet, Ed's face went from pride to disgust as he thought about all the bland food he was having to eat. The doctor gave a little laugh, and patted his leg.

"It's okay, Captain Tucker. Your blood work looks great. So I see no reason why you can't slowly begin to spice up the menu," he said. "But stay away from too much grease and fried food, okay?"

"You got it, Doc," Ed agreed quickly and Olivia chuckled a bit.

"I've got the report from Anna about your cardio-therapy. But how to you feel it's going? You feel strong?"

"I think so," Ed answered honestly. "I'm a little nervous to overdo it. But I chased my son around on the beach for a bit and didn't feel out of breath afterwards."

"How about sexually?" The doctored continued down his list of questions, making little notes here and there. "Have you gotten aroused since the attack?"

Ed's face turned red, as did Olivia's, but he took a deep breath before answering.

"Well, I love my wife more than anything, so it's hard not to get aroused sometimes," he said honestly. "But we haven't had sex since the heart attack."

"When you were aroused, how did your heart feel?" The doctor asked, looking his patient in the eye.

"Normal?" Ed responded, a little confused. "Well, normal in an aroused way? That's a weird question doc."

Dr. Lee just laughed and put the chart down, giving his full attention to the couple in front of him.

"I only ask because I see no reason why you can't resume sexual activity," Dr. Lee said, giving a little smirk at the way Ed's eyes lit up at the statement. "But, let's not do anything too…over the top right in the beginning okay?"

"Anything you say, Doc," Ed said as he looked up to Olivia and gave her a smirk. She reached down to squeeze his hand and return his smile, knowing he was already thinking about when they could get themselves in bed.

"Okay, I think that's about it," Dr. Lee said, pulling out his tablet to make some notes. "If anything out of the ordinary comes up, call me immediately. Other than that, I'll see you again in six weeks."

* * *

By the time Olivia got home from work that evening, it was pushing ten o'clock. She was frustrated at the idea that she missed Noah's bedtime, but as she walked into the apartment she couldn't help but feel relieved that it was quiet. They had a full house that day, case wise, and she was tired of just about everything. Right in that moment, she wanted a glass of wine and to curl up with her husband. As she made her way through the darkened living room, she began to wonder if Ed was already asleep. She did a quick check in on Noah, kissed his little cheek, then started peeling her jacket off as she entered the bedroom.

"Hey, baby," Ed said, looking up from where he was perched on the bed, reading on the iPad. "Long evening?"

"Ugh," was all Olivia could manage as she went straight into the bathroom to start the shower and came back out. "Just…ugh."

She moved over to the closet and began to strip down for her shower as Ed watched her appreciatively. As she got down to her bra and panties, he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her belly and kissed the back of her neck.

"Anything I can do?" He asked in a tone that told Olivia he knew exactly what he wanted to do to help and she let out a little chuckle.

"Maybe…" she said and turned around giving him a smirk. "But I need to shower first."

Ed gave her a little pout and then kissed her gently.

"Are we okay?" He asked hesitantly, almost afraid that bringing up their little impasse would end up meaning no sex. But he couldn't make love to her, without knowing she was 100% in it. Olivia just looked at him, more love in her eyes than he had ever seen.

"I love you Ed Tucker," she said, her voice getting choked up a little bit. "I love you. I love how patient you are with me. I love how you love me. I love how your body loves me. And despite needing to work through some things, I just want you to love me tonight."

Ed growled as he backed her against the door to the closet and devoured her mouth, quickly moving his hands to her backside and pulling her close to him. She kissed him back with equal ferver, before pulling away and trying to catch her breath.

"It's silly to take a shower now, Liv," Ed said with a smirk. "You'll just need to get back in once I'm done with you…"

"Touche, Captain," she said in a whisper and smashed her lips against his, swallowing a soft grunt he made at the impact. He turned them around and slowly backed them towards the bed, stopping as her knees hit the mattress. He took her face in his hands and kissed each eyelid, her nose, and then her mouth before pulling back and looking into her eyes.

"Tell me what you want, baby," he said in a near growl.

"You" she said breathlessly. "I just want you."

* * *

 ** _You tell me: Continue this scene or move forward in the story? Any other ideas? Leave that review!_**


	20. Chapter 20

_**I'm convinced I have the best readers ever. All of you. But enough of that...where were we?**_

* * *

Ed was situated between Olivia's legs, holding her hips in place as he ate at her. She had just grabbed a pillow to cover her face as her moans and cries got increasingly louder. As he kept going, he began to feel her body shake and her hips try to thrust up. He held her tighter, restricting her movement, but moved his mouth on her more aggressively.

"Ed!" She shrieked from under the pillow and Ed glanced up at her, watching her grip the pillow tightly as she kept crying out in pleasure. He finally zeroed in on her spot and was relentless until her entire body tensed up.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh God! Ed!" the cries, though muffled, were loud and it caused him to keep going to coax more from his wife.

"Ahhhhhhh, FUCK!" She yelled as her entire body convulsed and shook, and she let out grunts and noises that were music to Ed's ears. He quickly moved his hands all over her body, trying to calm and soothe her after her incredibly intense release. She was panting and her body had gone completely slack, so he crawled up slowly to remove the pillow and look down at her with a cocky smirk.

"God, I love doing that to you," he said in a husky whisper as he leaned down to kiss her gently, continuing to soothe her.

"Ed," she said, still breathless. "God, I love you."

"I love you too," he chuckled and kissed all over her face as she fought to calm her breathing. He settled into her neck, licking and sucking one spot as Olivia scratched her head with her fingertips.

"Ed?" She asked, finally gaining a little bit of feeling back into her body.

"Hm?" He asked, barely lifted his head from her neck. "You're delicious…"

Olivia just giggled as Ed continued his obsession with that sensitive place where her jaw and ear meet. He finally pried his lips off of her so he could look into her eyes.

"Hi," he whispered as he just started into her soul. Olivia found herself getting choked up at the intensity of the moment so she leaned up to kiss his lips quickly.

"Hi," she responded in a similar whisper, before rolling them over and straddling his waist. She went to work kissing and sucking at his neck and moving down his chest, pausing in the general area of his heart. She paid extra attention there, placing soft kisses all over. Suddenly, Ed felt her teardrops falling onto his pecs and he stroked her hair to soothe her emotions. She was still running her lips and tongue over him, pausing occasionally to feel the beating of his heart. She finally lifted her head up and situated herself over her husband, looking into his eyes as she lowered herself slowly onto him. Ed reached up to grasp her hips to help guide her, but they never looked away from each other. As she finally took all of him inside of her, she paused to kiss his lips and allow her body to adjust. Ed was not a small man and it had been a little while, so he knew that she needed a moment. Finally, she looked back down into his eyes and began to move.

"Liv…" he whispered, as his body relished in the feeling of his wife making love to him. "I love you…"

Olivia's tears began to fall again as she moved over him. The emotion of the moment was not lost on either of them. Ed reached up to dry her cheeks, then he followed that up with light kisses.

"Oh, baby," he whispered, voice full of emotion while she began to speed up but still keep it gentle and soft. Her pants became evident as he ran his hands all over her breasts, sides, and backside.

"Ed," she gasped. "I love you. I love you so fucking much."

"Liv, baby," he grunted out as his hips began to thrust up into her on their own volition. "God, I love you. I can't get enough of you."

"Ungh."

"Oh."

Ed wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, allowing himself the ability to keep her still as he thrust up into her. Their eyes remained locked on each other as they barreled towards a mutual release. As they both reached that peak and attempted to calm down, Ed pulled her into his chest and held her as close as he possibly could.

"Forever mine, Liv."

"Forever yours."

* * *

The alarm blared through the Tucker bedroom the next morning and it was met by groans and explitives.

"Ughhhhhhh," Liv moaned as she hit the snooze button and rolled back into her husband. "Too. Early."

Ed just chuckled at her as she buried herself deeper under the covers and attempted to get back to sleep. He had clearly worn her out the night before.

"Liv," he said gently and ran his fingertips over her bare back. "Noah will be up soon."

"Fine," she mumbled and rolled herself out of bed to grab her pajamas and throw Ed his boxers. Ed watched her with amusement so she shot him a look. "What?"

"You're walking funny," he said proudly.

"Yeah, well, who's fault is that?" She said back to him with a raspy sass to her voice. As she collapsed back into the bed, he immediately rolled on top of her and gave her a kiss.

"Good morning, sweetheart," he said as he enjoyed the closeness of the morning after their lovemaking.

"Good morning, my love," she whispered to him. "Last night was amazing."

"It was, wasn't it?"

"I'm so glad you are healthy and alive," she continued as he stroked her cheek. "And I'm so glad you're mine."

"Always," he said and kissed her sweetly before getting out of the bed and heading to the door as he spoke over his shoulder. "I'll put the coffee on. You grab a shower, if there's any water left."

Olivia just laughed at how long she had left the shower running last night while her husband ravaged her. It was totally worth it.

* * *

Charlie stood nervously outside of the door to Trevor's office. They were supposed to meet about the settlement today, but she was still feeling embarrassed about their little encounter. As she stood there debating whether to knock or run, the door flew open.

"Charlie!" Trevor said happily. "I didn't hear you knock. Come on in."

She stood there a minute longer, before following him into the office and awkwardly looking around trying to decide where to sit. Aside from a few text messages and one short phone call, this was the first time they were really spending time together since that night in the hotel.

"Charlie, it's okay," he said softly, clearly realizing that she wasn't sure what to do. "Sit wherever you are comfortable and I'll pull up a chair."

As Charlie made her way over the the couch and sat down, Trevor brought over two bottles of water and took the chair on the other side of the coffee table. They both sat there for a minute, before he opened his folder and clicked his pen.

"Okay," he began. "First things first. You should be receiving your settlement within the next month. Are you okay with them sending it here to the law office, then I can distribute it to whatever account you decide to use?"

"Yeah," she said with a nod. "That sounds good. I want to talk to my dad about where to put it all. Some will go straight to student loans I guess?"

"It's yours to do anything you'd like with, Charlie," Trevor said gently. "You will be set for life with this."

They both sat there after that statement, lost in thought. Charlie was beginning to feel overwhelmed at the recent developments, so she nervously fidgeted with the hem of her blouse. It was hard for her to fathom the stage of her life right now, given where she was even a year ago. Finally Trevor put his folder down and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Charlie, you deserve this," he said softly. "Obviously money doesn't fix anything. But now you can breathe a little easier. And enjoy your life, however it is you want to live it."

"I just can't believe it," she said honestly. "After all the running and hiding and fear and violence, it's over."

"Well, that part is over," Trevor responded. "Your journey will never end. But you have so many of us here to help you."

Charlie looked up at him and all of the feelings she felt towards him came flooding back to her. How gentle, kind, passionate, and loving he was towards her. All the time.

"I'm sorry I was so…." she began, unsure of how to actually apologize. Before she could finish, Trevor shook his head and went to sit next to her on the couch.

"You don't have to apologize, Charlie," he said as he grabbed her hand. "I care about you. A lot. And I had a great time that night. Nothing to be sorry about, okay?"

"You are amazing," she whispered. "Do you know that?"

"I'm not amazing, Charlie," he said and touched her cheek for a moment. "You are the amazing one. I'm just treating you the way you deserve."

Charlie sat there for a moment, content and happy. Then, much to Trevor's surprise, she burst out laughing.

"My poor dad…" she said with a little laugh, watching as Trevor's face turned a shade of red.

"That was…mortifying, to say the least," he admitted, then started laughing with her. "He looked like he wanted to kill me right then and there."

"He really did," Charlie said as her giggles calmed down. "You handled it well, tho."

"He's not a man I want to cross," Trevor said honestly. "But, maybe he would get on board eventually?"

"He would, if it made me happy," Charlie said looking up at him with some hope in her eyes.

"How about I take you to dinner?" Trevor said. "Take this slow."

"I'd like that…" Charlie said with a bashful smile. "I'd like that a lot."

* * *

Later that night found Ed and Olivia quietly cleaning up the kitchen after Noah had gone to sleep. Ed was washing dishes while Liv was drying and putting them away. They seemed to be existing in a state of perfect contentment. As she dried the last plate and put it in the cabinet, she let out a sigh and leaned against the counter to watch her husband drain the dirty water.

"We probably should plan Noah's birthday party," she said softly.

"Yeah, we should," Ed agreed as he dried his hands and turned to face her. "What are you thinking? Big? Small?"

"Hmmm," she murmured as she thought about it. "Maybe small. Just the family, some of the squad, Uncle Munchie. All of the important people in his life?"

"Sounds good to me," Ed said. "Kid parties sound exhausting."

"They really do," Olivia said as she laughed a little. "I suppose eventually we'll need to find the energy for one, though."

"Yeah," Ed admitted. "But maybe not until Kindergarten?"

"And even then, we'll put Charlie in charge," Olivia said with a little smirk.

"Oh, she'd love that," Ed agreed and took his wife into her arms. "So would Noah."

"Mmmmhmmmm" she agreed as she took in the comfort he was offering her. "Central Park?"

"Maybe," he said as he thought more about it. "We could bring stuff to play with and set up a picnic for everyone?"

"I like how that sounds," Olivia whispered, rubbing her cheek against Ed's chest. "I'll text Charlie and we can decide on a date."

"Speaking of Charlie," Ed said, very obviously looking to segue into the topic of their daughter. "Did she seem okay this morning for breakfast?"

Olivia took a little bit to gather her thoughts before she answered him. On one hand, she wanted to honor Charlie's trust in her given the nature of her current struggles. But on the other hand, her and Ed were still not quite back to where they were. Would hiding more just create more tension? Obviously, Ed could tell she was debating something in her head, so he kissed her forehead and pulled back to look into her eyes.

"Olivia," he began. "I trust you. I know Charlie trusts you. And if you don't want to tell me about whatever it is, I will figure out how to deal with it."

"Ed…" she whispered and leaned up to kiss him. "I love you so much for saying that."

"Just, can you tell me if she's okay? Or if I should fucking kill Langan?" he asked with a little smirk, but Olivia knew he was very serious.

"You don't have to kill Trevor, babe," Olivia assured him and went to kiss his lips again. "But Charlie is struggling. I just want her to keep talking to me."

"I want her to keep talking too," Ed said honestly. "Because if anyone can help her, it's you."

"It still bothers you though, doesn't it?" Olivia asked, wanting to make sure that he was okay with being in the dark about certain things involving his daughter.

"A little," he admitted and then rubbed the back of his head as he thought more. "I worry about her, Liv. A lot. She's just…been through so much."

"I know," Olivia said and put her hand on his arm offering a little comfort.

"I wish she would trust me with some of this," Ed admitted. "But I'm so grateful she has you to be her Momma now, Olivia. I really am. And I am so sorry that I reacted the way I did in Florida. I trust you, fully and completely, with my life. With Noah's life. And with Charlie's life."

* * *

 ** _Up Next: Noah turns 4! Leave a review, please and thank you!_**


	21. Chapter 21

_**To make up for last chapter's lack of Noah, and it's significantly high M rating, here's a whole lot of Noah fluff...**_

* * *

"Uncle Munchie it my BIRF-DAY!" Noah yelled as John Munch made his way to the party by Turtle Pond in Central Park. Munch noticed a piece of fabric blowing in the wind as the little boy ran towards him for a hug.

"Noah!" Munch said happily. "What do you have on?"

"It my SUPER-NOAH cape, Uncle Munchie," he said excitedly and spun around so he could get a better look. "Tar-lie made it for my birf-day. She have one too, see!"

Noah turned and pointed to where Charlie, Olivia, and Ed were still setting up all the food on the collapsible table they had drug out to the park. He was a little early, but the only thing Munch noticed in that moment was the matching capes that the little family appeared to be wearing. Same design, but different colors. Ed's was a navy blue color, with a big "E" on it, Olivia's was yellow with an "O", Charlie's was a shade of lavender with a "C", and Noah's was red with an "N" on it.

"We SUPER-FAMILY, Uncle Munchie. Tar-lie say so," Noah said matter-of-factly, as he took the older man's hand and led him towards the balloons and food.

"Hey John," Olivia said and went to hug her friend. He kissed her on the cheek then moved to shake Ed's hand.

"Greetings, Super Family," Munch said in his usual dry-wit tone. "What can I do to help?"

"What dat?" Noah interrupted as he noticed the big, festive gift bag Munch was toting.

"Well, young squire, it MIGHT be a present for the birthday boy," Munch said, peering down at his little friend through his glasses. Noah's face lit up in excitement. "Do you happen to know where he is?"

"I BIRF-DAY BOY, UNCLE MUNCHIE!" He yelled and Munch faked a surprised look.

"Wait, YOU are the birthday boy? Guess I better take this present back," he said and looked down into the bag. "I'm sure you don't want any more toys…"

"Nooooooo, Uncle Munchie! I want toys!" Noah said, jumping up and down in excitement. He was clearly over the moon for his little party. Charlie was watching them in amusement and finally came over to grab the little boy and hang him upside down.

"TAR-LIE!" He shrieked and then dissolved into a fit of laughter. Munch tickled his little belly, as he helplessly hung upside down, and the boy just roared in giggles. Finally, the two adults gave him a reprieve and Noah just looked up at Charlie with a smile. "Tar-lie, we go find turtles now?"

"Sure thing, kiddo," she said and took his hand to lead him away from the party set-up. "We'll be back, Liv!"

"Okay, babies. Have fun," she responded with a smile and continued to organize everything on the table just as she wanted. She couldn't help but feel so content in this moment. Her baby boy's birthday party, surrounded by all the people who have supported her. Just one thing seemed to be missing. "Ed, where did we put the candles?"

"They should be in the front pocket of the cooler," Ed said as he finished blowing up the balloon arrangement.

"Well, they aren't," Liv said quickly and began to search her own purse. "We have to have candles…"

"Calm down, babe," Ed said. "They are somewhere. And if not, I'll call Fin to pick some up."

"Okay," she said taking a deep breath and looking at him gratefully. "Sorry, I just want this to be perfect."

"It will be," Munch said. "I'm here, what more could you ask for?"

* * *

A couple hours later found the group sprawled out in various places along the shore of Turtle Pond. Ed had provided a large spread of rolls, deli meats, and salads – enough to feed an army, really. Noah was perched in Olivia's lap, playing with some of his new presents while some of the other adults played a game of Ladder Golf which Carisi had dropped off on his way to the precinct. All of a sudden Charlie let out a victorious yell, and Olivia looked up in time to see her and Fin high five each other.

"No fair," Ed whined. "You stuck the old guys together."

"Hey, speak for yourself old man," Munch said in a joking tone. The foursome began to laugh and make their way back over to where Olivia and Amanda sat with the two kids. As they all got comfortable, Ed passed around the sangria pitcher for refills.

"Here, drink up. We have no more room in our fridge," he said.

"You would know that now, huh Mr. Mom?" Fin said in a joking tone, but Olivia's head snapped up at the comment.

"Has Liv given you a frilly apron yet?" Munch asked with a smirk, enjoying the opportunity to pick on the former IAB Captain. Tucker, however, didn't even flinch at the comments.

"Yes, and its pink. Just the way I like it," he said with a dry tone. "Someone has to cook in this family."

"Touche, Captain," Munch said. "Olivia and cooking do not mix well."

Olivia reached out to grab his hand in support and gave him a small smile. It had been about a year since Ed's retirement and even though they had settled into the change as a family, Olivia still worried that he would eventually get bored and resent the whole idea of not having his career. Though, she supposed with everything they had going on he may not have had time to miss being on the job. But things were calming down just a little bit, so that could change. Either way, she didn't appreciate Munch and Fin picking on him.

"He dedicated a lot of his life to the job," Olivia said in his defense, and also with a stern look about her. "He deserves the chance at being Stay-At-Home-Dad if he so chooses."

"You ever think you'll do some private work, Captain?" Rollins asked as she allowed Jesse to crawl over the Charlie's open arms.

"Maybe," he mused. "For now, though, I'm happy where I am."

"Yo, if someone told me 10 years ago that Ed Tucker would willingly become Mr. Mom, I'd have laughed straight in their face," Fin said.

"Yeah, well, people change," Ed said and then looked to change the subject. "Who is ready for cake?"

"Oh, I am!" Fin said. "And I want credit for saving the day with the candles."

* * *

Amanda and Charlie were walking slowly out of the park and in the direction of the apartment building, each pushing a stroller with a sleeping child in it. The party had been a total success, and Noah and Jesse were completely worn out. With Fin offering to stay and help Ed and Liv breakdown the setup, the other women decided to take the kids back to air conditioning and maybe in the bath.

"You settled in after that roller coaster in Florida?" Amanda asked, hoping to get Charlie to open up a little to her. It had been almost a month since the lawsuit was settled, and life was progressing semi-normally for the Tucker family.

"I think so," Charlie responded softly. "It feels weird, though, to have nothing hanging over me in that way."

"I can't even imagine," Amanda said shaking her head a bit. "I know your dad is glad it has calmed down."

"Yeah," she said. "He still checks in on me obsessively, though. Not that I mind. But I'm relieved that all the stress has gone down. And he seems to be back to his normal self."

"I did notice he was pretty active at the party," Amanda said.

"Yeah, he doesn't get tired as easily anymore. Which is a huge relief for him," Charlie said, then chuckled a bit. "He was going absolutely crazy when he was so restricted."

The two ladies continued the slow walk down Central Park West, both lost in thought, until Amanda changed the subject slightly.

"How's it going living on your own after all of this? Do you feel safe?"

"I guess so," Charlie said, seemingly lost in thought. "I spend most weekends with the family, making forts with Noah. So it is really just weeknights that I'm alone. And even then, Noah will demand a sleepover and who can say no to that? But, to be honest, some nights go better than others."

"I can definitely relate to that," Amanda said with a little chuckle. "What about getting a roommate?"

"Eh," Charlie said with a shrug. "I'm not much for strange people right now."

"Well, you let me know if certain nights are harder than others. Jesse and I will come keep you company," Rollins offered with a smile and Charlie looked at her appreciatively.

"I'd love that, Amanda," she said. "You up for an iced coffee before we get back?"

"Always," Amanda replied. "My treat."

* * *

Ed was lying face down on the bed, still in his clothes from the day, as Olivia made her way out of the bathroom and to the dresser to get her pajamas on. As she pulled the shorts up and tied the drawstring, she looked over and chuckled at her husband. He was exhausted.

"Did you put sunscreen on, babe?" She asked as she climbed into bed and inspected the back of his neck. It was pretty red.

"No," he mumbled from where his face was still in the pillow. "That would have made too much sense, wouldn't it?"

"I'll get some Aloe tomorrow," she said softly as she ran her fingers softly over her head. "I think today went really well, don't you?"

Ed finally rolled over and took her hand in his, bringing it to his lips.

"I think it was perfect," he said as he kissed each one of her fingertips softly. She gave him a soft smile as he pulled her into his chest and settled his chin on the top of her head. "Our little guy is officially four."

"Yeah," she said, though her voice was so soft he could barely hear her. "Time is going too fast."

"It really is," Ed mused. They remained in each other's arms for a while, both awake, but just enjoying the calm of the night. Olivia finally picked her head up a bit, resting her chin on Ed's chest, and looked into his eyes.

"Did it bother you today? All of the 'Mr. Mom' talk?" She finally asked, after fretting about it most of the evening. Sometimes Munch and Fin went a little too far in their general poking at people, and she was worried that Ed was stewing on it a bit.

"Not in the least," he said, putting her worries at ease. "Sometimes I miss the job, but I wouldn't trade my lot in life for anything in the world right now."

"Yeah?" Olivia asked, fully believing him, but wanting to know more.

"Absolutely," he said. "I love being the one to get Noah from preschool during the week. And bringing you lunch when you have some spare time. And arguing with a toddler about what vegetables to buy at the market. And all the free time I have to annoy Charlie with messages and ideas."

Olivia just watched as her husband explained, in detail, all of the reasons he loved their life right now. She was in awe.

"Maybe down the road I will look into consultant work, even if it's just a hobby," he mused. "But right now I love being Mr. Mom. I gave too much of my life to the job. I missed everything about Charlie's childhood. This is my chance to get it right."

"You are definitely getting it right," Olivia said as she leaned up to kiss him. "Everything about you is just….right."

"Oh yeah?" He asked with a smirk. "What else do you think I can get right tonight?"

"Mmmmm, give it a shot and I'll let you know," she responded as she removed her pajama top and rolled on top of her husband.

* * *

"Tar-lie?" Noah said softly, patting his sister on the cheek hoping to wake her up. They had both passed out cold in their living room fort while watching Peter Pan, and neither one had woken up to move into bed.

"Hm?" Charlie mumbled. "Noah? You okay?"

"I have bad dream, Tar-lie," he said softly, with signs of tears about to flow. Charlie sat up and rubbed her eyes, then pulled the little boy into her lap.

"It was just a dream, pal," she said softly and held him tightly to her. "It's okay."

Noah just laid comfortably against her and popped his thumb into his mouth. The menu screen for Peter Pan was still on the television, giving them a soft green light to illuminate the fort.

"I sleep in your bed, Tar-lie?" He asked, albeit a little slurred since he refused to remove his thumb. Charlie just squeezed him a little tighter.

"Absolutely," she said. "Come on, we'll clean up the fort tomorrow."

She picked Noah up and made her way towards the guest room, turning off the lights as she went.

"Tar-lie?" Noah asked softly, from his spot nestled into her neck.

"Yes?"

"Tank you for my cape," he said and Charlie's heart just melted. The little boy had insisted on sleeping in the cape, but Olivia had finally put her foot down in fear of it choking him. So Charlie came up with the idea to use the cape as a blanket in their fort. Noah had pondered the idea for a while, then reluctantly agreed once he realized it was his only option.

"You're so welcome, pal," Charlie said as they both curled into the bed. "You definitely need a cape."

"Yes," he said and nodded hard. "I be SUPER-NOAH all the time now."

"You sure will," Charlie agreed and rubbed his belly in hopes of soothing him to sleep.

"We be SUPER-FAMILY, just like you say Tar-lie," Noah said, continuing his thought. "We always be SUPER-FAMILY?"

"Always," Charlie responded as she watched Noah close his little eyes. "Always."

* * *

 ** _Thoughts? Ideas? Ready for a little more drama? Leave that review..._**


	22. Chapter 22

_**Sh** **out out to Marigold Musings for coining the term TrevLie...let's explore that a little more, shall we?**_

* * *

"Why'd you decide to become a defense attorney?" Charlie asked as she nervously picked at the grilled snapper in front of her. She had been seeing Trevor for dinner dates off and on the last several weeks, and for some reason she felt a little nervous about it tonight. Every other time they had spent time together, she had been completely comfortable. But tonight was different. In fact, she had left work early just to shower and put a little more effort into her appearance. After much deliberation, she decided on a light blue, shimmery dress that would bring out both her eyes and her sun-tanned skin. Her long, light brown hair hung in loose curls, framing her face, and even as she fidgeted nervously with her drink and food, Trevor was enamored with her beauty.

"In law school I had to take a class on the importance of DNA in prosecuting cases," Trevor explained, all of a sudden very serious in his tone. "I did a research project on people who had been put in jail for crimes they didn't commit, and later exonerated after DNA was found. It was…horrifying, to say the least. I met this man, we'll call him Phil, but he had been in jail for 15 years after being convicted of murdering his own sister. Turns out, DNA proved it wasn't him. But the damage had been done."

Charlie watched Trevor as he got lost in the memory and reached out to grab his hand in support.

"That man had been in jail, suffering years of abuse and malnutrition, while also mourning the loss of his sister. Meanwhile, the real killer was free," Trevor explained. "If he had someone in his corner, fighting even just a little bit harder, maybe that would've been different. So from that point on, I decided to go the defense route."

"Wow," Charlie whispered, in awe of the story Trevor had shared with her. "You're incredible, do you know that?"

"I'm nowhere near incredible," Trevor said, looking into Charlie's eyes. "I just followed my heart. I'm not the ruthless lawyer everyone seems to think I am."

"I never thought that about you," Charlie said quickly and ran her hand up and down his fore-arm in comfort.

"Which is one of the many reasons I'm so attracted to you, Charlie," Trevor admitted honestly. "You have the most authentic and selfless soul I've ever seen. Even after all that you have been through, there's just something about you..."

Charlie ducked her head a bit, feeling a little embarrassed about where Trevor just took the conversation. But he wouldn't let her hide from him. He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear, then used his index finger to tilt her chin up again.

"I'm so serious, Charlie," he said in a deep whisper. "You are just…incredible. Unlike any woman I've ever met. Thank you for trusting me."

"Trevor…" she said, her voice shaky with emotion, but also with bubbling passion.

"Come home with me?" He asked before he was able to stop the words. He mentally kicked himself for being so forward, but Trevor couldn't contain himself anymore. Charlie quickly put his worries at ease, seemingly just as eager to respond.

"Yes…" she whispered, and watched as Trevor through cash down on the table before grabbing her hand and leading her out of the little bistro.

* * *

"Trevor…" Charlie whispered as she ran her fingers through his hair while he kissed at her neck. She suddenly let out a little whimper at the sensation Trevor was creating. He popped his head up and looked down into her eyes, with some concern on his face.

"Are you okay?" He asked in a whisper, stroking her cheek with his finger. After she nodded, he watched her a little longer as he situated himself on top of her. "Are you 100% okay with this?"

"Very okay," she said and leaned up to kiss his lips. "Just…be gentle?"

"Always, Charlotte," he whispered before leaning down to place little kisses all over her face and neck. "Trust me…"

* * *

Charlie laid limp across Trevor's chest, feeling so small and secure against his large frame. He was running his fingers up and down her spine as they both came down from wherever it was they just went together. She was fighting her emotions in that moment, not wanting to come across as a crazy person. But he had made her feel so safe. So loved. And so good. She was have trouble processing the weight of the emotion that followed their love-making. Before she knew what was happening, tears were streaming down her face and landing on Trevor's chest. He looked up at her in alarm, and held her tighter.

"What's wrong baby?" he asked, leaning down to kiss to tears away from her face.

"Nothing. Everything is just…perfect," she sobbed out. "God, you must think I'm crazy."

"Not at all," he said softly as he just continued to caress her back lovingly. "That was…intense. Emotional. For me too."

"Really?" she asked, her voice still full of tears but her body making no attempt at moving from the comfort of Trevor's arms.

"Absolutely," he said. "I can't believe you trusted me enough to finally share this part of you with me."

Charlie finally looked up, resting her chin on her hands which were linked together on Trevor's ribcage. He smiled softly at her before leaning down to kiss her.

"I love that you used my whole name," she admitted to him.

"It's a beautiful name," Trevor said. "For a beautiful woman."

At that, Charlie's tears began to stream down her face harder. Trevor just pulled her back into his chest, letting her cry out all of the emotion she had in her.

"It's okay," he soothed. "Just let it all out. I'm right here. I won't hurt you, Charlotte."

* * *

"Did you ever hear back from Charlie last night?" Ed asked as he pushed the eggs around in the skillet the next morning. Olivia was putting in her earrings and trying to entertain Noah while he impatiently waited for his breakfast.

"No," she said. "I'll give her a call once I get to work. Stop worrying so much."

"I can't help it," he muttered as he scooped the scramble onto three plates. "I know she is an adult, but she's just been through a lot."

"She has," Olivia admitted. "But that doesn't mean she isn't able to make her own choices. Good ones and bad ones."

Ed just grunted as he walked over and put Noah out of his starving misery.

"Trevor is a bad decision," he said in a grumpy tone.

"Ed," Olivia warned, as she blew on Noah's eggs to cool them down a bit. "You don't know that, okay? But if it turns out to be a bad decision, then we will be there to catch her."

"I just…"

"Stop it," Olivia said sternly. "If something is wrong, let her come to us okay? She needs to know that we trust her to find her footing."

"Fine," he huffed before taking a bite of his eggs and pouting for a bit. Olivia just rolled her eyes at him.

"I swear, it's like I have two little boys sometimes," she said to Noah who just looked at her as he used his hand to shove food into his mouth.

"Noah you little boy," he said to his mom, looking to her for reassurance. She just leaned in and smothered him in kisses, eliciting a giggle.

"Oh you are my little boy," she cooed. "My only little boy. And I love you so so so so much."

"And Tar-lie you little girl?" He asked, wanting continual assurance that the family roles were still as they should be.

"Absolutely," she said and wiped the egg he got smeared on his cheek. "I'm one lucky Momma."

"I go to work with you, Mommy?" He asked, using his sweet face to try and convince his parents once again to let him skip school. Olivia shook her head a bit, already dreading when Noah was older and even more dead-set on not going to school.

"Not today, Noah," she said. "But maybe you and daddy can come to the precinct for lunch, when you get out of preschool?"

Ed's eyes lit up at the chance to join his wife for lunch that day, so he turned to Noah.

"In that case bud, we better behave," he whispered. Noah looked at him with a little grin and nodded.

"Otay, Daddy, I bee-have," Noah said as Olivia got up from the table and grabbed her stuff.

"Okay my loves, I'm off," she said, leaning over to kiss Noah and then turning to Ed. He managed to pull her down into his lap for a deeper goodbye kiss. As she pulled back she gave him a little smile. "I love you."

"Love you too," he said, then gave her one more quick kiss before she got up. "Be safe."

"Always," she responded, and with that she was gone. Noah and Ed sat in silence for a bit, lost in thought.

"Daddy?" Noah said, looking up at him with those eyes.

"Yes, bud?"

"I not go to s-kool?"

* * *

Ed was getting ready to head out to the building's gym when he heard a knock at the door. He made his way across the apartment, wondering why no one buzzed him from downstairs about a visitor, and looked through the peep-hole. Charlie.

"Hey!" He said happily as he opened the door to her. "No work today?"

"Nah, I called out," she said simply as she walked in. Ed took note of her appearance: freshly showered and wearing lounge clothes. "Do you have coffee?"

"I can put on another pot," he said. "Come on. You hungry, too?"

"Not really," she said and went to work making the pot of coffee, even though her dad had offered. "Is Olivia home?"

"No," he said slowly, trying to figure out what was going on with her. "She's at work. Noah's at preschool. So it's just your old man."

"Oh, right," she said, shaking her head a bit and rubbing at her eyes. "I'm feeling a little mixed up."

"You okay, sweetheart?" Ed finally asked, coming to stand next to her in the kitchen while the coffee brewed. She just looked up at him, biting her bottom lip.

"Yeah," she sighed out. "I think so."

"Why did you call out of work?" He asked, not quite willing to accept her answer. He watched as she began to pick at the dishrag laying on the counter. "What's going on?"

"Work just…it sucks," she finally admitted. "I hate it. I mean, I love it, but I hate it."

"Not your dream job anymore?" Ed asked, genuinely concerned about the fact that his sports loving daughter now hated her job at ESPN.

"It's just," she started, then stopped as the coffee pot beeped. She took time to gather her thoughts as she fixed her and her dad a cup of coffee, then they retreated to the sofa. "After everything that has happened, I guess the job just feels sorta…blah."

"You're being cryptic here…" Ed said in a teasing way, but he was being honest. He wasn't used to Charlie rambling like this, without making much sense. "Start from the beginning with me. When did you start hating it?"

"I guess while I was in OKC," she said. "It was so great to be there and watch those games, but the culture of the job was really sexist. I was uncomfortable a lot, and when I stop to think about it, I wasn't making a positive impact on the world doing what I did out there."

"Women in media are few and far between," Ed noted. "You may not feel like it, but just being in your job is making a positive impact."

"I never thought of it that way," Charlie mused. "Either way, I don't think I want to stay there much longer."

Ed sat there for a minute, nursing his coffee, and studying the look on his daughter's face. He was in amazement at her strength and her poise. It was clear something was bothering her in that moment, other than her job, but she still sat there with her head up. He couldn't be more proud of who she was. And of the fact that he was getting a second chance to be her father. So if it was job related stuff she wanted to talk about, he would accept that. Maybe Olivia could get the other stuff out of her later.

"Charlie, if you want to quit you can," he said softly, hoping to say the right words. "You've got that money coming from the settlement, and you know that Olivia and I have your back. If you need some time off to just, recover from the madness of the last few years, or whatever, then I support you 100%. You can travel, you can pick up a new hobby, you can take classes, or you can just bum around with your old man and your little brother for a while."

"Really?" She asked, looking up her dad. In that moment, nothing matter more to her than his opinion about her recent decision to quit her job.

"Really," he confirmed. "In fact, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea. Charlie, you've never really had the chance to just live your life. But you do now. So I say go for it."

Charlie smiled at Ed for a while through teary eyes.

"Thanks, Dad," she whispered and leaned up to give him a hug. "I love you."

"Love you too, sweetheart," he said and kissed the side of her head. "Love you too."

* * *

"Did she say anything?" Olivia asked as she ate her salad that Ed brought up to the precinct. Noah was pushing his cars along the floor of her office as the couple sat on her little sofa midday.

"Not about Trevor, no," he said before biting into his steak roll. "She did tell me she's thinking about quitting her job."

Olivia's head snapped up to his, shock all over her face.

"What?" She asked, and shook her head a bit. "I thought she loved her job."

"I think it's a culmination of things," Ed mused. "But I told her to go for it. The kid deserves a chance to just live her life. She's been through enough. If she wants to quit her job and do nothing for a year, then I think she's entitled."

"I doubt she will do nothing," Olivia said. "But I do think this may be a smart move. Travel? Volunteer?"

"Take some classes," Ed continued the list. "Could be anything. Just proud of her for recognizing she has that choice."

"Me too," Olivia said and leaned forward to kiss her husband. "And I'm proud of you for not prying into her dating life."

Ed just grunted at that and went back to his fake pout.

"Well, this time…"

"Ed…"

"I know, I know," he said with a playful smile. "Hopefully she'll talk to you, though."

"See if she wants to come for dinner later," Olivia suggested. "If I get back to work now, I can be home by 6?"

"Have I told you lately that I love you?" Ed asked, honestly but also with a little song in his voice. Olivia just smiled at him.

"Maybe not in the last 10 minutes…" she teased.

"Oh, well in that case," Ed said as he leaned in for another kiss. "I love you."

* * *

Despite her best efforts, Olivia didn't walk into her apartment until close to 10pm that night. As she quietly crept into the foyer, she noticed the TV was aglow in the living area. Peaking around the corner, her heart melted at the sight in front of her. Ed was out cold on the floor, snoring softly, while Charlie and Noah were cuddled up on either side watching the end of Peter Pan. Noah had his thumb in his mouth and barely moved as Olivia made her way over there. Charlie lifted her head up and rubbed her eyes a bit.

"Hey Olivia," she whispered. "Long night?"

"I'm just glad to be home," she responded back. "I'm starving."

Charlie got up and crawled out of the living room fort, making her way towards the kitchen.

"I put a plate in the microwave for you," she said. "I'll go heat it up. You change. Wine?"

"Oh _yes_ ," Olivia responded walking towards her bedroom. "You are a god-send."

Charlie just smiled and went about fixing Olivia up her dinner, occasionally peaking over to check on Noah and her dad. She was pretty convinced Noah was just asleep with his eyes open at that point, because he still hadn't realized his mom had come home. Charlie poured herself a glass of wine, along with Olivia's, and set them up at the dining table. It wasn't much longer before Olivia re-emerged with a freshly washed face and sporting leggings and an over sized t-shirt.

"Better?" Charlie asked as Olivia took a long sip of the Pinot Noir selection.

"God yes," she said. "Thanks, sweetheart."

"Anytime Liv," she said. "Clearly dad couldn't stay up, but I've got your back."

Olivia just laughed and dug into the pot roast, closing her eyes as she chewed.

"This is amazing," she said. "Did your dad make this?"

"Nope," Charlie said with a smile. "I did."

"I want the recipe..." she said as she began to shovel the food in. They sat there in a comfortable silence, with Peter Pan playing softly in the background, before Charlie took a deep breath.

"I slept with Trevor last night..." she whispered, not looking up from her wine glass. Olivia froze mid-bite, slowly put her fork down, and looked at Charlie with concern.

"Are you okay?" She asked, wanting to get her immediate concerns out of the way. "Inside, outside, all okay?"

"I am," she said confidently. "Very okay. Confused. A little emotional. But perfectly fine otherwise."

"Good," Olivia said, with a sigh of relief. She reached out to take Charlie's hand and squeeze it tightly. "Oh, Charlie..."

Charlie just kept her eyes fixed on their joined hands and bit her bottom lip while Olivia tried to come up with something to say.

"I don't think it was a mistake," Charlie finally whispered. "But...I still feel so confused. When I'm with him, I'm not confused. But then...later, when it's just me...I don't know."

Olivia took note of the rambling that Ed had mentioned earlier. She was in agreement that it was not like their daughter to be so unclear when she was speaking to them. But, as far as Olivia was concerned, that just drove the point home that the girl was totally confused.

"Mommy?" A soft voice broke the two women out of their thoughts as Noah made his way over to them, dragging his red SUPER-NOAH cape behind him.

"Hi my sweet boy," Olivia said softly, pulling him up into her lap and holding him tightly to her. "I missed you tonight."

"Miss you too, Mommy," he said, though muffled since his thumb was still in his mouth. "Tar-lie make dinner. You sleep-over?"

"Sure, pal," Charlie agreed softly. Olivia just looked at her with a little smile.

"Should we wake Daddy up so he can go to bed?" Olivia asked with a little smirk, and Noah just giggled.

"Daddy snoring!" he said with his nose all crinkled up.

"Well, sometimes Daddies snore," Charlie said. "Why don't you go wake him up for us?"

"Otay!" Noah said and hopped down. "Daddy! SUPER-NOAH coming to get you!"

Olivia and Charlie just laughed a little when they heard Ed grunt, presumably as Noah crashed onto him.

"We'll figure this out, baby girl," Olivia assured Charlie quietly. "Just keep talking to me, okay?"

"Okay, Olivia," Charlie said with a smile. "Thanks for everything."

"One day you'll stop thanking me," she said with a playful grin. "As I always say..."

"That's what Mommas are for..." Charlie finished for her.

* * *

 ** _Love it? Hate it? Lemme know (kindly, please)..._**

 ** _#Tuckson_**


	23. Chapter 23

_**A/N: It was brought to my attention that my OC Charlie, and her storyline, were being used in other fics. To be clear, Charlie is mine and so is her story. She is very near and dear to my heart, and I would appreciate the courtesy of at least asking permission if you intend to use her character or distribute this story elsewhere.**_

 _ **With that out of the way, I give you the calm before the approaching storm...**_

* * *

"Langan," Fin said with a little contempt. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, good morning to you too, Detective Tutuola," he said confidently. "I'm just here to see your boss. We need to tie up a few loose ends. She in?"

Fin eyed him suspiciously and then nodded, as if to give him the green light to enter the office. Trevor gave a quick thank you and headed through the 1-6 to knock on Olivia's door.

"Come in," he heard softly and he made his presence known. Olivia looked up in surprise, immediately taking off her glasses and standing up.

"Trevor," she exclaimed. "I wasn't expecting you."

"Sorry, Lieutenant," he said in a softer tone than she was used to. "I didn't mean to just show up, but I wanted to try and see you."

Olivia eyed him for a bit, before sitting back in her chair and gesturing for him to have a seat.

"I assume this isn't a professional visit," she said, wary of where this was headed. Given her talk with Charlie the other night, she was more than a little uncomfortable with the possibility of this conversation. If anything, her biggest worry was that she would overstep her boundaries here and tell Trevor to back the fuck off of her daughter. So she was going to have to reign it in more than she thought she would be able to.

"Not quite," he said and then rubbed his palms on his pants, clearly nervous about the whole situation.

"Spit it out, Trevor," she said, while also offering him a smirk.

"I…" he said and Olivia rolled her eyes, not wanting to pacify his nerves.

"You slept with my daughter," she said frankly, hoping to just rip the bandaid off. It worked. Trevor looked up at her with wide eyes, almost fearful. He took a deep breath, and allowed his eyes to close briefly. "Is this when you come here to tell me it was a mistake? Because I swear to God, Langan, I have years worth of pent up anger and no issue taking it out on you."

"No," he said quickly. "No, that isn't it at all Olivia."

"Then what are you doing in my office right now?" she pressed. He needed to get to the point, and fast, because she was uncomfortable.

"I care about her," he admitted softly.

"Good," Olivia said, giving him a nod.

"I more than care about her, Olivia," he said, finally looked up to make eye contact. Olivia was not sure what to make it that admission, so she stayed quiet. "I don't want to hurt her, but she's been through a lot."

"Yes," Olivia said, fire shooting from her narrowed eyes. "She has been through a lot. And she cares about you too, Trevor."

"Look, I guess I just wanted your advice on how to proceed," Trevor said softly. "I would like more than anything to pursue a relationship with Charlie. But I don't want to hinder her recovery, or make anything worse for her."

Olivia watched the man in her office for a little bit, studying his body language. He clearly was nervous, as he should be, but there was something else. Almost a quiet pain to the way he was speaking. In a way it softened her heart about the conversation, but she refused to let that show. Instead, she went into Mama Bear role.

"Trevor, Charlie is an adult. And she is capable of making her own decisions," Olivia began, hoping to make clear that it was Charlie whom Trevor should be speaking with. "But as her mother, I have to point something out right now. You are in a position of power with her. And it's a dangerous line to toe. She's vulnerable. She's confused. Her emotions are all over the place. That doesn't mean that she doesn't know what she wants, but it does mean that you could really hurt her."

Trevor took a deep breath and ran his hand down his face. She knew that was not what he came here looking for, but she didn't care. He was a grown man and he should hear what she had to say.

"You are not a bad guy, and I'm not implying that here," Olivia continued. "But my job right now is to protect that girl with everything in me. She cares about you. She trusts you. You make her feel safe. And so I'm letting this happen, but believe me when I tell you I will yank those reigns so fast your head will snap, Langan."

"Understood," he said quietly, but looking up at the Lieutenant. "Olivia I swear, I won't hurt her."

"Good," she said. "Because if you do, not only do you have me to deal with, but there's no way I'll be able to stop Ed from losing his mind on you. And I wouldn't even try."

* * *

"RAWRRRR!" Noah said, his face pressed up against the glass as he admired the lions roaming around their habitat. Ed and Charlie had decided to take him to the Bronx Zoo after preschool that day, given the beautiful weather, and the young tyke was elated.

"You trying to speak Lion?" Charlie asked with an amused grin and Noah turned around to her, nodded quickly.

"Yeeeees," he said. "I try to tell lion that I a friend, so he come say hi."

"He looks like he may be sleeping, bud," Ed chimed in as he squatted next to Noah.

"No, he not sleeping Daddy," Noah insisted and turned back around to smash his face against the glass. "RAWRRRRRRRRRR!"

Ed and Charlie just began to laugh, and gave up on convincing Noah not to try and talk to the lions. Instead they just stood back and allowed him the opportunity to prove them wrong.

"When is your last day at ESPN?" Ed asked, as Noah continued his lion talk.

"Next Wednesday," she said quietly.

"You feeling okay about your decision?"

"Definitely," Charlie responded. "It was the right decision. I just worry about not having anything to occupy my time."

"I was thinking maybe we could do a class together?" Ed suggested, almost nervously. Charlie looked at him, a little surprised.

"What kind of class?" She asked, interested in the idea but unsure as to what he meant.

"Oh, I don't know," he mused. "Anything specific you'd be interested in?"

"Well," Charlie started, before hesitating a bit. "A girl from work mentioned kick boxing and I looked into it. Sounded fun, but I'm not much for just…doing things alone."

"Kickboxing, huh?" Ed said, contemplating the idea. "That could be good."

Charlie looked at him a little surprised.

"Really?" She asked.

"Yeah," he said. "Sign us up."

Charlie just smiled up at her dad. He seemed genuinely interested in joining a kick boxing class with her. She wasn't quite sure why it surprised her, but it did. Ed didn't strike her as the type of man who would go socialize in that kind of setting. But since he was retired, maybe that would change. Or maybe it was just the fact that she wanted to do the class and he wanted to spend time with her. She was startled out of her thought by the strange voice of a woman next to her.

"Oh, my Lukey just looooooves the lions," she gushed. Charlie looked up and noticed a little boy, a bit older than Noah, who had also smushed his face onto the glass in hopes of waking the large creatures.

"Yeah," Charlie said quietly, not up for small talk with strangers but also not wanting to be rude. "He's been like that for about 10 minutes."

"I'll take it if he isn't being a zombie in front of the TV," the other woman said with a head shake. Ed made his presence more known at that point by calling softly to Noah, and checking on him. The woman took note of the three Tuckers before trying again to make some small talk. "Your son definitely takes after his grandpa. I can see the family resemblance."

Charlie startled at that statement and looked at the lady. She seemed genuine about what she said, but not one had ever made that mistake before. Not knowing quite what to say, Charlie called for Noah to come along.

"Tar-lie!" he said happily as he skipped over to her. It was then that the lady realized her mistake and began to backtrack.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she gushed. "I shouldn't have assumed."

"I'm Captain Tucker," Ed said gruffly as he picked Noah up and onto his shoulders. "This is my son Noah and my daughter Charlie."

The woman was clearly embarrassed at this point and kept stuttering over her words. Charlie just shook her head, as if to tell her it was fine.

"Well we better get going," she finally said. "Good luck with the lions."

The trio briskly walked away, Noah holding tightly to Ed's ears and babbling about the lion habitat. Charlie and Ed didn't say much to each other, just quickly made their exit. Once they reached a little cooling area, Ed plucked Noah from his shoulders and sat down with him.

"Dad," Charlie said. "Don't listen to that lady. She's clearly a moron."

"Sure is," he muttered. "I didn't like that one bit."

"Me neither. In today's world, assuming family roles is just a bad idea," Charlie said and squatted down to look at Noah. "But you loooooooove your daddy, don't you Noah?"

"YEEEES!" he yelled and reached up to pat Ed on the cheek. "I love my Daddy. And my mommy. And my Tar-lie. We SUPER-FAMILY."

"That's right we are," Charlie cooed, also hoping that Ed was feeling a bit better. She could tell he was bothered about being called Noah's grandpa instead of father. "Best SUPER-FAMILY ever, right?"

"YESSSSSSSS!" Noah said, even louder than his previous answer. "We da BEST!"

Ed finally snapped out of his little funk, and looked to his kids with a smile.

"I'm a lucky, lucky Daddy for sure," he said. "Where to next, bud?"

"MONKEYSSSS!" Noah yelled, hopping off the bench and grabbing both of their hands. "Ooo Eee Ooo Eee"

Noah happily drug his little family along, speaking monkey language, as the two adults smiled at each other. Ed mouthed a "thanks" to Charlie, she assumed for making him feel better just then. She offered him a wink and then joined in with Noah trying to speak monkey.

"You two are insane," Ed muttered.

* * *

"Yo, Liv, what the hell was Langan doing here earlier?" Fin asked as he casually strolled into her office that evening. Olivia just shook her head and let out a breath.

"Nothing," she muttered. "A few details to iron out from Florida."

"Bullshit," Fin said and sat down, eyeing his friend. "You've barely left your office since the visit, and he was in another world waiting on the elevator. Spill it."

Olivia let out a sigh and closed her laptop, realizing she wasn't going to get anymore work done that evening. She rubbed her eyes and kept her face in her hands.

"Liv," Fin said softly. "What's going on?"

"Trevor and Charlie…." she said quietly, her face still hidden in her hands. Fin sat there for a minute, absorbing the news, before letting out a breath.

"Well, shit," he said causing Olivia to chuckle a little bit. "I hope you told that guy that if he makes even one small misstep he's going to have a lot of angry cops after him."

"I definitely informed him that I would not stop Ed from killing him…" she muttered and finally looked up. Fin noticed how tired and worried her eyes looked at that point. He couldn't blame her, though. Her family had been put through the ringer, between Ed's heart attack and the court cases with Charlie. Now Trevor was just adding to it. He should've punched him earlier.

"Is Charlie okay?" Fin asked, figuring he should prioritize here.

"She is," Olivia admitted. "She's confused, though. My girl has been through so much…"

"Damn right," Fin said. "Is this Trevor development a good thing?"

"I don't know," Olivia sighed out, honestly admitting her worry about it. "I just don't know."

Fin just sat there, offering silent support to his friend as the wheels turned in her brain. By this point in their relationship, he knew how Olivia operated. She was a Mama Bear to the extreme, but she also kept her personal life close to her heart. He could tell she wasn't wanting to divulge Charlie's personal drama to him, but she was obviously struggling with how to deal with it all. So he would just sit there until she was ready to say what she needed to get off of her chest. After about five minutes of silence, she finally looked up at him and he saw the stress and worry written all over her pretty features.

"Liv," Fin said quietly. "I don't know anyone who has better gut instincts than you do. If you think this is a bad idea, then it probably is."

Olivia just shook her head and took a deep breath, before responding.

"That's the thing, Fin. I just don't know what to think about this one. On the one hand, it has alarms blaring all over. But on the other hand, it makes sense and who am I to stop it if it's working?"

He just kept eyeing her. He had honestly never seen her this confused about anything.

"I'm her momma," she said softly. "It is my job to protect her from the horrors of life, and I wasn't around to do it earlier. But I also want her to be able to find her wings. I just don't know what is what this time."

"She still talking to you?" Fin asked, hoping that this Trevor thing was out in the open among the two women. Olivia nodded.

"She is. And that is good."

"Well then, I suppose that is where you start," Fin said simply. "Just make sure she keeps talking to you. And you will figure it out."

Olivia just looked at him, suddenly reminded that the people in her life had the upmost confidence in her and her ability to fix things. And while that was normally a good thing, especially given her job, it also came with pressure - and pressure she never quite felt until she became a mother. Now, she had two lives that depended on her to make everything better. Suddenly she realized that is why she felt so confused about the situation with Charlie. It wasn't like dealing with a victim, or someone she came across while doing her job. This was her daughter. Ed's daughter. Noah's sister. It was a totally different ballgame now. She wasn't an SVU Leiutenant when it came to Charlie. She was the mother.

"Liv," Fin said, bringing her out of her thoughts. "Stop second guessing yourself. You are a good mom. Those kids love you more than anything. Ed loves you more than anything. Don't over-think this and just be there for your family."

* * *

"A lady at the zoo called me Noah's grandpa today," Ed said in a huff as he and Olivia crawled into bed for the night. Olivia switched off the lamp and rolled into him, nestling her head in the crook of his shoulder.

"Just ignore it babe," she muttered as her hand made its way across his chest and stomach.

"We aren't that old," he said, clearly not ready to let this go. "I mean, I get people have kids really young. But these days, people have kids when they are older too."

"I know," she cooed to him, in an attempt to calm him down. "People just don't think before they speak."

"Well, they should," he said, but tightened his hold on his wife and kissed at her temple. Olivia leaned up and into him for a kiss. It was light at first, but Ed deepened it and tangled his hands in her hair.

"You….are not….Grandpa…" she said in between kisses. As they finally broke apart, and went back into their cuddle, Ed let out a little chuckle.

"Damn right I'm not," he said.

"Goodnight babe," Olivia said softly. "I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

 _ **So, not as action packed as many of my chapters...but you won't want to miss what's next! Leave that review...**_


	24. Chapter 24

_**#Tuckson**_

* * *

Ed rolled over and curled up right behind Olivia, who was still sound asleep. It was almost six and Noah would be up soon, but he just felt this pull to be with his wife in that moment. It was an unexplainable urge. He spooned himself tightly against her and used the hand that hadn't latched onto her breast to move her hair, giving him access to her neck. He kissed and licked slowly, hoping to give her a pleasant awakening. As he continued his little task, Olivia's breathing began to speed up a bit and she let out a little moan.

"Mmmmmm, Ed," her voice was full of sleep and Ed thought it was sexy as hell. He continued to lightly squeeze her breast as he started sucking behind her ear.

"Good morning, baby," he whispered as his hand made it's way slowly down her stomach and into her pajama pants.

"God, that feels so good," she moaned out, trying to inch even closer into him while he worked her body into a frenzy.

"Oh yeah?" He asked in an almost teasing way.

"Oh yeah…" she said as sultry as she could and that was it for Ed. He rolled his wife onto her back and was on top of her in record time.

"Well, let's see if I can keep it up," he said as he attached his lips to her neck and entered her body.

* * *

"Good morning, sweet boy," Olivia said as she emerged from the bedroom. After Ed had his way with her…twice, he sent her in to shower before work and promised to get the coffee going before Noah woke up.

"Hi Mommy," Noah said happily from his place on the couch. He was sipping on his morning milk and watching Octonauts. She fixed her coffee and went to snuggle with him on the couch, while Ed went to take his turn in the shower.

"How did you sleep?" She asked while running her fingers through his soft hair. He was still in his footie pajamas and she was in no hurry to rush out to door, so she just scooped him into her lap and he snuggled into her chest.

"Yes," he replied. "I have good dream."

"Want to tell me about it?"

"I get to eat ice-cream ALL DAY in my dream," he said while he looked up at her, trying to make a point that it was acceptable to eat ice cream all day.

"Oh, I bet you liked that dream," Olivia said with a smile. "Because Mommy doesn't let you do that, does she?"

"No," Noah said with a pretend pout. "Maybe Tar-lie will."

Olivia just laughed and kissed his head. He sure knew who the people in his life were that never said no. Charlie and Uncle Munchie topped that list.

"You love your Charlie, huh?" Olivia murmured, her heart swelling at the thought of how close her children were given the age difference.

"Uh huh," Noah said and popped his milk back into his mouth. Olivia just held her son tightly to her and relished in their peaceful morning. For some reason when Ed had woken her up, she had a pull to just be close to everyone just like Ed had. In fact, she had already sent Charlie a good morning text just because she wanted to.

"You have to work, Mommy?" Noah asked, his eyes wide and hopefully that maybe she could stay home with him. But his face fell at the answer.

"Yes, baby boy, I do," she said softly, kissing his head. "But I will try super hard to be home for dinner okay?"

"Okay…" Noah said softly. "I like when you home. It good."

"Oh, me too sweet Noah," Olivia said, his comment hitting her right in the heart. Just then she heard some movement behind her and realized Ed was out of the shower. She turned her head to see him pouring some coffee and make his way over to them.

"This is one of my favorite views," he said as he sat next to his wife and son. "Coming out to the two of you, all comfortable on the couch. I've never felt so lucky."

"Mmmm," Olivia murmured, leaning up to kiss him. "Me too."

They sat together for another few minutes, until Olivia let out a reluctant sigh.

"I should get going," she said without making an attempt to move from her place on the couch. "I don't need my squad sending a search party to the building."

"Easy day today?" Ed asked, playing with her hair a bit.

"Should be," she nodded and kissed at her son's head some more. "Okay, Noah bear I'm going to work. You cuddle up to daddy, okay?"

"Otay Mommy," he said and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I lub you."

"I love you too," she said and transferred him into Ed's lap, before leaning up to kiss his lips again. "And I love you."

"I love you, Olivia," he said looking straight into her eyes. "Be careful, okay?"

"Always," she responded as she got up off the couch. She ran her hand through both Noah and Ed's hair as she gathered her work bags. "I'll be home by dinner."

"We'll be waiting," Ed said with nothing but love and desire in his eyes. Olivia smiled and walked out the door. Once it clicked shut, Ed buried his face in Noah's hair. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something just felt off about the day now that Olivia was gone.

* * *

"Everything is different now," Charlie stated as she sat on the sofa in her therapist's office.

"Different how?"

"Well," she started, and began to pick at the hem of her blouse like she would when she got nervous. "I have a family. And it makes things feel…well, different. Safer, maybe."

"That makes sense, Charlie. You have a support system and people who love you unconditionally. That makes all the difference in the world."

"Yeah," she said softly. "I think that's why I finally went for it with Trevor. Because I knew they would have my back if it was a bad decision. And, well, I'm still not convinced it wasn't."

"How so?"

"Olivia warned me about the power dynamics," she admitted honestly. "And she's right. But he's still so kind to me."

"You know, someone just being kind to you doesn't mean a romantic relationship. Being kind is how everyone should treat you."

"So you think he doesn't care about me, ya know, like that?"

"That's not what I said," the therapist shifted in her seat a bit before continuing. "I just don't want you to feel like you 'owe' someone something just because they are kind."

"Oh," Charlie said, a little unsure of how to take that. "I don't think that is what happened. He turned me down the first couple of times."

"He sounds like a gentleman."

"He is…"

"But?"

"But, I'm just confused about it all," Charlie said. "On the one hand, it feels so right and so perfect. And on the other hand, it feels wrong."

"Give yourself some time and space to figure it out," was the advice offered.

"That's not helpful," Charlie said with a little smirk, causing her therapist to laugh. "I'm getting tired of people telling me to give myself time."

"This isn't easy, Charlie," she finally said. "But I know your mom and dad quite well. And I can't think of anyone who will be better than them at helping you navigate your recovery. You won the parent jackpot."

"Yeah," Charlie said with a smile. "I really did."

* * *

"Carisi? Rollins? You've got a vic at Mercy," Olivia yelled as she exited the office and passed along a slip of paper to Amanda. "Get going."

"You got it, Lieu," Carisi said with a mock salute as they headed out. Olivia began to head back into her office but Fin called out to her.

"Yes?" She said, turning around and debating whether to walk over to his desk or stay where she was, in hopes that this conversation would be short.

"How are things with Charlie?" He asked and Olivia sighed a little bit. That was not what she was hoping Fin would say.

"Seemingly quiet at the moment," she said quietly and crossed her arms. "I'm making sure she keeps talking to me, and she seems a little less confused these days. But she still has her moments. I'm just…trying to let her steer this journey. I'm just a passenger."

"You've never been just a passenger, Liv," Fin said and gave her a pointed look.

"Touche," she said with a little eye roll. "But, I'm giving it my best shot."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she said. "But Langan makes one, tiny misstep and all bets are off. He's a dead man."

"Don't threaten a lawyer in a squad room, Liv, what the hell?" Fin said with a grin and Olivia just started laughing. After they both calmed down a bit, she eyed her friend a bit.

"There's something else, yeah?" She asked, hoping he would get to his point.

"I'm hoping to put in for some vacation time soon and wanted to give you a head's up," Fin said, in his usual sly way.

"Good for you," Olivia said. "Where are you off to?"

"Hoping to take an October trip to the Caribbean," he said.

"Solo?" Olivia asked with a little grin, wondering if there was something going on in Fin's personal life.

"No…" he said with a matching grin and then shook his head.

"Well, I'll make sure to get it approved, Sarge," she said and turned to go back into the office feeling oddly satisfied that Fin seemed to have something going on. As she settled back into her desk, she reached over to check her phone. Four messages, three from Ed and one from Charlie. She just smiled to herself. In a few hours she would be home with her family for the weekend, and she couldn't wait.

* * *

Charlie and Ed were lounging on the couch watching the news and munching on pistachios.

"Did you ever have to work any of the protests?" Charlie asked, as a report came on about a march happening near Union Square.

"Nah," he said. "Some buddies did, though. They said it was alright. Most people are super respectful and nice. Only a handful of encounters."

"Yeah," Charlie said. "Some coworkers were big into the protests. And they would talk about the officers they saw there and how kind they were. Seems like the news only finds the bad ones."

"Pretty much," Ed said. "Same with cops. The few bad apples make a headline, but the millions of good ones are never known."

"Maybe it's good you retired tho, dad," she mused. "Seems to be heating up more?"

"Yeah…" he said, scratching his neck. "It's nerve wracking. You always feel like as a cop, you have a big target on your back. But now even more so."

"Makes me worry about Liv…" Charlie said softly and Ed just grabbed her hand.

"Me too," he said. "But, SVU…they aren't really involved in the protesting and stuff. So try not to think about it, okay?"

"Her job is so dangerous though. You never know what will happen. It could be anything, ya know?"

"That's true," Ed said, not wanting to talk about it but recognizing something was bothering Charlie. "She's a smart cop. Been on the job for years. She knows how to get home every night."

"Yeah…"

"Hey, how about when Noah gets up we go over to the splash pad?" Ed suggested, wanting to change the subject. He worried enough about his wife without having to talk about it while she was on the job. "Summer is almost over, so we should take advantage of it while we can."

"Sounds good," she said. "I'm gonna make a coffee. You want one?"

"Nah, I'm okay," he said as she got up and headed towards the kitchen. Ed pulled his phone out and decided to text Olivia, just to check in. He still had that strange feeling from the morning and was likely annoying her with the texts, but he couldn't help it given what Charlie had just said.

 _Ed: It looking like you will get home on time tonight? Want anything specific for dinner?_

He set the phone down, waiting for the ding to alert him to her response. He began to think more about what Charlie had said. She was right. It could be anything that happened, and they knew that all too well. He had worked past his fears after Dodds was killed, and Olivia had finally stopped blaming herself. But when you work as a first responder, you have very little control about what situations you will be thrown into. And just thinking about the danger his wife could be in, at any given moment, made him want to throw up. He checked his phone again, not getting a response, and decided to send one more before working to distract himself.

 _Ed: Text me or Charlie with your ETA. I think we'll just order in. Love you._

As he set his phone down on the coffee table and stood up, he noticed the tiny knot in his stomach had grown from that morning. He shook his head a bit, and headed towards the back.

"You okay dad?" Charlie asked as she came out of the kitchen with her mug in hand.

"Yep, fine," he said. "Gonna run to the back for a bit. Listen for Noah?"

"Sure thing," she replied and went to crash onto the couch with the hot beverage. She picked up the remote, as if to change the channel, when a breaking news alert came over the screen.

" _BREAKING: Shots fired at New York City police precinct. Hostage situation in progress."_

"Dad!" Charlie yelled, forgetting Noah was asleep in her panic. "DAD!"

Ed came running out in a panic at the tone of Charlie's voice, toothbrush in mouth. As soon as he got there, he followed her gaze to the television and his heart literally dropped into his stomach. He was looking at an arial view of the 1-6. The entire room began to spin, as the voices on the news got further and further away. But he managed to hear a few, terrifying details.

 _"_ _We are not sure as to how many injuries, but are told that people have been shot and that multiple rounds have been fired inside of the 16th Precinct of Manhattan. This is still an active shooter situation, so details are fuzzy. We will keep you as up to date as possible."_

"Daddy…" Charlie said, her voice already shaking and full of tears. Ed was frantically checking his phone to see when the last time Olivia had messaged him. When he realized it was over an hour ago, he headed straight for the door and grabbed his keys.

"Daddy! Where are you going?" Charlie yelled, following him to the door.

"I…I have to go to her," he said. "That's her precinct….she's in there….I have to go get her."

"No," she said with tears streaming down her face. "No, please."

Ed reached up and pulled Charlie into a hug, kissing her temple.

"I'll be fine baby," he said, his voice still shaking. "I'm gonna go get your Momma."

* * *

 ** _Dun Dun...leave that review._**


	25. Chapter 25

_**I know there was some trouble with the previous chapter and its posting. Hopefully that is resolved and won't happen with this one!**_

 _ **Buckle up!**_

* * *

"Don't come any closer or I'll shoot!"

Olivia and Fin were backed against the wall to her office with their guns drawn, staring down 2 men with assault rifles and ski masks. Olivia had tried to take a few steps and talk to them in hopes of getting them to calm down, which had led to them just getting more upset. Two officers were already down that they could see, and given the amount of gunfire they heard before being confronted in the squad room, there were likely many more. Olivia gave Fin a sideways glance and he mirrored her. This was not good.

"Look, you've already taken out several officers," Fin said calmly. "How about we talk this out so it doesn't get any worse?"

The one gunman looked like he was considering this offer, but the ring leader was not interested.

"NO!" He screamed. "Now drop your weapons!"

Fin and Olivia stayed steady in their places, while a few other officers were able to slowly make their way into the hallway with guns up. The one shooter began to get nervous and pointed his rifle straight at Olivia.

"Any of you come any closer, and she's dead," he said with a shaky voice. Officers froze and Olivia's heart fell into her stomach. All of a sudden visions of her family swam through her mind. Noah playing with his cars, Charlie singing and dancing in their living room, and Ed just being her husband. She swallowed hard and tried to push it all to the back of her mind, but she was getting noticeably nervous. Fin tried to move towards her, but froze when the one man yelled again and fired his gun. Olivia screamed and winced, but he his shot went just above her and shattered the glass window to her office. At that point, Fin moved directly in front of her, despite her protests, and narrowed his eyes.

"You just made a big mistake, you son of a bitch," he said and took the safety off his weapon.

* * *

"Where is she?" Ed barked as he ran up to the scene outside of the precinct. He immediately found his buddy, Mike, who was high up the 1PP food chain. "Where's my wife?"

"Tucker," he said, turning around and meeting his eyes. "I'm afraid I don't have any information for you right now."

"Bullshit," he growled. "Please. I need to know something. Anything."

Ed Tucker was trying to remain stoic, but Mike could tell that he was a mess. His hands were shaking, his face was red, his eyes bloodshot, and an overall anguish marred his features. He had never seen him like this. In all of the years they worked together, Ed was always completely poised. Mike softened a bit, realizing that if the roles were reversed he would want someone to throw him a bone as well.

"We don't know a lot right now," he said softly. "Multiple rounds fired, multiple shooters."

"Injuries?" Ed asked, desperate to know if his wife was at least unharmed.

"I'm told there are several, but we aren't able to get in there yet. He's got them barricaded."

Ed's entire body almost gave out at that. Olivia was barricaded in her own precinct by men with assault rifles. His Olivia. His wife. His very reason for existing at this point. Charlie's face was cemented in the back of his mind, as well. That fear in her eyes and the immediate tears were a sight he would never forget. And then there was Noah. Their sweet, bubbly, inquisitive little boy. They were all surviving and thriving because of Olivia Benson-Tucker. She was their family's lifeline and he couldn't lose her.

"Mike…" he said, his voice barely a whisper. "You have to get her out of there."

"I will do everything in my power, Ed," Mike said as he placed a hand on the man's shoulder. "The best thing you can do is go home to your kids."

"No," he said firmly. "I am not leaving here without my wife."

Mike watched him for a bit, before signaling for a younger uni to come over.

"Nelson, this is Captain Tucker," he said. "I want you to take him over to the command set up and get him comfortable. But he is not to interfere with the police work. Understood?"

"Yes sir," Nelson said before turning to Ed. "Come with me, Captain."

* * *

"Trevor!" Charlie cried as she opened the door to her parent's apartment and let the lawyer in. As soon as she closed and locked the door behind him, Trevor engulfed her in his arms. "I'm so glad you are here."

"I saw the news and headed out immediately, so I was already on my way when you called," he said, not letting her go and swaying them back and forth as if to offer a small amount of comfort.

"I…" Charlie began before just dissolving into a fearful wave of tears. She had debated calling Trevor at first because she was still incredibly confused about what was happening between them. But ultimately she didn't want to be alone and the only other person she could think to call was Amanda, which didn't help in this particular moment. So she had called Trevor, hoping he could come sit with her until she heard from her dad.

"Hey," he soothed. "I've got you. It's going to be okay. Olivia, _your mom,_ she is the smartest cop I know. She's going to be just fine. Okay?"

Charlie just shook her head violently back and forth as she cried.

"God," she said. "It's like I'm fucking cursed."

"No," Trevor answered firmly. "Don't go there."

"I can't do this without her…" she sobbed out as she pulled away from Trevor and wiped at her face. "I…I can't lose her…"

All of a sudden a cry came from the back of the apartment, reminding the two adults that a young boy was still there and he didn't need to wake up to their emotional turmoil. Charlie furiously wiped at her face and Trevor went to get her some water. As Noah's cries got louder, she began to make her way to his room.

"Trevor?" She asked, turning around briefly. "Please don't leave…"

"I'll be right here," he said. "Take your time."

Charlie turned around and made her way into Noah's room. As she opened the door, her heart swelled at the sight. Her little brother was still curled up with his thumb in his mouth and watching for the door to open. Even though he was four and now slept in a big boy bed, he would always wait for someone to come get him after a nap. As Charlie slowly approached the bed, he lifted his arms up for her to pick him up. Instead, Charlie curled up in bed beside him and pulled the boy into her chest. Noah immediately cuddled into her and put his thumb back in his mouth.

"Hey pal," she said softly, while kissing his head. "How was your nap?"

"It good," he said softly.

"Are you ready to get up or do you want to lay here a bit longer?" Charlie asked, secretly hoping he would go back to sleep so she didn't have to control her raging emotions.

"You lay here wiff me?" Noah asked, a bit slurred as his thumb was still in his mouth. Charlie just squeezed him tighter.

"Always," she said. "I'm gonna be right here, no matter what."

"Otay," he said sleepily. "Lub you, Tar-lie."

"Love you too, pal," she responded, the tears beginning to stream down her cheeks again as she thought of their mom. She just stayed cuddled up with her little brother, praying for a good outcome.

* * *

"Fin…" Olivia murmured from behind her friend and partner.

"Listen up," Fin yelled at the gunmen. "This place is surrounded. If you want to get out of here alive, you are going to do what I say."

The entire building was quiet at that point, and it was clear that the perps were contemplating Fin's statement. Olivia was slowly darting her eyes around the station, trying to pinpoint where the snipers were set up outside and what her best options were. Finally, after several minutes, the one gunman spoke.

"I'm listening," he said.

"First, you need to let the paramedics come in and get the injured officers out."

"NO!" he screamed. "That is not happening. No one comes in here."

Olivia winced at the force in which the perp spoke and began to realize that those men didn't care if they got out alive. If they were going to survive, she needed to figure out how to position the men for the snipers to get a shot in. She reached up to grab onto Fin's belt and tapped a bit, hoping it would convey the message to change course. It did as Fin took one step forward, hoping to get them to shift a bit.

"I said DON'T MOVE!" he screamed as gun shots rang out loudly in the precinct.

* * *

Tucker was pacing around the make-shift command center when all of a sudden gunshots rang loudly from the building. He immediately looked up in complete horror and watched the snipers take four shots into the windows of the floor where the 1-6 was located. His hand clutched at his heart as he stood, frozen in fear as to whether or not any of those bullets had hit his wife.

"No…" he whispered. "No…."

Officers began to storm the building and Ed was frantically looking around, watching the chaos. He wanted to get into that building and get to Olivia, but he knew that he couldn't get in the way of the rescue operation. So as hard as it was, he stayed planted under the tent with Nelson by his side.

"God, please," he said with his eyes closed. "Please bring her out to me alive and unharmed. I can't lose her."

Ed was not an overly religious man, but he felt confident there was some kind of higher power. And right in that moment, he needed there to be a God because he needed someone or something to get his wife safely into his arms.

"Get the paramedics in here now!" He heard shouted from the entrance of the building and that was when his knees buckled and he steadied himself on the support pole, keeping his eyes on the door. He could hear his phone buzzing in his pocket, knowing it was Charlie trying to figure out what was happening, but he couldn't answer it. He couldn't face her or Noah until he knew Olivia was okay. Maybe it was selfish, but it was all he could do at the moment.

A few minutes later, he saw the first of the paramedics emerge from the building with a victim on the stretcher, shouting medical codes to each other. Ed was on his feet and moving towards them in an instant, trying to see if it was Olivia. He made it about ten steps before Nelson was there stopping him.

"Captain, you can't go up there," he said softly, but firmly, and gripped Ed's arm. Ed ripped his arm from his hand and turned to him.

"My wife is in there," he said, voice full of anguish. "I've waited here long enough. Let me go."

"I can't, sir," Nelson said, his voice shaking a bit in fear of the brooding man in front of him. But he knew he had to follow orders. So he went for the comment he knew would work. "We cant have you hindering the rescue. If she's hurt, they need to get to her fast."

Ed's heart snapped at that statement. _If she's hurt._ His eyes closed as he pictured her face and waited to see her walk out of the building on her own.

* * *

"Liv? Where are you?" Fin asked as he tried to sit up after the gunfire had ceased. The squad room was nothing but smoke at this point and he couldn't see a thing. "Olivia?"

"Over here…" a frantic voice came from his left and he began to crawl in that direction. As the smoke cleared a bit, he saw her frame hunched over the body of a young lady who had been working in their building for about a year. She was mainly administrative, pushing paper work around, but was always happy and smiling. Fin got to Olivia's side and panicked as he saw the blood all over his friend.

"Not my blood," she said softly. "It is Amy's."

Fin looked down and saw that the young lady was dead. Olivia looked like a zombie as she sat over her, holding her hand.

"Her son is three," Olivia said, her voice almost monotone. "I just..."

"Liv…" Fin started but she shook her head.

"Not now, Fin," she said. "I'm going to stay with her until Melinda gets here."

"Then I am too," he said and put his arm around his friend. "Hey Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank God you are okay," he said as he kissed the side of her head and pulled her into a brotherly hug.

"You too, Fin," she whispered, still watching Amy's lifeless body. "You too."

* * *

Ed was still standing in one spot, frozen, watching officers and medical personnel go in and out of the building. He had been there for about half an hour, waiting for any sign that his wife was okay. At this point, he was fearing the worst. If she were okay, she would've been out by now. And if she were injured, she would've been out by now. But the alternative was something he refused to believe. He just knew she was alive. He could feel it in his heart, but he wouldn't be okay until he could physically touch her. A buzzing in his pocket brought him out of his thoughts and he finally decided to take a look. As expected, it was Charlie.

"Hey baby," Ed said softly, as he rubbed his hand over his head and kept his eyes on the precinct entrance.

 _"Dad, do you have her yet?"_

"No, not yet," he answered, his voice strained. "Still waiting."

 _"Daddy…"_

The tears were evident in Charlie's voice, so he needed to pull himself together and reassure her.

"Charlie, it's going to be okay," he said confidently. "Is Noah awake?"

 _"Yeah. He's on my lap watching Peter Pan."_

"Good," Ed responded. "Keep him occupied so he doesn't sense anything is off. Did Trevor get there?"

 _"Yeah, he's right here. Taking good care of us."_

"Good. I'm glad," he said and paused a bit, watching yet another group of people leave the building and none of them were Olivia. "Listen, I'm gonna bring your mom home to you okay? I promise."

 _"Okay. I believe you. Be careful Dad. Love you."_

As Ed hung up the phone, he prayed to God that he wasn't wrong. Their family, with as much as they had been through, would not survive this kind of loss. That was when he noticed more commotion at the entrance to the 1-6. He watched, almost in slow motion, as the first body bag was brought out from the building. That was when he finally lost it and headed towards the building.

"Captain!" Nelson yelled from behind him. "Captain, you can't go in there!"

Ed ignored the young uni and made his way to the front, where several Chiefs were standing along with members of Hostage Negotiation.

"Ed," one of them said. "You can't go in there."

"If you can't get my wife to me, then I am going to her," he said in a low growl and they all looked at each other before looking back to Ed. Before he could make another move to get past them, he noticed another group exiting the building. He watched as Fin came out behind another body bag on a stretcher, and he began to shake his head.

"No…" he gasped. "No, please…"

Fin noticed Ed's distress at the sight, so he turned around quickly to reach for something. As Ed watched through tear clouded vision, he saw his wife finally walk down the stairs with the assistance of Fin.

"Oh _thank god,"_ he gushed out in a whisper. He could not get her into his arms fast enough. Ignoring the orders from the officers around him, Ed took off towards the building entrance and Olivia. Fin steered the shell-shocked lieutenant towards her husband and she finally noticed him coming towards her.

"Ed…" she croaked out as he finally reached her and pulled her tightly to him, tangling one hand in her hair while the other wrapped tightly around her back.

"Baby…" he whispered into her hair, where he had buried his face. "I've got you. You're okay. Thank God you're okay."

Olivia's face was nestled in the crook of Ed's neck and her arms were wrapped around his waist, clutching the grey t-shirt he wore.

"Ed…" was all she could say. Her mind and body were exhausted, and now that she was in her husband's arms she began to feel the effects of what had just happened.

"It's me, baby," he said. "It's over. You're safe. And I love you so much."

* * *

 ** _To Be Continued..._**


	26. Chapter 26

_**Where were we? Oh yes. Right here...**_

* * *

Olivia was still nestled securely in Ed's arms outside of the 1-6. He was not willing to let her go and she was definitely not ready to face the aftermath of what just happened. So they stood there, tightly wrapped around each other, with cops and medics swarming by them.

"Olivia…" Ed breathed into her hair as he shut his eyes in relief. He attempted to pull her closer to him, though it was impossible, as she maintained her grip on his t-shirt.

"Don't let go," she whispered so low he almost didn't hear her. But he did and his heart both shattered and swelled up at the same time. She didn't want him to let go of her because he made her feel safe and secure. Nothing made him happier than the fact that he could provide that for his wife. But knowing why she was so shaken up threatened to break him. So instead of dwelling on that right now, he relished in the fact that she was alive and in his arms where she belonged.

"Where are my babies?" Olivia asked in a rushed, panicked whisper. Ed just rubbed at her back and put his mouth right by her ear to respond.

"They are just fine," he said, softly and calmly. "They are both at the apartment. Trevor is with them. Everybody is safe and secure."

Olivia just nodded at that and tried to wrap herself around her husband even more than she already was. She wanted to stay in his arms forever after what had just happened, but their solace was not going to last long.

"Lieutenant?" Olivia finally lifted her head from her husband's neck and saw that Chief Dodds was standing before her. His eyes were filled with compassion, however, he also meant business. "I don't mean to interrupt, but I wanted to offer you a ride to the hospital with me."

Ed looked down at her and brushed her hair back before kissing her forehead.

"Go," he whispered softly. "I'll follow behind."

"No…" she said softly. "I can't…I need you with me."

"Captain Tucker, you are welcome to ride with us," the Chief extended whole-heartedly. Ed and Olivia were there for him when his son died and the least he could do is try to ease their pain at the moment.

"Thank you," Ed said as he turned, his arm still holding Olivia tightly to his side, and walked with her towards the Chief's black SUV.

* * *

"Tar-lie?" Noah asked from his spot on her lap. The credits to Peter Pan were rolling in the background, and she was running out of ideas to keep him distracted. She hadn't heard from her dad in about an hour which had her teetering on the edge of a breakdown.

"Yes, pal?"

"We build fort now?"

Charlie looked at his little face and let out a soft sigh. She couldn't tell him no but she really didn't have the energy. Luckily, Trevor came to the rescue.

"Ya know what Noah?" He asked and the little boy's interest peaked a bit. "I bet us boys could build an amazing fort for your sister. What do ya think?"

Noah gave it some thought with his usual puckered lips and chin tap. Charlie smiled at him as he decided what to do.

"You build for like Tar-lie?" Noah asked, a little skeptical as to the fort building skill of the older man in front of him.

"Oh, I bet I make them better," Trevor teased a bit and Noah just gawked at him.

"Nooooo," he said firmly. "No one build better than Tar-lie. But, I let you try."

Trevor let out a laugh and looked over at Charlie who returned his gaze with a grateful look. He had been amazing so far that afternoon, constantly bringing snacks and water and juice to the duo on the couch. Occasionally, he would try to reach out to his contacts to try and get information but would come up empty. The longer he sat there with the two Tucker children, the bigger his fear got about what would happen if Olivia was hurt. Their silence was interrupted by Charlie's phone ringing. She immediately sprang up and ran to the back to answer, leaving Noah with Trevor to build a fort.

"Dad?"

 _"_ _I've got her. She's okay."_

At those words, Charlie lost her composure and crumpled to the floor in her parent's bedroom in tears. Ed could hear her reaction on the phone and gave her a minute to try and compose herself.

 _"_ _Charlie, it's okay. I've got her right here with me and she is just fine. Just take deep breaths sweetheart."_

"Are you bringing her home now?" She asked, desperate to see the woman who had become her mother, her best friend, and her confidant.

 _"_ _No, she has some business she has to deal with at the hospital. We just got here."_

"Hospital? Is she hurt?"

 _"_ _No, baby, no. She's perfectly healthy. But several other officers were and she has to deal with some of the logistics and answer questions, okay?"_

"I need to see her…" Charlie's tears were streaming harder at this point. She just needed to be with Olivia, even for a few minutes. To see her and touch her and make sure, for herself, that she was okay.

 _"_ _I know. She wants to see you right now, too. Can you talk to Trevor about staying with Noah? I can send a squad car to pick you up. But we don't want Noah at the hospital."_

"Okay, I'm sure he will."

 _"_ _I'll text you with details once I have them confirmed, okay?"_

"Okay. Tell Liv I love her so much." Charlie said as the tears began to flow again.

 _"_ _I will, sweetheart. We will see you soon."_

Charlie hung up the phone and remained on the floor for a little bit trying to regain her composure before facing Noah. Olivia was okay, and right now that was all that mattered.

* * *

"How many?" Olivia asked in a hoarse whisper. Once they arrived at the hospital, Chief Dodds immediately brought the Tuckers to a conference room where they met with a hospital administrator. They were still awaiting the arrival of the Mayor and the Police Commissioner, but until then the hospital was prepared to brief Olivia, Ed, and Chief Dodds.

"Five total were DOA," the lady said solemnly. "And another four are in critical, but stable condition."

Olivia's head fell forward at that and Ed squeezed her hand tightly. His stomach was in knots at the number of officers killed and hurt in the same room as his wife. And he knew her well enough to know that she was already feeling responsible.

"Lieutenant, we will need you to help ID those we have here," she said softly, sensing the blame and sadness that was overwhelming the other woman in front of her. Olivia raised her head and nodded to her.

"Okay," she said softly. "Let's go. I don't want their families having to wait."

Ed wasn't quite ready to let Olivia out of his sight, but he didn't seem to have an option. He stood with her and gave her a quick, but tight hug.

"I'll be right here," he whispered in her ear as he kissed at her temple. "You can do this."

Olivia lifted her head to meet his eyes and give him a soft, sad smile, before departing the room with the administrator. As soon as she was out of his sight, Ed sat back down and put his head in his hands. Chief Dodds sat quietly for a minute, before deciding to break the silence.

"I've got a squad car on the way to get Charlie," he said as Ed lifted his head and looked at him with grateful, but tired eyes.

"Thank you," he said. "I appreciate it."

"Of course," Dodds said. "Anything you need. I mean it."

Ed just gave him a nod, unable to continue the small talk. He wasn't thrilled with the idea of being separated from Olivia right now, but he knew that duty called and she had a long road ahead of her before she would be allowed to just collapse into his arms for good. He took a moment to be grateful for the fact that Charlie said Noah seemed oblivious to the fact that there was a real problem. He had been a little clingy, but once issued the challenge to build a better fort than Charlie, he was determined.

"Come on, Tevor!" He had yelled as Charlie had departed the apartment.

Ed thought back to the text exchange with his daughter and was suddenly anxious to have her with him while he waited on Olivia.

"Captain Tucker," came a voice from the doorway. Ed looked up and immediately felt a bit of relief.

"Fin," he said and stood to shake the man's hand. "How are you holding up, Sergeant?"

"I've been better," he said gruffly, before taking a seat next to Ed.

"From what I hear, you are a hero," Ed said softly. He wasn't much for this kind of conversation, but the little he knew about what went on the 1-6 was that Fin and Olivia likely saved a lot of lives.

"We lost too many, Captain," Fin replied. "That's all I know."

They sat there for a little while longer, just the two of them as the Chief had gone to greet the Mayor. Ed surprisingly wanted to throw his arms around Fin and thank him for getting his wife out alive. But that wasn't a very appropriate move at this point. So instead, he just cleared his throat and played with the cup of coffee in front of him before speak.

"You didn't lose Olivia," he whispered loud enough for Fin to hear and snap his head towards him. "Thank you."

"She means too much to me. To everyone," Fin said simply. "She may hate me for jumping in front of her, but I don't care. I'd do it a million times over."

"I have so many questions about what happened," Ed said as he rubbed his face. "But I'm not sure I can hear the answers until I have Olivia back in my sight."

"That's a wise move, Captain," Fin said with a little warning in his voice. "We are damn lucky right now."

Ed just looked at Fin and tried to take in exactly what he meant by that. Instead of analyzing and picturing the horror that his wife just experienced, he decided to sip his coffee and text Charlie for an ETA. He was ready for his wife and two kids to be back under the same roof.

* * *

"Amy Littrell's husband is on his way," Commissioner Bratton said as he and Olivia exited the hospital morgue. After going through the daunting task of confirming the identity of each fallen officer, she was on the verge of falling apart.

"Good," she replied, her voice strained with emotion. The Commissioner reached out to grab her arm, stilling her movements for a minute.

"Lieutenant," he said. "You saved a lot of lives today. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. So if it's all right with you, I can handle the press conference. You go home to your family."

Olivia looked up at the older man with a grateful, tight smile. Any other time she would have argued that she should be present and involved. But at this point in her life, with everything she had faced over the years, she just didn't have it in her. There was no need to put herself through that pressor if someone else could do it for her. And she just wanted her babies and her husband with her as soon as possible. So she gave him a nod.

"Thank you, Commissioner," she said. "Thank you."

"No, thank you," he said. "We'll be in touch."

With that, he briskly walked down the corridor leaving Olivia to herself for the first time that day. Realizing that she was too dazed to find her way back to Ed, she sent him a quick text message letting him know where she was. He could just come find her. She took a quick glance around the hallway, and deciding she was alone allowed herself to collapse her forehead against the wall with her hands tangled in her hair. Her thoughts were running rampant at that point and she was never more grateful for the compassion of the NYPD Commissioner. All of the possible horrific outcomes were still running through her mind, along with Amy's pale face. She must have stayed in that position longer than she thought because she soon heard a distant ding from an elevator, a few footsteps, and then a gasp. As she looked up, she finally allowed her tears to flow as she watched Charlie sprint towards her.

"Oh baby girl," she gushed as she opened her arms to catch her incoming daughter. As soon as Charlie made contact with her, both women let out a little sob. Charlie's arms were wrapped tightly around Olivia's waste and her face was buried in her neck. Olivia held her tightly as her eyes met Ed's. His eyes mirrored the tears in her own and she eventually had to look away, burying her own face in Charlie's hair.

"Mom…" she sobbed out, catching Olivia a little off-guard. It was the first time she had referred to her as mom and it felt incredibly right in that moment, so she squeezed her tighter to her.

"I'm right here," she whispered straight into her ear. "I'm here. I'm okay. Everything is okay, baby."

Charlie pulled herself back just a bit, remaining in Olivia's embrace but still able to look into her eyes.

"You promise you are okay?" Charlie asked, nothing but fear and concern in her eyes. Olivia looked straight into them and cupped her face in her hands.

"I promise I am just fine, Charlie," she said firmly. "In fact, the Commissioner just told me I could head home."

"Really?" Ed asked as he came up to his girls, and put one hand on each of their shoulders.

"Yeah, really," she said while looking up at him. He gave her a quick kiss on the lips and then kissed Charlie's forehead.

"Well in that case, let's get you home and get our family back together," Ed stated as he began to lead them towards the elevator. It would be a long road to recovery for their little unit, but he was determined to help them navigate it. As the elevator doors closed, Charlie laid her head on Olivia's shoulder and Ed wrapped his one arm around his wife's waist. He sent up a quick thank you to whatever higher power kept his family alive and together that day. It was nothing short of a miracle.

* * *

 ** _Well. Our favorite little family has a lot to work through, don't they? Leave me a review and let me know what you think...or what you'd like to see along the way..._**


	27. Chapter 27

_**"The best relationships in our lives are the best not because they have been the happiest ones, they are that way because they have stayed strong through the most tormentful of storms."**_

* * *

Ed and Charlie were walking Olivia down the hallway and towards their apartment door, when Charlie stopped for a bit and tried to gather her thoughts.

"Um," she began. "It's possible the apartment will be a giant fort…"

Olivia actually broke into a little smile at that and tried to move her head so she could make eye contact with Charlie.

"Noah's been busy?" She asked with a small joke to her tone. Just the fact that the hint of happiness was there made Ed's heart jump about twenty feet into the air.

"Well, he didn't want me to leave," she explained. "So I challenged him and Trevor build the best fort ever. Which he, of course, took very seriously. As did Trevor."

Olivia broke into an actual laugh at that point, picturing Noah and Trevor in her home, talking very seriously about how to make the world's best fort. Ed shook his head with a bit of a smirk, then started towards the door again.

"Business as usual in the Tucker house…" he muttered, earning a small smile from both of his girls. They got to the door and Ed fumbled with his keys a bit. Olivia rubbed his back, sensing a little anxiety in her husband.

"Thanks for coming for me," she said softly before they entered. Ed just looked at her with more love than she had ever seen from him.

"It was never an option, Liv," he said in his deep, gruff tone as he finally got the door open. "I will always come for you. For all of you."

"MAMA!" Noah yelled from somewhere in the apartment. He suddenly appeared, crashing straight into Olivia. She scooped him up and held him as close to her as she could, breathing in his little boy scent.

"Oh, my baby boy," she said, tears evident in her voice. "Mama's home. I love you so much."

Noah, completely unaware of the trauma of the day, suddenly decided that was enough cuddle time and began to squirm from Olivia's grip. She was reluctant to let go but in an effort not to alarm him, finally allowed him to climb down. He grabbed both her and Charlie's hand, dragging them towards the living area.

"Look-it!" He yelled as the three adults finally made it from the foyer to the open common space. "Tevor build BIGGEST FORT EVER!"

Trevor was awkwardly sitting near the couch, under a large sheet and offered a sheepish wave. Olivia couldn't help but smile as she took in their apartment. Chairs and furniture were all moved and the entire span of the living room area was covered in sheets, blankets, and towels. It was quite the monstrosity.

"Wow, Noah!" Charlie said, as she glanced at Trevor. "This is amazing!"

"It have TREE ROOMS!" he yelled.

"Tree rooms?" Ed asked, all confused. Noah just looked at him with his little exasperated face.

"No..TREE, daddy. Da number," he said.

"Oh," Ed nodded. "Of course."

Ed and Charlie were still standing on either side of Olivia, both making slight contact with her. Ed had his hand wrapped in hers and Charlie's shoulder was touching Olivia's. It was clear neither of them were ready to be without her in that moment. Trevor slowly crawled out of his little nook and stretched.

"Wow," he said with a yawn. "I am clearly too tall for this fort building business."

Charlie kept eyeing him, with a little gleam and a smile. He was so cute with Noah and it was clear Noah seemed okay around him. In her mind, if her four year old brother seemed okay with the man, then he obviously wasn't terrible.

"Oh, you big baby," she said and walked over to give him a quick hug. "Thanks for everything today."

Olivia gripped Ed's hand as he visibly tensed watching the two. The hug was totally platonic, but the older man was still struggling to come to grips with this entire situation. It wasn't that he didn't like Trevor, but he was fairly certain he would never trust a man with his daughter. Despite feeling that way, he had warmed up to him a tiny bit that day. Knowing that he was with Charlie and Noah while he searched for Olivia meant everything to him. It meant he didn't have to worry about them quite as much because someone else was looking out for them. Plus, with Olivia begging to see Charlie at the hospital it was easier to manage that when Trevor offered to stay with Noah. Ed finally glanced at his wife and gave her a reassuring smile, before stepping forward to extend his hand to Trevor.

"Langan, I can't thank you enough for what you've done for us today," he said, voice still gruff and short, but sincere. "It was a huge relief."

"Anytime," Trevor said pointedly, making direct eye contact with the Captain. "I mean it."

Ed just nodded and went back to Olivia's side as they watched Noah show Charlie all the various rooms in his new "fort".

"I'm going to head out," Trevor said as he grabbed his wallet and phone, noticing it was after 9pm. "I'll check in tomorrow, okay?"

Charlie crawled out of the tent and nodded, as she approached him for another hug. They held onto each other for a bit longer than Ed would have liked, so he cleared his throat causing the two to jump apart.

"TEVOR!" Noah yelled, as he ran from his fort and hopped into the man's arms. "Tank you for playing wiff me. You come back?"

"Sure thing, No," he said and ruffled his hair a bit before transferring him to his mother's waiting arms. Noah happily nestled into Olivia's neck and she closed her eyes in contentment.

"I'll walk you down," Ed said suddenly and much to Charlie's surprise. Trevor bid his goodbyes to the ladies, then he and Ed walked out.

"Is that a good idea?" Charlie asked quietly to Olivia, who just looked at her with a shrug.

"I have no idea," she said before pulling Charlie into the cuddle. "I'm just glad I'm back with my two babies."

* * *

"Listen, Langan," Ed began and then stopped. He had stuffed his hands in his pockets and was restlessly rocking back and forth on his heels, clearly uncomfortable with whatever he wanted to say. But he needed to man up. "I'm still not totally on board with you dating my daughter. But today…well, you really showed up."

Trevor put his hand on Ed's shoulder and gave him a small smile.

"I care about Charlie," he said. "A lot. And until I'm told to do so, I'm not going anywhere."

"Good," Ed said, with a tight jaw but a sincere tone. The men nodded at each other and Trevor exited the building while Ed took a deep breath and slowly made his way back to the elevator.

* * *

"I have to clean fort now?" Noah asked as he sat happily in his mother's lap in their little makeshift shelter. Olivia was leaning against the couch next to Charlie, and Noah was telling them all about the construction.

"No," Olivia said softly. "We can leave it up until tomorrow, baby."

"Otay, dat good," Noah said with a nod.

"So, pal, does Trevor make better forts than I do?" Charlie asked with a little teasing tone. Noah looked up at her with his thoughtful pucker, then shook his head.

"Noooooo," he said. "He build big fort. But not gooder."

"Really? I mean, it has three whole rooms!" Charlie said, surprised at the tots response.

"But it not have Tar-lie in it," he said matter-of-factly, unaware that his little comment pushed his sister further towards an emotional cliff.

"You are my sweet boy, aren't you?" Olivia cooed as she held Noah even tighter, and pulled Charlie into her side so the young girl could rest her head on her shoulder. "I am so glad to be back with my babies."

"Tar-lie and No-ah you babies?" Noah asked as he ran his little hand up and down his sister's arm.

"Yep," she said "Always."

* * *

"Do you want me to take him and put him down?" Ed asked as he came into their bedroom and noticed Olivia in the middle of the kids on their king-sized bed. Noah was sound asleep, thumb in his mouth, and Charlie and Olivia seemed to be halfway watching HGTV. He stood in the doorway, watching the three loves of his life all together.

"No," Olivia said softly, her voice betraying the tears that had been building since finally settling in. "Leave him here for now, please."

Ed just smiled sadly at her and nodded, as he made his way to their bathroom to go through his bedtime routine. Charlie sat up tentatively and Olivia went to rub her back.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" she asked.

"I should probably get home," she said softly, without making any effort to get up. Olivia quickly moved her hand from Charlie's back to her arm and gripped it.

"I was hoping you would stay here tonight," Olivia said softly, her grip on Charlie's arm a little firmer after her statement. "I just…want my family with me tonight."

Charlie sat there quietly for a bit, but nodded her agreement that she would stay.

"Olivia?" She asked, still looking down at the blanket covering her legs instead of her step mother.

"What, baby girl?" she asked in that sweet, motherly tone of hers.

"I'm sorry I called you mom earlier," she said almost too quietly. Olivia had to strain to hear the words. "I was just so upset and worried, and it just came out. I hope it didn't bother you. I won't do it again."

"Oh, Charlie…" Olivia gushed out, wanting to quickly reassure her but the emotion was just too much at the moment. "I…"

"I mean, I just didn't mean to throw that at you," she kept rambling, picking at the blanket out of nervous habit. "I probably sounded pathetic."

"No, oh Charlie, not at all," Olivia quickly said, pulling her thoughts together and sitting up so she could grasp her hands. "I was incredibly honored when you called me that. It felt so very right."

"Really?" Charlie asked, surprised, as she finally looked up into Olivia's teary eyes. Her own eyes were overflowing with tears as she kept reliving the entire day.

"Really," Olivia said firmly, reaching up to swipe at her tears before continuing. "Ya know, when I was in the precinct today there were a few points when I thought I wouldn't make it out."

Charlie let out a little sob as she listened to what Olivia had to say and gripped her hands even more tightly in hers. Neither of them were aware that Ed was listening from the other side of the bathroom door.

"And the only thoughts going through my mind were of your daddy, Noah, and you," she said as the tears kept flowing from both of their eyes. "You three are my family. My everything. And you, Charlotte Tucker, are just as much my baby as Noah. So if you want to call me Mom…or Olivia…or whatever, you can. Because I will always, always call you my daughter."

"I love you," Charlie said through her tears and leaned over to pull her mother as close as possible. Olivia gripped Charlie's hair, running it through her fingers, and just held her and relished in the fact that she survived the day. It was in that moment that Ed finally appeared from the bathroom, clearly emotional as well, and clad in pajama pants and a blue t-shirt. Olivia looked at him from her embrace and gave a teary smile. She could tell he had overheard the conversation, and was on edge about hearing what she went through in the 1-6 that day.

"So are we having a giant slumber party, here?" Ed said, trying to joke a bit in order to ease the heaviness of the evening. Charlie sat up, wiping at her tears and laughed a bit.

"Nah," Charlie said. "You snore too loud."

"Hey!" Ed said, indignantly as he climbed in next to Charlie and grabbed one of Liv's hands behind her back.

"Well, it's true!" she insisted and then began to climb off the bed. "I'll take the sleeping prince and we will sleep in his bed tonight."

"You sure?" Ed asked. "There's room for you both in here…"

At that point, he couldn't decide what he wanted. He was desperate to just cling to his wife and never let go. But he also just wanted all four of them within his sight.

"I'm sure," she said. "Just…you'll both be here in the morning?"

"Yes we will," they both said in unison and Charlie just smiled. She leaned in for one more hug from Olivia and her dad then stood up and made her way over to Noah. Charlie gently scooped him up after Olivia smothered him with kisses and "I love yous". As they made their exit, Olivia stopped them one more time.

"Charlie, I love you so much," she said, the tears beginning to fall again. "And Noah. You both have completed my life in a way I could have never imagined."

"I think that goes both ways, Ma," she said quietly as she turned to leave before getting even more emotional in front of her parents. As soon as they left, Olivia tears began to flow harder and her silent sobs became harsh. Ed, alarmed at the sudden change, immediately pulled her to his chest and buried his face in her hair.

"Baby," he whispered. "Oh Olivia, I'm right here. You are home. You are safe. Our kids are in the next room. It's okay."

"It's not okay," she cried, hiccups beginning to take over. "None of this was okay."

"Okay," he said, not entirely sure what to do at this point other than hold her as tightly as he could. So he laid down, pulling her with him so she was secured into his chest, all of their limbs touching from head to toe. "Okay, just let it out. Breathe through it, baby. I've gotcha. I've gotcha…"

As he held his endlessly sobbing wife, he couldn't help but close his eyes and thank a God he still wasn't sure existed for the moment he was being allowed to experience. He still had no idea what had gone on in that precinct, but the one thing he did know was that Olivia was alive. She may be terrified and traumatized, as they all were, but they were together.

"Ed…" she gasped his name between her sobs and nestled herself further into him. "Please don't go anywhere…"

"Never," he said firmly and strongly, wrapping his entire body around hers like a cocoon. "I am not going anywhere, Olivia Margaret Tucker. Ever."

She just cried harder and clutched at him, soaking his shirt with her tears. They had so much to talk about, so much to hash out about the last 24 hours, but that wasn't going to happen tonight. For now, they just needed to hold on desperately to each other and bask in the love of their little family unit.

* * *

 ** _Up Next: We find out a little more about what happened in the 1-6 as our favorite little family continues to try and deal with life._**

 ** _Hit that review button and let me know your thoughts..._**


	28. Chapter 28

_**For reference, this story is currently in October. Perhaps I should give a time-frame before each chapter. Anywho, let's get on with it.**_

 ** _Credit to MarigoldMusings for writing the first 40 words of this chapter..._**

* * *

If anyone in the house should have had trouble sleeping it was Olivia, but after dozing off and on for a few hours, Ed stared at the ceiling, wide awake, sorting his thoughts. Olivia's breathing soothed him, but not entirely as the events from the previous day were still plaguing him. He finally gave up on the idea of getting back to sleep and crept out of the bedroom, cracking the door a tad so he could hear Olivia if she needed him. The kitchen was illuminated by the overhead stove light, so he just began his usual morning routine of making coffee. The microwave's bright green clock was almost mocking him by continually flashing the time of 3:34am as he waited for his caffeine fix to brew. Against his better judgement, Ed leaned against the kitchen island and began to scroll through the various news apps on his phone to see what was being said about the 1-6 shooting.

 _Attack on NYPD leaves 6 Officers Dead_

 _Motives Still Unclear After Savage Attack on NYPD Special Victims Unit_

 _FBI Asks For Patience While They Try To Sort Through Details of Manhattan Precinct Massacre_

The beep interrupted his self-torture, indicating the coffee was ready, so he prepared a steaming hot mug and made his way to the large, leather recliner and got comfortable. Ed turned on the television, and lowered the volume very low so he could continue his self-torture by watching the news. Luckily, they only covered the shooting for about half an hour before switching over to a rerun of a political interview. Ed swapped the channel over to ESPN and was asleep, coffee left untouched, within minutes.

* * *

Olivia rolled over and stretched as she tried to arouse herself from a pill induced sleep, and jumped a little bit when her right arm made contact with another body. She peered over and smiled at the sight. Noah was curled up in a little ball and Charlie was right next to him. They must have both snuck into the bed during the night. She looked to her left and noticed Ed was already up. Neither of them had managed to sleep very well, at least until she reluctantly took her sleeping pill. She finally rolled over onto her side and watched as Noah and Charlie both slept peacefully next to her. Olivia took her finger and ran it softly down Noah's cheek as she listened to his soft breathing. Then she moved her hand to tuck Charlie's hair behind her ear, as it had fallen in her face as they slept. Just as Olivia was about to fall back asleep in the security of her family being safe and sound, she caught a whiff of coffee and decided that her need to be with Ed outweighed her desire to fall back asleep. She grabbed one of his sweatshirts from the foot of the bed and made her way out into the living room, where she saw him reading the paper in the recliner.

"Morning," he said, his voice raspy and soft. He opened his arms, allowing Olivia to join him on the recliner and curl into his side. Ed kissed her forehead, before resting his cheek against it.

"Morning," she whispered, as her eyes closed in contentment. "How long have you been awake?"

"About 3:30," he said quietly. "But I've been dozing in my chair."

"You and your chair," Olivia said with a chuckle. It didn't matter what was going on, if Ed got comfortable in his recliner, he was going to fall asleep.

"Kids still asleep?" he asked, knowing the answer but just wanting to make small talk with his wife. She nodded a bit, and adjusted herself so she was a bit more comfortable on his lap.

"Yep," she said. "I woke up to both of them asleep in our bed. Must have snuck in this morning."

"Must have," he mused. "They weren't in there when I got up. They just want to be near you."

"My sweet babies…" she gushed out, a little catch in her voice. "They've been through so much."

Ed just pulled her as close as he could and tried to take in the scent of her body, assuring himself that she was just fine. As he thought back to the details revealed in some of the news articles, his heart rate picked up. Olivia noticed it immediately, and ran her hand over his chest in an effort to soothe him.

"We've all been through a lot," Ed said in agreement. "And I feel like I don't even know half of what happened yesterday…"

Olivia tensed up but didn't leave her place next to Ed, feeling his hand rub up and down her back in a soothing fashion. She knew she needed to fill in some blanks for him, but the idea of talking about what happened and putting those ideas in her husband's head was something she wished she could avoid. Knowing Ed, however, he was probably already imagining the absolute worst in his head and she needed to talk to him.

"It happened so fast…" she mumbled, wrapping her arms more tightly around his body as she snuggled in further in an attempt to garner strength for the talk. "I was at my desk, talking with Fin about the Galioto case, and all of a sudden shots just started firing from all around."

Ed took a deep breath and moved his one hand up to her hair, tangling his fingers in her dark brown strands, and pressing his lips to her forehead once more.

"We slowly exited the office, with our guns drawn, but didn't see any shooters at first," she said, her eyes closing as she remembered how it first felt to exit the safety of her office. "Amy was already down, bleeding and still. I could see a pair of feet hidden behind another desk and I later found out that was Jack. They had been the only two people in the squad room when the shooters came in, and they both died."

"Olivia…" Ed whispered, as the gravity of the situation permeated his entire being.

"I'm just…so grateful Fin was in my office. And that I sent Rollins and Carisi out on a case," she said. "I feel guilty for the relief I feel, but I can't help it. If one little thing had been different…"

Olivia's entire body shuddered and Ed just squeezed her body in comfort.

"I know…" he said, giving her time to continue her thoughts.

"We could hear yelling near the elevators, so we began to make our way out there when one of the shooters came back into the squad room and saw us," she said. Her eyes were wide open and she was staring off into space as she walked him through what had happened. "We were trapped, backed against the window to my office. The one gunman…he knew my name."

"What?" Ed gasped, suddenly gripped by the terror that his wife was targeted.

"He seemed to know who I was," she said softly, her voice a little shaky. "It was clear these guys were out for some kind of revenge against cops. Our precinct in particular. I keep trying to figure out if I recognized his voice – or the other voice that eventually joined him – but I don't. Maybe once they ID them…"

"Did he know Fin or just you?" Ed asked, trying to gauge the threat he should be feeling. Regardless, all four gunmen were dead. But the idea that his wife was known to them was something he wouldn't be able to brush aside.

"Just me," she said quietly. "If this was well-planned, they would've known my name just from research."

"It doesn't matter…" Ed said gruffly, his eyes closing as he reminded himself that Olivia was in his arms, and was not in any danger.

"I didn't think I was going to make it out of there," she said, her voice breaking at the end and the tears beginning to stream down her face. It was with that admission that Ed allowed a sob to escape as well, and the couple just held tightly to each other on the large brown recliner. "I wasn't ready to leave my family…"

"Oh, baby," Ed's gruff voice was full of tears, as he struggled to come up with words to comfort his distraught wife. In the end, he realized there wasn't anything to say except how he felt about her. So Ed Tucker spent the next hour holding tightly to his wife, whispering how much he loved her and couldn't live without her. Eventually, he noticed that her breathing evened out and she had fallen asleep in his arms.

"Sleep, my love," he whispered and kissed at her face. "I've gotcha."

* * *

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Bratton said as Olivia escorted him and two federal agents to the door of their apartment. "We appreciate your cooperation."

"Thank you for coming to the house," she said.

"Absolutely," he said and reached out to shake her hand. "We'll be in touch."

Olivia closed the door behind them and rested her forehead against it while she tried to gather her thoughts. The Commissioner had phoned her earlier in the day, requesting another statement from her. Knowing that her family was still unsettled and clingy, she asked that they come to her which they did with no argument. But three hours of rehashing it all, knowing her husband and kids were just one room away, left her exhausted. Ed must have heard her close the door, because the next thing she knew Noah's little pitter patter was charging down the hallway.

"Momma!" He yelled happily as she turned around and hoisted him into the air. "You all done now?"

"Yep," she said as enthusiastically as she could. "All done! Did you watch a movie?"

"Uh-huh!" he said, nodding his head hard. "Cars 1 and Cars 2!"

"Wow sweet boy! What a treat!" Noah plopped down onto the floor and took off towards the kitchen, yelling for Ed to come fix him juice. Olivia followed slowly, arms wrapped around herself, but a small smile gracing her face at the normality in which her son was operating. As she approached the kitchen, Ed caught her eye and gestured for her to come in. Clearly something needed to be addressed.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, scanning her face for any signs of distress. All he saw was exhaustion.

"I'm just tired," she confirmed. "What's up?"

"Munch called earlier, wanted to stop by if you were up to it," he explained. "I told him you were speaking with agents and I'd get back to him. If you are too tired, I'll just call and explain it took longer than you thought."

"No, a visit from Munch sounds nice," she said softly and leaned up to kiss his lips. As he went to deepen their moment, Noah decided to interrupt.

"EWWWWWW!" he said and watched with a big smile as his parents slowly parted and looked down at him.

"Oh yeah?" Ed said, jokingly to the little boy before pulling Olivia flush against him and kissing her again. Noah just burst into giggles and occasional "ewwwwwws", enjoying the playful banter with his parents.

"Where's Charlie?" Olivia asked as she extracted herself from her husband's arms and went to pour herself another coffee.

"Right here," came a soft voice as Charlie rounded the corner. Her eyes looked puffy, as if she had been fighting tears, but she breezed right past her parents and went straight for the coffee pot. "Did I hear you say Munch was coming by?"

"He might," Olivia said, trying to catch Charlie's eye. "Are you okay?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?" She quipped back to her as she took a sip of her drink.

"I'm the momma," Olivia said with a smirk. "I always get to ask that question."

"Yep," Noah chimed in. "You da Momma!"

* * *

"Where's Mr. Benson," Munch joked as he and Olivia sat on the couch later that evening. She just laughed and shook her head at his nickname for Ed.

"He went down to check on Charlie," she offered.

"She okay?" Munch asked, a look of concern on his face.

"Probably not," Olivia allowed. "It's been a helluva few days."

"And how are you?" he asked, peering at her from over his eye glasses. After all of their years together, John Munch could still read Olivia like a book. And she was struggling.

"Alive," she said quietly. "Just not sure how much more I can take."

"The job wears on you, Liv," he said knowingly. "No one is forcing you to go back."

Olivia looked at him for a while, taking in his statement. He was right. No one was forcing her to go back. But she knew better than to make these decisions so soon after a traumatic event, despite her gut telling her she may be nearing retirement herself. So she just offered him a grateful smile.

"Thanks for being here, John," she said softly, choosing to change the subject.

"Always," he said. "Now, where is Sir Noah…"

"I right here, Uncle Munchie!" Noah yelled from his place over at his corner coloring table. "I make you art. What you fav-or-it color?"

"Hmmmm," Munch said, being overly dramatic about his thinking process. "Red."

"MINE TOO, UNCLE MUNCHIE!"

"Well, hot dog!"

"Hot dog?" Noah asked looking around. "No hot dog, Uncle Munchie. Dinner pas-keti."

The two adults just laughed as Noah shook his head at his silly uncle and went back to coloring his photo. John turned his attention back to Olivia, who was still gazing at her son with the eyes of a mother.

"No matter what you do after this, Olivia, never forget how lucky you are."

* * *

"Dad, I'm _fine_ ," Charlie said, frustrated with the fact that Ed was insisting on doing odd jobs around her apartment just to check in on her.

"I know," he said. "I just wanted to check that leak with your toilet."

"You fixed that last week," she said, her hands on her hips. "What's this all about?"

Ed let out a breath and dropped his tool box on the floor.

"You just seemed off when you left," he said. "I was worried about you. About how you are dealing with everything."

"You need to be with Olivia, Dad," she said pointedly, continuing to avoid his actual question.

"Okay, fine," he said. "I get it. But I know you, Charlie. I know you shut down when things become too much for you to handle. So when you need me - or Olivia - just call, okay? Day or night."

Charlie softened a bit at her old man, knowing he meant well. The events of the last couple of days had taken a toll on their entire family. She knew that Ed was worried about her reaction, on top of dealing with Olivia's trauma and his own fear. So she had decided to take a load off of him for the night and text Trevor, though she wasn't about to reveal that little detail to her poor father.

"I promise," she said and gave him a big hug. "I love you, dad."

"Love you too, sweetheart," he said, before kissing her on the cheek and grabbing his tool box. "See you soon?"

"You bet," she said and locked the door behind him. After taking a few minutes to collect herself, she went to grab her phone and give Trevor the signal to come on over. She needed to escape from her reality that night, and he was just the person to help her do that.

* * *

 ** _Up next: Olivia visits Lindstrom, Ed researches vacation ideas, and Charlie and Noah attempt to bake._**

 ** _Leave that review!_**


	29. Chapter 29

_**So, how well do y'all remember the episode "Behave"...**_

* * *

"Now pour in the chocolate pieces," Charlie said to her little brother. Noah was standing on a chair in the kitchen, wearing a red apron and a paper chef hat, and he had been clutching the cup of chocolate chunks for the last 5 minutes waiting for his instructions.

"Otay!" he said and Charlie watched with amusement as he slowly poured the treat into the cake batter. He had his tongue sticking out a bit and his eyes were focused, showing that he took his job very seriously. Once they were all in there, he carefully placed the cup down and looked up with a big smile. "I did it!"

"Good job, pal!" Charlie praised him and then handed him a wooden spoon. "Okay, now mix it all in."

Noah studiously began to stir the cake batter, his tongue still sticking out, and Charlie moved to spread the butter in the baking pan. Olivia had been called down to 1PP earlier in the afternoon and requested that Ed go along with her. Seeing their stress at the unknown reason for the meeting, Charlie made the decision to do something nice and fun for them. Noah suggested having an ice cream party with "allllllll da toppings", but Charlie compromised with baking a chocolate cake with colorful icing. Noah immediately got to work making them both a chef's hat while she searched for ingredients. Now here they were, covered in flour but enjoying their time together while waiting on the return of Ed and Olivia.

"Dat good, Tarlie?" Noah asked as he grew tired of mixing the batter. Charlie took a quick look, deciding that it was just fine and moved the baking dish close to him.

"Okay, help me pour this in the pan!" Noah put his little hands over hers as they put the mixture into a rectangular baking dish. Once it was all in and smoothed over, Charlie popped it in the oven and set the timer.

"Now what?" He asked, his little head cocked over to the side. Charlie took a look around the kitchen at the mess they made and gave a little chuckle.

"We should probably clean this mess up…" she said and smiled at Noah as his eyes widened at what he saw.

"IT A MESS, TAR-LIE!" he yelled and then examined his hands and arms. "I A MESS, TOO!"

"You definitely are," she said as she just continued to laugh at him. "Why don't we get you in the bath, and then I can clean up in here."

"Otay," he said and jumped down from the chair. "I play wiff my boat in da baff?"

"Anything you want, pal," Charlie said and the little boy smiled at her. He had her wrapped around his little finger, and he knew it.

* * *

"Lieutenant. Captain. Thanks for coming down," Chief Dodds greeted the couple and brought them into one of the more comfortable conference rooms. Ed had his hand on the small of Olivia's back as they walked down the hallway, both trying not to show their anxiety about being called in with such short notice. "Make yourselves comfortable, fix a drink, and I'll be right back."

Ed pulled a chair out for Olivia but noticed she was standing against the wall with her arms wrapped around herself.

"You okay?" He asked as he went over to her and helped her sit down. Once they were both seated, he reached over to grasp her hand and wait for her to talk to him.

"Whatever this meeting is about," she began softly. "I have a bad feeling. Something is wrong. I can tell."

"You're right," he said, gripping her hand harder and leaning over to kiss her cheek. "But whatever it is, we will face it together."

Olivia just looked at the man in front of her. She knew he was worried and stressed about what had happened, but he just kept being her rock. Despite all of his fears, he was there and he was solid.

"I love you," she whispered and went to kiss him again, before the door opened and they jumped apart.

"Olivia, Ed, good to see you both again," Agent Zucker said, as they all stood and shook hands. "Sorry it has to be under these circumstances."

As they all settled around the table, Ed did a quick room scan. Chief Dodds, three FBI agents, and the Commissioner were now seated with them. He could feel the anxiety radiating off of Olivia, though her expression remained stoic. She just wanted them to get to the point. Luckily, they did just that.

"We've had a development while digging into the lives of the gunmen," Agent Zucker said. Chief Dodds was looking down at his hands, clearly avoiding eye contact with the Tuckers. Olivia picked up on that, and her anxiety rose even higher.

"Spit it out, Agent," Ed said shortly and gruffly.

"We've managed to trace the gunmen back to a couple of inmates in the federal prison upstate," he said in an emotionless, all business-like voice. "Both inmates are directly connected to you, Lieutenant."

"Who are they?" Olivia asked, somehow finding her voice and speaking firmly to the agents. Ed, however, was almost wincing at the way her fingernails were digging into his hand out of fear.

"Bill Harris and Josh Miller."

* * *

"Olivia, you can't keep this from Charlie," Lindstrom said point blank, as he listened to his client talk about all the ways in which she could keep this a secret from her daughter.

"You don't understand," Olivia argued. "She's been through hell. She's finally happy. I can't do this to her."

"You aren't doing anything to her, Olivia. Josh Miller and Bill Harris are doing this to all of you. But she will find out, and shouldn't it come from you? So you can be there for the fallout?"

Olivia just shook her head and bit her lip. Life just wasn't letting up on them. The agents were confident that the threat was over. Miller and Harris were now in solitary and had no access to the outside world. This was just their sadistic attempt at revenge and to keep power over their victims. Once it hit the news, Olivia was certain that Vicki Sayer would be sent on a tailspin just like Charlie will, once she talks to her.

"I know you are right," she said softly. "But this…I just don't know how much more she can take. Or Ed. Or me, for that matter. Every time I feel like I get my footing, something else knocks us down. At what point do I just throw my hands up and say 'enough'?"

"Only you can know that," Lindstorm said. "You've dedicated your life to victims. Maybe it's time for you to step back and concentrate on your family. Even temporarily."

"Before Noah. Before Ed. Before Charlie. It was just me. I didn't have anyone. I had my job. And the way I made my life matter was by saving as many victims as I could," Olivia admitted. "But now, my life is so much more than my job. I have kids and a husband. A family. People who depend on me. But it isn't easy to walk away from my career."

"It never will be, Olivia," he said, trying to make eye contact with her. "But when that time comes, you'll be walking towards so much more."

* * *

"How many damn islands are even in the Caribbean?" Ed muttered as he sat at the table on his laptop, researching family vacation ideas. "Isn't an island getaway supposed to be relaxing? I'm already stressed."

Charlie just laughed at her poor father as she finished up the last of the dishes with Olivia. She knew they were keeping something from her, but decided to ignore it for the time being and concentrate on how excited Noah was to reveal their cake. It had turned out okay, but when he took over the decorating piece it wound up looking like a giant mound of melted crayon. Both Ed and Olivia humored him, however, and oohed and ahed as they took a bite. Noah glowed with pride and helped himself to all of their leftover icing. Now that dinner and dessert were done, Noah was down for the count and it was just the three adults.

"I don't care where we go, as long as it has a beach and my family," Olivia said as she dried her hands and came over to the table with Charlie following behind.

"And a hammock," Charlie chimed in.

"Oh, and snorkeling for Noah."

"And maybe a spa…"

"Enough, you two!" Ed said as he closed his laptop. "This is hard enough without a list of demands from the women in my life."

Olivia and Charlie just let out a little laugh, but Olivia's fell short of being authentic. Ed reached out and grabbed her hand, while Charlie eyed both of them.

"What aren't you telling me?" she asked, hesitantly, feeling her heart pound with each passing second. Olivia moved to sit on the other side of her, so she was surrounded by both of her parents when the news broke.

"Charlie," Ed began and then stopped, looking down at the table to gather his thoughts.

"Daddy, you're scaring me…" she said, her voice trembling as her eyes filled with tears. Whatever they had to tell her was not going to be good. She had never seen them quite like this.

"It looks like Josh Miller and a man named Bill Harris, who your mom put away several years ago, may have been behind the shooting at the 1-6 last week," Ed finally said, looking straight into his daughter's eyes as she tried to process the information.

"What?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

"The FBI traced cell phone calls to and from the prison upstate which helped them to link Miller and Harris to each other," Ed explained, reaching out to grab her hand but she yanked it away.

"Josh did this?" she whispered again, her entire body beginning to shake.

"It looks like he played a role, yes," Ed confirmed and eyed Olivia, who had not taken her gaze off of Charlie.

"Charlie, I know this is hard and scary, but it doesn't change the fact that I am okay," Olivia said softly, reaching up to play with the girl's hair a bit. "I'm right here. Your dad is right here. And we are all okay."

"No," she whispered, still shaking her head as the tears began to stream down her face. "This isn't okay. This will never be okay…"

"Baby girl," Olivia said softly as she tried to pull Charlie in for a hug, but was shrugged off.

"Even in prison, I can't escape him," she said, her voice getting more frantic. "Only now it isn't me. It is my family. Don't tell me this is okay!"

"Charlie, they have put both of them in solitary confinement and revoked all of their contact with the outside world," Ed said, hoping to reassure her just a little bit. "And that will be permanent."

"It doesn't matter," she cried. "He will never leave me alone!"

"Charlie…" Olivia whispered, her own tears beginning to make their way down her cheeks. Charlie finally looked up at her mother with a face so devastated, it took Olivia's breath away.

"He almost killed you!" she cried and Olivia just shook her head, once again trying to pull her daughter in for a hug.

"Just…let me hold you," Olivia almost begged, as Charlie once again pulled away from her. "Let me be your Momma right now. Everything else can wait, okay? Just let me be your Momma."

Charlie finally collapsed against Olivia in a fit of tears and clutched at her tightly. Ed watched the scene unfold, moving to put both of his hands on Charlie's back as a sign of support. Even though he knew they made the right decision telling Charlie about the latest development, it didn't make watching her reaction any easier.

"Listen, sweetheart," Ed said, hoping to at least help her regroup a bit. "Olivia is right. This doesn't change the fact that we are safe, okay? We are all alive and together. Josh Miller and Bill Harris will never be able to tear us apart. I promise you."

Charlie took a deep breath and sat up, wiping at her eyes as she tried to calm down. Olivia went into the kitchen to get them all a bottle of water, and Ed just gripped her hand tightly.

"Who is Bill Harris?" She finally asked, after swigging about half of her water in one go.

"I put him away about 5 years ago," Olivia explained gently. "He was a lot like Josh, now that I think about it."

"This is just unbelievable," Charlie said quietly, still shaking her head and trying to wrap her mind around everything she had just been told.

"With people like Josh and Bill," Ed said, leaning forward as he spoke. "They slip up when they lose control. And this time, they've crossed a line that they will never recover from. This is it for them. They are done."

"I don't believe you," Charlie said firmly. "He will never leave me alone…"

They trio sat at the dining room table, not knowing what else to say to each other at that point. Ed would catch Olivia's eyes every now and then, and they seemed to agree that nothing more needed to be revealed at this point. Charlie was in full-on shut down mode and to be honest, so was Olivia. So Ed just took a deep breath and stood up to stretch.

"Charlie, you should stay here with us tonight," he said as he made his way in to fix a bourbon.

"That's a good idea," Olivia said, patting the girl's hand. "Why don't we both go take a sleeping pill and curl up in front of Property Brothers?"

Charlie shrugged. She was too tired to fight them on this, so she just slowly got up and followed Olivia. Ed watched them both go and downed his bourbon in one sip. He had no idea how he was going to get his family through this.

* * *

 _ **The plot thickens...and there is more to come! Leave that review and maybe it will motivate me to write on the plane tomorrow...**_


	30. Chapter 30

_**Two updates, back to back! Make sure you've read Chapter 29 so you aren't completely lost in this one.**_

 _ **Also, shout out to some of my most loyal readers/reviewers that I'm not able to respond to as much as I'd like: mmkbrook, TucksonFan, Sasha Benson, Liv4Tuck2016, Breelovessvu, and roganjalex. You guys, along with the rest of you wonderful Tuckson fans that I interact with more, are what keep me updating as frequently as I do! Motivation, to the extreme. Thank you thank you!**_

 _ **Now, on with the drama...**_

* * *

The next afternoon found Charlie and Trevor curled up together in her bed, basking in the afterglow of what felt like a marathon love-making session. Trevor was lightly running his index finger up and down her spine as he tried to regain coherent thought.

"Wow," he breathed out and heard her let out a little chuckle. "Where did that come from?"

"I dunno…" she murmured, closing her eyes in total contentment.

"You ready to talk about what is bothering you?" He asked, watching as her head popped up and she glanced at him with curious eyes.

"What makes you think something is wrong?"

"I could tell by the tone of your voice on the phone this morning," he said. "And you were trying pretty hard to check out of reality just now."

"Yeah, well, you have that effect on me," she said with a little smirk, hoping to derail his question. But it didn't work.

"Talk to me," he whispered, tucking her hair behind her ear and kissing the tip of her nose. Charlie took a deep breath and sat up, pulling the sheet tightly around her body. "What is it?"

"They traced the gunmen back to some people up in the federal prison," she said softly, not making eye contact with Trevor. Alarmed at the revelation, he sat up so he could be right next to Charlie and put his hand on her back for support.

"Who?" He asked, almost afraid to know the answer.

"Josh Miller…" she hissed out, her voice shaking towards the end. "And some other guy named Bill Harris. I guess Liv had put him away several years ago, and they met up in prison…"

Charlie's head was still down, so she didn't notice the color drain straight from Trevor's face once he heard the name Bill Harris. His entire body tensed up, and he removed his hand from her back to rub at his face and neck. That finally got Charlie to look up at her boyfriend with questioning eyes.

"Trevor?" Charlie asked, voice still shaking and confused as to his sudden anxiety level. Trevor wasn't making eye contact with her, so she reached over to try and grab his hand. "Talk to me?"

"I'm sorry…" he whispered, and Charlie's heart rate picked up significantly. "I'm so sorry."

"For what?" She asked, shaking her head in confusion. "What could you possibly be sorry about?"

Trevor finally looked at her, his eyes full of pain and regret. She squeezed his hand, encouraging him to talk to her. After taking a deep breath, he dropped the bomb.

"Bill Harris…" he said, as Charlie began to realize where this was going. "He was my client…"

"What?" She hissed, yanking her hand from his and staring at him in disbelief. "What do you mean he was your client?"

"It was years ago," he tried to explain, but just shook his head knowing his words were meaningless at this point. "And I dropped him from my retainer list. But…"

"You defended him?" Charlie asked, her eyes full of fire, but also betrayal. "After everything he did to those women, you actually defended him?"

"Look, Charlie, it's not as simple as that…" he said and winced as she yanked the sheet off the bed as she stood, and wrapped herself up in it.

"How could you…" she seethed at him. "How could you feed me all of this crap while you were helping me, when deep down you defended a man JUST LIKE JOSH."

"Charlie…" he said, frantically standing up as he realized the depth of how he just hurt her.

"Get out." She said, her voice low but firm.

"Charlie, please," Trevor begged, reaching out to take her hand only to have her slap it away.

"I said…Get. Out."

Trevor's head dropped and he slowly pulled his clothes back on, as Charlie stood a few feet away with her arms wrapped around herself trying to fight the onslaught of tears. Trevor began to make his way out of the apartment, but then turned around to take one last look at the young woman who had stolen his heart.

"Charlie," he said, tears bubbling up in his eyes. "You have every right to hate me for this. Even I hate me for this right now. But I promise you, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you will let me. I love you, Charlotte Tucker."

He turned and walked out, the door clicking behind him. Charlie stood there, staring for a few minutes before her sobs overtook her body and she collapsed onto her knees.

* * *

A loud knocking on the apartment door startled Olivia out of her nap on the couch. Ed had taken Noah to the park, hoping to alleviate some of his stir-craziness. The family hadn't ventured much outside of the apartment since the news broke about Miller and Harris, and while Olivia still wasn't ready to go out, Noah was off the walls. Olivia slowly made her way to the door, glancing through the peep hole before undoing the chains and greeting her visitor.

"Fin," she exclaimed, following it up with a yawn and a stretch. "I wasn't expecting you."

"I was in the neighborhood," he said a little sheepishly. "Sorry to wake you up."

"No, no problem," she said. "I don't need to be asleep right now, or I'll never sleep tonight. Come on in. Can I get you something to drink?"

"Nah, Liv, I'm fine," he said. "I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing."

The old friends sat down on opposite ends of the couch, and Olivia curled her feet up under her to face him.

"I don't even know how to answer that," she said with a chuckle.

"I hear ya," he said. "You been cleared to return yet?"

"Nope," she said. "You?"

"I'll go back next week, desk duty," he said. "Hopefully back out in the field a couple weeks after that."

"That's good," she said, but Fin could tell she wasn't fully meaning her statement. He just eyed her, trying to get a read on her current state but he wasn't able to.

"Okay, spill it," he finally said.

"What is there to spill, Fin?" she asked, looking up at him. "Life just isn't giving me a break. That's all there is to it."

"Yeah," he said. "But you are usually chomping at the bits to get back to work. Not taking daytime naps."

"Things change, Sergeant," she said shortly, and Fin finally looked at her with a realization.

"You may not come back," he stated. "Is that what this is?"

Olivia picked at the blanket covering her legs and shrugged.

"It's a possibility," she said softly. "There's Ed and...ya know, his heart. It's not as strong as it used to be. And Charlie, she needs me. She needs her Momma. And then there is my sweet Noah. I can't keep putting my life on the line. It's not just about me anymore."

"You gotta do what you gotta do, Liv," he said. "But make sure it's the right decision, not just a reaction to this latest shit storm."

* * *

Charlie had just gotten out of a scalding hot, hour long shower when she heard her cellphone ringing. Not quite ready to talk to anyone, she ignored the chirping and went to put on clean sweatpants and a tank top.

"God, can't people just leave me alone," she yelled in frustration, as the phone began to ring again. Finally deciding to take a look, in case something else was wrong, she saw that it was Olivia calling.

"Hi Olivia," she said, her voice strained and tired. Olivia immediately picked up on the tone.

 _"_ _What's wrong?"_

"Just tired," she answered. "Everything okay?"

 _"_ _I came down and knocked a little while ago, but you didn't answer. I guess I over-reacted and got worried."_

"Oh, sorry, I was in the shower," Charlie said, walking into the kitchen to start some coffee.

 _"_ _Long shower?"_

"Yeah, I felt disgusting," she said and shuddered as she thought about the fight she had with Trevor earlier.

 _"_ _Charlie…what's wrong?"_

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, preparing to try and shut Olivia's question down again. But the words were spewing out before she could stop them.

"Why didn't you tell me Trevor was Bill Harris's lawyer?" she asked, her tone not accusatory but there was some contempt to it.

" _Oh…Charlie…how did you find that out?"_

"He was here today. I asked him to come over to distract me. I let him fuck me. And then, I find that out."

 _"_ _Okay, hang tight I'm on my way down."_

"No," Charlie said quickly. "I just need to be alone."

 _"_ _Baby…"_

 _"_ Why didn't you tell me?" Charlie asked again, the tears beginning to fall down her face. Olivia's heart snapped in two as she heard the anguish in her voice.

 _"_ _I was going to…but you were so upset, that I thought I should wait."_

The silence was almost too much for Olivia to bear on the phone, so she finally just made an executive decision as the mother.

 _"_ _Charlie, I'm going to come down okay? Please let me in…"_

"Okay," she said quietly and hung up the phone. Before Olivia got down, Charlie went into the bathroom and downed a triple dose of her anxiety medicine.

* * *

"I get ice-cream?" Noah asked as he rode on Ed's back towards the subway station. Instead of going to the neighborhood park, Ed had taken the little guy up to Riverside so they could enjoy a new setting for once..

"Sure, bud," Ed answered as they made their way down the stairs. "We will stop at the truck by the apartment, okay?"

"Otay," Noah said as he rested his little cheek on Ed's shoulder. "Tank you for da park."

Ed stopped and flipped Noah, so that he could look at him properly.

"Anytime," he said and kissed his forehead. "I love you, son."

"Lub you too, Daddy," Noah said. "We bring Tar-lie and Momma ice cream too?"

"Of course," Ed said. The train breezed into the station, and the two got settled onto a seat before it took off again. "Noah, what do you think about Barbados?"

"Ba-ba-dos?" He asked, looking up at his father with a confused face. "What dat?"

"It's an island," Ed explained. "I thought you, Charlie, Mommy, and Daddy could all go there for Thanksgiving."

"What you do in Ba-ba-dos?"

"We can swim, play in the sand, go on a boat…anything you want to do," Ed explained and watched as Noah gave him a thoughtful pucker, meaning he was considering the offer. All of a sudden a big grin came over his face and he nodded enthusiastically.

"Otay, daddy," he said as he bounced up and down on Ed's lap. "Let go to Ba-Ba-Dos!"

* * *

"Charlie?" Olivia asked, as she observed the girl stumble her way back over to the couch after using the restroom. "Did you take something?"

They had been visiting for about an hour now, and Olivia had noticed that as time went on Charlie drifted further and further away from her. But it wasn't until she got up to go pee that Olivia noticed she was disoriented.

"Just my anxiety pills," Charlie said slowly and carefully, not wanting to slur her words. "I'm so tired…"

"Okay, baby girl," Olivia said, a little nervous but glad it was just the anxiety medicine in her system and not something else. "How many did you take?"

"Three…" she said as her eyes closed and her head hit the little pillow on the couch.

"Where are they?" Olivia asked, wanting to see exactly how much each pill was so she could gauge what was in her system.

"Medicine…cabinet…"

Olivia hopped up and went to check the pill bottle. Once she got the dosage and full name, she perched herself on the couch with Charlie's feet in her lap and googled to make sure the girl hadn't overdosed.

"Okay," she muttered. "It looks like you can take up to four…but that is only for full on panic attacks…"

"I just didn't want to feel anything," Charlie said, eyes still closed but apparently still coherent.

"Charlie, I am so sorry…" Olivia said, tears springing to her eyes at the pain that was radiating through her family right now.

"S'not your fault, Livia," Charlie said and tried to move herself, so her head was in her Momma's lap. "Life just sucks right now…"

As hard as she tried not to, Olivia couldn't help but chuckle a little bit at Charlie's last statement. Luckily, it made her daughter smile a bit as she looked up at her with totally drugged eyes.

"You know what isn't going to suck?" Olivia asked, as she ran her fingers through Charlie's hair and tried to soothe her to sleep.

"Nothing?" Charlie murmured, finally beginning to relax. Olivia just shook her head.

"Barbados won't suck," she said with a little smile and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "You just sleep baby girl. We will sort through this mess later. Just sleep."

* * *

"Has she talked to Trevor since she kicked him out?" Ed asked later that evening, as he and Olivia flipped through the travel packets showing their upcoming vacation destination.

"No," Olivia said quietly and looked up at Ed from her place next to him in the recliner. "She's a mess…"

"I knew she would be," Ed muttered. "As much as I didn't want her with him in the beginning, he's not a bad guy…"

"He isn't," Olivia agreed. "He's changed a lot over the last several years. But…that's a hard blow, given everything that's going on."

"Yeah…" Ed said, and began to run his hand up and down Olivia's side, occasionally making light contact with the side of her breast. "You think she will be okay?"

"I do," Olivia said confidently. "She's a strong as her daddy."

"And her Momma," Ed said, before throwing the brochures down on the floor and pulling Olivia up so they were nose to nose. "But enough of that. Noah is asleep, Charlie is still too doped up to realize she's on planet earth, and I wanna see how quiet you can be in this recliner…"

Ed's hand made it's way into Olivia's pajama shorts and she let out a little shriek before giggling.

"Shhhhh," he said teasingly. "You're not off to a good start."

* * *

 _ **Trouble in Trevlie Paradise...uh oh...what do you think? Will they be able to work through this?**_

 _ **Up Next: Barbados!**_


	31. Chapter 31

**_Ba-Ba-Dos, Pt 1_**

* * *

"No!" Noah said firmly from his seat by the window on the plane. "I sit by Daddy!"

Olivia was slowly losing her patience with her son. They had to leave for the airport about 4:00am, which meant Noah was just plain tired. Since waking up, he had been off the walls and very bossy including refusing to wear his heavy coat despite the chilly November weather in the city. Olivia finally gave up and just wrapped him in a blanket while carrying him to the cab. Things seemed to calm down until they got onto the plane. It was awkwardly set up with three seats on each side of the aisle, making it hard for a family of four to make it work. Olivia had decided Noah could have the window seat, she would sit in the middle, then Charlie on the edge with Ed sitting right across the aisle. Unfortunately, while everyone was trying to board the plane, Noah had other ideas.

"Noah, we can swap seats around in a minute," Olivia said firmly. "People are trying to board the plane and it's not nice of us to block the aisle just for a seat change."

"I sit by Daddy!" He said louder and the tears began to bubble in his eyes. Olivia's head hit the back of the seat and her eyes closed, likely trying not to yell at her overly tired little boy. Charlie saw the issue and reached over to her brother.

"Hey Noah," she said softly, and got his attention as a lone tear made its way down his face. "You can sit by Daddy, but we just have to wait until everyone is on the plane okay?"

"Otay…" he said softly, his lip quivering.

"Do you want to come sit in my lap until we can swap around?" Charlie asked, looking to Olivia to make sure it was okay. Noah didn't have to be buckled in yet, so maybe that was a good compromise.

"Otay," he said a bit cheerier and climbed over Liv to his sister. "Tanks, Tar-lie."

"You're welcome," she said. "But maybe Mommy should get a sorry?"

"I sowwy, Mommy," Noah said sweetly and leaned over to kiss her cheek. Olivia just smiled at him and poked his nose.

"It's okay, baby boy," she said. "Let's just calm down and have a good trip."

"We go to Ba Ba Dos!" He said excitedly, causing some of the others around them to chuckle. "I gonna see SHARKS!"

"Ooooh, let's not get ahead of ourselves," Olivia said with a deep breathe and Ed just laughed. This was going to be a good trip.

* * *

Two hours into the flight found Noah on Ed's lap, both of them sleeping against the window. Olivia was still in the middle seat and Charlie had made her way across the aisle to join them since Noah had vacated having his own seat. The two women had been working on a Sudoku for while and sipping on a very strong Bloody Mary.

"Hm, no…" Charlie muttered as Olivia filled in a number. "That's gotta be a 6."

"Oh," Olivia said, erasing the 1 and replacing it. "Smarty pants…"

They both chuckled a bit and went back to filling in the numbers. A few minutes later, Charlie let out a sigh and put her pencil down. Olivia glanced over at her, but pretended to keep working the puzzle as she tried to make conversation. Charlie hadn't been very talkative over the last few weeks and as much as Olivia understood, she was also worried. They would have her down for dinner about 3-4 nights a week, and she would come but it was a little more quiet than it usually was. Her and Noah would play and play, and then she would yawn and head home when usually she would stick around for a drink with her parents. Olivia found herself missing that quiet time with her daughter, and she knew Ed was missing it as well. Maybe this trip would remedy that for them.

"You talk to Trevor lately?" She asked, as if it were the most casual question in the world, but knowing it was deeper than she imagined.

"A little," Charlie admitted, downing the rest of the drink and leaning back in the seat. "We've been texting on and off, and I met him for coffee before we left."

"How was it?" Olivia continued to place numbers in the squares, even though she wasn't actually paying attention to what she was doing. It was more to keep Charlie calm and talking to her in that moment.

"Okay," she said quietly. "He feels awful and I do too. I jsut can't help how I feel right now...but he's not giving up."

"Hey," Olivia said, finally putting her pencil down to face her daughter and try to reassure her. "How you are feeling? It is completely valid. You have been through hell, Charlie. And I just don't think you have the strength to grapple with Trevor's past right now, despite how much he may care about you."

"I don't," she whispered. "I understand it was his job, but it is still a lot to process. I asked him to give me some space while I was away. I just can't deal with it all right now..."

"Okay," Olivia said, noticing the tear rolling down Charlie's cheek. At least she opened up a little. "I'm sorry I brought it up right now. You want to curb this until we get settled in?"

"Yeah…" she said, then looked up at her step mother with a smile. "Thanks, Liv."

* * *

"Helloooo Ba Ba Dos!" Noah yelled happily as he skipped out of the airport dragging his little suitcase and wearing his sunglasses. "I here!"

"Ohmigosh, I've never seen anyone more excited to be on vacation," Charlie muttered to Ed as they watched him. Even the other travelers were stopping to smile at the little boy, who was clearly in his element now that they had arrived on the island.

"Come on Noah," Olivia encouraged, not quite as comfortable with all the attention her little boy was getting in a strange place. "Let's go find our driver."

"Driver take us to Ba Ba Dos?" Noah asked.

"Yes, the driver will take us to where we will stay in Barbados," Olivia said, just trying to be patient as she continued to answer his endless questions and arguments. Noah must have decided that was acceptable because he happily walked along side his mom, just in front of Ed and Charlie, until they reached a young man holding a sign saying "Tucker".

"Welcome to Barbados!" The man said cheerfully. "Right this way!"

They followed him a little ways more down the sidewalk and he stopped in front of a big, open jeep. Ed stopped and looked at Olivia with confusion.

"This is our ride?" He asked, clearly not that excited to be in what appeared to be an off-road vehicle. Olivia just shrugged.

"I guess so," she said, amusement in her voice at the idea of her steely, stoic husband having to let loose in this car. "Come on, babe, where's your sense of adventure?"

"It ends when I have to get in a car with no doors," he muttered as Charlie and Noah hopped in the backseat, waving for him to join them. Ed helped Olivia climb into the car, and she settled herself in the back so Noah was in between the two women. Ed just took a deep breath and got into the front seat, his hand already gripping the roll bar.

"You do know how to drive this thing, yeah?" Ed asked the young man, who just let out a chuckle.

"Yes sir," he said. "Been driving it for 3 years. Just relax!"

"Relax, yeah right," Ed muttered again as the engine roared up and they were off. Noah was cackling with delight as they sped along the tropical roads, getting further and further away from the busy streets. Charlie looked completely at peace as she laughed along with Noah and pointed out various sights. Olivia went back and forth from watching her kids with a smile and watching Ed with a different smile. He was clearly not enjoying his ride experience, and she found it hilarious. Olivia kept one hand on Ed's shoulder in support and the other wrapped around her small son as they continued their journey. Eventually the tall trees cleared out and they were greeted by the ocean off to their left. As the road continued to wind along the shore, Olivia could feel the tension slowly exit her husband's body. By the time they pulled into the gated entrance of their resort, he actually had a small smile on his face.

"Wow, Ba Ba Dos awesome," Noah said with his jaw slacked as they pulled up to the check-in area. Ed hopped out and went to check them in while the driver stood next to the backseat where Charlie was and tried to strike up a conversation.

"Ever been to Barbados?" He asked, with clear intentions of trying to impress her with his knowledge of the island as he eyed her up and down.

"No," she said politely and left it at that. She may have been relaxed, but talking to a random guy was not in her strength set at the moment. Luckily, Noah saved the day.

"We new to Ba Ba Dos!" He yelled at the man causing a few chuckles. "I wanna see sharks!"

"Well, you just might!" The young man said and Olivia let out a groan. "Though we don't see them often down here. But you'll see big turtles and dolphins."

"Too-tles?" Noah asked, looking at his mom with big eyes. She just shook her head a bit. They had been trying to get Noah to work on his "er" words, but turtle just wasn't going to change anytime soon.

"Noah, it is TUR-TLE," she said slowly. "Can you say TUR-TLE?"

He just looked at her like she was crazy.

"Dat what I say! Too-tle!"

Olivia rolled her eyes and gave up for the time being. Just then, Ed came back out with what looked like a bag full of stuff from the hotel. He hopped back in the front seat, and handed the driver a map.

"Our villa is back there," he said. "You mind getting us a little closer?"

"Not at all, sir. This is curb side assistance!"

They drove around the resort's narrow and winding roads, taking in the scenery. There seemed to be plenty of activities for the whole family, but seeing as it was November it also didn't seem overcrowded. It was just what Ed had been looking for when he decided to spend Thanksgiving away from the stress of Manhattan. They finally came to the end of a little road and drove around the cobblestone circle, which had four separate villas on it. Santi, the name their driver had finally disclosed to them, finally stopped in front of the third sidewalk and hopped out of the car.

"Thanks for all your help," Ed said as they both began to unload the suitcases. Once everyone was out and matched with their luggage, Olivia slipped the young man a tip and bid him farewell before turning to join her family.

"Whoa…" Noah said as they entered their little villa and began to look around. Ed had dipped into his NYPD retirement payoff and splurged for their week long island hiatus, renting a two bedroom villa in one of the top recommended family resorts on Trip Advisor. He was looking for quiet along with activities for kids, and this seemed to fit the bill. Upgrading to the two bedroom villa was a no brainer for him. Both he and Olivia liked having their space and being away from people when they were trying to relax, and he knew Charlie would appreciate having a separate room even if Noah was her roommate. It also came with it's own little terrace and small play yard for the times when Noah wanted to run around but the adults weren't up for a trek to the resort's playground.

"Wow," Charlie exclaimed as she followed Noah's slow exploration of their temporary home. "This is incredible, Dad!"

"Well," he said as he put arm around Olivia and pulled her close. "I figure we all deserved a little pampering for the week."

"DA OCEAN!" Noah shrieked, having finally made it to the french doors that opened up to a little beach front patio. Olivia smiled and made her way over to him, hoisting him onto her hip as they both gazed in awe.

"That's right, sweet boy," Olivia said softly. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Uh huh," Noah said, still taking it all in. "I lub Ba Ba Dos."

* * *

"I'm so happy right now, Ed," Olivia said softly as the couple strolled along the beach as the sun was setting. Ed stopped and pulled her to him, allowing himself a moment to just gaze into her eyes before giving her a soft kiss.

"I'm glad," he said as he brushed her hair behind her ear. "Happy looks good on you."

"It goes well with you too," she said with a shy smile. Sometimes the way Ed would look at her, as if she were the most precious thing on earth, could be a little overwhelming. "The kids seem happy."

Ed just chuckled a little bit and thought back to when they left their kids at the villa. Noah was determined to test the villa's fort building capabilities with Charlie egging him on. They had already found every spare sheet and blanket the place had to offer.

"We are going to be washing sheets every night, aren't we?" Olivia asked with a little smile. Ed got a devilish look about him as he moved to kiss her again before pulling back slightly.

"Well, I plan on having to wash ours plenty. So it's just as well," he said as Olivia just laughed and leaned in for more lip contact. He gently caressed her tongue with his and settled his hands on her behind, as they both battled for control of the kiss. Finally she needed some air and pulled back, eyes still closed and forehead resting against his. "You doing okay, baby?"

"I'm getting there," she said, referring to the trauma of the precinct shooting. Ed had been incredibly patient and strong as she worked to try and process what all had happened. She had been seeing Lindstorm every week, as well as the NYPD's appointed shrink. They both agreed she was not ready to return to work, much to Ed's relief, so being able to escape to Barbados had been pretty easy. But her strong and gentle husband was the glue holding her together. He was there when she needed to fall apart, gave her space when she just needed to be alone in her thoughts, and constantly reminded her of all the reasons she should be grateful to have survived despite her guilt.

"I'll be here every step of the way," he said, sensing she wasn't wanting to go down that road at that moment. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she said as they began to walk back towards the villa. "Wanna take bets on how much Noah has destroyed the villa in his fort building?"

Ed just laughed a hearty, full on laugh as he thought about it.

"Ya know," he said with a big grin. "I don't even care. Seeing him and Charlie so happy is worth having to live in a villa-turned-fort while we are here."

* * *

 ** _Barbados adventures continue in the next chapter...but until then, how about a review?_**


	32. Chapter 32

_**Ba Ba Dos, Pt 2**_

* * *

Ed Tucker opened up the french doors in their master suite before crawling back in bed beside Olivia. He had awoken as the sun began to rise and went to start the coffee, with the intent of reading on the terrace. However, the thought of his incredibly beautiful wife still asleep, and also alone, in the bed caused him to take a detour. Careful not to interrupt her peaceful slumber, he eased himself onto his back and gently pulled her into him. He smiled as she nestled her head into his neck and let out a sigh, before presumably drifting back off. Ed just held her tightly to him and watched the gentle waves splash in the distance. These were some of his favorite moments. Always an early riser, he would often be awake an hour or two before anyone else in the apartment. Usually he would sit in his recliner and read the paper, filling out the crossword until it pissed him off, then he'd shower and be ready for the day just as Noah was waking up Olivia. But here, in this moment, he put his routine aside. For the first time in months, his wife was sleeping peacefully. There was no thrashing, no whimpering, no late night cups of tea. It was just them, and he was pretty sure he could stay like this for hours.

"Mmmmmmm," Olivia let out a little moan and stretched her legs, remaining against her husband's strong body. "Morning, baby."

"Morning," Ed said, loving Olivia's early morning voice. It was deep, raspy, and so incredibly sexy. He lost all control over himself and rolled her onto her back, so he could settle on top of her before leaning down to devour her mouth. She eagerly returned his advances before pushing him up just a bit, to his surprise. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said with a breathless smile. "I just gotta pee…"

"Oh," he said with a little laugh. "In that case…"

He growled before picking up her, bridal style.

"Ed!" Olivia shrieked as she began to laugh at his antics. He just walked them both into the bathroom, before depositing her onto her feet in front of the toilet.

"There," he said. "I'll start the shower…"

"You are too much," Olivia said with a grin and then slapped his behind as he leaned over the tub. He turned around and Olivia got a devilish look on her face before continuing her statement in a low, sultry voice. "But I can take all of it…"

"You're going to kill me, woman," Ed said. "But what a way to go."

* * *

"Sir, you've gotta balance yourself with the sail," Enrique, the attractive young instructor, yelled as Ed struggled to stay up on his beginner windsurf board. After he and Olivia enjoyed their early morning shower, Ed called and set up lessons as a surprise for Charlie. He was well aware that she was more of herself when she was active, and he wanted to provide that for her. Ever the adrenaline junkies, as Olivia referred to them, the two Tuckers talked non-stop about it over breakfast. As they set off for the adventurous morning, Olivia promised that her and Noah would watch from the sand.

"You can do it, dad!" Charlie yelled from her spot next to him, easily staying up on her device. She seemed to pick up on the skill a little quicker than her father, but their instructor had confidence in him. He swam over to help move Ed's foot over a couple of inches and had him lean back just a tad. As soon as he did that, he got a satisfied grin. The water in their little cove was calm, allowing the instructor to really teach them how to balance and steer, before they took the vessels out into the ocean for some wave riding.

"Okay, now let's work on steering so you can take off," Enrique said, going over to Charlie first and enjoying being close to her a bit too much. Ed let out a huff of air as he watched, ever the protective father, but Charlie seemed oblivious as she learned how to steer into and against the wind. Once she got the hang of it, Enrique moved away and watched her move her vessel around the cove with a smile.

"Hey, you wanna help me too?" Ed asked, tired of him watching his daughter despite him being harmless. Enrique just smiled and came over to Ed, hopping up on the board with him.

"Sorry, sir," he said. "Your daughter is beautiful."

"Yes, I'm aware," Ed said gruffly, hoping his tone warned the young man. But he seemed to brush it off.

"She's also a natural at this," he said, changing the subject. "Let's catch you up to her."

* * *

"Look, Noah, there they are!" Olivia pointed out into the ocean to where Ed and Charlie were trying to surf along the waves. She started snapping some pictures and video with her phone, as Noah began to cheer them on.

"TAR-LIE! DADDY! YOU DO IT!" He kept jumping up and down on the shore and waving, while Olivia let out a little laugh. Just then, Ed managed to make a spectacular wipe out, causing Noah to react.

"Uh oh. Dat not good," he said as he buried his little face in his hands and shook his head. Olivia, while somewhat entertained by Noah's reaction, was more focused on whether or not Ed got himself back up. After a few minutes, he managed to mount the board again and was off trying to catch up to Charlie. After a quick look to her phone, she smirked as she realized she caught his wipe out on film. She could pick on him for it later.

"Tar-lie go fast, Momma," Noah said, looking up at Olivia from where they were now sitting in the sand.

"She sure does," Olivia said. Charlie really looked like a natural out on the water. As if she could hear their conversation, Charlie took a turn to try and surf a bigger wave and ended up flipping the board. She watched as Ed made his way over and hopped off his vessel to help her out.

"Dat look fun," Noah observed. "I wanna do it too. I try wind-surf?"

"Maybe next time we come," Olivia said, stroking his hair a bit. "You are too little right now."

"I not little!" Noah insisted. "I big boy!"

"Yes, you are definitely a big boy," Olivia soothed. "Just not big enough to wind-surf."

"Otay," he said with a little pout before noticing they were back up and surfing. "GO TAR-LIE! GO DADDY!"

As Olivia continued to watch her husband and daughter navigate the wind and the waves, she noticed how Ed's shoulder muscles would bulge each time he moved the sail. In fact, his muscles were ripping all the way up his back, highlighting just how strong and fit he was. Her mind began to wander off, as she pictured those arm muscles working and flexing as he would often move above her in the bed. The same arms that would hold her when she was upset or tickle her when they were flirting with each other. And the same, strong arms that would brace above her in the shower, like he had that morning, as he pleasured her over and over again.

"Momma?" Noah said, snapping Olivia out of her little daydream.

"Yes, sweet boy?" She said, hoping that her voice didn't betray where her mind had just gone.

"You bury me in sand now?"

"You bet," she said, taking one last look at her sexy husband riding along the waves before turning to grab the shovel.

* * *

Later that evening, after the family had cleaned up and taken a late afternoon nap, they made their way to the water-front restaurant for dinner. Ed was sporting khaki shorts and a light blue polo, while Noah was dressed similarly but with a red polo. Olivia and Charlie both had long, cotton dresses that showed off their lightly tanned skin. Olivia's was a cream color and Charlie went a bit bolder with a yellow one. As they followed behind the hostess to their table, Ed grabbed Olivia's hand and lightly ran his fingers along hers.

"How are you feeling?" she asked quietly, as the hostess pulled their chairs out and they were seated right by the deck's railing that separated the restaurant from the sand below them.

"Just fine," he said with a smirk and kissed her forehead. Olivia had been worried that he would be sore from his numerous wipe outs that morning. But if he was, he wasn't letting on.

"I have fish?" Noah asked excitedly as he looked around the restaurant and bounced in his chair.

"Yes, if you will sit still," Olivia said sweetly, but with a firm tone. He immediately settled but looked over to Charlie.

"You eat fish too?"

"Yep," she answered as she surveyed the menu. "Hey dad, can I get a drink?"

"You bet," he said. "We both deserve drinks after today."

"That was so fun," Charlie said. "Thanks for setting that up. I haven't felt that good in a long time."

"Well then, it was worth it," Ed said with a smile, happy that his idea was successful. "Maybe we can do another hour or so before the end of the week."

"Really?" She asked, surprised that her dad would set it up again.

"Absolutely," he said. "I had a blast."

"Momma look!" Noah said, pointing to a little dance floor just beneath the deck they were on. "Dancing!"

"Oh wow," Olivia said, eyeing Ed and knowing he wasn't big on public dancing. But maybe being away and having a picturesque background would change that. "Let's eat first, okay?"

Once the dinner plates were taken away and the waitress brought Charlie her second drink of the night, Ed gripped Olivia's hand and pulled her up. He quickly kissed her, erasing the surprised look on her face.

"Dance with me," he said as he watched her smile grow. He led her down the stairs and onto the dance floor, before pulling her flush against him and settling his hands just above her behind. Olivia reached up and clasped her hands behind his neck and relaxed, as she stared into his eyes and they moved slowly together.

"This is perfect," she whispered to him and he just grunted in agreement, kissing her softly.

"You are perfect," he responded, moving them along to the beat of the song.

"Ed…" she said, again feeling almost uncomfortable under the intensity of his gaze. But he wasn't deterred.

"No," he said. "You are perfect. You are my perfect, amazing, and beautiful wife. And I love you more and more every day."

He moved to kiss her as a tear made it's way down her face, and then nuzzled his cheek into hers as he began to sing along in her ear.

 _We go to a party and everyone turns to see_

 _This beautiful lady that's walking around with me._

 _And then she asks me, "Do you feel all right?"_

 _And I say, "Yes, I feel wonderful tonight."_

 _I feel wonderful because I see_

 _The love light in your eyes._

 _And the wonder of it all_

 _Is that you just don't realize how much I love you_

"Ed…" Olivia whispered as he stopped singing only to kiss lightly at her ear. He finally pried his lips off of her skin and moved so he was looking into her tear-filled eyes. "I love you, too."

The band had moved on to another song with a slightly faster beat, but Ed and Olivia remained locked on each other as they swayed along. Neither of them were in a hurry to leave the dance floor in that moment, but realizing that Noah would likely be getting tired soon they slowly made their way up the stairs and back to the table. Olivia scooped Noah up to take him to the bathroom, and Ed reached over to take a sip of Charlie's tropical drink.

"Earth to Charlie," he said, noticing she seemed off in another world. "Where were you just now?"

"Oh," she said, shaking her head as if to signal it was nothing. "We were just watching you two on the dance floor."

"Ah," Ed said, now feeling a little self conscious.

"Don't get embarrassed, dad," she said. "I think it's beautiful how much you love Olivia. It makes me want to work harder so that one day, I can let someone love me like that."

"Oh, Charlie," he said and reached out to grasp her hand. "Never settle for someone who doesn't love you like that."

She just smiled at him, through watery eyes, and thought back to Trevor. How much he seemed to cared about her and loved her.

"Don't push yourself to forgive him, just because you are afraid no one else will love you," Ed said softly, as if he could read her thoughts. "If you are meant to be with Trevor, then one day it will work out. And if not, well, that means someone else is out there just waiting to love you even more than he does."

"Thanks, Daddy," Charlie said and Ed's heart melted a bit. She hadn't called him Daddy in a long time, but it felt good to hear. Just then Noah and Olivia returned, and he began to look around for the waitress so he could get the check.

"Excuse me?" They all looked up to see Enrique, their wind surfing instructor, at the table with a large, pink flower in his hand. He looked over to Charlie, offering her the flower. "I just wanted to tell you how beautiful you look tonight."

Charlie hesitantly took the flower and blushed, as Olivia looked on with a little smile. Ed, however, was not smiling. He had a fixed glare on their new buddy, Enrique.

"Thank you," Charlie said softly, ducking her head a bit.

"Dis my sister," Noah said, almost as if he decided to protect Charlie a bit. "She boo-ti-ful. But she my date."

The whole table, including Enrique, laughed at that statement and Charlie just pulled Noah onto her lap and kissed his head.

"That's right I'm your date," she said, then looked up at Enrique. "Thank you for the flower. We were just about to call it a night, though."

"That's okay," he said, seemingly disappointed but not deterred. "I hope to see you again."

With that, he walked away from the table. Olivia looked up at Ed, who was very carefully watching the young man walk away and she just rubbed his shoulder a bit.

"Easy there, babe," she said. "Don't wanna pop that vein that is sticking out."

Charlie just laughed a bit at how tense her father got at the idea of Enrique gifting her a flower.

"Dad, relax," she said, as she stood up and held Noah's hand. "He's harmless."

"No man is harmless," he grunted, following the kids and wrapping an arm around his wife. "Especially around my daughter."

Olivia just let out a hearty laugh and shook her head at her husband, before leaning her head onto his shoulder as they exited the restaurant.

"You're impossible," she said. "But you're mine."

* * *

 _ **So, we all want to go to Ba Ba Dos with the Tuckers now, right? Hit that review button if you want more vacation fun!**_


	33. Chapter 33

_**They may be on vacation, but our favorite family is still recovering from a hell of a year...so let's dive into that a bit more, shall we?**_

 _ **Ba Ba Dos, Pt 3**_

* * *

Ed began to stir a bit, noting the room was still dark and went to check the clock on the nightstand next to him. 2:47am. Why was he awake right now? That was when he felt movement in the bed next to him and looked over at his wife. She was laying on her back, with her head moving back and forth on the pillow, and a strained look to her face. As he gazed at her trying to figure out if something was wrong, a faint whimper escaped her lips.

 _She had her back up against her office wall in the precinct and looked around in a panic as she realized it was the 1-6 shooting all over again. All of a sudden, she heard a familiar shriek from the hallway. Once she turned her head to look, her heart dropped into her stomach. Josh Miller was walking towards her while holding a gun to Charlie's head. Olivia immediately pointed her gun at them, but noticed her hands were shaking. Josh seemed to notice that as well and smirked at her._

 _"_ _Don't even try, hot stuff," he said with a tone that sent chills down her spine. "You wouldn't wanna miss and hit this beautiful girl would ya?_

 _He was right, and Olivia knew it, but she refused to lower her gun. She needed to get control of the situation. As she tried to come up with a way to talk him down, she heard movement from the other side of the squad room. Taking a quick glance, she almost broke into sobs right then. Bill Harris was walking towards her, a gun pointed at Ed's head. As if that wasn't enough, Ed was holding a terrified Noah._

 _"_ _No…" she whispered, swallowing the tears that were bubbling up. This couldn't be happening. Where was Fin? Wasn't he just there with her? She looked around quickly before realizing she was alone. Well, alone with the two monsters holding guns to her family._

 _"_ _I'm willing to make a trade," Josh said with an evil smirk, as he hand began to make its way towards Charlie's chest. The young girl let out a whimper and closed her eyes as she felt him violate her body yet again._

 _"_ _I'm listening," Olivia said, her voice seemingly steady but her insides were shaking._

 _"_ _You let us take you into your office…meaning me and Bill…and we'll let your husband and your son go," Josh said, making eye contact with Olivia and seeing the fear flash through her features._

 _"_ _What about Charlie?" She managed to get out, and that is when Josh's smile got even bigger._

 _"_ _She comes with us," he said firmly. "Beggars can't be choosers. If you want two of your loves to get out of here unharmed, you'll take my offer."_

 _Tears sprang to Olivia's eyes as she watched Charlie's head bow in defeat. She knew her daughter was steeling herself for the inevitable. Eventually, their eyes met and she gave her a slight nod, signaling that she was okay with Olivia taking the offer. But as a mother, she couldn't bring herself to say the words. She was stuck between a rock and a hard place, as she kept trying to figure out a way out of this. Finally realizing that the only way she'd be able to fight these men off was ifthey were void of their guns in her office, she made the hardest decision she's ever had to make. Taking one last look at Charlie, she turned her head to the panicked expression of her husband and the tears of their small son. She gave them a small smile._

 _"_ _It's gonna be okay," she whispered, her voice shaky. Ed began to frantically shake his head back and forth as Olivia walked backwards to her office. "Let them go, and I'm all yours."_

 _"_ _NOOOOO!" Olivia heard Ed's heart wrenching screams as Bill shoved her into her office, followed by Josh and Charlie. She continued to hear his yells and occasional sobs as she was shoved against her desk, bent over, and eye to eye with her daughter. Tears were streaming down Charlie's face as Olivia tried to comfort her, despite the man attempting to violate her own body._

 _"_ _I'm right here, baby…it's okay," she would whisper as Charlie just kept her eyes locked on her mother._

 _"_ _Help me…" she said softly, and Olivia's heart just broke. All of a sudden, she heard the snap of pants being undone and she could no longer control herself as she fought with everything she had to prevent them from hurting her daughter again. She just couldn't allow it to happen. She saw the defeat in Charlie's eyes, and while she herself had felt defeat for a minute, the strength and anger of the mama bear in her came barreling to the surface._

 _"_ _STOP! DON'T TOUCH HER! NO!"_

"STOP! NO!" Olivia yelled, her body thrashing around on the bed and startling Ed as he made his way back from a late night bathroom run. He rushed over to her side and tried to take her in his arms.

"Olivia! Wake up, baby!" He said softly, but she kept fighting him. Finally, unable to handle her heartbreaking sobs any longer, he shook her shoulders. "OLIVIA!"

She swung her arms at him, fighting him off before sitting straight up and gasping for breath. Her eyes were wide open, her hand on her chest, as she frantically looked around and tried to get her bearings.

"Ed?" Her voice was that of a heartbroken woman, and he couldn't get her into his arms fast enough.

"I'm right here, baby," he said as he pulled her into his chest and kissed at her face. "I'm right here. It was just a dream. You're okay."

"Oh god…" she sobbed out as the tears overtook her body and she broke down in his arms. "Oh god….."

"Shhhhhhh," Ed said as his heart snapped into pieces listening to his wife's heartbroken sobs. "It was just a dream, baby. It wasn't real. Everything is okay. We are here in Barbados. Noah and Charlie are asleep in their room, under the fort, just as they should be. Just breathe baby, it's okay."

Olivia just stayed still, wrapped in the strong embrace of her husband, as her body was overcome with the sobs of a heartbroken mother as she thought back to her nightmare. She knew now that it was a dream, but she couldn't shake herself out of the terror that her family, her beautiful family, was being hurt because of a job she refused to let go of. She finally pulled herself out of Ed's grasp.

"I need to check on my babies," she said, tears still streaming. Ed immediately stood up, pulled her into his side, and walked them both to the door.

"Okay," he said softly. "I've gotcha. Let's go."

* * *

After a slow and leisurely morning, the family of four was now on board a glass bottom boat that was headed out to sea. Olivia had been quiet and clingy most of the morning, causing Ed to second guess their plans for the day.

"Why don't we reschedule for tomorrow?" He had asked quietly as Charlie and Noah eyed them over their breakfast. They knew something was up.

"No," she said softly, but firmly. "This will be a good outing. I just want all of us to be together and have fun today."

Now that they were headed out to sea, with Noah on his hands and knees looking out the glass bottom of the boat, he was glad they made that decision. Olivia was still jumpy, but she had managed a few genuine smiles at her son's antics.

"I wanna see a too-tle!" He said excitedly, as he continued to stare down into the ocean. Charlie, who was a bit more cognizant of the fact that something was clearly bothering Olivia, stuck close to her side on the bench and grabbed her hand.

"I love you, Ma," she said softly as Olivia gave her a soft smile and leaned in to kiss her forehead.

"Love you too, baby girl," she said.

"I'm here if you need me," Charlie offered, wanting her to know that the support Olivia offered her can go both ways.

"I just want to spend time with you today," she said. "All I need is my family right now."

"Well, you got us," Charlie said before looking down at Noah who was not-so-patiently waiting for the appearance of sea turtles. At this point, his face was smushed against the floor of the boat.

"Noah," Olivia said with a little laugh. "That's dirty, don't put your face on that."

"I called too-tles," he said. "Ma-gic bus show teach me how to talk to too-tles."

"Oh yeah?" Charlie said with an amused look. "And how is that?"

"It silent sound, Tar-lie," Noah said all-knowingly. "And it see-cret."

The three adults just laughed and Olivia went to use one of her hand sanitizing wipes on the floor of the boat, allowing her son to continue with his mission of calling the sea turtles. It was in that moment that she just allowed herself to bask in the togetherness they had. She could rehash and dissect her nightmare later. Right now, she had precious moments to enjoy.

* * *

"Hey dad?" Charlie asked as she went out to the terrace to join her dad. A storm had blown in as they were headed back to port and it made for some rough seas towards the end of their sea-turtle cruise. Olivia ended up a bit seasick, so as soon as they got back to the villa she went to lay down for a nap with Noah. Charlie made a couple of gin and tonics and headed out to sit with her dad, watching the wind and the waves.

"What's up, Charlie?" Ed asked, as he sipped the drink. "Mmmm, this hits the spot."

"What's wrong with Olivia?" She asked, looking out at the stormy ocean, but inwardly focused on whatever her dad was going to say. Ed let out a sigh, placing his drink on the end table, and rubbing his face. He couldn't just brush her off at this point. Olivia had been obviously quiet and clingy most of the day, and Charlie was old enough to carry a little of the load. But he didn't know how much to divulge when he, himself, didn't even know the details of her nightmare. So he went with what he knew in that moment.

"She had a nightmare last night," Ed said quietly, reaching over to take his daughter's hand while they both kept staring at the water. "Woke up very disoriented and upset. Couldn't get back to sleep. But wouldn't talk to me about it."

"Wow…" Charlie breathed out, not expecting Ed to have actually answered her question but at the same time feeling grateful for his honesty. "I knew she was still struggling after the shooting. But she always puts on a brave face."

"She does," Ed said. "She's been like that her entire life. And it is also her main mission to keep you and Noah as safe and protected as possible. Including from emotional turmoil."

"I was thinking about taking Noah out to dinner one night, as a date," Charlie mentioned. "Ya know, to give you and Olivia an evening alone. Maybe tonight is a good time for that?"

Ed looked over at his daughter with a smile.

"Well, Noah did tell Enrique he was your date," he said with a little smirk. Charlie just laughed and shook her head.

"That was the best line," she said. "The kid has the best timing."

"He really does," Ed said. "Um…about Enrique…."

"Relax, dad," Charlie said. "He's nice but I'm not interested."

"That's my girl."

* * *

"Otay, Tar-lie," Noah yelled as he came running down the hall. "I ready for our date!"

Charlie's heart melted as she saw the little tyke run towards her, carrying some flowers he must have picked from their terrace garden. She squatted down to greet him as he ran into her arms and handed her the little flowers.

"Dis for you," he said sweetly. "Cuz I the date, so I bring the flowers."

"I love them!" Charlie said enthusiastically as she pretended to smell them. "And you look so handsome!"

The little boy was all bathed with his hair neatly combed and dried. He was wearing white linen shorts with a black and white Hawaiian patterned button down top with his little sandals. To Charlie, Noah looked like the perfect island date for their evening. Olivia came wandering down the hall behind him, still in her lounge clothes, but sporting a genuine smile at her son.

"He is so excited," she said, as she leaned over to straighten his shirt and kiss his cheek. "You be a good boy on your date with Charlie, okay?"

"I the date!" He exclaimed very seriously to his mother, who just kept smiling at him. "The date is always a good boy."

"Here's some money for whatever you two want to do this evening," Ed said as he handed Charlie a few $20 bills.

"Dad, it's fine," she said, pushing his hand away. "I've got this."

He reluctantly put his cash away and went to pull Olivia into his side as they watched their kids head out the door.

"Be good, babies," she said after them, blowing a kiss as the door shut behind them. A few moments passed before Ed looked down at his wife, and noticed she was tearing up while still looking at the closed door.

"You okay?" He asked, alarmed that she may be upset about their evening alone. But she just nodded her head.

"I am," she said. "I just love those two so much. And I love watching them together."

She finally looked up at him, her eyes finally clearing of the tears, and leaned up to kiss him. He eagerly returned her gestures, pulling her body flush against his as he gently probed her mouth with his tongue. He began to slowly back her towards the bedroom, but stopped when her body tensed up and she pulled her mouth away from his.

"Liv?" He asked, searching her eyes for any sign of what he did wrong. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, breathlessly. "Nothing. I….I just…."

Ed finally realized what she meant and instantly kicked himself for being so forward without even talking to her first. She just had a terrifying nightmare not twelve hours earlier, and here he was trying to get her into bed. He just ran his finger down her cheek and gave her a soft smile.

"It's okay, baby," he said. "I'm sorry. I should've known you weren't up for this tonight."

"I'm sorry," she said softly, her tears reappearing and beginning to make their way down her cheeks.

"No," he said. "You have nothing to be sorry for when it comes to sex, Olivia. Ever. Making love to you is a privilege. It is an honor. Not a right. And I'm perfectly content to just hold you all night, if that's what you need."

"Ed…" she gushed, his words taking her breath away.

"This relationship, our marriage?" he said, cupping her face and running his thumbs along her cheekbone. "It isn't just about sex. It is about how much I love you. How much I want to just be next to you. Always. Protecting you. Comforting you. Laughing with you. Loving you. Until my last breath."

Olivia's tears were streaming down her face at this point as she kept her eyes on Ed's, taking in his love and his strength. The way in which he loved her was often overwhelming, especially seeing as she spent most of her life feeling unloved and unworthy. But Ed made her feel like the most precious human being on earth, and she would never tire of it.

"Come on," he said, leading her over the the couch. "Let's just cuddle up and watch a movie, okay?"

"You are too good to me," she said as she curled up into Ed's side and he flipped through the rentals.

"No such thing, Olivia. No such thing."

* * *

 _ **Don't worry, more vacation fun is on the way...along with how the family continues to sort through the aftermath of the 1-6 shooting.**_

 ** _While waiting, how about leaving a review? They do make a difference!_**


	34. Chapter 34

_**Ba Ba Dos, Pt 4**_

* * *

Charlie and Noah were sat up at the bar of an old fashioned ice cream shop by their resort. They had gone to eat at a Tiki Hut so Noah could get popcorn shrimp, and now were waiting out the rain while eating ice cream.

"We still go golf?" Noah asked, looking up from his chocolate heaven in cup.

"I dunno, pal," Charlie said, taking a bit of her strawberry sundae. "Gotta see if the rain stops."

"Otay," he said. "It a good date, even wiff no golf."

"I agree," Charlie said. "You are the best date ever."

"Yep!" He said confidently, as he took a huge bite of his treat. Charlie just laughed a bit and went to wipe his mouth a tad, so he didn't dribble on his clothes.

"Well, look who we have here," a voice said from behind the duo, and Charlie turned just in time to see Enrique making his way up to the ice cream bar. How did they keep winding up in the same place?

"Hi," she said softly, unsure of how to get out of this situation.

"How's the ice cream here?" He asked, keeping his eyes on Charlie. Noah finally realized someone else was taking his sister's attention, and he was none too happy about it.

"Ice-ceam good," he said. "I have choc-o-late."

"Looks good, little guy," Enrique said with his island accent. He went to pat the boy's head, but Noah moved out of his reach and gave him a squint eye that rivaled Olivia's. Charlie just laughed.

"We were just about to go," she said, noticing Noah was not happy with the intrusion. "Enjoy your ice cream."

"So soon?" Enrique asked, touching her shoulder. Charlie tensed up, uncomfortable, and hopped off her stool to start cleaning up Noah. "How about I give you guys a lift back to the villa? It's raining out."

"No thank you," Charlie said politely. "I promised him a date night, so we will walk."

"You sure?" He asked. That was when Noah took control of the situation, in his own little way.

"We sure," he said as Charlie hoisted him onto her back and he shot Enrique one more dirty, four year old look. "You not allowed on the date."

* * *

"You ever going to tell me about your nightmare?" Ed asked, running his fingers through Olivia's hair as they sat curled up on the sofa. It had been about an hour since the kids left on their date and Olivia had said a total of five words the entire time. As much as he didn't want to push her, Ed was well aware that avoidance was his wife's default setting when she was in pain. And he couldn't stand the thought of her being alone in the aftermath of whatever it was that had rocked her last night.

"I don't want to tell you," she whispered, and he noticed the small catch in her voice.

"Liv, you don't have to fight this alone," he said as he kissed her temple. "Let me share the pain."

She sat up, rubbing her eyes, and turned to face him. Reaching up to cup his face in her hands, she searched his eyes to make sure he was confident in his offer. Once she was assured that he was with her, no matter what, she kissed him quickly and dropped her hands before she began to talk.

"It was the 1-6 shooting all over again," she said softly. "Except I was alone. Then all of a sudden…Josh was there, holding a gun to Charlie. And Bill was there too. Holding a gun to you and Noah…"

"Jesus, Olivia," Ed said, anguished at how scared she must have been in her sleep. Except he had no idea how much worse it got.

"I was there, backed against the window to my office, trying to figure out how to talk them down," she continued on, not able to make eye contact with her husband as she began to worst part of the entire dream. "They made me choose…"

"Choose?" Ed asked, dread filling his entire being as he grabbed his wife's hands tightly and kissed at her knuckles. She finally looked up to meet his eyes and he saw the heartbreak in them. "What the hell did this dream do to you?"

"They told me…I had to let them take me and Charlie into my office so they wouldn't hurt you and Noah…" she spoke the words so quickly, Ed almost missed them. "I had to choose…Noah or Charlie. You or me. And it felt so real. So awful."

"Oh, baby," Ed said as he swallowed his own tears and pulled her to him. "It was just a dream, Olivia. There's no choice to be made. We are all right here."

"But in my dream…I made one…." she said, her eyes closing as the memory of her all-too-real dream came crashing back into her.

"Liv…" Ed said, now trying to get himself out of her head enough to remind them both this didn't actually happen. It was hard. Ed prided himself on the ability to travel with Olivia into her darkness. He knew the depth of her past and her pain almost better than she did, and that was because she would let him in and he willingly followed. The down side to this connection was that in this moment, they were both lost in her nightmare.

"I could hear you screaming as they shoved both of us down onto my desk," she said, the tears beginning to flow down her cheers and Ed just kissed at her head, grasping at her desperately while she spoke. "And the look on Charlie's face…it was awful. What kind of mother am I?"

"Olivia, stop," Ed said. "No. Don't you dare go there. It was a nightmare. Nothing more. Nothing less."

"She was begging me to help her," she cried. "And that's when you woke me up…"

They both sat in silence for a while, the rain hitting the french doors, and just held onto each other. Ed had to fight to keep himself grounded in the reality of their current setting, because he was tempted to crawl down into that hell hole his wife was in right now. But he couldn't go there just yet. He had to pull her out of it.

"Olivia," he said, whispering right into her ear. "I know it felt so real to you. I know, because it feels real for me right now. But it wasn't. It was a horrible nightmare. It is not your reality. You do not have to make that choice."

"But what does it say about me, as a mother, that I made that decision in my dream?" She asked, not allowing him to comfort the torment she was giving to herself.

"Olivia, look at me," he said firmly, pushing her up and grabbing each side of her face. He saw the pain and the heartbreak in her face, but he shook it off for the time being. "You are an amazing mother. To both of our kids. And that dream? The decision you made in that dream? Doesn't change that. It wasn't real. And it will never be real. You will never have to choose."

"How do you know that?" she asked, grasping at his arms as he continued to hold her cheeks. "What if this is a sign…that I need to stop choosing my job over my family…"

"Oh, _Olivia_ ," he said and pulled her back into his chest. "Don't do this to yourself right now."

"I'm sorry," she cried, as the sobs over took her body again. "I'm sorry for all the pain my job has brought into your life. Into Charlie's life. Into Noah's life. I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"

He couldn't help the few tears that made their way down his own cheek as he held his heartbroken wife. He hadn't realized how deep the feelings from her nightmare were until that evening. Had she been harboring this about her job the entire time their family had been together? Just since the shooting? And how could he convince her that it wasn't her fault. That her job was just hard, and that their family would survive whatever was thrown at them? Because if he was honest, in that exact moment, he couldn't convince himself that they were going to be okay. The pain and the fear was just too deep.

* * *

A couple hours later found Ed and Olivia just polishing off the steaks he grilled when they heard the door open, followed by the unmistakable giggles of their children. Charlie came in, Noah bouncing on her back, both of them laughing about something.

"Oh, hey," she said, slowly letting Noah down and greeting her parents.

"How was your date?" Olivia asked as Noah ran into her arms for a hug. She pulled him onto her lap, kissing his cheek, and wiping off residual ice cream from his face. "Sounds like you had a good time!"

"It good!" Noah said. "We eat poppy shrimp and ICE CEAM! But no golf. It raining."

"That's too bad," Ed said watching Charlie as she grabbed a beer and sat down at the table with them. "Maybe tomorrow night?"

"Yeah!" Noah said, Charlie still a little quiet but smiling as her little brother excitedly shared their evening.

"Were you a good date?" Olivia asked with a little smile. She loved how serious Noah was about his role.

"I da best date!"

"He sure was," Charlie said.

"I even tell En-Reecky that he not allowed on the date," Noah said matter-of-factly, and Charlie just ducked her head a bit, stifling a giggle at the memory. She had hoped they would be able to escape that little moment, but Ed's eyes immediately shot up to hers.

"Enrique showed up?" He asked, his jaw tightening. Charlie just put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

"He was at the ice cream shop," she said. "Don't worry. Noah saved the day, didn't ya pal?"

"En-Reecky ask to be on date wiff us and I say 'YOU NOT ALLOWED ON THE DATE', then he go away," Noah said proudly. "See? I da best date."

"Way to go, Noah!" Ed said proudly as he reached across the table to high-five his son. They all laughed at Noah's rendition of the story from the night, along with Ed's prideful reaction.

"I just love you, baby boy," she said, kissing at his cheek before letting him go and watching him take off down the hall, likely to find some toys.

"How was your night?" Charlie asked, downing her beer and sitting back to relax a bit.

"It was nice," Olivia said, finishing off her wine. "Thank you for taking him."

"No problem," she answered and got up, clearing their plates away. "You guys go relax more. I'll do the dishes."

"I'll help," Olivia said quickly, following her to the kitchen. "Ed, will you make sure our son isn't breaking things?"

Charlie and Olivia made their way into the kitchen, and went about loading up the dishwasher.

"Everything okay with the Enrique encounter?" Olivia asked, worried a bit about what had really gone on. She didn't want to bring it up in front of Ed, however, so she stole a few moments with her daughter in the kitchen.

"Yeah," Charlie said softly, and shook her head a bit. "It's weird how he keeps showing up, but it's a small resort. We are bound to run into each other. Just persistent."

"You'll let me know if it bothers you?" Olivia said, eyeing the young girl who just nodded.

"Of course," she said. "He's harmless. I'm being stupid."

"You are not being stupid," Olivia said firmly. "If you are uncomfortable, then you have good reason. And we can take care of it.

"I'm okay," she said honestly. "But thank you."

"Of course," Olivia said, pulling her daughter in for a hug. Maybe she was being a bit more protective out of guilt from her dream, but either way, she was the Momma and she was gonna take care of her babies. "I love you, Charlie."

"Love you too, Ma."

* * *

Later that night, Olivia finally crawled into bed next to Ed and sighed as her head hit the pillow.

"Kids asleep?" He asked, turning onto his side and reaching for her. She immediately snuggled into him and relaxed.

"They are," she said. "I didn't want to leave them."

"They are okay, Liv," Ed assured her, knowing she was still spooked from her nightmare and subsequent talk.

"I know," she said softly. "I just…it was hard to leave them tonight. That's all."

"Being a parent is hard," Ed agreed as he rested his cheek on top of Olivia's head.

"Yeah," she breathed out. "It was good to just be with them, touch them, watch them smile and laugh, and know they are okay."

"They are okay," Ed said firmly, adjusting his body so that they were nose to nose. He wanted to see her eyes. "We are all okay, Olivia."

"For now," she said, clearly still in the dark hole she fell into last night. "I want it to be like this forever."

"Olivia," Ed said, hesitating to bring the topic up given her emotional state, but he couldn't help it. "Are you thinking about retiring?"

* * *

 _ **What do you think? Is Olivia really thinking about retirement? Is Ed for it or against it? And is that the last we see of Enrique?**_

 ** _Leave a review for the answers! More Ba Ba Dos to come..._**


	35. Chapter 35

_**Ba Ba Dos, Pt 5**_

* * *

"Mmmmmmm," Olivia moaned as she rolled over and straight into the arms of Ed Tucker. "Happy Thanksgiving."

"Happy Thanksgiving to you too, sweetheart," Ed whispered as he leaned down to kiss her lips. "You sleep okay?"

"I did," she said, smiling softly at him. "Thank you for everything the last few days."

"You don't have to thank me," Ed said in his raspy voice. "It's my job to take care of you. Always."

Olivia just settled into his chest in full and total contentment. A couple of years ago, she would have balked at the idea of someone taking care of her. She was Olivia Benson and could take care of herself. But after the last several years, she learned that she did need people around her. Sure, she would survive on her own, but it was so much better with companionship, love, and family. Someone to offer her a shoulder to sleep on, a reminder when to lay off the wine, and a hand to wipe away her tears. By letting Ed be her rock and take care of her outside of work, she was able to give more of herself to her kids, her job, to victims, and to the world.

"What time is our brunch reservation?" she asked, not quite ready to get up and start the day.

"Not until 11," Ed responded as he ran his fingertips up and down her spine. "So we have a little time. At least until Noah barges in."

Olivia just chuckled a little bit, before stretching her arms and legs and then propping up on her elbow to look at her husband.

"Speaking of Noah…" she said softly, placing her hand over his heart and feeling it beat. "I was hoping we could start his adoption paperwork after the new year."

Ed's eyes snapped up to hers, not expecting that topic to be broached just yet, but more than eager to continue the conversation now that she began.

"I know that technically March is the year mark since we have been married," she explained, keeping her hand on his heart to ground her in the moment. "But the paperwork can take a while, then there are the interviews…so maybe we can get a head start?"

"Olivia…" he breathed her name out, finding it hard to believe they were finally having this conversation. He knew they would eventually, but deep down he thought it would take several years for her to be ready to share her son, legally. But looking at her right now, in this moment, he felt stupid for even thinking that. After the years that each of them spent being alone, of course she was ready to make it official.

"I know we still have so much to work through," she continued, trying to explain her thought process. "I mean, I have no idea what I want to do about work. Charlie is…well, doing as well as we can expect but we have a long road with her, you have your cardiologist check up coming up. But, all I keep thinking is that once our family is official. Once all four of us are legally connected, maybe life will ease up."

"The four of us," Ed breathed out, clearly unable to even form sentences in the moment. He was so in awe of where their little family was, that his ability to speak had become a challenge. Despite Olivia's trauma, Charlie's trauma, his health scare, they were still progressing along like a normal little unit. There was an unmatchable beauty to the journey the Tuckers had been on, and would go on in the future.

"The four of us," Olivia confirmed. "Charlie, too."

Ed looked at her with some confusion on his face. I mean, he always assumed Charlie would be a part of their celebration when he was legally Noah's father, but the way Olivia said that made him feel there was more to it. He watched as she climbed out of bed, just wearing one of his t-shirts, and went to get a manila folder from her carry-on. His eyes stayed on her as she made her way back to him, apprehension written all over her face, and clutching tightly to the folder.

"What's that?" He asked gently, trying to understand why she was so nervous all of a sudden.

"Well," she said, handing him the folder. "I've been doing a little research on adult adoption…"

Ed's eyes snapped up to hers in shock. She wanted to adopt Charlie too?

"I mean, if you are okay with it," she said, speaking quickly and giving away that she was nervous about his reaction. "I hope you don't think I'm being too forward or…clingy to your daughter. But. I just want her to be mine - like Noah is going to be yours."

"Olivia…" Ed breathed out again, still clearly incapable of speaking. He threw the manila folder to the floor, papers scattering, and pounced on top of her as she squealed in surprise.

"Ed!" She said, relieved he wasn't upset with her and loving his intense reaction. Ed was smothering her face and neck with kisses as she kept giggling.

"I. Love. You. Olivia. Tucker." he said between each kiss he placed on his wife. "Four Tuckers…"

"Four Tuckers," she said, looking at him with a smile and removing the t-shirt and pulling him down on top of her. "Four Tuckers…"

* * *

"I have Tank-giving pancakes!" Noah exclaimed as they all sat around the fancy, tropical table at their resort's restaurant. The little boy was beyond excited that his holiday meal could be pancakes instead of the usual turkey and vegetables.

"You sure can, Noah," Ed said as he looked at the kid's menu with him. "Do you want strawberries or blueberries on them?"

"BOFF!" He yelled, excited to get his favorite fruit as well.

"We'll have to ask," Ed said. "But if not, do you want blueberry? Since we have strawberries at home?"

"No," Noah said, shaking his head. "I want boff."

"Noah, its B-O-T-H," Olivia said, still trying to work on his speech. "TH. Can you say that?"

Noah just looked at her before opening his mouth.

"I want B-O-THHH" he said, over pronouncing every word and causing Charlie to crack up. Finally the waiter came over and Ed was able to confirm they could put both berries on the pancakes. Problem solved.

"I'm going to run to the restroom before our drinks get here," Charlie said, standing up. "Noah, you need to go?"

"No," he said. "No poopies, Tar-lie."

"Okay pal," she said with a laugh and walked away while Noah happily colored in his book and Ed and Olivia held hands, gazing out over the ocean.

Returning from the restroom, Charlie was checking her phone when she accidentally ran into someone. Looking up, startled, she saw it was Enrique.

"Oh!" She said in surprise. "Enrique! Sorry, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going…"

"It's okay, Charlie," he said, the island accent flowing right off his tongue. "I was hoping I'd run into you before you left."

"Yeah?" Charlie said, not sure how she felt about that.

"Yeah," he said. "I just wanted to apologize if I came on too strong at the ice cream shop. You are just very beautiful, and I wanted to get your attention."

"Oh," Charlie said, ducking her head a little bit. "It's okay. I'm…flattered….that you are attracted to me. I'm just, well…"

"I'm sure you have a boyfriend waiting for you at home," Enrique said with a sad smile.

"Something like that," she responded. "But I'm grateful I met you, Enrique. And hopefully we'll see you again next year."

"Me too," he said and gently brought her hand up to kiss is. "Ciao bella."

As Charlie watched him walk away, she shook her head a little bit to gather herself before returning to the table. Hopefully her dad hadn't seen any of that little exchange. But she wasn't that lucky.

"What did he want this time," Ed asked, as soon as Charlie was back in her seat.

"Just apologizing," she said. "He's fine, dad. Harmless. Calm down."

Ed just eyed her a little bit until Olivia finally grasped his arm.

"Ed," she warned. "Let it go. We will be leaving Enrique in Barbados, okay?"

"Yep!" Noah chimed in, all of a sudden listening to their conversation. "Bye-Bye En-reecky!"

* * *

Olivia and Charlie were sitting with their toes in the sand, watching Ed and Noah ride body boards in the waves. Olivia was feeling particularly full from brunch, but apparently Ed and Noah were ready for action again. Charlie wore a gigantic smile as she watched her dad play with her little brother, and Olivia was just content that her family was happy.

"You seem relaxed," she commented and looked over at her daughter. Her hair was wavy and blowing in the wind, and her aviator sunglasses had the sun's reflection in them. She was totally at peace.

"I am," Charlie remarked, looking over at Olivia.

"Any particular reason?" Olivia pressed, trying to figure out how to broach the Trevor topic again.

"Its just been nice being here," she said thoughtfully. "Feeling like a normal family."

"Yeah," Olivia agreed and reached out to pat her hand. "I've loved this."

"Me too," she said, looking down and taking a deep breath. "I also texted Trevor after brunch."

"Yeah?" Olivia asked, trying not to look too eager for information but also desperate for more information on how that was progressing.

"Yeah," she said. "When Enrique came up and apologized, it was like…something clicked."

"Clicked how?"

"Not all guys are bad," Charlie said, her thoughts a little jumbled up but Olivia was able to follow her. "I guess…I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And with Trevor, it did with the whole…Bill and Josh thing…"

"It did," Olivia said, nodding her head in understanding. "I feel a but coming up here?"

"I mean, I still don't know how to let that part of his past go," Charlie admitted. "But I know it is just that. His past. He's not a bad guy. And…despite everything my experiences have taught me…I know that he would never hurt me on purpose."

"You are a wise young woman," Olivia said, so proud of her daughter and her ability to just pick the pieces of her life up and carry on.

"I guess, watching you and dad," she continued. "I'm able to see what a real relationship looks like. And I know that you've had to forgive him for a lot of stuff from years ago."

"I did," Olivia confirmed, thinking back to the conversation the three of them had months ago about when Ed had arrested Olivia. "Your dad changed. I changed. Both for the better."

"Yeah," she said. "Trevor has changed too. And I know he has. It is just…well….it may take me a while to get past the whole _he represented a serial rapist that tried to kill my mom_ thing."

Olivia couldn't help but let out a small laugh at how matter-of-factly Charlie put those words together. It wasn't funny, but sometimes her ability to make things a little lighter was a rare gift for all of them.

"Relationships…love….trust…." Olivia said. "They all take time to build. But Charlie, you have your whole life ahead of you. You have the time. Whether it's with Trevor or someone else. Never forget that."

"I won't," Charlie said, taking off her glasses so she could look into Olivia's eyes. "Not anymore. Because I can watch you and dad. And that's what I want."

"That's what you deserve," Olivia said. "I'm so proud of you, sweet girl."

"I'm pretty proud of you too, Ma."

* * *

"I got it! I got it!" Charlie yelled as Ed sailed the volleyball over the net towards her and Olivia. The sun was getting ready to set on their last evening in Barbados, and the family thought it would be fun to try their hand at some beach volleyball. Admittedly Ed drew the short straw with Noah, but Charlie and Olivia were going easy on the men. Or at least a little easy. Olivia still got a few spikes in at Ed, eliciting a sexy smirk from him and an eye roll from Charlie.

"WE WIN!" Noah started chanting, as Charlie hit the volleyball into the net. Ed picked him up and threw him over his shoulder as they ran around in celebration. Olivia and Charlie just watched them with smiles on their faces, and a knowing look to each other. She had thrown the game on purpose.

"Look at them," Charlie said. "It was worth it."

"Sure was," Olivia said, putting her arm around Charlie and heading towards their set up near the water. "But now, I want a drink and my lounge chair."

The foursome got settled under their oversized beach umbrella and started passing out the drinks. Ice cold IPAs for the adults and a juice box for Noah. Ed surprised them all by holding his drink up, signaling he was going to make a toast.

"To family. My family. The best family," Ed said. "And to new Thanksgiving traditions."

"TO SUPER FAMILY! AND BA BA DOS!" Noah added, as they all clanked their drinks together and sipped them while the waves came crashing in. Life sure wasn't perfect, but they were together and that was all that mattered.

* * *

 ** _Up Next: The family returns to life in Manhattan, Olivia continues to think about her return to work, Charlie and Trevor talk face to face._**

 ** _Leave a review - please and thank you!_**


	36. Chapter 36

_**Mid-December in Manhattan**_

* * *

"I see no reason why you can't return to work, Olivia," Lindstrom said, taking his glasses off and leaning forward to look more closely at his client. Olivia shifted in her seat, feeling a little nervous about the fact he would be signing off on her. "Do you disagree?"

"No," she said, hesitantly, but kept picking at the hem of her sweatshirt and avoiding his eyes. "I just, well…"

"Do you not want to return?" Lindstrom finally asked, saving Olivia the trouble of trying to get the words out just yet.

"I don't know," she sighed. "Special Victims has been my entire life."

"Has been?" Lindstrom prodded, trying to guide her through the confusing thoughts she seemed to be having. She looked a little startled, however, at his question. "You used past tense there, Olivia."

"I guess I did, didn't I?" she stated, trying to search her mind for an answer to his question.

"You did," Lindstrom replied. "And I tend to believe that even when you don't realize what you say, there is a reason you say the words."

"Special Victims has always been my life," Olivia began, and once she started talking the words just flowed right out of her. "It started with my mom. I had this need to save people like her. To save little girls like me. To just, rid the world of rape…"

"That's a tall order," Lindstrom noted, settling back in his chair and signaling for her to continue.

"I know," she said. "I was determined to do my part. But now I have a family. I have a husband who gets worried sick when I'm on the job, even though he won't admit it. I have a daughter who has been through one of the most horrific ordeals I've seen in my lifetime and she needs her Momma. She needs me to be there for her, whenever she needs me, and not add to her trauma. And then there's Noah. That sweet little boy made me a Momma. And he is just everything to me. I don't want to miss out on his life because I'm trying to do the impossible."

"Wow," Lindstrom said, his eyes wide with wonder. He had never heard her go that deep into the root of her livelihood. "It sounds like you know more than you think you do…"

Olivia just looked at him, also surprised at how much she just revealed.

"Maybe," she allowed. "But I just don't know if I can let go of SVU…"

* * *

"Lieutenant, Captain," Chief Dodds greeted the couple as they entered his office on a cold, December afternoon. Olivia had officially been cleared by Lindstrom, the NYPD shrink, and the medical doctor. So it was just a matter of discussing her return with the Chief. Ed had been a little tense most of that morning, and had even snapped at her a few times. She was aware he was nervous about her return, but was beginning to wonder if there was more to it than that. Despite his tension, they still decided to meet with Dodds together and she pushed off confronting him until later that evening.

"Chief Dodds," Ed said in his professional tone as he shook hands with the man. "Good to see you again."

"Let's get down to business," he said, taking a seat behind his large mahogany desk. "Lieutenant, you've been cleared by all the doctors. Looks like you are set to get back to work."

"Great," she said with a tight smile. Her reaction was not quite as enthusiastic as Dodds had expected, given she was usually begging to be back in the squad room. Ed reached out to squeeze her hand, breaking their no PDA at work agreement, as he noticed Dodds eyeing her a bit.

"Olivia," he began. "No one would blame you if you were not ready to return."

Olivia's eyes dropped, but she still held onto Ed's hand tightly. She was deeply confused by her emotions around her return. As much as Lindstrom tried to get her to understand how much her life had changed, she still didn't know how to let go of her job. So she decided to swallow her emotions for now, chalk the hesitation up to PTSD, and start the process of returning to work.

"No," she responded, finally looking up at him with a steely resolve. "I'm ready to return. When can I start back?"

"Well, we've got a temporary Captain in there right now," Dodds said, shuffling around some papers as he searched for his calendar. "Though, Sergeant Tutuola has mentioned some tension with him. So, how about after the new year?"

"Two weeks?" Olivia asked, surprised to have the extra time before her return. "I mean, New Year's Eve is usually busy for us…"

"It is," Chief Dodds replied. "And we can put you on call if you'd prefer, but I'm going to need to two weeks to move Captain Atkins out and somewhere else. And this will give you the holidays with your family."

Ed looked over at Olivia and smiled, squeezing her hand, as if to signal to her that this was a good idea. And she should just nod and get them out of there. Luckily, she read his thoughts and turned back to Dodds.

"Sounds good, Chief," she responded as she stood to shake his hand. "Thank you for everything."

"No, thank you Lieutenant," he replied. "You're the hero here."

* * *

"Trevor!" Charlie said as she rushed into the corner cafe they were set to meet in. He had asked that she come down near his office, so he had a bit longer to hang out, but the 4 train had a different plan. "Sorry I'm so late. Stupid subway…"

"Hey, it's okay," he said with a little laugh and stood to greet her. After taking her coat and helping her into her seat, he resumed his place and flagged down the waiter. "Coffee?"

"Oh, yes please," she said, rubbing her hands together to fight off the December chill. Once their drink order was placed, Trevor sat back a bit and took in the young woman in front of him.

"You look amazing," he breathed out. "Barbados was good to you."

Although the Tuckers had been back in New York for a few weeks, Charlie had been avoiding seeing Trevor in person. Despite the revelation she had while on the island, she still just didn't know how to handle any of it. Couple that with the fact that her feelings for him were so strong, the woman was left very confused.

"Thanks," she replied, ducking her head a little bit. "I'm surprised how long I've kept my tan."

"Happy looks good on you, Charlie," he said honestly. "Before we start really talking, do you want to order lunch?"

"Nah," she responded. "I'm actually fine with just coffee. Thanks tho."

"Perfect," he said. "They fed us in the office today, so we are both set."

"Great," Charlie said and began to fiddle with her fingers, unsure of where to begin. Luckily, she didn't have to as Trevor decided to jump right in.

"I'm so glad you texted me while you were gone," he said, his eyes betraying the emotion he was feeling at being in her presence again. "I was missing you. And I was feeling so awful about what happened…"

"I know," she whispered. "I was missing you too."

"You have to know that my past cases, they are just that," he said firmly. "My past. Its part of being a defense attorney. Sometimes, we work for people who are guilty. Same goes for prosecutors. Sometimes they go after people who are innocent."

"I know," she said quietly, her hands shaking as she tried to sip her coffee. Trevor noticed immediately and reached out to take the cup and grasp her hands in his.

"Charlie," he said. "Justice…it's gray. It isn't always black and white. Sometimes it is, of course. But mostly it is gray."

"I know," she admitted, finally looking into his piercing blue eyes. "And I know you, Trevor. I know that…you…you are not a bad guy. You are an amazing man. You have always believed me. Believed in me. Fought for me. And now…you care about me more than I've ever experienced."

"I do, Charlotte," he said, bringing her hands to his lips and kissing them. "And I will do whatever I have to do in order to regain your trust."

"I trust you, Trevor," she responded, her voice soft but firm. "I really do. I just…it may take me a little bit longer to grapple with the similarities between Bill and Josh. And what they did to Olivia."

"I know," he said and hung his head a bit, before looking back up at her. "Ya know, I haven't done a lot of defense stuff over the last couple of years. And I don't plan on going back down that route."

"I don't want you changing your job for me," Charlie said confidently. "You had good reasons to be a defense attorney, Trevor. It's not fair for me to take that from you."

"You aren't," he said. "I had been slowly moving away from that world before I even met you."

"Really?" She asked, cocking her head to the side a little bit in the same way Olivia would. It made Trevor pause a bit and smile. "What?"

"That little head move," he said with a grin and a point of his finger. "It's a characteristic Olivia Benson move."

Charlie just laughed and shook her head at him. He could compare her to Olivia anytime he wanted to. They fell into a comfortable silence, both of their coffees empty, and now unsure how to end the conversation. Trevor shifted in his chair a bit, before leaning forward and taking her hands again.

"Can I see you again?" He asked, his tone almost desperate.

"Yes…" Charlie breathed out and then gave him a soft smile. "I may still need some time to just, forget the whole Bill thing. But I'm not ready to give up on us."

* * *

"You okay?" Ed asked as Olivia finally crawled into bed next to him. Noah had woken up around 11pm, when the two were just about asleep, and Olivia had spent the last half hour calming him down.

"Yeah," she said with a yawn. "Bad dream. He's back asleep now."

"Good," Ed said as he pulled his wife into his chest and kissed her head. "Because I just want to hold you for a little bit."

Olivia immediately curled herself into him, allowing his arms and legs to engulf her in a protective hold. She would never get over how safe and secure she felt in his arms. Just knowing that there was someone in her life, who had the ability to be her rock, her calm in the storm, was everything to her. She refused to take it for granted. But she knew there was more to his desire to hold her that night.

"What is it, Ed?" She asked quietly, placing her hand over his heart - her new favorite move. She felt him take a deep breath then kiss her temple again.

"I'm admittedly unsettled about you returning to work," he said quietly, almost too quiet for her to hear. But she did. And she felt relieved that he finally told her what she knew to be the case. She propped her head up on her hand, which was still over his heart, and looked into his eyes.

"I know," she said. "I am too. I guess I just don't know what other option I have."

Ed tucked her hair behind her ears and leaned down to kiss her forehead. Then her nose. Then each cheek. Then her lips. As he pulled back, Olivia's eyes closed again in contentment, he let out a sigh.

"Olivia, you were born to be an SVU detective," he said. "There's no doubting that. And the impact you have made on victims, families, and the entire justice system…it's incredible. And I am just so proud and honored to be your husband. To be Mr. Benson. Life partner of the woman who is a hero and a mother to hundreds, maybe thousands, of young men and women who were hurting."

"Ed," she gushed out, as the tears threatened to spill down her cheeks after his sweet words.

"But most of all," he said still staring at her in awe and wonderment, as if he still didn't fully believe she was there, in his arms, as his wife. "I am proud of our family. Of the life we worked so hard to build together. They way Charlie has just come out of her shell, particularly around you. And the progress Noah has made with his speaking, given his rough start in life. We are the family we are right now because of you, Olivia."

Olivia was full on crying right now, tears streaming down her face and landing in a pool on Ed's chest. But he didn't care one bit.

"I feel a but coming on," she finally said, as she pulled herself together but stayed securely wrapped in his embrace. Ed took another big, deep breath before kissing her forehead and pulling back to look at her again, his finger stroking her cheek lightly.

"I'd be lying if I told you I was ready for you to be back at work," he said, ducking his eyes a bit as if he felt bad even saying the words. But that didn't matter to Olivia. She needed to know where his head was at, because it needed to be a decision they made together. As a married couple. "I'm not going to tell you what to do here, Liv. I'd never do that. If going back to SVU is what you are set on, then I will support you 110%…and maybe get a prescription for Xanax."

His last statement was meant as a little joke, and while the couple did chuckle a bit, they also knew there was an underlying meaning to that statement. The shooting at the 1-6 had rocked him, more than she realized. Knowing that this little problem was not going to be solved that night, with one conversation, they decided to leave it there for the time being. Olivia slowly moved herself up so she was eye level with Ed, and stared into those soft blue eyes she loved so much.

"I love you, Ed," she whispered as she ran her hand through his short hair. "I'm so lucky you are mine."

"I love you too," he said. "More and more each day. Now sleep. All of this will still be here tomorrow."

"Promise you will always be here?" Olivia said, before she could stop herself from spewing the words. Ed pulled her as close as he possibly could before kissing her lips.

"Always and forever."

* * *

 _ **Up Next: Christmas!**_

 _ **We are quickly approaching the end of this story, so if you have thoughts or requests, now is the time to speak up.**_

 _ **Hit that review button and show me some love...**_


	37. Chapter 37

_**Christmas Day**_

* * *

The Tuckers were sprawled out in the living room, brightly colored paper strewn about the space, and Christmas music playing softly in the background. Noah was engrossed in his new preschool Lego set that took up most of the open floor, Ed was in the recliner fidgeting with his new Apple watch, while Charlie and Olivia were stretched out on either end of the couch watching White Christmas in their matching snuggies. It had been a good day; busy, but good. Carisi, Amanda, and Jesse came over for a late brunch. With Jesse walking now, it was more chaotic than the year before but Ed and Olivia loved every minute of it. Noah would help chase Jesse down and invite her to play with his toys. Olivia still couldn't figure out if something was going on between her two detectives, but she decided not to worry about it. It wasn't effecting their work, so it was really none of her business. Now that everyone had left and the apartment was quiet again, Olivia began to anxiously wonder when she should bring up the idea of adoption to Charlie. Ed insisted she be the one to guide the conversation, and while he had assured her that he was with her 100%, he knew that this decision was primarily between Olivia and Charlie. As the brunette continued to mull over her thoughts on the sofa, Charlie let out a little yawn.

"Why am I so exhausted?" she asked, stretching her arms and legs a bit before reaching to her coffee. "We barely did anything."

"Probably just the excitement of the day," Ed mused, finally clipping his new watch to his wrist and looking over at the women on the couch. Something had been off with Charlie most of the morning, but there had never been a good time when he could check in on her. She seemed pretty spaced out and shaky at times, and her enthusiasm throughout the morning felt almost forced.

"Maybe," she said and went to stand up. "I'm gonna refill, anyone else?

"No thanks," Ed said with a soft smile. Olivia moved to stand up as well.

"I'll come with you," she said. "I'm not quite sure what else I want."

As the two women made their way into the kitchen, Ed could tell that Olivia was planning to bring up the adult adoption topic so he stood, patting Noah on the head, and followed the ladies. He rounded the corner and couldn't help but smile at the scene in front of him. Charlie was fighting back a little laugh while Olivia was cursing at the brand new bottle of Bailey's as she tried to open it. She must have heard him approach, because she quickly turned around with an exasperated look and handed him the bottle.

"Here," she said. "You try."

Ed easily got the bottle open, much to Olivia's dismay, and went about pouring them each a generous serving into their coffees.

"Noah's distracted," he offered. "Why don't we sit at the table?"

"Sounds good," Olivia said, offering him a grateful smile for the transition. Charlie seemed hesitant, almost as if she knew they had something they wanted to discuss with her, but she just plastered on a smile and followed them to the dining room. Once they were all settled, Charlie kept her eyes on her drink while Olivia reached out to take Ed's hand and cleared her throat.

"Charlie?" she said, as the young girl look up at her. "I have something I'd like to talk to you about, if that's okay?"

"Sure Olivia," Charlie said softly, her voice shaking with worry about what was about to be dropped on her. But Olivia just offered her a warm smile, and shook her head.

"Oh, it's not bad sweet girl," she said, quickly reaching over with her free hand and patting her arm. "Not bad at all."

"So…what is it?" Charlie asked, looking back and forth between Ed and Olivia. She watched as Ed gave a little nod to his wife, and she took a deep breath.

"Charlie," Olivia began as she let go of Ed's hand to reach over and grab a folder from counter. "We, your dad and I, have done a little research into the idea of adoption…"

"Right," she said, just assuming they meant Ed adopting Noah. "That should take place in the next few months, right? Is something wrong?"

"No," Ed said quickly, realizing Charlie was confused. "Nothing is wrong at all. We plan to start my paperwork to adopt Noah at the beginning of the year."

"Oh," she said and then shrugged. "So, I don't understand?"

"I wasn't talking about your dad adopting Noah," Olivia said softly, making sure to keep eye contact with Charlie and squeeze her hand. "I was hoping you'd let me adopt you."

Charlie's entire body froze as she locked eyes with Olivia. She was about 99% sure she just misheard what the woman had said. She's 25 years old. That is way past the age for being adopted, no matter how much she longed for Olivia to be her real mother.

"What?" she whispered, her hand beginning to shake in Olivia's hold.

"There is such a thing as adult adoption," Olivia explained. "It's usually for step-parents to be able to claim adult children as their own. Some of it has monetary implications, and we can look over it all if you'd like, but…well, with all this talk about Ed legally becoming Noah's father, I began to realize how much I wanted to legally be your Momma."

Charlie's entire face began to quiver as she tried to fight the onslaught of emotions heading her way. Olivia quickly moved her chair so she was right next to her, and Ed moved his to her other side, making sure Charlie was right in between them.

"There is absolutely no pressure to feel any way at this point," Olivia said firmly, although she was certain her heart might break if the girl said no. "I just want you to know how much I love you. And whether or not we make this official, how much I will always love you."

* * *

"Well that didn't go quite the way I pictured it," Ed commented as Olivia sat curled in his lap on the recliner. Noah was out cold on the couch, Mickey's Christmas playing on the TV. Pretty soon after they brought up the adoption idea to Charlie, she had made a quick exit. She didn't seem mad or bothered, but something was definitely bugging her. Olivia was trying not to take it personally, but it was hard.

"I should've known she wasn't in the right head space for that conversation," she muttered. "She was off all morning. I should've waited."

"Hey," Ed said, turning her head so he could look into her eyes. "Don't do that. Immediately blaming yourself. Charlie being upset and that conversation not going well was no one's fault. Okay?"

Olivia just nodded and snuggled into Ed as much as she could. He was her safe place. Her rock. And even with her emotions all over the place after their day, he made her feel stable.

"I know," she said quietly, her head still tucked into his neck. "She mentioned Trevor was going to stop by around 7, so maybe I'll pop down about 9…just to check on her."

"That's a good idea. I do think the little guy had a good day," Ed said as they both looked over at the tyke curled up on the couch, thumb in mouth. He was wearing his new Batman pajamas, complete with his Super Noah cape, and Peter Pan shoes. Earlier that evening, he had declared that if he wore a little bit from each outfit, he would be "da best Super Noah ever"!

"Can't argue with that," Ed had said, as he helped him attach his cape while Olivia rolled her eyes.

"You spoil him," she had said. Ed just shrugged, as if to say 'of course I do'.

Noah must have worn himself out, solving make believe mysteries all over the apartment, because he seemed to be down for the night. Olivia finally pried herself away from her husband's arms and went to gently take off his cape and cover him with a blanket. She leaned up and stretched, looking over to the clock on the wall.

"7:30," she muttered. "Still too early to go check on Charlie…"

"Mmmm," Ed muttered, looking his wife up and down as she stood before him in snowflake pajama pants and a white tank top. "He asleep enough for us to enjoy a nice, long, hot shower?"

Olivia let out a little laugh as she blushed, knowing exactly what Ed meant by that shower. She looked down at Noah, waving her hand in front of his face a bit. Satisfied that he wasn't waking up anytime soon she turned to Ed and gave him a wink.

"I'll race ya," she said with a smirk and took off towards the back, leaving Ed behind to scramble from his recliner and chase after her.

* * *

"Ohmigod, Trevor," Charlie gasped as she opened the box he gifted her with for Christmas. The two were seated right next to each other on her couch. He had already opened her gift to him - a blue tie to match his eyes, a framed picture of the two of them, and a gift certificate for a pedicure. The man loved pedicures, and she loved that about him. But now, Charlie found herself at a loss for words as she stared at the contents of the black velvet box.

"I know you aren't big on jewelry," he explained. "And that you love the necklace from your dad. But, I wanted you to have something special. Classy. And I thought that these fit you…"

"Wow," she breathed out, examining the gorgeous diamond stud earrings in the box. The gold plated stud and base held a medium sized diamond on each earring. "They are beautiful."

Trevor just smiled and tucker her hair behind her ear, before leaning in to kiss her briefly.

"For a beautiful woman," he whispered, looking deep into her eyes. She ducked away from his look and fingered at the earrings. "What's wrong, Charlie?"

He knew she had been off since he arrived, but she was clearly trying not to let it show so he pretended not to notice at first. But the more time that went on, the clearer it was to him that there was something really bothering her. He watched as she shook her head and bring her hand up to swipe at her face, trying to hide her tears.

"Talk to me…" he said, leaning over to place his hands on her knees as a silent show of support. She finally looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears and her bottom lip quivering. But instead of talking, like he expected her to do, she shook her a head a bit and then lunged forward to press her lips to his. Trevor was surprised at first, but wasn't going to turn down a gorgeous woman wanting to make out with him, so he recovered quickly and moved his hands to cup her cheeks as he returned her kiss. He enjoyed her advances at first, as the settled into her couch laying side by side, but as she got more aggressive, his alarm bells began to go off.

"Charlie," he said, pulling away and trying to catch his breath. But she wasn't having it, grabbing his soft pink button down and pulling his lips back to hers. Trevor was having trouble thinking coherently, but he knew that something was right. So with the final ounce of strength he had, he pulled back from her again and sat up, rubbing his face with the hand that wasn't still on her waist.

"What is it?" Charlie asked, still laying on the couch trying to catch her breath, and her face flushed.

"Not that I wasn't…enjoying…what we were doing," he said, hoping he wasn't about to fuck up again. "But something isn't right, Charlie. I can't…be with you…like that….if you are just needing a bandaid."

"A bandaid?" Charlie choked out, sitting up and pulling her long hair back into a ponytail before standing up and pacing in front of the couch. "A bandaid? You think I need a bandaid?"

Trevor just watched her as she walked back and forth in from of him, ringing her hands in front of her. He knew her well enough at this point to know that she would eventually say what was bothering her. He just needed to wait out the coming explosion of emotion. She finally turned and looked straight into his eyes, her own blue eyes betraying the pain and confusion she felt.

"If I needed a bandaid, I could go to the street corner Trevor," she said in a low, angry voice. "But a bandaid isn't going to fix me. In fact, I don't know if anything will EVER fix me. I'm broken. In a way that only God can break a person. And I don't know how to be whole again."

"Oh, Charlie," Trevor gushed out, quickly standing to take her hands as the tears began to stream down her face.

"Everyone thinks that just because Josh is behind bars that I'm just magically going to be okay. That I can just start living my life, as if I'm some normal girl. But I can't! I'm not! And I can't keep going day to day with this brave face and stiff upper lip."

"Okay," he said quickly, trying to pull her into his chest but she resisted. "Okay, baby. I'm right here."

"Now Olivia wants to adopt me. Some adult adoption thing," she continued to ramble and Trevor tried hard to keep up. "And it's…everything I've ever wanted. To have a mom and a dad who love me. And a little brother to hang out with. But, how could they possibly want me? I'm a train wreck…"

"Charlie, look at me," Trevor said firmly, planting his hands on her shoulders. "You are not a train wreck. You are not broken. You have been through hell, and just the mere fact that you are still standing in front of me is a damn miracle."

He paused, waiting as she clearly tried to process his words and slow her breathing.

"No one is expecting you to just be okay," he said softly, changing his tone a bit now that she was calmer. "But you have to tell us how to help you. I will do anything you ask of me. I will give you anything you need. I just need you to talk to me."

Charlie finally lost her battle with trying to stay together, and Trevor grabbed her and pulled her into his chest to keep her from falling to the ground in tears. He stood there, slowly rocking her back and forth and rubbing her back as she cried harsh sobs that pierced through his heart. But as awful as it felt to hear her cries, he couldn't help but be grateful that she was allowing him into this intimate piece of her recovery and her life. The couple lost track of time at that point, as they stayed locked in a tight embrace for almost half an hour. Just as Charlie began to pull herself together, a knock at the door startled the duo.

"I'll get it," Trevor said, handing Charlie the box of tissue from her coffee table and hustling to the front door. He looked through the peephole and opened the door, not the least bit shocked at who was on the other side.

"Hey, Olivia," Trevor said, stepping aside so she could enter. She bid him a hello and made her way into the living area where she saw Charlie, eyes swollen and face red from crying.

"Oh, sweet girl," she said, her shoulders dropping at the scene. Charlie offered her a little smile.

"Hey Ma," she whispered. "S'okay, just had a little moment."

Olivia looked over to Trevor who gave her a look that indicated it was Charlie's prerogative to share her pain.

"Hey Trev, can you give us a minute?" Charlie asked, signaling that she was just fine and wanted a moment with Olivia. He nodded and grabbed his phone from the table, before Olivia offered him an idea.

"Ed is upstairs, about to open up a new Bourbon," she said. "He mentioned you were welcome to join him to 'escape the girl talk' as he so kindly put it."

Trevor just let out a little laugh and nodded.

"Sounds good," he said. "See you in a bit, Charlie."

Charlie watched him go, her arms wrapped around herself, and then sighed as she was left alone with Olivia.

"You okay?" Olivia asked, not wasting any time getting to the point.

"Yeah," she said quietly. "I didn't mean to run off earlier, or sound like an ungrateful brat when you brought up adoption."

"Oh, Charlie," Olivia said, reaching out to hold onto her hands. "You are so far from being ungrateful. I know I sorta sprung that on you, and it makes sense that you are confused."

"Why?" Charlie asked, looking to Olivia for an explanation as to why, exactly, she wanted to adopt her.

"Why, what?" She asked, playing with the girl's loose hair that had fallen from her ponytail.

"Why do you want to adopt me?"

Olivia looked at Charlie for a while, before cupping her face in her hands and kissing both cheeks and her forehead.

"Because," she said with a shrug. "I couldn't love you any more than if I gave birth to you. And you, Charlotte Tucker, deserve to have a Momma and a Daddy who are there for you. In every way they can - including legally. But, if you aren't ready…or you don't want that, it is very okay. It won't change anything about how I feel."

"Do you think, that maybe tomorrow…when I'm not feeling so...messed up...we can sit down and look through the paperwork together?" Charlie asked, sitting down and pulling Olivia with her.

"Absolutely," she said with a nod and a smile.

"Because….I do want you to be my Momma," Charlie admitted. "I really really do."

Tears began to fall from Olivia's eyes, much to her dismay, so she just pulled Charlie to her and cradled her head into her neck.

"I love you, baby girl," she whispered as her eyes shot up to the sky and she thanked whatever higher power blessed her with two amazing children.

* * *

"Tevor!" Noah exclaimed as the tall, blue eyed man followed Ed into the apartment. "You come to build fort?"

Ed and Trevor shared a laugh as Noah happily ran and jumped into Trevor's arms.

"Sure thing, little man," he said. "But can I have a quick drink with Daddy first?"

"Otay…." Noah said, with a little pout, but then once his feet hit the floor he ran to the back of the apartment, yelling "I get all da blankets while you dink!"

"You've made quite the impression on him" Ed said, shaking his head a bit and pouring two glasses of Bourbon. "I like to think four year olds are a good judge of character."

"I hope so," Trevor said, holding up his glass to Ed's and they shared a little toast before sitting at the table and sipping at the warm, brown liquid.

"Charlie okay?" Ed asked, unable to stop himself from prying into what was going on. Trevor took a breath and shook his head a bit.

"Nah," he said. "I mean, she's okay…but, emotional. Confused."

"I figured as much," Ed said quietly. "But the confirmation still stings."

"Yeah," Trevor said, understanding how much Charlie's pain was hurting her father. "She's amazing. Strong. I know she will be okay. I just think, she's putting a lot of pressure on herself to be okay right now."

"Liv and I were talking about this earlier," Ed admitted. "How we all are so used to the law and order side of this stuff, we have no idea just how devastating the aftermath of crimes like this are. And now…my baby girl…"

Trevor saw Ed begin to struggle, so he got up and refilled the man's Bourbon before sitting back down.

"You are a good guy, Trevor," Ed said, looking up for a bit. "Will you help us help her?"

"I will do whatever I can," Trevor affirmed and then men sealed their pact with another sip before Noah came barging back into the moment.

"Otay, Tevor," he said in his little demanding but cute voice. "We make BIG fort. It be Santa workshop. And it soo-prise Tar-lie."

"Sounds perfect," Trevor said and Ed looked on with a smile. It did sound perfect.

* * *

 ** _We've got three chapters left in this story - so leave some love by hitting that review button!_**


	38. Chapter 38

_**Mid-January**_

* * *

"Welcome back, Lieu," Carisi said as Olivia made her way into the squad room around 10am that morning. She had just left the social worker's office, apparently having satisfied all of her inquiries about why she wanted Ed to adopt Noah. Now poor Ed was there, along with Noah, continuing what felt like an interrogation into their motives for being a family. It was frustrating, and not the way she wanted to start her first day back at SVU.

"Thanks," she responded with a nod and signaled for Fin to follow her into her office. He eyed Carisi and Rollins, wondering why she was acting like that, before following her and closing the door behind him.

"I want to say welcome back," Fin said with a little side eye look. "But you don't look too happy to be here."

Olivia just sighed as she began to get her desk back in the order she liked it. Clearly their temporary Captain didn't feel the need to put things back where he found them, which wasn't helping her current mood.

"Sorry," she finally said, sitting down and trying to appear more like the old Lieutenant Benson. "It's just been a long morning already…"

"Yeah? Coffee line long?" Fin said, trying to make her smile. It didn't work.

"No," she said. "Just left the social worker, answering all these bullshit questions about why Ed should adopt my son. Explain to me why this process is so fucking difficult."

"Ed Tucker is adopting Noah?" Fin asked, a little surprised even though he shouldn't be. She married the man, why was adopting the kid any different?

"Yeah," she said with the first smile he had seen since she walked in. "He is. Well, we hope he is. That Audrey lady was a bitch this morning to me. I can only imagine how it will go for Ed. At least Noah gets to talk to someone else."

"They're interviewing the four year old, too?" Fin asked, flabbergasted.

"Yep," she confirmed. "Ridiculous, right? But, I suppose I understand. Given what we see in our line of work...I just don't enjoy people questioning my parenting skills."

"Geez," Fin said. "Well, that explains your frowny entrance."

"Hey Lieu, Sarge, we gotta call - assault in progress - Central Park," Carisi said as he put his jacket on and tossed Rollins the keys to the squad car. Fin and Olivia stood right back up, grabbing their jackets as well.

"I'll drive," Fin said, looking at Liv and assuming they would take their own car. "Glad you're back."

"Wanna know something, Fin?" Olivia asked as they made their way to the elevator, trusting Fin more than anyone in her squad.

"Always, Liv."

"I'm not so sure _I'm_ glad to be back."

* * *

Meanwhile, Ed was sitting in a terribly bland office in the Financial District being scrutinized by a snobby looking lady with red hair and a shrill voice. So far, most of her questions were borderline offensive, given the fact he had been Noah's Daddy, unofficially, for a couple of years. The whole process was infuriating to him, and he made sure that was known.

"Captain Tucker," Audrey said sternly. "You realize that I have to sign off on you adopting Noah. I'd appreciate your cooperation."

Ed just nodded and mumbled an apology, trying reign himself in for the sake of getting this over with, but the lady was pushing his buttons. First, she was prying into why he wasn't around when Charlie was growing up. She had clearly done her homework and dug up what had happened to the girl in college, then proceeded to use that against him in the interview. If throwing someone's biggest regret in their face was an Olympic sport, Audrey would win gold. As if that wasn't enough, now they were rehashing every single altercation he had while in the NYPD even though he was always cleared.

"I see that you retired after you shot a man. Is that correct?" Audrey said, her glasses down her nose and looking at him with piercing green eyes.

"I made that choice after an unfortunate chain of events," Ed said calmly. "I had complete support of the NYPD to return to work, but I decided to retire in order to be there fully for Charlie and Noah."

"Really?" She pressed. "Because from what I can tell, your retirement was part of a deal made with the man you shot."

Ed's eyes got narrow and he gripped the seat.

"That 'man' you are referring to stalked and raped my daughter for years. He was leaving her apartment, after attacked her _again_ , and pulled a gun on me. In fact, he shot me first. I'm fine, by the way, in case you were concerned. My retirement had nothing to do with people forcing me out and everything to do with wanting to be a father to my children, ensuring that nothing and no one would ever hurt them again." He finally stopped, but his point was made. Even the social worker seemed to take in the growl of his voice as he spoke those words. She just nodded and flipped through a few more pages, clearly done pressing him on that topic.

"Tell me why you want to adopt Noah," she finally said, closing her file and picking up a notepad to try and take some notes. Ed was a little startled at the sudden change. The woman had been grilling him about every aspect of his past, and _now_ she wanted to know why he was petitioning to adopt Noah?

"Because I love him," Ed replied simply. "I love him more than anything in this world. Noah, Charlie, and Olivia are everything to me. I spent years pouring my entire life into the NYPD, but Olivia changed that. She came along and with her came everything I had ever wanted, but never realized it. And because of her, because of Noah….I have my daughter back. After years of being alone, and pining for a family, I have one. I have a wife, a daughter, and a son. I want it to be official, so no one else can ever question whether I am that boy's father. But whether or not you approve this, Noah will ALWAYS be my son. And I will love him and provide for him and protect him. Along with his mother and his sister. No sheet of paper will ever change that."

* * *

While Ed was being grilled by the ever snobby Audrey, Noah was in the room next door playing with some blocks and talking to a lovely social worker named Karen. He was incredibly apprehensive about being separated from Ed, but once Karen pulled out the colorful blocks he very slowly began to build little towers and knock them down. She would laugh along with him, helping him feel more at ease, and as they continued to play with the blocks she began to ask him some questions.

"So, Noah," she said casually, as she added an orange block to the tower. "Tell me about your Mommy."

"Mommy Loo-tent," he said very matter-of-factly, adding a red block on top of the orange one. "She get bad guys. But she always come home. And she cuddle and read stories."

"Sounds like a good Mommy," the lady said kindly, stopping to watch how the little boy's face would react when he spoke.

"She da best Mommy," he said. "We a SUPER-FAMILY."

"Super Family, huh?" she asked, smiling a little at how the boy spoke so happily about his family. "Who all is in your Super Family, Noah?"

"It me, Mommy, Daddy, and Tar-lie," he said. "Tar-lie my sister. She make forts wiff me, and watch Pan, and let me eat ice cream for breakfus."

"That sounds like a great sister," Karen said, laughing a little bit. "Tell me about your Daddy. Is that Captain Tucker?"

"Yes," Noah nodded in confirmation. "I call him Cap'n when I was baby. But now I big boy and he Daddy."

"What kinds of things do you do with your daddy?"

"We go to park and he push me HIGH on the swings. Den we eat hotdogs and feed da birds. He read me lots of stories and never makes me and Tar-lie clean up da fort like Mommy does."

"He sounds like a fun Daddy, Noah." Karen said, before getting a little more serious. "Does your Daddy ever do anything to hurt you or make you sad?"

"No!" Noah yelled as he balked at the question. "Daddy say he always po-tect me and keep me safe. He not make me sad. Dat bad and Daddy not bad. He da best. Super-Daddy."

"What does your Daddy teach you?" the social worker asked, still trying to make sure everything was Kosher in the Benson-Tucker household before signing off. Noah seemed to stop building for a second and touch his hand to his cheek as he was thinking. Karen tried not to smile at the cuteness, but it was nearly impossible. The little boy was adorable.

"Well," he said, tapping his index finger just under his eye. "He teached me to be da best date."

"The best date?" Karen asked, not expecting that answer. "You are already dating?"

"No - I only four!" Noah said loudly, as he help up four fingers just to make his point. "I taked Tar-lie on a date when we in Ba Ba Dos. Daddy always bring flowers for Mommy when they go on date. And he hold her hand. And kiss her cheek. And open door for her. So Daddy tell me that I do that for Tar-lie. He say 'No-ah, you be gen-tel-man wiff Tar-lie, cuz that da rule.' So I say otay and picked her purdy flowers and held her hand and paid for da ice-cream, but she gived me money."

Karen just watched Noah as he explained his date and smiled widely. The little boy was essentially an old soul in a four year old body, just with his mannerisms and how he would speak. Karen was familiar with Noah's case from years earlier when Benson first became his foster mother. The little boy didn't speak much and was very closed off to everyone, except Olivia. But now he was thriving. It was as if he were a totally different, and completely normal, little boy. Amazed by the transition, Karen decided that was enough of an interview. There was no way she would consider denying this little boy his happily ever after. He deserved a lifetime of park dates with Ed, fort making with Charlie, and the unconditional love of Olivia Benson.

* * *

"MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!" Noah yelled as Olivia finally made it through the door around 8pm that night. He took off from his play spot under the window and jumped straight into her arms.

"Oh, my love," she said as she held him close and smelled his freshly washed hair. "I missed you so much today."

"I miss you too, Momma," he said, snuggling right into her chest and playing with her necklace. "You and Tar-lie have same necklace."

"Yep," Olivia said, moving to the couch and sitting with him so he could curl up on her lap. "You and Daddy gave them to us last Christmas, remember?"

"I member," he said softly.

"How was your visit with Miss Karen today?" Olivia had been worried most of the day about how it was going. She had little time to text with Ed after he finished, but it was clear he was stressed about it. He only gave her short answers and finally just said "we'll talk when you get home". As Noah began to tell her all about building with blocks, she strained her head to try and see where exactly her husband was.

"Mommy," Noah said and used his little hands to turn her face back towards him. He was no fool, he knew his mom wasn't listening.

"Sorry baby" she said, kissing his nose. "Where's your Daddy?"

"I'm right here," she heard from behind and they both turned to see Ed coming towards them with his Bourbon in hand and sweats on his body.

"Hey baby," she said as he sat down so their thighs were touching and went to kiss her.

"Ewwwww," Noah began to giggle at them, causing his parents to smile and pull apart before attacking him with kisses. "Ah! Mommy! Daddy!"

The husband and wife finally relented and leaned back against the couch, Olivia's head on Ed's shoulder, and Noah curling back into his mother's chest, thumb in mouth. She watched as Tucker's opposite arm wrapped around their son and his hand rubbed at his little neck and back, as if he was afraid the little boy would disappear.

"You okay?" Olivia asked softly, covering Ed's hand with hers as they just lounged on the couch and basked in each other's presence. Noah was still aside from his soft breathing, just fingering her necklace, his little face turned towards Ed and his thumb in his mouth.

"Yeah," he sighed, still keeping his eyes on the little boy's face, watching as his eyes slowly drifted shut. "Just keep thinking about the interview…"

Olivia, cognizant of the fact Ed was enjoying their family cuddle, tried to move her head so she could look at his face.

"I don't care what that social worker says," Olivia informed him, firmly. She knew it hadn't gone well, despite his hesitance to bring up details. So she was going with some assurances. "You are Noah's father. You always have been and you always will be."

"It's not that," he said, stroking the little boy's head as he snoozed against his mother. "I know I'm his Daddy."

"Then what is it?" Olivia asked, now puzzled as to why her normally brooding, confident husband was so melancholy.

"This is my chance," he said softly, knowing that didn't clear anything up for Olivia. Ed cleared his throat before continuing. "I'm a lucky SOB to get a second chance at being a Daddy. I screwed up when Charlie was little. Noah is my second chance. My last chance. And I've never wanted to be more perfect at anything in the world."

"There's not such thing as a perfect parent," Olivia said, almost as a little sigh, trying not to burst his bubble. "We will make mistakes. It's inevitable. But we will love him. And support him. And protect him. He knows you are his Daddy. And you are Charlie's Daddy. It's _that_ is what's perfect."

"I love you," Ed said, finally prying his eyes away from the four year old and looking at his wife. "And I love our family. Our perfectly imperfect family."

* * *

 ** _Two more chapters to go...hit that review button and leave your thoughts!_**


	39. Chapter 39

_**Valentine's Day**_

* * *

"Mommy?" Noah whispered as he slowly crept over to her side of the bed. "Mommy?"

He placed his head on her pillow so they were nose to nose, while Olivia continued her slumber. Ever so gently, Noah began to tap her shoulder and continue to whisper. Finally, deciding that she wasn't waking up that way, he took his little fingers and pried open one of her eyes.

"Mommy?"

"Hm? Noah?" Olivia said sleepily, and finally opened her eyes to see her smiling four year old right in front of her. "G'morning, sweet boy."

"Morning, Mommy!" Noah said happily as he crawled up into the bed and snuggled in. Olivia kissed the top of his head as they settled under the duvet.

"How did you sleep?" she asked, stifling a yawn and running her finger down Noah's little nose.

"Good," he said. "It Valentine Day, Mommy."

"It sure is," she replied with a smile. "Are you excited to hand out your cards at preschool."

"Uh huh," he said, nonchalantly. "But first, me and Daddy make you special breakfus! I s'pose to come wake you up and tell you that we bring it to bed, otay?"

"Wow," Olivia said, smiling so hard her cheeks were hurting. "You made breakfast for me to eat in bed?"

Noah nodded his head very hard and sat up to look at his mom. "Yep. I eat wiff you, Mommy."

"Sounds perfect," she said, sitting up and propping against the headboard. Noah, sensing she was finally awake and ready, hopped off the bed and ran out of the room yelling for Ed that they could serve breakfast. Olivia checked the time on her phone, and realizing that it was still early, she settled in to the idea of breakfast in bed with her boys. Just then, Noah reappeared and climbed back onto the bed, situating himself in the middle, and Ed followed with a wooden tray.

"Oh, wow," she said softly, admiring what was placed in front of her. The tray had a single red rose, glass of OJ, steaming coffee, and a plate piled high with heart shaped pancakes, bacon, and strawberries. "I'll never eat all of this!" she laughed as Ed joined them in the bed, opposite of Noah.

"We help you!" Noah said happily as he eyed the juicy strawberries. Olivia smiled a bit at him before handing him a fork to dig into his favorite fruit. As Noah happily munched, Olivia met Ed's eyes over the boy's head and gave him a soft, grateful smile.

"Happy Valentine's Day," she said softly as Ed gave her a smirk and leaned over for a quick kiss.

"Happy Valentine's Day to you too. Don't go anywhere," he said, getting up and padding his way over to the closet to rummage around in it. Olivia and Noah looked at each other and shrugged, as they continued to share their delicious Valentine's breakfast. Ed returned holding two boxes, one wrapped in a metallic pink paper and another wrapped in a metallic red. He handed the red one to Noah, setting aside the pink one for later.

"What dis?" Noah asked, cocking his little head to the side and looking up at Ed.

"This," he said, touching his little nose. "Is a little something for my youngest Valentine."

Olivia looked at him with a teary awe-struck stare. "Ed…" she whispered, her tone betraying the tears she was trying to hold back.

"I you Valentine?" Noah asked.

"You sure are, bud," Ed said and reached out to caress Olivia's cheek. "You, Charlie and Mommy are my Valentines."

"Wow," Noah said as he set to work opening his gift. "I have lots of Valentines."

Ed and Olivia shared a laugh as the boy struggled to open the box. Inside was leather corded bracelet that matched the necklaces he had given Charlie and Olivia. Noah looked up at his Dad, puzzled. "I fear-less too?"

"Absolutely," Ed said, kissing his forehead. "Super Noah deserved a Fearlessness bracelet."

"Mommy, now I match you and Tar-lie!" he said, as Ed fastened the bracelet on him. Olivia just stroked his cheek.

"You sure do sweet boy," she said. As Noah continued to play with his bracelet, Ed leaned over and rested his forehead on Olivia's.

"My fearless family," he whispered before kissing her, much to Noah's dismay.

"Ewwwwwww!" He said, in his usual, giggly fashion. The two adults pulled apart and both kissed at his cheeks, causing more shrieks and giggles, and then finally relented to allow him to eat his breakfast.

"So, when do I get my present?" Olivia asked, with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. Ed just narrowed his eyes and looked her up and down before answering.

"Later, baby," he said in a deep whisper. "You'll definitely get it later."

* * *

It was about 6pm that evening when Charlie opened her apartment door to an overly excited Noah and their father.

"Noah! Happy Valentine's Day!" She said happily as the boy lept into her arms. After smothering him with hugs and kisses, she set him down and allowed her dad to enter the apartment. "Hey, Dad. Happy Valentine's Day to you too."

"Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart," Ed said and kissed her cheek as they made their way into her living room to sit down. Noah immediately climbed onto the couch and examined his sister's attire.

"You in heart jammies?" He asked, as he pointed out all the different hearts on her sweat pants and their colors.

"Yep!" She responded. "These are my Valentine's pants."

"I want Valentine's pants!" Noah said, bouncing on his knees, clearly over-joyed to be spending the night with his big sister. Charlie reached behind her to the table that sat alongside the back of her sofa and produced a big red gift bag.

"How did I know you would say that," she said with a sly grin. Noah tore into the bag, pulling out a footie pajama set that matched Charlie's sweat pants.

"WE HAVE MATCHING JAMMIES!" he yelled, immediately climbing down to change his clothes. "I be right back."

Ed and Charlie just laughed as the boy took off towards the bathroom, then settled back to talk a bit before he took off.

"Is Olivia off yet?" Charlie asked, sipping from her bottle of water.

"Not yet," he said. "I have a few things to set up in the apartment. She should be home by seven."

Charlie just raised an eyebrow at him but didn't question any further. Clearly her parents wanted an evening alone, hence them asking for Noah to stay with her. But she did not need the details.

"What do you two have planned?" Ed asked, trying to figure out if she had been in contact more with Trevor.

"I've got some movies and popcorn," she said. "Lots of chocolate. Fort making."

"Sounds like his perfect night," Ed said with a smile.

"Mine too," she responded with a mirrored smile. Ed looked at her for a bit, still amazed at how much she favored him. Eyes, jawbone, smile. He couldn't deny her if he wanted to. "Trevor might stop by…I hope that's okay?"

"Of course," he said, wondering why she felt that it wouldn't be. "Noah likes the guy."

"Ha, he does," Charlie said, shaking her head a bit. "Not for the whole night. But he called asking if he could come over and hang out for a bit. I told him he had to share me with Noah and he quickly agreed."

"Ya know," Ed said, rubbing his hands on his jeans as if he was nervous all of a sudden. "I like Trevor."

"Yeah," Charlie said with a distant smile. "Me too."

"Otay, Tar-lie!" Noah said, running back into the living room, having finally got his heart footie pajamas on. "I ready for our Valentine!"

* * *

"Mmmmmmm," Olivia managed to moan out, as Ed continued to ply her mouth with kisses and tongue caresses. She had no sooner gotten in the door, when her husband had pounced and pinned her against the wall. He had quickly divested her of her jacket, shirt, and pants so they were both down to their underwear, her back still up against the wall.

"Hungry?" Ed asked in a growling voice as he latched onto her neck and sucked hard, eliciting as gasp from his wife.

"Just for you…" she said and finally pushed him off of her, making her way back towards their bedroom. Ed just followed her with an almost predatory look on his face. It was then she realized that she was definitely in for an amorous night. As soon as they got into the bedroom, she was on her back on the bed and Ed was on top of her, slowly kissing his way down her entire body. As he reached her ankles, he slipped off of the bed and walked over to get that metallic wrapped box. Ed made his way back to Olivia, almost nervous, and she sat up with a questioning look on her face.

"I, uh, gotcha something," he said, looking deep into her eyes but still apprehensive. "I guess it's more for both of us, but, ya know…if you don't like it just tell me. I won't be upset."

"Ed," she said, trying to figure out how they just went from being about to fuck each other's brains out to him being nervous to hand her a gift. She took it from his shaking hands and began to open it. "Ohmigod…." she gasped out, finally realizing why he was nervous.

"So…" he asked, unsure of what her reaction meant. Olivia lifted the box out and started examining it.

"A vibrator?" she asked, a huge grin all of a sudden spreading across her face. "I like it…"

* * *

"Otay, Tevor," Noah said, still barking orders as they worked to build the perfect Valentine's fort for their movie night. "You tall, so you hook that sheet to da fan."

"Okay, buddy," Trevor said with a smile, as he stuck the sheet up towards the ceiling, completing their masterpiece. As he stepped back, and joined Charlie and Noah, the three looked at their fort with satisfied grins.

"It per-fect," Noah said confidently.

"Sure is, pal," Charlie said, patting his head. "Let's get the popcorn and chocolate, then dive in!"

"Otay!" he said, running off towards the kitchen. Charlie went to follow him, but Trevor grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Just…real quick," he said before leaning down to kiss her lips lightly. "I just, couldn't help it."

"Thanks for coming," she said, looking up into his eyes. "I know it's not your idea of a fun Valentine's."

"Are you kidding?" he said, with a genuinely surprised look. "I get to spend time with you and watch movies in a fort with the greatest four year old. It's the best Valentine's I've ever had."

"Me too…" she said, before turning around as she heard Noah running back towards them. The adults laughed at the tyke, who had his arms overloaded with junk food.

"I ready!" He said, as the bag of popcorn fell from his stash. "Uh oh…"

"I got it, bud," Trevor said. "You and Charlie get settled in the fort. Peter Pan first?"

"Yep!" he said happily and made his way into the fort. Once the trio was settled, Noah in between the two adults munching happily on their mix of popcorn and M&M's, Trevor leaned over to lightly brush Charlie's cheek.

"Thanks for including me on your Valentine's date," he whispered, hoping Noah didn't hear. But he wasn't that lucky.

"You allowed on da date," Noah said, looking up a Trevor. "I tell Tar-lie it otay. You good."

"Oh yeah?" Trevor asked, a little surprised that Noah seemed to be okay sharing his Charlie at times. Noah just nodded. Charlie leaned down to touch his little nose.

"Thanks, pal," she said. "Because Trevor might be around for a while…"

"Dat good," he said. "He make big forts."

"Noah, do you think it would be okay if I took Charlie on some dates?" Trevor asked, almost as if he were asking a girl's father for her hand in marriage. But he knew that Noah held Charlie's heart. So as odd as it sounded, he now needed the approval of a four year old.

"Well," Noah said, tapping his chin with his finger and looking back and forth between Charlie and Trevor. "Dat otay."

Trevor let out a deep breath and smiled. "Thanks, Noah."

"You welcome, Te-vor," he said before looking up with a very serious face. "But I still da best date."

* * *

Olivia's body was essentially a pile of jello, sprawled on top of her equally exhausted husband. Her head was resting on his heart, legs hanging off either side of his body, and her arms were lightly wrapped around his shoulders. Ed was running his hand up and down her spine, the only sound between them were panting breaths.

"Holy shit," she finally said, her voice shaky, deep, and incredibly sexy. "I can't feel anything…"

Ed just smirked, looking down at the tangled brown locks that fanned out over his neck and chest. He had been nervous about his gift, but one of his biggest fantasies was to be able to pleasure his wife multiple times in a night. He knew he would need some help, and was relieved when she immediately got turned on by the gift and agreed to their night of passion. They started off without the vibrator, as he brought her over the edge with his fingers, mouth, and then made love to her in a way that brought them both to a joint orgasm. But, he wasn't done with her yet. He finally pulled out the toy, and managed to bring her to a fourth and final orgasm. He had never felt more powerful and more trusted, than as he watched his wife scream her way into a vibrator-induced release. The fact that she trusted him in that way, given her history, was something he would never take for granted. So as he held her, listening to her trying to regain her breathing, he could do nothing but treasure his fortune in life.

"I never gave you your present," she mumbled, still not moving. Ed just chuckled.

"Pretty sure you did…four of them…" he said with a smirk, causing Olivia to laugh and swat at his chest.

"Okay, well, yes...but I got you something else," she said as she stretched her arm out to the nightstand, opened the drawer, and pulled out an envelope. She finally propped her chin on his chest so she could look into his blue eyes, handing him the papers. "Here…" she said, in almost the same nervous tone he had earlier.

Ed opened the envelope, scanned the first page of the contents, as gasped. "Liv?"

"Happy Valentine's Day," she said simply, still just gazing up at him. Ed was slack jawed and clearly at a loss for words. He finally managed to sit them up, Olivia still on his lap, but in a better position for them to face each other as they had this conversation.

"You're retiring?" He asked, his voice still a whisper.

"I am," she said confidently. "I'll give them three months. Then I will be done."

"Olivia…" he said, all of a sudden running his free hand all over her face. He couldn't keep himself from touching her.

"I will be kept on their books as a consultant," she explained. "So basically, I'm retiring from field work. But I will likely work a few days a week, with SVU, combing over cases and such. Maybe speaking with victims."

"You're retiring…for me?" Ed asked, completely relieved but also afraid that she wasn't quite ready.

"No," she said. "For us. For our family. It's time. And this way, I get retirement benefits, stay out of the field, and I can manage my own involvement."

"Are you sure?" Ed asked, searching her eyes for any sign that this was not what she wanted. He couldn't live with himself if she was retiring before she was ready, just because of his own anxiety.

"I am 100% sure," she said, leaning up to kiss him and stroke his cheek. "It's time. SVU isn't my life anymore. My family is. And, this way, my family can finally be my top priority. The way it should be."

"I love you," he choked out, trying not to release the tears burning at his eyes in pure relief that his wife was finally going to be out of the constant danger she faced. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Olivia whispered, before snuggling back into him and pulling the duvet over their still naked bodies. "Happy Valentine's Day."

* * *

 ** _...And with that, we have one final chapter left. I am mulling over a third installment, though it is not definitely. Leave me some reviews and some love, and let me know if you want more TucksoNoahLie (Thanks to MotherTucker for that genius)..._**


	40. Chapter 40

_**We have come to the end of this particular journey. Thanks for all the support along the way.**_ _ **Enjoy the end of the ride and make sure to let me know what you think by leaving a review. Honestly, the more reviews I get the more likely it is there will be a third installment. I need to know if there is enough interest!**_

 _ **But, without further ado, #TucksoNoahLie.**_

* * *

"Captain Tucker, you understand that once you sign this document you will be legally bound to Noah Porter Benson for the rest of your life." Judge Linden said, knowing it was an unnecessary speech but it had to be done. "You must provide for him financially, physically, and emotionally with no exceptions."

"I understand," Ed said confidently. "I've never wanted anything more."

"Lieutenant Benson," the judge said, turning her head slightly to look at the woman in front of her. "You understand that by signing this document, Captain Tucker will assume equal rights as far as Noah's guardianship. You will both have equal say, legally, in his life. And this is not a reversible step you are taking."

"I understand," Olivia said, repeating her husband's confidence. "I absolutely want this. For myself. For Ed. And for Noah."

Judge Linden took a look at the four people sitting in front of her and smiled. Ed and Olivia were seated in the wing back chairs, facing her desk, while Noah sat very still in Charlie's lap on the sofa off to the side. It was as if he knew just how important this day was. What a difference a few years could make, she thought, as she went to hand Ed the paper he needed to sign.

"Sign your full name right here," she said, as Ed took a deep breath and slowly signed his name, not unaware of the weight of this situation. As he finished, he clicked the pen and looked over to Olivia who had a teary glaze in her eyes. "Okay, Lieutenant, your turn. Sign here."

As Olivia signed the document, Ed looked over at his two children sitting on the couch. Charlie was hugging Noah tightly to her and he looked perfectly content to watch the boring, yet life changing signing of adoption papers. They had talked to him that morning about what the meeting was about. Noah, ever the thoughtful child, insisted that he should wear his tie from the wedding. Ed was in total agreement and even went to put on his own blue tie so they would match. Ever since then, Noah had been very quiet and serious. He would cuddle into any of the three family members he was sitting with at the time and observe everything going on around him. Now, with the paperwork signed, Judge Linden called Noah over to her desk. He walked over slowly and cautiously, until he was standing right next to her chair. The Judge turned her chair and leaned down so she was eye level.

"Noah, your Mommy and Daddy have signed these papers right here," she said, holding them so he could look. "And if you are okay with it, I will go ahead and sign my name. That way, Captain Tucker will be your official, legal Daddy forever and ever. Do you think that is okay?"

Noah looked up at Judge Linden with wide, excited eyes. It was almost as if he really understood the weight of his answer. So he put his little hand on the sheet of paper, gently as if it would break, before stating his answer.

"Otay," he said. "Cap'n be my Daddy for-ever."

"Well then," the good Judge said, placing her seal on the documents, "Congratulations Noah Benson-Tucker."

"Wow…" Noah said, as he looked up to see his parents beaming on the other side of the desk. "I a Tucker now, too!" he shouted as he ran around and hopped up into Ed's lap to be engulfed by his official, legal Daddy. Olivia just watched with a lone tear rolling down her cheek, and looked over to Charlie with a little wink.

"Shall we continue?" Judge Linden asked, turning her attention to the young woman sitting off to the side in the large office. Ed stood up, still cradling his four year old, and helped Charlie move over into the now vacant seat next to a smiling Olivia. Noah squirmed, signaling he wanted to get down, and ran himself back over to Charlie and climbed into her lap.

"Yep," he said to the judge. "We con-tin-ue. Sign da SUPER FAMILY paper, Tar-lie."

* * *

"Olivia…" Ed said, with a resignation to his voice signaling he understood that he had no choice in what was happening.

"I know," she said, almost surprised at the tears springing to her eyes. "I can't help it right now."

"We are supposed to be celebrating our _family_ ," he said, emphasiing that last word a litte more than he should have.

"I know that," she snapped. "Don't fucking guilt me right now, Ed. I put in my retirement papers, but I'm still running a unit. I have to go when they call."

Ed just sighed and ran his hand over his face. He shouldn't be guilting her, but the disappointment he felt in that moment was almost suffocating. They had just signed all the adoption papers. Noah was officially his son and Charlie was officially her daughter. He had taken them out to a fancy lunch and then they were planning to go ice skating before the rink closed for the season. But now, Olivia was being called into work. Didn't they know this was a big day? He shook his head and quickly pulled himself together on the Rockefeller Plaza.

"Sorry, Liv," he whispered as he pulled her into him for a kiss and cuddle. She just tucked her head into his neck and let out a deep breath. They both watched as Noah pointed out various Lego creations in the window of the Lego store. It had been moving towards the perfect family afternoon, though if Noah kept eyeing the Lego store it would be an expensive, yet still perfect, afternoon.

"Soon," she said, leaning up to kiss him again. "Just one more month. And they will no longer be able to call me away from you."

"Good," he said with a little smile, leaning down to kiss her again before taking her hand and walking them over to the kids. "Okay kiddos, change of plans. Momma has to work so what do you say about heading home to build a giant fort for the first sleepover as four Tuckers?"

"YES!" Noah yelled loudly, throwing his fist into the air. "Come on, Tuckers. Let go."

* * *

Charlie crawled her way out of the living room fort and ran to hit the buzzer. Trevor had texted her and asked to talk, so Ed agreed to having him come join the fort under the stipulation he would leave before Olivia returned. As much as he had grown to like having Trevor around, he was desperate to have his family get some quality time alone after the adoptions. As Charlie stood at the door, clad in her Nike shorts and sweatshirt, she chewed at her fingernail. He didn't seem upset via text, but she was pretty confident nothing good came from the phrase _"I want to talk to you"._

"Hi!" she said with an almost too cheery disposition as Trevor approached from the elevator and leaned down to give her a quick kiss. "Thanks for coming this way. I didn't want to leave Dad and Noah."

"Oh, of course," he said. "I feel bad interrupting your day, but I was just so excited that I couldn't wait to talk to you."

Charlie eyed him in curiosity as she lead him towards the kitchen to fix them both a drink. "Decaf?"

"Yes, please," he said coming up right behind her and hugging himself into her body. Charlie giggled and squirmed out of his grasp while shooting him a playful smirk.

"Down, boy," she said. "Captain Tucker still keeps a gun around…"

Trevor just laughed and grabbed his mug as they retreated to the dining room table. They were both pretty sure Ed and Noah were eavesdropping from where they sat under the tent, but it was clear Trevor didn't care so Charlie decided she didn't either.

"Okay, spit it out," she said. "I don't like suspense."

"I quit my job," he said looking straight into Charlie's eyes.

"What?" she gasped, suddenly glad she had put her mug down or it would've dropped onto the table. "You did what?"

"I withdrew my partnership from the firm," he said. "I'm going to start a new one, on my own."

"Trevor…" Charlie said, reaching out to grab his hands because she needed to stop hers from shaking.

"I'm going to work alongside local sexual assault centers in order to provide representation for victims, so they are able to navigate the system," he said, as he watched the tears spill down his girlfriend's cheeks. "I should be able to use all of my connections with other lawyers to find the right fit for each person that comes through the door with a need for help. I'm not going to let this system fail another victim like they did you, Charlie."

"Ohmigod," she gushed. "You…I….what?"

Trevor just chuckled and squeezed her hands. "You changed my life, Charlie. You changed me and everything I thought about the world. Seeing what you went through…it killed me."

"But," she began, voice shaky with emotion but also with love for the man sitting in front of her right now. "You love your job. You are a good defense attorney."

"I know I am," he admitted. "But that season of my life has ended. I'm meant to do this now."

"I don't know what to say," she whispered, unable to pull her eyes away from his as the tears began to flow down her cheeks.

"You don't have to say anything," he said as he went to dry her face with his fingertips. "Just be you. It's all I need."

* * *

"Well, how does it feel, Lieutenant?" Ed asked as Olivia finally collapsed next to him under the fort after her post-work shower. Charlie and Noah were on the oversized beanbag chair, singing along to the "tick-tock" of the crocodile chasing Captain Hook.

"How does what feel, Captain?" Olivia asked softly, enjoying the feel of Ed's fingers running through her hair as she looked around her living-room-turned-fort and sighed at the perfection of it all.

"Everything," he said. "You and I are officially the parents of two amazing kids."

"That we are," she said with a smile, as she watched Noah giggle at the movie and Charlie laugh along with him.

"Life is pretty good," Ed said, looking down at Olivia's profile. He'd never be able to express how much he felt about her, but in that moment he was almost sure his heart would explode with how full of love it was for his entire family.

"It is," she agreed, before looking up at him. "I'm sure another shoe will drop. But now that we are in this together, the four of us, there's nothing we cannot beat."

Ed just smiled, kissing her forehead. "My super family..."

"We are definitely your super family. And your super family is right here, by your side, and never going away," Olivia said, leaning up to deepen the kiss. As Ed devoured his wife's mouth he couldn't help but send a thank you up into the universe for how far his family had come. There was nobody in the world he would want by his side more than the Tuckers currently in their fort. Just then the credits began to roll on Peter Pan and Noah stood up, warily looking at his parents with a fake pout.

"I not clean up da fort, otay? Da family fort is always."

"Yep," Ed assured him. "Always and forever."

* * *

 ** _#Tuckson #Endgame_**


End file.
